I need major help with my eating disorder

[freeze2000]

Throughout high school I was like a God to most people. I was very talented, played football, took care of my body, and a lot of people looked up to me. It all started slipping slowly away after I graduated, i starting binging. It starting little, and now it has gotten out of hand. Im so scared to go out because everytime somebody sees me 50 pounds heavier then I used to be, and I am not fat peoples opinions of me gone downhill and they feel "let down" which makes me feel even worse! I don't know if any of you guys can relate, but I need help major. I diet for 2 weeks very good, then binge. I'm getting nowhere except to problems.


What should I do for this? I am seeing a counselor and got some meds, but I think its more psychological.

Cliffs:

-Friends used to look up to me, and when they see me they are dissapointed because everything I used to believe in (exercising, diet, happiness) has all gone downhill.
-I stay home a lot now because im scared to go out.
-I binge and feel very guility, suicidal thoughts even.
-I need help.

 

[billfred]

Throughout high school I was like a God to most people. I was very talented, played football, took care of my body, and a lot of people looked up to me. It all started slipping slowly away after I graduated, i starting binging. It starting little, and now it has gotten out of hand. Im so scared to go out because everytime somebody sees me 50 pounds heavier then I used to be, and I am not fat peoples opinions of me gone downhill and they feel "let down" which makes me feel even worse! I don't know if any of you guys can relate, but I need help major. I diet for 2 weeks very good, then binge. I'm getting nowhere except to problems.


What should I do for this? I am seeing a counselor and got some meds, but I think its more psychological.

Cliffs:

-Friends used to look up to me, and when they see me they are dissapointed because everything I used to believe in (exercising, diet, happiness) has all gone downhill.
-I stay home a lot now because im scared to go out.
-I binge and feel very guility, suicidal thoughts even.
-I need help.

#1 Quit worrying about what other people think of you and just worry about how you think of yourself.

 

[christopher2100]

+1 ^^^^^^ worry about yourself. Who cares what people think of you back in the day its means nothing.... odds are they are not even thinking of you in anyway that you think. With the attitude of I am a God i bet people are happy to see you struggling, get your shit together and get past the high school days... its every man for himself not what other perceive............

 

[Arabian]

You suffer from low self esteem ... There is nothing wrong with you!!!!!!!!!!!!! you should get some professional help ASAP.. Please seek help if you are having these feelings.. I have lost 3 personal friends to suicide and trust me ... THAT IS THE WEAK WAY OUT,,,,, YOUR PARENTS AND THE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU WILL SUFFER.... seek help

 

[freeze2000]

+1 ^^^^^^ worry about yourself. Who cares what people think of you back in the day its means nothing.... odds are they are not even thinking of you in anyway that you think. With the attitude of I am a God i bet people are happy to see you struggling, get your shit together and get past the high school days... its every man for himself not what other perceive............

I completely agree, but i just cant! I dont know if you guys feel it too, but when I see somebody that used to idolize me for who I was in high school, they see me now how my life has fucked up just makes me feel terrible. I was a very likeable guy, and i'm sure not a lot of people hated me. I am not bragging in any case, but I was a very positive guy.

I really never had the attitude I am god, it was more of I can accomplish anything and fuck anyone in my path. The best was of all the people saying I couldn't do it and I accomplished it. But now those accomplishments are nothing except sadness.

 

[heavy_duty]

get away from this forum asap.
get professional help, find a good therapist keep looking the first one is not always the best one.

 

[billfred]

I completely agree, but i just cant! I dont know if you guys feel it too, but when I see somebody that used to idolize me for who I was in high school, they see me now how my life has fucked up just makes me feel terrible. I was a very likeable guy, and i'm sure not a lot of people hated me. I am not bragging in any case, but I was a very positive guy.

I really never had the attitude I am god, it was more of I can accomplish anything and fuck anyone in my path. The best was of all the people saying I couldn't do it and I accomplished it. But now those accomplishments are nothing except sadness.

