Homer Speaks

[downsent]

Librarian: Excuse me are you a student at this school?

Homer: I think it's pretty obvious I am, go school!! ( Homer waves a home made flag)

 

[Kryp2o]

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.

 

[Hannibal]

"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad."

 

[bgdaddysmooth]

(At an Isotopes baseball game. Isotopes haved sucked for years and this is the begining of the new season)

Homer: It just goes to show ya, you can't count on anyone.

Lisa: Even you Dad?

Homer: ESPECIALLY me.

 

[Chosser]

(The obese episode when he finds out he only needs to push the Y button instead of typing yes.)
"Hey Mrs doesn't find me attractive, I just tripled my productivity."

"All my life I have been an obese man trapped in a fat man's body..."

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"When I was 17, I drank a very good beer, I drank a very good beer I purchased with a fake ID.
My name was Bryan McGee, I stayed up listening to Queen, when I was 17."

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(To the Flinstones theme)
Simpson, Ho-mer Simpson, he's the greatest dad in his-to-ryyyyyy
From the, town of springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut treeeeeeee, D'OH.

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(While drunk and slurring)
Marg, you got a butt that won't quit. They got these chewy pretzels that are da da da da da da da, Five dollars, get outta here.

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"I'd sell my soulll for a donut."

"Mmmmmmmmm, sacrilicious."

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OK, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me so let's just get thru this so I can go back to killing you with beer.

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"Bart, when you don't like your job you don't just quit, you just go about i treal half-assed, that's the American way."

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"Lisa, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics."

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Lisa: "It is better to sit in ignorance than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

Homer talking to self: "Better say something before she thinks you're stupid."

Homer to Lisa: "Takes one to know one."

Homer to self :"Swisssssshhhhhhhhhh"

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(Homer and Lisa when she gives up eating meat)

HOmer: So you are never gonna eat meat again?

Lisa: No.

Homer: "what about bacon?"

Lisa: No

Homer: "What about sausage?"

Lisa: No

Homer: What about pork chops?

Lisa: NO. Dad, those all come from the same animal.

Homer: Sure honey, a wonderful, magical animal.

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Lisa: Dad, what's a muppet.

Homer: Well, It's not quite a mop. Not quites a puppet, but boy man, hahahahahahahaha. So to answer your question I don't know.

 

[Immortal Juicer]

Lisa: "I'll go check on the internet."
Homer: "The internet? Is that thing still around?"


Mr Burns: "What the? How could you do such a stupid thing"
Homer: "Its my first day."
Mr Burns: "Oh, in that case"
Smithers: "Thats Homer Simpson. Hes been here for 10 years."
Mr. Burns: "What the? How could you lie to me like that?"
Homer: "Its my first day."
Mr. Burns: " Oh in that case..wait a minute!"

 

[downsent]

Oh Margie you brought me a turkey, on my vacation away from worky.

 

[bgdaddysmooth]

Homer: No offense, Apu, but when they were handing out religions, you must've been out taking a wiz.

 

[Hannibal]

"Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You"

"PS. I am GAY"

 

[Dogballs]

Homer: "This is Ned Flanders and he is my friend!"
Lenny: "What'd he say?
Carl: "I dunno, something about being gay."