got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED, HUMPED, JUMPED AND BUMPED!

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

Dude,

believe me, a month from now you will be happy as shit!

Good luck.

I hope so man, it would be nice to be happy again.

This experience as really done a number on my self estreem and confidence.. I met this girl through work.. we were both interns 3 years ago and did some summer activities like playing soccer.. flag football.. she was with a guy at the time and we just clicked and became friends. she went back to school and we didn't talk at all.. maybe ONCE via email during the school year... she came back the next summer and we hung out a lot, I became friends with her boyfriend as well.. they ended up breaking up at the end of that summer... a month or so later our friendship developed into hooking up as well.. then she had to go to school just for a short trip and we decided that we weren't gonna be together... but when she came back we both wanted each other so bad we decided to make it official and we'd been boyfriend/girlfriend since.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

The point I meant to get across in that last post is...

while I've done well with women typically... my biggest fears now are
1) I won't find anyone that really satisfies me... I've had sex with plenty of women, dated even more, but only been in love with two.
2) I'm not big into bars and clubs and picking up chicks that way. So many seem stuck up in the environment anyway, plus you spend all this time and effort and in the end what are the odds of finding a quality woman like that?

I've been out of the dating game for nearly two years.. I'm not afraid of being single per se.. but I'm definitely out of practice.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

my journal entry for this evening:

Went to Joanne's today. Super nice house. I wished that Sarah was there with me... and though she wasn't all I wanted to do was call and tell her about it on the way home.

Mike asked almost as soon as I got there... "where is the woman.." I must have been asked 3 other times by other co-workers... it sucks having to tell people, and I don't care to explain anything to co-workers I don't know that well.

Sarah's friend Megan showed up, I only saw her once.. she kinda said hi but that was it.. just "hi.." and walked away.. I wonder if she knows.. I figured she'd be more friendly if she thought I was still with Sarah.

nearly everyone commented on how skinny I looked... had I been dieting? I couldn't tell them the truth... I'm on this great new diet.. its called getting your heart broken.

Nicole called me while I was there and I slipped away to talk to her for over half an hour.. it was nice to just be able to talk to someone.. to vent.. we got into details.. she is good at asking detailed questions. She asked about what the prior concerns had been between Sarah and I. I told her one was that Sarah was upset with how I treated friends... that I come off as condecending sometimes... but I don't mean ill will.. Nicole said that is what happens when you are smarter then 9 out of 10 people... I said that was basically how I explained it.. I respect people, I'm nice.. I don't want to be an annoying know it all.

I told Nicole I thought that was one of the reasons Sarah and I worked so well together... we are both strong type As... Nicole agreed.. I said we didn't butt heads too much, instead we saw the world from the same perspective.. it was comforting.. nice.

Nicole dumped her long time boyfriend so she sees things from Sarah's perspective, yet she was still fully supportive of me and asked many times if I was ok. I told her that I don't tell many people this.. but no... I haven't been eating.. I haven't been working out.. I haven't been doing anything. I'm in a state of depression where literally nothing in my life gives me pleasure right now.. not my favorite music.. not my favorite TV.. no my favorite foods... nothing. I told her I've never felt like this before.. never had to deal wi h something that made me feel so bad. I told her that rational brian is in there somewhere but can't get out.. she said she understands.. the emotions overpower anything.

She said that me, of all people, would get over this quickly.. certainly quicker then most.. and that Sarah may very well realize that her decision to break things off really was just a combination of all the things that were not quite right in her life.. her job.. her living situatuion.. etc.. and if she were to have second thoughts, want the relationship back.. it would be in a few weeks.

I don't want to live my life waiting for Sarah, but at the same time the thought of her back sounds soooooo good right now. I tried to really rationalize what I am missing the most here, and why Sarah specifically fulfilled that. I can't explain exactly, but basically I felt that she completely loved and accepted me... she told me many times that sure, the intiial attraction was based on certain things, but now I could change in some ways... say longer or shorter hair.. skinnier or fatter.. and she would still love me just the same because we were beyond that. THAT is what I love and miss.. I love being able to hold her and just melt into each other's arms and bodies... I love to be able to just be with her and do nothing and be completely and 100% content with the world. The reason this was possible was because of who she was.. she was intelligent.. sexy... supporting.. funny.. understanding.. caring.. compasionate... she's an awesome girl.

I also got some good advice today on the message board.. I'd love to share it with Sarah to get her thoughts.. but what would the point of that be? This guy basically said the whole thing was not what I thought and that I was in love with her.. she was in love with the situation.. that I am fun, safe, caring, etc... and that was something to like.. but it wasn't true love, because had it been, it would not have ended. Its sad to think of things that way.. but if that is what it takes to get over it.. do I have any choice?