High School football is over dude - if you don't move on past that, you will be in the same place 20 yrs from now. You are too young to become a has been. You have to move on.

 

[Tatyana]

How old are you hun?

You sound like you are still quite young, and seriously, your life is just beginning.

Just think, it may be a blessing that you get to sort this out now rather than later in life.

You had a great time in high school, great. That is the past now, and the past is the past.

Time to look forward.

I would seek out some professional help as well. Counselling is great, and also, one other bit of brain candy I got from my coach

FAT IS FIXABLE

 

[nefertiti]

Definitely address this sooner rather than later. Compulsive overeating is a disorder no less debilitating than anorexia or bulimia. I'm not going to be an internet shrink and diagnose you as a COE, but seeing a therapist in this area might prevent you from going down that road.

 

[needtogetarmy]

No matter how bad you think life is, it is worth living. I've been there.

Seek help. Get out of the house. Think positive thoughts. I recommend heading to a gym and start doing things that will change your lifestyle.

 

[curvymommy]

FAT IS FIXABLE

Here. Here! You can do it. Get the binge foods out of your house. Find an accountability partner to help you out.

Binging is a very shameful act. Please get help to find the root of the problem. There is a good book called Life is hard, Food is Easy.

I used to binge too. I hit my rock bottom point when I was driving home from an event with a half gallon of semi-melted ice cream in my car. I looked over at it and attacked it with a sturdy green starbucks straw at a red light. By the time I got home I was so pissed off at my self (tears streaming down) that I had a fit and slam dunked the rest of the container into the garbage and sought help online like you are. I haven't binged since.

Sorry if this seems to be all about mememememe but I can relate dude. You must FIND the root of your problems and build on small successes. That builds confidence.

 

[freeze2000]

High School football is over dude - if you don't move on past that, you will be in the same place 20 yrs from now. You are too young to become a has been. You have to move on.

Thanks everyone for the help and support. Im currently 18 but have been bodybuilding for 4 years which turned badly 1 year ago into the eating disorder.

I used to eat very strictly and gradually start to eat which then turned into emotional eating.

I know many of you say "High school is over, football is over" but thats not it. I understand High school is over, its just the perception people look at me. For instance, I ran into a GOOD FRIEND i had this past week. He used to look up to me for my work ethic and dedication to bodybuilding. Now we starting talking and the first thing he asked me was why I quit and you could clearly tell his opinion of him changed. Its like they go from admiring me to saying "Your a low life" and I HATE that. You probably don't think its that big of a deal but I feel it is.

Also to add: I have been to a counselor, 2 of them in fact. I told them I have a eating disorder and I was merely depressed. He said it wasn't a eating disorder and gave me meds but I feel these docters and psychotrists aren't doing shit.

And yes I have ran a cycle of test and tren ace, I know a lot about that stuff, but I am properly balanced, took the proper PCT,AI, and have gotten my test levels checked and they are fine. The depression isn't from the drugs, its more mental. (Its been over 3 months sense my last injection) Infact, I plan on doing another cycle in about 4 months when I get the money. But thats off the subject, they won't do anything if I cant conquer this problem.

I emailed someone and plan on going to the bookstore sometime this week and getting a pick called "shrink yourself" Which is a book on binge eating.

 

[calveless wonder]

professional help is in the right direction...our advice can only take you so far. however, you need someone who you can TRUST and knows what they're talking about.

there's alot of issues and shame you're experiencing now.

being at the top and falling from grace is one of the most difficult things to deal with in life....the ones with true strength rise up from the ashes and will be better off than before. it's a long, difficult journey...

but i sense it's something deeper than this that's bothering you.

