I need major help with my eating disorder

[freeze2000]

i can relate to that as well...however your age concerns me. your hormones are still fluctuating naturally and your growth plates haven't fused yet.

i'm not going to lie, i use the juice as well to fill voids in my life and it works. it may not be the most emotionally healthy thing but i feel great and it works. after every aaspect in my life went to shit the juice saved me and got my confidence back (of course in addition to training hard and eating clean). i don't recommend it, as it is self medicating...but i'm not gonna sit on a pedestal and say you're wrong for doing it etc.

hwoever i did this at the ages of 22 and 24-25....my body and hormones were already pretty much set in stone.

there's alot of dangers to doing steroids prior to your twenties.

that's my concern above all

True, thats acceptable. Yeah that was the only concern I had while juicing was growth plates and the hormones but it was to the point where it doesn't matter, i'm going to do it because it makes me happy and nothing will stop me. Its one of those things i'm willing to die for. Its like skydiving I think.

Anyway, I actually was talking to my brother tonight about my problems, people, and all different kinds of shit. But anyway, I feel like i'm going to stop playing pity me and fucking get off my ass and do this because I want it. I will try and never binge again. I will set 1 time a week I will eat out. The main problem I have is the candy and shit in my parents house is very tempting sense there the "usual couple" eating a lot of food that they don't need.

 

[lartinos]

you need to find a diet you can stick to bro, find foods that you actually like that you can eat. When you are dieting, what is your game plan?

 

[Cal_21]

I was never idolized or anything like you were. But I know what's it's like to see my body turn to absolute fat shit before my very eyes. I transfered schools, and things were clicking and everything seemed as though it had fallen back into place. I was getting more and more P.T. (rugby). Things were good. Then I broke my collarbone doing something stupid. I was pretty much bedridden for a few weeks after my first surgery, I couldn't exercise for months. It was in such bad shape that I didn't even walk that much. I started going through tons of vicodin, hydrocodone, oxy's. Started eating shit foods, my metabolism came to a screeching halt. I gained a lottttt of weight, and i lost a lotttt of muscle. I still hate my body. I ran my first cycle months ago. Replaced a lot of the muscle. Lost 30 lbs or so. And I STILL have a lot of left over bf I need to get rid of. It didn't affect me to the level where I considered suicide or anything. But it did cause a nagging voice of self loathing. I decided to harness that and turn it into a positive. Haven't touched as much as an aspirin since. I mean i drink sometimes, but not as a crutch. And every day I'm moving a step closer to getting in better shape than before. I don't have rugby anymore. That took away a huge part of my social life. I know what you mean as far as the looks go. The worse ones were the looks of pity when I started showing my face more after my second surgery. (2nd surgery was right before the start of my senior year). During the summer I got fatter and fatter, and wearing that gimpy sling and just that defeated feeling I walked around with made me fucking sick. I use that feeling every time i go to the gym now. Forget about when you were on top. Remember this moment, commit yourself to doing something everyday no matter how small to advance yourself towards your goal. Let this feeling of being at your worst help you. Every time I feel like skipping leg day or doing 20 mins of cardio instead of an hr, or not even doing it at all, I remind myself of that feeling that tore me apart, that feeling of being disgusted in my own skin. I still feel that way about myself on some level. In the end you have to realize you're more than just the way you look. It's only one part of you. Plus as long as you're healthy enough to work out and mentally cognizant enough to watch your diet, you have no excuse. It's a mountain, but you can only climb it one step at a time bro. Hang in there.

 

[freeze2000]

I was never idolized or anything like you were. But I know what's it's like to see my body turn to absolute fat shit before my very eyes. I transfered schools, and things were clicking and everything seemed as though it had fallen back into place. I was getting more and more P.T. (rugby). Things were good. Then I broke my collarbone doing something stupid. I was pretty much bedridden for a few weeks after my first surgery, I couldn't exercise for months. It was in such bad shape that I didn't even walk that much. I started going through tons of vicodin, hydrocodone, oxy's. Started eating shit foods, my metabolism came to a screeching halt. I gained a lottttt of weight, and i lost a lotttt of muscle. I still hate my body. I ran my first cycle months ago. Replaced a lot of the muscle. Lost 30 lbs or so. And I STILL have a lot of left over bf I need to get rid of. It didn't affect me to the level where I considered suicide or anything. But it did cause a nagging voice of self loathing. I decided to harness that and turn it into a positive. Haven't touched as much as an aspirin since. I mean i drink sometimes, but not as a crutch. And every day I'm moving a step closer to getting in better shape than before. I don't have rugby anymore. That took away a huge part of my social life. I know what you mean as far as the looks go. The worse ones were the looks of pity when I started showing my face more after my second surgery. (2nd surgery was right before the start of my senior year). During the summer I got fatter and fatter, and wearing that gimpy sling and just that defeated feeling I walked around with made me fucking sick. I use that feeling every time i go to the gym now. Forget about when you were on top. Remember this moment, commit yourself to doing something everyday no matter how small to advance yourself towards your goal. Let this feeling of being at your worst help you. Every time I feel like skipping leg day or doing 20 mins of cardio instead of an hr, or not even doing it at all, I remind myself of that feeling that tore me apart, that feeling of being disgusted in my own skin. I still feel that way about myself on some level. In the end you have to realize you're more than just the way you look. It's only one part of you. Plus as long as you're healthy enough to work out and mentally cognizant enough to watch your diet, you have no excuse. It's a mountain, but you can only climb it one step at a time bro. Hang in there.