Getting over it... I want to feel better.. I want joy back in my life.. but I still don't want to let go of her completely.. my stomach still knots up just thinking about that.. I get a lump in my throat.. its scary. Everyone says the next phase in anger.. I'll be angry with her.. I suppose feeling angry is better then hurting.. but I don't like being angy at anyone... how could i possibly be angry at the girl I loved.. my sweets??? unfathomable.

Today I read every text message I had saved in my phone from her.. some were from last year.. some from earlier this year.. and some were just two weeks ago! Messages from her telling me she loves me.. she misses me.. she misses my curls.. happy birthday love... you are awesome... you are amazing... I LOVE you... I want the person who felt that way back. where did she go?

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Re: got dumped..

youre giving your image and self esteem away in small chunks everytime you text her or let her fall into the guilty pity counsellor role, with you as the victim. im ashamed to admit that i have made this mistake in the past. it burns thinking of how low i must have looked in her eyes. how pathetically desperate. how dependant on her words. youre making yourself more unnattractive everytime you do it, and you are actually helping her get over you even faster.

i havnt got a lot of time just now (laptop battery is going to pack it in in a bit) but cutting all ties, all contact etc from her, and thinking of something - anything - else when your thoughts are drawn to her or your former life with the person formerly loved as sarah, is what you need to do.

losing dignity rasps the soul when you snap out of it and remember who, and what you are, later on. if she calls you and wants to talk to you, tell her straight that the person you love lives in your heart and in your dreams, and that you find it hurtful when a stranger wearing her face talks to you, and that you dont want to do that.

i personally am dreading the day that i see my ex and tell her that there are some choices that cannot be unmade, and that forgiveness and time are not enough to erase memory of the betrayal of love unconditional. i have been treated like a stranger by someone i loved, and i will go to sleep everynight pretending that she is a stranger unitl one morning i wake up, and find that the lie has become truth.

fuck you lestat im fucking depressed now, im going to go eat something sugary.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

youre giving your image and self esteem away in small chunks everytime you text her or let her fall into the guilty pity counsellor role, with you as the victim. im ashamed to admit that i have made this mistake in the past. it burns thinking of how low i must have looked in her eyes. how pathetically desperate. how dependant on her words. youre making yourself more unnattractive everytime you do it, and you are actually helping her get over you even faster.

i havnt got a lot of time just now (laptop battery is going to pack it in in a bit) but cutting all ties, all contact etc from her, and thinking of something - anything - else when your thoughts are drawn to her or your former life with the person formerly loved as sarah, is what you need to do.

losing dignity rasps the soul when you snap out of it and remember who, and what you are, later on. if she calls you and wants to talk to you, tell her straight that the person you love lives in your heart and in your dreams, and that you find it hurtful when a stranger wearing her face talks to you, and that you dont want to do that.

i personally am dreading the day that i see my ex and tell her that there are some choices that cannot be unmade, and that forgiveness and time are not enough to erase memory of the betrayal of love unconditional. i have been treated like a stranger by someone i loved, and i will go to sleep everynight pretending that she is a stranger unitl one morning i wake up, and find that the lie has become truth.

fuck you lestat im fucking depressed now, im going to go eat something sugary.

Sorry man, I didn't mean to bring you down before bed.

As I said before, I really value your advice and am happy you posted on this thread again.

Today was the first day I had no contact with her, and I will continue to do so as long as my will remains strong (which will hopefully be a long LONG time... at least long enough for me to come to the realization that you speak of above.)

Thanks man.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

losing dignity rasps the soul when you snap out of it and remember who, and what you are, later on. if she calls you and wants to talk to you, tell her straight that the person you love lives in your heart and in your dreams, and that you find it hurtful when a stranger wearing her face talks to you, and that you dont want to do that.

I posted above and then went to go to bed.. but I had to tell you thanks one more time. I keep re-thinking the above paragraph and I feel differently.. almost free of this pain... or at least I feel like there is an end to it and some hope. I really appreciate that.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Re: got dumped..

its ok, gelati made everthing OK again

and its about 5:30pm here, going to go for a beachwalk i think...gotta love the tropics

 

[jubei]

Re: got dumped..

tren and halo. You'll be a cyborg killing machine!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH DIE FUCKERS!!!!!

or go with gd's advice, either one should work.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

its ok, gelati made everthing OK again

and its about 5:30pm here, going to go for a beachwalk i think...gotta love the tropics

where are you living right now?

And I may have spoken too soon.. i went to bed feeling ok last night, but woke up this morning feeling like shit again.. i can't even describe it really.. uncureable despair...

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Re: got dumped..

darwin, go to time settings, i think its +9:30

youre depressed, lonely, feel betrayed and let down, and the one you want to talk it over with is the one who is causing it. dont worry, you dont have to describe it, im living it

go out mate, i am