you need to stop looking at where you were, and realize where you are now. as hard as that sounds. focus on getting better by the day....you're not going to be where you were overnight. Commit yourself to this journey...map it out.
define goals and how you're going to get there. until you put it on paper and really see yourself doing it, it won't happen


i've been through your struggle many times over already at age 25, and i can tell you it's never been easy to recover but when you get there you feel an incredible sense of accomplishment as well as personal strength. don't let your mind play tricks on you by thinking you can't reach that point again

if you train hard, eat well and let yourself live a little (don't give up everything you enjoy foodwise)...you don't have to be 1000% clean. live a little, you're young

there are several things that create action
1.) disgust
2.) anger

if you're feeling those things, use it to propel you. don't look at them as negative emotions

 

[freeze2000]

professional help is in the right direction...our advice can only take you so far. however, you need someone who you can TRUST and knows what they're talking about.

there's alot of issues and shame you're experiencing now.

being at the top and falling from grace is one of the most difficult things to deal with in life....the ones with true strength rise up from the ashes and will be better off than before. it's a long, difficult journey...

but i sense it's something deeper than this that's bothering you.

you need to stop looking at where you were, and realize where you are now. as hard as that sounds. focus on getting better by the day....you're not going to be where you were overnight. Commit yourself to this journey...map it out.
define goals and how you're going to get there. until you put it on paper and really see yourself doing it, it won't happen


i've been through your struggle many times over already at age 25, and i can tell you it's never been easy to recover but when you get there you feel an incredible sense of accomplishment as well as personal strength. don't let your mind play tricks on you by thinking you can't reach that point again

if you train hard, eat well and let yourself live a little (don't give up everything you enjoy foodwise)...you don't have to be 1000% clean. live a little, you're young

there are several things that create action
1.) disgust
2.) anger

if you're feeling those things, use it to propel you. don't look at them as negative emotions

Thank you curvy and capless, that means a lot. Thats awesome that you can relate. This disorder just sucks, and its a shame I have to go through it for a 18 year old boy. Tomorrow when I wake up i'm going to try and come up with a answer, and think positive thoughts. I realize I cannot change the past, and who I was before doesn't matter. It is where I am now, and I think that is the hardest part for me to cope. I actually want to start running marathons, but can't get off my lazy ass because I'm addicted to lifting and don't want to loose all my hard earned muscle. Im not all the way fat, im probably 225 with 17 percent BF and I was 210 with probably 10 about 2 months ago.

 

[calveless wonder]

you're 18 and you're doing cycles already?

You know you're creating this problem for yourself.....

i touched the juice at the age of 20, and it was WAY too early honestly.

once you give yourself that mental and physical edge, it's pretty much impossible to turn back into a natty. The only thing stopped me from juicing was not working out/training all together...which was a couple of year period.


why the fuck are you juicing if you're 50 lbs overweight? its not going to help you in anyway. (edit..if you're 225 and 17% bf, you're really not that far off dude.....a couple of months of dedication will get you back on track. the way you make it sound is like you're 25-30% bf).

your issues are way deeper...find someone that actually WANTS to help you, not collect a check and just give you scripts. believe me, alot of docs are like that..but not all

 

[Tatyana]

I sorted out my diet and how I ate around your age.

Consider it a blessing.

You are 18, your life is not over, it has barely begun.

 

[curvymommy]

1.) disgust
2.) anger

if you're feeling those things, use it to propel you. don't look at them as negative emotions

I 100% agree. Those are the emotions I felt as the ice cream was slammed into the garbage. I was so pissed. Getting enraged does something to you, I pray you will get there and use that anger to say NO MORE. Then just build on small successes.

 

[freeze2000]

I sorted out my diet and how I ate around your age.

Consider it a blessing.

You are 18, your life is not over, it has barely begun.

Your right but see now I am starting to question myself. To tell you the truth I want to die just to see what the end is like. The big question - Where do we go when we die?

I'd love to die tomorrow and that kinda scares the shit out of me. But i'm not sure if any of you can relate to this subject, but I don't think that has anything to do with depression. I only get depressed when I binge, and don't have suicidal thoughts. The suicidal thoughts come as of religion and do I want to live a religious life, or have fun, party (not to much) and just enjoy life.