Holy shit man, you ever think about becoming a writer? If you don't mind i'm going to hang a piece of paper in my room and it says:


Forget about when you were on top. Remember this moment, commit yourself to doing something everyday no matter how small to advance yourself towards your goal. Let this feeling of being at your worst help you. Every time I feel like skipping leg day or doing 20 mins of cardio instead of an hr, or not even doing it at all, I remind myself of that feeling that tore me apart, that feeling of being disgusted in my own skin. I still feel that way about myself on some level. In the end you have to realize you're more than just the way you look. It's only one part of you. Plus as long as you're healthy enough to work out and mentally cognizant enough to watch your diet, you have no excuse. It's a mountain, but you can only climb it one step at a time bro. Hang in there

Cal_21

Thanks man thats great motivation

 

[Cal_21]

Holy shit man, you ever think about becoming a writer? If you don't mind i'm going to hang a piece of paper in my room and it says:


Forget about when you were on top. Remember this moment, commit yourself to doing something everyday no matter how small to advance yourself towards your goal. Let this feeling of being at your worst help you. Every time I feel like skipping leg day or doing 20 mins of cardio instead of an hr, or not even doing it at all, I remind myself of that feeling that tore me apart, that feeling of being disgusted in my own skin. I still feel that way about myself on some level. In the end you have to realize you're more than just the way you look. It's only one part of you. Plus as long as you're healthy enough to work out and mentally cognizant enough to watch your diet, you have no excuse. It's a mountain, but you can only climb it one step at a time bro. Hang in there

Cal_21

Thanks man thats great motivation

Thanks bro. Glad I could be of help. I'm truly flattered.

 

[jerseyrugger76]

I was never idolized or anything like you were. But I know what's it's like to see my body turn to absolute fat shit before my very eyes. I transfered schools, and things were clicking and everything seemed as though it had fallen back into place. I was getting more and more P.T. (rugby). Things were good. Then I broke my collarbone doing something stupid. I was pretty much bedridden for a few weeks after my first surgery, I couldn't exercise for months. It was in such bad shape that I didn't even walk that much. I started going through tons of vicodin, hydrocodone, oxy's. Started eating shit foods, my metabolism came to a screeching halt. I gained a lottttt of weight, and i lost a lotttt of muscle. I still hate my body. I ran my first cycle months ago. Replaced a lot of the muscle. Lost 30 lbs or so. And I STILL have a lot of left over bf I need to get rid of. It didn't affect me to the level where I considered suicide or anything. But it did cause a nagging voice of self loathing. I decided to harness that and turn it into a positive. Haven't touched as much as an aspirin since. I mean i drink sometimes, but not as a crutch. And every day I'm moving a step closer to getting in better shape than before. I don't have rugby anymore. That took away a huge part of my social life. I know what you mean as far as the looks go. The worse ones were the looks of pity when I started showing my face more after my second surgery. (2nd surgery was right before the start of my senior year). During the summer I got fatter and fatter, and wearing that gimpy sling and just that defeated feeling I walked around with made me fucking sick. I use that feeling every time i go to the gym now. Forget about when you were on top. Remember this moment, commit yourself to doing something everyday no matter how small to advance yourself towards your goal. Let this feeling of being at your worst help you. Every time I feel like skipping leg day or doing 20 mins of cardio instead of an hr, or not even doing it at all, I remind myself of that feeling that tore me apart, that feeling of being disgusted in my own skin. I still feel that way about myself on some level. In the end you have to realize you're more than just the way you look. It's only one part of you. Plus as long as you're healthy enough to work out and mentally cognizant enough to watch your diet, you have no excuse. It's a mountain, but you can only climb it one step at a time bro. Hang in there.

That was bootiful. Full of booty.