Female Opinions...please dont move

[BrickGirl]

Your not kidding! You wanna get some, I surely don't blame you geez, I'm sure you are about to blow up Let's see, let me think, I guess it depends on how the initial rejection went and in what environment it was made in. I mean, if she has had a drink and you all are both alone somewhere and she still says no, well, I would probably pass then But if you are at her parents house having thanksgiving dinner and you are both in the bathroom and you ask her to bend over the countertop, another time might be better Give us details! Then we can go from there

 

[Hannibal]

But if you are at her parents house having thanksgiving dinner and you are both in the bathroom and you ask her to bend over the countertop, another time might be better Give us details! Then we can go from there

You've been reading my diary again havent you....bathroom countertop...BTW...it was New Years Eve not Thanksgiving....aaaahhh *memories*

But seriously there are no specific details as this post was not about anyone person in particular. This is just a pattern that women have developed toward me in the past several years. Just curious if my behavior has perpetuated any of it...or is it simply a case of finding the one for me

 

[VooDoo Lady]

I should probably also mention that some are of the opinion my friend sabotages his potential relationships because he is secretly in love with me....

VDL

 

[Cheetarah]

Ok ladies...I know this board is supposed to be about fitness. But this is a relationship question. If the mods feel that it deserves to be in chat I will just delete it. The people on this board are the ones I think I can get an honest answer from it goes to Chat it will get flamed to hell and back.

My question is simple and complex at the same time. What do you ladies mean by "just friends"? What is it about a guy that deems him a plutonic friend and nothing more. I know that is a very broad question, but I seem to run into that so much in my dating life that I want to hear your opinions on it.

I get told all the time...you are a "great guy"...you are a "true friend".....

BUT

I dont want to risk our friendship on a relationship. And please dont take this the wrong way. I cherish my friendships (both men and women)...its just that one time I would like to find someone that thinks I am "worth" the risk. Its funny I remarked to a female friend the other night how often I had been the "shoulder to cry on" for a woman I was interested in, but were just friends. I mean I listen to women talk about how they "really know how to pick them"...and they can never seem to find the right guy. And the whole time I'm thinking...uh HELLO But instead I have to say "I understand"...since I have been cast into the role as "friend" I just have to listen and be there for them and put my personal feelings aside.

My initial reaction to "just friends" is that it is an attraction thing. A spark that isnt there. But a few women have made remarks about believing I would be "great in bed"....or how "attractive" I am ...yada yada yada. So that isnt it.

So then I think to myself....they think I'm a great guy...they are physically attracted to me..there is a chemistry...but still I sleep alone?

So to make a short question long....is there such thing as too good a friend. Is it me that is doing something that instantly labels me "friend material". It's really confusing. Seems I do everything that women "say they want"..but then they go off with the asshole and I am there for them when they pic up the pieces. Could be the lure of the bad boy. And the funny thing is I have my "bad boy" side...but when you are just friends that side never gets to surface.

Sorry for such a long read...but I am interested in what you ladies have to say. Any opinions...or anything that you want to share on the subject.

Thanks

OMG, I just felt so bad for you after I read that. You poor guy. You sound like a great guy too. Here's my take on it. And this is me personally. If the personality and looks are there/right (I'm attracted to him sexually) and we really connect, then I am interested in being more than friends. If not, if everything isn't there, then just friends it is. A good example is my ex-husband, at first everything was there, but then we changed and I became less attracted to him physically. I felt like I'd rather just be friends with him, I lost the desire to be intimate with him. So now we are divorced but we are still good friends. It's just different around him now. I really like him and we get along great, but there is no desire whatsoever to be intimate with him. That's my take on it. Unfortunately it is a difficult question to really answer as I think there aren't really any definite answers. It's gonna depend on each individual woman. Wish I could help more. Good luck. Hope things change for you and you find that special somebody.

 

[Hannibal]

Pity Post

OMG, I just felt so bad for you after I read that. You poor guy. You sound like a great guy too.

