Homer Speaks

[2Thick]

Marge: "Homer wanted to be a cop once, but they said he was too heavy."
Homer: "No, the army said I was too heavy....The police said I was too dumb."

 

[2Thick]

Homer: "But look at these low, low prices on famous brand name electronics."
Bart: "Don't be a sap dad, these are just crappy knock-offs." Homer: "I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see one. And look! There's a Magnet-Box, and Sorny!"

 

[2Thick]

Homer: (singing) "Oh! The song! When a fire starts to burn...there's a lesson you should learn… something…something…then you'll see…you'll avoid catastrophe!…….Doh!"

 

[2Thick]

Homer: "There's nothing wrong with crabcrass. It just has a bad name. Everyone would like it if it had a cute name…like elfgrass."

 

[2Thick]

Bart: "You're going down Homer!"
Homer: "You talk bigger than you fool."
Bart: "Oh, you'll see. I'm gonna fool you real nice."
Homer: "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."

 

[2Thick]

Homer: "Kids, kids, I'm not gonna die. That only happens to bad people."
Bart: "What about Abraham Lincoln?"
Homer: "Uhh…he sold poison milk to school children."
Marge: "Homer!"
Homer: "Hey, I'm just trying to make it easier on them."

 

[2Thick]

Homer: "Pfft..he thinks he's so rich Well there's one thing he cant buy."
Marge:"What's that?"
Homer: (thinks)"A dinosaur"

 

[Hannibal]

"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."

 

[XbdawggX]

Bart: And to help save money, I'll take up smoking and quit!
Homer: Congratulations, boy. Quitting smoking is the hardest thing you can do. Here's a dollar.
Lisa: But dad, he didn't DO anything!
Homer: Didn't he, Lisa? ...Didn't he?

 

[Hannibal]

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.