Final tab is in from the divorce Atty:

[Lao Tzu]

Oh, I've known my libertarian leanings for some time. I'm massively pro-philanthropic ... yet anti-handout. Gotta love that.

Obesity is another example. I'm a pretty healthy person and try to stay in shape. My diet is pretty clean... I just wish I could cut-out the wine in the evening and my late night snacks. Having said all that, I oppose banning trans fats. I'm fine with making restaurants post their trans fat content, but if someone wants a Kentucky Fried Twinkie smothered in Gravy and heavy cream, so be it. (just don't make me pay for unclogging their arteries later )

I have different perspectives on teh role of government in society. I'd be in favor of some kind of incentive system to promote healthier eating and cooking on the part of restaurants and consumers. It is hard for me to find healthy food when I go out to eat. I also eat a reasonably healthy diet (not perfect, but better than most) but much of the food available isn't very good for you because there is no incentive to change it. No incentive to add milled flaxseed to baked items, or use 100% whole grains, or anything like that. If we just made extemely minor changes in our diets (switched to high fiber whole grains from fiber free white grains, ate a little more fruit, ate more omega 3s, got more vitamins) then 30-60%+ of CVD, diabetes, dementia & I think cancer would go away. Even if nothing else changed.

What philanthropies are you talking about? You are probably just anti-handout because that is coerced while philantrophy is voluntary.

 

[mrplunkey]

For those of us who worry about this kind of issue in 10-15 years, what advice is there to avoid it?

Pre-nuptial?
Good communication on what to do in case the relationship fails
Try to find a partner that isn't malicious to her Exs?

I'm in the dark here.

Here is my advice:

1) Wait till you are older... a lot of people aren't who they really want to be until they are at least 30.

2) Dig into your spouses child-rearing philosophies. There are at least two main camps. One says once you have children you are responsible for something greater than yourself hence you should dedicated your time and energy to them. The other camp says children are a large responsibility but your relationship to your spouse remains the primary relationship (it's the "children grow up and leave whereas your spouse will still be around"). Most people fall somewhere in-between.

3) If you bring significant assets into the marriage, keep them set aside as seperate property (i.e. sold3checking account, sole stock account).

4) If you bring significant assets into the marriage, get a pre-nuptual that acknowledges your sole ownership of those assets.

5) If you will be acquiring assets in the form of a gift (i.e. your parents buy you a house), have your parents specifically assign that gift to you in writing as prescribed for your sole benefit. Keep the deed in your name. If possible, have the spouse sign-off that it was a gift designated in your name.

As a general rule, if it's assets you acquire *while* you are married through your own efforts, you'll have to part with half. The "equitable but non-equal" philosophy of splitting marital assets doesn't really kick-in until you are talking about several million dollars of martial estate.

 

[jestro]

The whole idea of alimony pisses me off.
Sucks bor, paying $60,000 a year and you don't get to see your kids? It's only going to hurt them. Just fight for what you think is right, don't play dirty, stick to the high road and hope it works out. That's what I did and things are pretty good.

 

[mrplunkey]

I have different perspectives on teh role of government in society. I'd be in favor of some kind of incentive system to promote healthier eating and cooking on the part of restaurants and consumers. It is hard for me to find healthy food when I go out to eat. I also eat a reasonably healthy diet (not perfect, but better than most) but much of the food available isn't very good for you because there is no incentive to change it. No incentive to add milled flaxseed to baked items, or use 100% whole grains, or anything like that. If we just made extemely minor changes in our diets (switched to high fiber whole grains from fiber free white grains, ate a little more fruit, ate more omega 3s, got more vitamins) then 30-60%+ of CVD, diabetes, dementia & I think cancer would go away. Even if nothing else changed.

What philanthropies are you talking about? You are probably just anti-handout because that is coerced while philantrophy is voluntary.

I'm cool with incentives... let's make healthy additives such as flaxseed and other beneficial suppliments 100% tax deductable when added by restaurants. I like things like that.

As far as philanthropic projects go, I normally do them through my church. We'll focus on either getting someone out of debt, putting someone through school, or addressing someone's car/housing situation. I've done some bizarre ones too -- like helping this Church of Christ preacher from Oliver Springs lose 60 pounds so he can join the Navy as a chaplin.

And yes... forced philanthropy is the suck. I'm the guy that if you automatically build-in an 18% gratuity to the bill, I'll tip 18%. If you leave the line blank, I'll always do 25%+.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Asking how not to get raked over the coals seems to be a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Lot of negativity abounding. But then again, this IS EF C&C lol.

Instead seek out advice from people that are and have been happily married or in LTR. See how they got it right and try and apply that to your own life.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Communicate. I actually got divorced before my stubborn ass talked to my wife and really listened. We ended up working everything out and have gotten back together.

Rare, but it can happen.

This is my exact situation right now. Wife and I are currently separated. Had problems with communication for a year. Both of us couldn't accept any blame and wanted to always win.

We ended up splitting up and I moved out a couple of weeks ago. And it was like the steam valve was released. We started talking like we did when we were dating. Starting respecting each other. Taking ownership of the problems we caused each other. We decided to keep this arrangement going for awhile to see how it goes and if we can get past the stuff we have done to each other.

I guess for some people it takes it ending to see what you did.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Darlin... money is irrelevant. Fortunes can be made and lost and made again in days. To be without ones children is costly beyond the realm of imagination, yet it happens every day. Doesnt it?

That is the suckest thing about my separation. I am limited on seeing my sons. My wife has been really cool about letting me see them, but its not like I can go home and be with them every day. Not sure if I miss them more or her.

I just try to go day by day and realize that like all things this too will pass.

 

[CO B-man]

Well, I recieved my Equitable Distribution statement from my divorce atty and the grand total is $92,435.67. I am fucking livid... Fuck attorneys. This vile wife of mine spent about as much as I did, and I still cannot see my children. This will be the third Christmas that she has taken them,, thats a whole new thread. anyway Im just a little bit pissed. Fucking attorneys that take advantage of and play on the emotions of people...

Sorry to hear men almost always get the shaft in a divorce