 

[freeze2000]

you're 18 and you're doing cycles already?

You know you're creating this problem for yourself.....

i touched the juice at the age of 20, and it was WAY too early honestly.

once you give yourself that mental and physical edge, it's pretty much impossible to turn back into a natty. The only thing stopped me from juicing was not working out/training all together...which was a couple of year period.


why the fuck are you juicing if you're 50 lbs overweight? its not going to help you in anyway. (edit..if you're 225 and 17% bf, you're really not that far off dude.....a couple of months of dedication will get you back on track. the way you make it sound is like you're 25-30% bf).

your issues are way deeper...find someone that actually WANTS to help you, not collect a check and just give you scripts. believe me, alot of docs are like that..but not all

To be honest I feel I was completely ready. My strength wasn't going to get much higher sense i've been bodybuildling strictly for 4 years, I had my diet down, and I knew what the **** I was doing. I researched for over 2 years until I decided to say lets do this. Also I have always been very mature for my age, and I feel im 2 years older then most people around my age. Hell, I was growing pubic hairs at 8, and had a full beard at 13.

I don't want to go back to natty, I love the juice. I feel like the juice has helped my life its this huge mental disorder I have. Juice is the only thing that is what I look forward to.

 

[calveless wonder]

To be honest I feel I was completely ready. My strength wasn't going to get much higher sense i've been bodybuildling strictly for 4 years, I had my diet down, and I knew what the **** I was doing. I researched for over 2 years until I decided to say lets do this. Also I have always been very mature for my age, and I feel im 2 years older then most people around my age. Hell, I was growing pubic hairs at 8, and had a full beard at 13.

I don't want to go back to natty, I love the juice. I feel like the juice has helped my life its this huge mental disorder I have. Juice is the only thing that is what I look forward to.

i can relate to that as well...however your age concerns me. your hormones are still fluctuating naturally and your growth plates haven't fused yet.

i'm not going to lie, i use the juice as well to fill voids in my life and it works. it may not be the most emotionally healthy thing but i feel great and it works. after every aaspect in my life went to shit the juice saved me and got my confidence back (of course in addition to training hard and eating clean). i don't recommend it, as it is self medicating...but i'm not gonna sit on a pedestal and say you're wrong for doing it etc.

hwoever i did this at the ages of 22 and 24-25....my body and hormones were already pretty much set in stone.

there's alot of dangers to doing steroids prior to your twenties.

that's my concern above all

 

[freeze2000]

i can relate to that as well...however your age concerns me. your hormones are still fluctuating naturally and your growth plates haven't fused yet.

i'm not going to lie, i use the juice as well to fill voids in my life and it works. it may not be the most emotionally healthy thing but i feel great and it works. after every aaspect in my life went to shit the juice saved me and got my confidence back (of course in addition to training hard and eating clean). i don't recommend it, as it is self medicating...but i'm not gonna sit on a pedestal and say you're wrong for doing it etc.

hwoever i did this at the ages of 22 and 24-25....my body and hormones were already pretty much set in stone.

there's alot of dangers to doing steroids prior to your twenties.

that's my concern above all

True, thats acceptable. Yeah that was the only concern I had while juicing was growth plates and the hormones but it was to the point where it doesn't matter, i'm going to do it because it makes me happy and nothing will stop me. Its one of those things i'm willing to die for. Its like skydiving I think.

Anyway, I actually was talking to my brother tonight about my problems, people, and all different kinds of shit. But anyway, I feel like i'm going to stop playing pity me and fucking get off my ass and do this because I want it. I will try and never binge again. I will set 1 time a week I will eat out. The main problem I have is the candy and shit in my parents house is very tempting sense there the "usual couple" eating a lot of food that they don't need.

 

[lartinos]

you need to find a diet you can stick to bro, find foods that you actually like that you can eat. When you are dieting, what is your game plan?

