Female Opinions...please dont move

[Hannibal]

Ok ladies...I know this board is supposed to be about fitness. But this is a relationship question. If the mods feel that it deserves to be in chat I will just delete it. The people on this board are the ones I think I can get an honest answer from it goes to Chat it will get flamed to hell and back.

My question is simple and complex at the same time. What do you ladies mean by "just friends"? What is it about a guy that deems him a plutonic friend and nothing more. I know that is a very broad question, but I seem to run into that so much in my dating life that I want to hear your opinions on it.

I get told all the time...you are a "great guy"...you are a "true friend".....

BUT

I dont want to risk our friendship on a relationship. And please dont take this the wrong way. I cherish my friendships (both men and women)...its just that one time I would like to find someone that thinks I am "worth" the risk. Its funny I remarked to a female friend the other night how often I had been the "shoulder to cry on" for a woman I was interested in, but were just friends. I mean I listen to women talk about how they "really know how to pick them"...and they can never seem to find the right guy. And the whole time I'm thinking...uh HELLO But instead I have to say "I understand"...since I have been cast into the role as "friend" I just have to listen and be there for them and put my personal feelings aside.

My initial reaction to "just friends" is that it is an attraction thing. A spark that isnt there. But a few women have made remarks about believing I would be "great in bed"....or how "attractive" I am ...yada yada yada. So that isnt it.

So then I think to myself....they think I'm a great guy...they are physically attracted to me..there is a chemistry...but still I sleep alone?

So to make a short question long....is there such thing as too good a friend. Is it me that is doing something that instantly labels me "friend material". It's really confusing. Seems I do everything that women "say they want"..but then they go off with the asshole and I am there for them when they pic up the pieces. Could be the lure of the bad boy. And the funny thing is I have my "bad boy" side...but when you are just friends that side never gets to surface.

Sorry for such a long read...but I am interested in what you ladies have to say. Any opinions...or anything that you want to share on the subject.

Thanks

 

[VooDoo Lady]

I’ve been married since I was 19, so dating is a COMPLETE mystery to me! BUT, I just have to say that I have a close guy friend whose experiences mirror what you have described here.

He’s good looking, built, sensitive (he writes poetry for God’s sake), fun, smart, financially stable, has a decent stable job….yet he can’t seem to find a girlfriend to save his damn life.... It totally confuses me…

I’ll have to pass on any advice you all have for Hannibal here….Hannibal, you’re not alone in your plight!

 

[velvett]

Read my PM.


If I were single and living in your state.

I wouldn't want to be your friend.



Well, only your friend.





By Request of Hannibal:

My PM to him.


At a quick view -

two things...

If I were to say that it would mean one of two things:

1 - I'm seeing someone and I really like you but I'm involved but I don't want to not share your company which also means - if I find myself single and ready - and you still happen to be single I'd want to date you but I'm not willing to hurt the person I'm with either.

2 - I'm dating to date not to be *involved * with someone that has the potential for a long term commitment - which translates to - I don't want to hurt because you are the kind that you marry not date.

Goes both ways with guys and girls darlin'......


I know exactly what you are going through

 

[Hannibal]

He’s good looking, built, sensitive (he writes poetry for God’s sake), fun, smart, financially stable, has a decent stable job….yet he can’t seem to find a girlfriend to save his damn life.... It totally confuses me…

I’ll have to pass on any advice you all have for Hannibal here….Hannibal, you’re not alone in your plight!

Well good lookin is subjective...but that sounds like me..even the poetry for God's sake

At least I know that I am not alone in this emotional purgatory.

And velvett...BEHAVE!!!

 

[new@gettinbig]

To tell you the truth its sad to say but women usually are attracted to the WRONG type of guys...we all do it time and again. but we always keep those nice sweet guys that we cry on as our "FRIENDS." The ones we know we would be happy w/ and would treat us properly. Another thing friends are how relationships begin...you should be best friends w/ the one you are involved w/. So sometimes these friend situations turn into romantic ones..and it is tricky because if things do not work out you are at risk of losing a great friend. So that does explain why some women would say that to you...and be afraid of taking it to the next level...You seem like a sweet guy...and I believe things happen for a reason and stuff usually falls into place..not always when we want it to but it does... Just dont change and become a asshole like most men You will get what you deserve and more when the time is right!

 

[Hannibal]

Just dont change and become a asshole like most men You will get what you deserve and more when the time is right!

Thank you lady...dont worry I will always be true to myself. And I know it will all be worth it one day...even if it is not easy right now. Nothing worth having is easy though.

Its weird though...I have gotten to a point where "you're sweet"...or "you're such a great person" almost cut right through me. I mean yes I makes me feel good that I treat women the way the should be treated...to where they would say those things. But on the other hand I just wonder WHY?

 

[BrickGirl]

I tell you what, I have known plenty of "guy friends" and if they would have made a simple move on me, It probably would have turned into more than just friends, but they never did, it's always the guys that after one thing that end up making the move at the right time and win the prize. Just my opionion


p.s. I had a "guy friend" who finally made a move and I'll be damned, we are still together after 8 years.

 

[fit1]

Hannibal....

I can relate, but on the other side. So, we'll see if this helps...New@ has it just RIGHT...I have a b/f and I have a friend...the friend I dated 10 years ago in high school. We only dated for 3 months and then he moved to PA. After I got over the initial hate for this guy, we became very good friends...I seen him everytime he was down here, we hung out, etc., etc., but that was IT. To this day, I still bullshit with him, hang out with him, listen to his g/f problems and he listens to mine...I know he still has feelings for me and of course, I will always have feelings for him. BUT, I'm afraid that friends is all it will ever be...who knows, if it's meant to be, it'll happen...I am a BIG believer of that btw, but right now, I DON'T wanna' risk losing a terrific friend. That's the reason nothing has happened, plain and simple. Don't know if I was just rambling or what, but that's my .02 cents.

 

[fit1]

Brickgirl does have a good point though.
I've had a "friend" initiate it and we got together...but in this case, if my "guy friend" tried something, I really don't know what on earth I'd do...

 

[Hannibal]

p.s. I had a "guy friend" who finally made a move and I'll be damned, we are still together after 8 years.

Well dont get the wrong impression. Making a move is not a problem for me when it is something that I want. But after the initial "just friends" (rejection)...when and how do you approach it again. Or can you? Congratulations by the way on your happiness

fit1...yes I can relate. Cant think of a single woman that I have split up with that I am not still "friends" with. And that kinda worries me...dont want to be the "friend" guy forever. I gotta "get some" too ya know...kidding(kinda)