Female Opinions...please dont move

[Hannibal]

I guess I'm saying it's easier to think of someone as 'potential bf' from the get-go than to change 'friend' into 'bf'.

With a friend, I am more open than with a date/ potential bf. With friends, you don't worry so much about putting your best foot forward... you're more laid back & just yourself. Then to think of dating a person who knows your dirty secrets.... Turn Off! The switch is just not comfortable.

BrickGirl makes some great points... not just making moves but FLIRTING!!! Creating that sexual *tension* & really showing that you have what it takes to be something to make her hot & excited...

Nothin' wrong with wanting to get some!

I understand what you are saying and that was part of my question. By being such a good friend, and allowing them to feel comfortable enough with me to say..."I've never told anyone else this but ......." am I impeding any chance at a relationship. Believe me I know so many dirty secrets...women just trust me with stuff like that. And their trust is something that I dont take lightly. I can understand how that might be a bad thing when wishing to make the trasitions. But then again..when a friend needs me to listen I cant very well say...."please dont tell me this cuz I might want to f*ck your brains out at a later time". Anyway you get my point I think...just a Catch 22 and Deja Vu

And as for the "get some"...actually I dont think that would be much of a problem, or so I have been told, if all I wanted to do was "just get some". Its the wanting more that becomes a problem. And for me to want "some" there has to be "some more" to it

 

[Hannibal]

If you are finding women like us, it's possible that they value a firendship with you because you relate to them, whereas other women don't. Do these girls have other "girl" friends?

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; therefore is winged Cupid painted blind"

You know tryin to put the women I have dated into any sort of "group" is impossible. I dont really have a type. I just look for the person within...sometimes only seeing the person that I want to see unfortunately.

But I do understand what you are saying spatts...and I have noticed that difference between women with female friends and women without them. And unfortunately I like the tomboyish ones..but they tend not to be interested in the romantic side of me. I am an anomoly....guess I just have to wait for another like me...thanks

 

[jennifer BFL chick]

Its what it means.

I just want to be friends-----that means they are not interested in a relationship.

Pretty simple.

I get along with guys really well, but I don't have alot of "friends" that I hang out with that are guys.

For me, there is a VERY thin line between being a "friend" with a guy, and dating him.

I'm not friends with any of my past boyfriends, in fact I havn't talked to them in years. If I bumped into them, of course I would say hi, but "hangen" out with them would be very uncomfortable.

If they needed anything, I would help them out, but I'm not going to come over to his house and watch a moive alone with him.

 

[sheez_ripped]

Generally, when i was single...

If i wanted to be "just friends" it was because i wasn't interested or didn't think i was...

however...there were a couple of cases....where it became otherwise....one guy...we went out...drank too much and ended up in bed....after that..we could never get our timing right....neither of us ever seemed to want a relationship at the same time...but we've always remained friends...

2nd guy....we dated for a couple of years...i made the move on him....but again...it fell apart cause we didn't know where to go with it...he had regrets after we broke up...but i was seeing my future husband...after i married he remainded cordial...but hasn't remained in contact much...

so...maybe it would take seeing u in a different setting or a different light to see your potential...

in the 2nd case....my guy friend started dating someone...and that got my attention real fast!

 

[supergirl]

Its what it means.

I just want to be friends-----that means they are not interested in a relationship.

Pretty simple.

exactly.. it is not anything you are doing wrong hannibal or anything you are lacking..

also, maybe you are just pursuing the wrong girls.. if i know you at all.. you do tend to go for the "damsels in distress" remember you like being the shoulder.. maybe you should stop going for girls with baggage etc... just a thought.

HUGS

 

[polarpixie]

Hannibal...I'm a girl with alot of guy friends that I hang out with...and all I can say is that I would not want to get involved with any of them, not because they are not great guys, but because I love hanging out with them too much to jeopardize that. They know that too. But...if say, one of them were to say, I can't even stand being around you anymore as just your friend because I'm madly in love with you, then they walked out of my life...it'd make me think twice....not adviseable unless you are really more miserable being their friend then not at all.

But to be more clear about your question about the line between friend and more than friends...for me...it's more like, could I see myself being married to this person that will be worth jeopardizing this friendship, or are we just gonna have a great time for a little while, and then end up with no relationship and no friendship? That is just me though.

 

[crab3535]

The majority of the answers that you seek can, in broad brush generalizations, be found at:

Askmen.com

Take a couple of hours to read all of the threads in the dating and love section.

It pretty much covers it all, particularly the man/woman psychological dynamic.

In a small percentage of cases a friendship may be able to turn into more.

There are exceptions to almost every statistical rule, just like it is possible to hit an inside straight, but the odds favor going for two pair or three of a kind.

You don't have to be an asshole to get a good woman, but you do have to know if she is interested, what to say, what to do, and how to dance the dance.

I wish you good luck !

 

[Hannibal]

also, maybe you are just pursuing the wrong girls.. if i know you at all.. you do tend to go for the "damsels in distress" remember you like being the shoulder.. maybe you should stop going for girls with baggage etc... just a thought.

HUGS

First of all my heartfelt thank you to all the ladies that took the time to view and reply to this thread. And as usual I think Supergirl may be right. That was something that I was hinting towards earlier in the thread. Perhaps I do pursue the "distressed damsels"...yeah you do know me pretty well. Or perhaps they are naturally drawn to me as I seem a worthy protector.

I mean honestly its not like I sit across a bar from a woman and say...."damn look at her...she looks like she has tons of issues...she's gotta be interested in me...I can save her." But lately it just seems that is what has happened. Everyone has baggage...myself included. But I think I have come to a point in my life where I need a woman that has a "compact carryon bag full of baggage".....instead of the "UHaul Truckload of baggage."

Maybe it is because I do wear my heart on my sleeve..cant argue that. I am not equipped with an emotional "kill switch". Some people can squash their feelings for someone. I have never been able to do that. Maybe that is something I need to learn how to do. To have the ability to look at a situation and say.."this is not going to work....you cant save her but you can save yourself". It's funny if I had been on the Titanic...I would have been the guy that drowned saving that "one last person"...probably someone I didnt even know.

Ok I got way off on a tangent there. Just wanted to thank you ladies again

 

[Sassy69]

Hey Hannibal --

you may be right -- but do you think you look for these girls or do you attract them? Maybe I'm asking questions to you that I am asking myself.....

I meet guys totally at random -- but every damn one of them has a shit load of baggage, no money, totally fucked up ex, and is a giant child. And for some reason, there's been a run of guys who don't even have their own cars. Come on. Get real. I'm not talking 19 years olds in college either.

So anyway, to break that "habit" I've stayed away from the places where I met these guys. So now I just don't meet anyone.

So what do you think about that? Do you think you attract a certain type of girl or do you go looking for them?

 

[Hannibal]

you may be right -- but do you think you look for these girls or do you attract them? Maybe I'm asking questions to you that I am asking myself.....

So anyway, to break that "habit" I've stayed away from the places where I met these guys. So now I just don't meet anyone.

Sassy I honestly dont know the answer. If I figure it out I will let you know so maybe it will help you. I mean I do not go out and purposely try to find a "fair maiden in need of rescuing". I am very attracted to strong women. But it seems here lately that the ones that return the affection turn out not to be as strong as I had initially thought. I end up being a crutch to them...until they can get back on thier feet.