Fiancee expects me to pay for her gas. Yes/no?

[rnch]

...we talked about things like that and agreed that we wouldnt see things the same way every time and just have to work through disagreements..

meaning that YOU would cave in to HER point of view all the time?

 

[Captain FT]

Funny thing is statisticly couples who co-habitate before marriage actually have a higher divorce rate than couples who don't. I don't know the stats off hand, but we just went over this in one of my classes recently.

I on the other hand agree with you. I think co-habitation before marriage is a good idea as long as you are man enough to accept and admit(to yourself) the truth that comes with it. If you try it and its not what you wanted/expected and it wont ever be you need to accept it and move on instead of becoming another statistic.

thats what our sponsor couple said to us too before getting married. we had classes with a sponsor couple through the church that we had to take in order for the church to marry us. they thought I was a pagan at first when I said I didn't believe Jesus was the son of God. They warmed up to my personality and humor when they saw how we worked as a couple.

My sun rises and sets with her, they could see that.
By the end of our 6 weeks they really liked me even if my beliefs to them were whack.

 

[Basikstylz]

I've been married twice (still married the 2nd go round LOL) And I did it one way - lived with my ex for nearly 2 years before we married, had an eleven year nightmare. Second time round we married on our third date. Yea, we are nuts, what can we say...

The second time round we knew a lot more about life and what it was that we wanted from it and from one another so when we clicked the choice was simple. He asked me and I said yes and then we got married.

It just seems that the Jake may have too big a heart (and too hard a pecker) and chooses women that don't value what he has to offer. This shit won't fly forever though as eventually men tend to get fed up when that sweet young thang they married *magically* tunns into a harpy who shrieks ever louder, "MORE MORE MORE!!! I WANT MORE GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!!" as she keeps stepping on the back of his neck.

... just sayin is all.

Agreed... I know you always talk about people getting married to young. And I agree with you. I'm 28 and in what I would consider a pretty serious relationship where we have talked about marriage, but we both know its still years away. I think, especially in todays society that people are "wilder" longer than generations before us(this could just be my misconception because I wasn't around for prior generations), Because of this people need to step back and wait till an older age to get married. Wait untill you understand what you want in life and in a relationship.

People need to understand that marriage is about more than just "love" its about goals and ambitions and what makes you happy. Couples need to think more about where they wanna be in thier future and where there SO wants to be, and if its not a similar place maybe they weren't meant to be together even though they think they are or may even be in love now.

 

[Captain FT]

Agreed... I know you always talk about people getting married to young. And I agree with you. I'm 28 and in what I would consider a pretty serious relationship where we have talked about marriage, but we both know its still years away. I think, especially in todays society that people are "wilder" longer than generations before us(this could just be my misconception because I wasn't around for prior generations), Because of this people need to step back and wait till an older age to get married. Wait untill you understand what you want in life and in a relationship.

People need to understand that marriage is about more than just "love" its about goals and ambitions and what makes you happy. Couples need to think more about where they wanna be in thier future and where there SO wants to be, and if its not a similar place maybe they weren't meant to be together even though they think they are or may even be in love now.

Thats one of the things talked about in Smart Couples Finish Rich; so many people reach retirement and look at their husband/wife and say "Now what"?

Neither one of them have talked out their expectations as to what they want retirement to be. My mom might want to travel and see lighthouses or some shit and my dad would just want to fly fish on the Manitoba...just making up a scenario but unless you talk it out you don't know. I don't think you want to find out when you reach 65 that your significant other wants the complete opposite that you do.

 

[blueta2]

When I met my ex of 11 yrs, he was broke and I paid for his food, hydro and gave him spending money for about a year.
It made me feel good to help him.
He turned around and screwed me over later, but I did it to help him

If it bothers you, don't help her at all. If you do it and feel good about yourself for helping, then do it.
Its all about what you can give

 

[blueta2]

by the way, if I were down on my luck, my b/f would not even think twice about filling up my tank.

I think you're more pertubed b/c she expects it and you feel unappreciated.
Talk to her

 

[bodybyjake]

by the way, if I were down on my luck, my b/f would not even think twice about filling up my tank.

I think you're more pertubed b/c she expects it and you feel unappreciated.
Talk to her

yep: just like a few of you made mention of -- this is basically what it is - its like i am unappreciated. but maybe i expect too much when i think maybe she could go to my house during the day and clean a little bit to show her appreciation?

 

[blueta2]

yep: just like a few of you made mention of -- this is basically what it is - its like i am unappreciated. but maybe i expect too much when i think maybe she could go to my house during the day and clean a little bit to show her appreciation?

Then you need to communicate this to her. She won't know this unless you tell her.

 

[canadianhitman]

yep: just like a few of you made mention of -- this is basically what it is - its like i am unappreciated. but maybe i expect too much when i think maybe she could go to my house during the day and clean a little bit to show her appreciation?

If only one person in the relationship is doing nice things for the other, it's one-sided...and that's not gonna work.

 

[bodybyjake]

Then you need to communicate this to her. She won't know this unless you tell her.

i do but its usually at a time when the frustration has built up and i communicate it the wrong way and then she says things like that - You're my fiance you should be doing that.. and things like we've been together for 2yrs it should be understood i appreciate the things you do (thats what she said to me yesterday).