 

[Cal_21]

I was never idolized or anything like you were. But I know what's it's like to see my body turn to absolute fat shit before my very eyes. I transfered schools, and things were clicking and everything seemed as though it had fallen back into place. I was getting more and more P.T. (rugby). Things were good. Then I broke my collarbone doing something stupid. I was pretty much bedridden for a few weeks after my first surgery, I couldn't exercise for months. It was in such bad shape that I didn't even walk that much. I started going through tons of vicodin, hydrocodone, oxy's. Started eating shit foods, my metabolism came to a screeching halt. I gained a lottttt of weight, and i lost a lotttt of muscle. I still hate my body. I ran my first cycle months ago. Replaced a lot of the muscle. Lost 30 lbs or so. And I STILL have a lot of left over bf I need to get rid of. It didn't affect me to the level where I considered suicide or anything. But it did cause a nagging voice of self loathing. I decided to harness that and turn it into a positive. Haven't touched as much as an aspirin since. I mean i drink sometimes, but not as a crutch. And every day I'm moving a step closer to getting in better shape than before. I don't have rugby anymore. That took away a huge part of my social life. I know what you mean as far as the looks go. The worse ones were the looks of pity when I started showing my face more after my second surgery. (2nd surgery was right before the start of my senior year). During the summer I got fatter and fatter, and wearing that gimpy sling and just that defeated feeling I walked around with made me fucking sick. I use that feeling every time i go to the gym now. Forget about when you were on top. Remember this moment, commit yourself to doing something everyday no matter how small to advance yourself towards your goal. Let this feeling of being at your worst help you. Every time I feel like skipping leg day or doing 20 mins of cardio instead of an hr, or not even doing it at all, I remind myself of that feeling that tore me apart, that feeling of being disgusted in my own skin. I still feel that way about myself on some level. In the end you have to realize you're more than just the way you look. It's only one part of you. Plus as long as you're healthy enough to work out and mentally cognizant enough to watch your diet, you have no excuse. It's a mountain, but you can only climb it one step at a time bro. Hang in there.

 

[freeze2000]

I was never idolized or anything like you were. But I know what's it's like to see my body turn to absolute fat shit before my very eyes. I transfered schools, and things were clicking and everything seemed as though it had fallen back into place. I was getting more and more P.T. (rugby). Things were good. Then I broke my collarbone doing something stupid. I was pretty much bedridden for a few weeks after my first surgery, I couldn't exercise for months. It was in such bad shape that I didn't even walk that much. I started going through tons of vicodin, hydrocodone, oxy's. Started eating shit foods, my metabolism came to a screeching halt. I gained a lottttt of weight, and i lost a lotttt of muscle. I still hate my body. I ran my first cycle months ago. Replaced a lot of the muscle. Lost 30 lbs or so. And I STILL have a lot of left over bf I need to get rid of. It didn't affect me to the level where I considered suicide or anything. But it did cause a nagging voice of self loathing. I decided to harness that and turn it into a positive. Haven't touched as much as an aspirin since. I mean i drink sometimes, but not as a crutch. And every day I'm moving a step closer to getting in better shape than before. I don't have rugby anymore. That took away a huge part of my social life. I know what you mean as far as the looks go. The worse ones were the looks of pity when I started showing my face more after my second surgery. (2nd surgery was right before the start of my senior year). During the summer I got fatter and fatter, and wearing that gimpy sling and just that defeated feeling I walked around with made me fucking sick. I use that feeling every time i go to the gym now. Forget about when you were on top. Remember this moment, commit yourself to doing something everyday no matter how small to advance yourself towards your goal. Let this feeling of being at your worst help you. Every time I feel like skipping leg day or doing 20 mins of cardio instead of an hr, or not even doing it at all, I remind myself of that feeling that tore me apart, that feeling of being disgusted in my own skin. I still feel that way about myself on some level. In the end you have to realize you're more than just the way you look. It's only one part of you. Plus as long as you're healthy enough to work out and mentally cognizant enough to watch your diet, you have no excuse. It's a mountain, but you can only climb it one step at a time bro. Hang in there.