Well thank you lady....but I must please ask you no feeling sorry for me. That is not what this thread is about. There is so much that is good in my life. And I am happy for who I am. Just tryin to figure out why that which means the most to me (Love) has eluded me thus far. Thanks for your thoughts

*side note* had I posted this in Chat it would now be at the bottom of the page after it got flamed by some 13 year olds that have no idea what love is* THANKS LADIES

 

[Cheetarah]

Just curious if my behavior has perpetuated any of it...or is it simply a case of finding the one for me

Keep doing what you are doing. Girls are blind if they can't see what a great guy you are (or at least seem to me over the internet). I think it's a case of finding the right one.

 

[Gladiola]

Hmmm, I have put guys in that category & it was (in my experiences) because there was no chemistry. I didn't get that tingle-y feeling like electricity. My relationship with them was simply too *tame*. I couldn't picture it being hot & exciting. I *need* hot & exciting!

I've been with my current bf almost 2 years & we started out dating... with all the accompanying little awkward-ness about the first kiss, flirting, etc. That anticipation that built up made it SO much better when we *finally* kissed than finally did more.

I guess I'm saying it's easier to think of someone as 'potential bf' from the get-go than to change 'friend' into 'bf'.

With a friend, I am more open than with a date/ potential bf. With friends, you don't worry so much about putting your best foot forward... you're more laid back & just yourself. Then to think of dating a person who knows your dirty secrets.... Turn Off! The switch is just not comfortable.

BrickGirl makes some great points... not just making moves but FLIRTING!!! Creating that sexual *tension* & really showing that you have what it takes to be something to make her hot & excited...

Nothin' wrong with wanting to get some!

 

[new@gettinbig]

Id never move your posts hannibal...we love ya here Plus you never cause any trouble and you always give great posts...

 

[Sassy69]

I can also TOTALLY relate. I am a friend to a lot of guys. ACtually I really prefer guys to girls as friends - I have always worked in male dominated fields where I'm generally the only girl in a group fo 20 + guys. I can tell raunchy jokes & curse w/ the best of them. I don't mind getting dirty or sweating and wearing nylons or going to get my hair done seems pointless. The sick thing is that the only ones that hit on me are the married ones. This annoys me because I guess I screwed up somewhere in the friendship by being comfortable enough w/ these guys to discuss sexual exploints, jokes, fantasies, etc. They went the extra mile to approach me -- except I have no respect for a guy who is involved to come sniffing around my door because he'll probably do the same shit to me if I let him into my life like that. The perfect answer, then, is to have a gay friend instead of girl friends.

I think both new@ & BrickGirl nailed it --- the guys that are quality enough to be good friends with put both parties in the situation that they either are afraid to sacrifice the friendship for a relationship or there truly is no sexual attraction or whatever is that extra thing needed to make a relationship. I also think that many women are waiting for the guy to make the move first. (Regardless of the women's movement, etc. --- just once I'd like a guy to be "the guy"...) But if neither party makes the move, the answer will never be known. But the risk is possible loss of friendship.

I do know people who have been best friends and end up dating. My only experience w/ having a friend & then ending updating where it actually worked was with a guy I had known for about 5 years, we always socialized but always in a group. Then one night we went out and got hammered -- actually I was pumping him w/ booze to get hiim drunk enough to tell me some dirt on my previous ex. The booze broke down the "non-involvement" wall that protected our friendship and pushed it to the next level. ANyway we dated for a year and I would consider that my most successful relationship to date with someone that I truly loved. But it fell apart for some other stupid reasons -- basically I assumed that the level of communication we had as friends would remain, but when he started feeling like I wasn't givign him the attention he wanted (I was finishing my MBA & hanging aroudn another group of people alot), he started retreating behind the wall and wouldn't come out and say what he wanted to because he was afraid of the response I think. Anyway it got fucked up and fell apart. We are still friends, but we don't hang out together anymore. He knows I still love him & if he needs me I'm there.

So what does that tell you about men & women & being friends. Its back to the question -- can you TRULY have "friends" of the opposite sex with or without (depending on what you want) going beyond platonic? I want to think you can, but I think in reality its the exception more than the rule.

What do girls mean when they say they want to be "friends"? Either means they aren't interested & dont' want to say it straight out or they are scared to go beyond at the expense of the friendship. Did that answer your question? NOPE... I dont' know if there is an answer.....

 

[Sassy69]

Plus you never cause any trouble and you always give great posts...

That's what we like in our male visitors --- dont' cause trouble and give good post!