Holy shit man, you ever think about becoming a writer? If you don't mind i'm going to hang a piece of paper in my room and it says:


Forget about when you were on top. Remember this moment, commit yourself to doing something everyday no matter how small to advance yourself towards your goal. Let this feeling of being at your worst help you. Every time I feel like skipping leg day or doing 20 mins of cardio instead of an hr, or not even doing it at all, I remind myself of that feeling that tore me apart, that feeling of being disgusted in my own skin. I still feel that way about myself on some level. In the end you have to realize you're more than just the way you look. It's only one part of you. Plus as long as you're healthy enough to work out and mentally cognizant enough to watch your diet, you have no excuse. It's a mountain, but you can only climb it one step at a time bro. Hang in there

Cal_21

Thanks man thats great motivation

 

[Cal_21]

Holy shit man, you ever think about becoming a writer? If you don't mind i'm going to hang a piece of paper in my room and it says:


Forget about when you were on top. Remember this moment, commit yourself to doing something everyday no matter how small to advance yourself towards your goal. Let this feeling of being at your worst help you. Every time I feel like skipping leg day or doing 20 mins of cardio instead of an hr, or not even doing it at all, I remind myself of that feeling that tore me apart, that feeling of being disgusted in my own skin. I still feel that way about myself on some level. In the end you have to realize you're more than just the way you look. It's only one part of you. Plus as long as you're healthy enough to work out and mentally cognizant enough to watch your diet, you have no excuse. It's a mountain, but you can only climb it one step at a time bro. Hang in there

Cal_21

Thanks man thats great motivation

Thanks bro. Glad I could be of help. I'm truly flattered.

 

[jerseyrugger76]

I was never idolized or anything like you were. But I know what's it's like to see my body turn to absolute fat shit before my very eyes. I transfered schools, and things were clicking and everything seemed as though it had fallen back into place. I was getting more and more P.T. (rugby). Things were good. Then I broke my collarbone doing something stupid. I was pretty much bedridden for a few weeks after my first surgery, I couldn't exercise for months. It was in such bad shape that I didn't even walk that much. I started going through tons of vicodin, hydrocodone, oxy's. Started eating shit foods, my metabolism came to a screeching halt. I gained a lottttt of weight, and i lost a lotttt of muscle. I still hate my body. I ran my first cycle months ago. Replaced a lot of the muscle. Lost 30 lbs or so. And I STILL have a lot of left over bf I need to get rid of. It didn't affect me to the level where I considered suicide or anything. But it did cause a nagging voice of self loathing. I decided to harness that and turn it into a positive. Haven't touched as much as an aspirin since. I mean i drink sometimes, but not as a crutch. And every day I'm moving a step closer to getting in better shape than before. I don't have rugby anymore. That took away a huge part of my social life. I know what you mean as far as the looks go. The worse ones were the looks of pity when I started showing my face more after my second surgery. (2nd surgery was right before the start of my senior year). During the summer I got fatter and fatter, and wearing that gimpy sling and just that defeated feeling I walked around with made me fucking sick. I use that feeling every time i go to the gym now. Forget about when you were on top. Remember this moment, commit yourself to doing something everyday no matter how small to advance yourself towards your goal. Let this feeling of being at your worst help you. Every time I feel like skipping leg day or doing 20 mins of cardio instead of an hr, or not even doing it at all, I remind myself of that feeling that tore me apart, that feeling of being disgusted in my own skin. I still feel that way about myself on some level. In the end you have to realize you're more than just the way you look. It's only one part of you. Plus as long as you're healthy enough to work out and mentally cognizant enough to watch your diet, you have no excuse. It's a mountain, but you can only climb it one step at a time bro. Hang in there.

That was bootiful. Full of booty.