Bombshell Dropped

[annie72]

I dont know if I mentioned the other day that I am reading Ripped 2 and my BF was not pleased about this at all...."if you get all ripped and muscley then ....well its a complete turn off for me!"

I figured he was thinking I was going to get massive like the pro female heavyweight body builders who obviously take quite an amount of steroids to acheive their gains...so yesterday I printed off about 18 photos of fitness and figure models who have the look I desire thinking this would help - nope ....he hates it...he hates the gorgeous capped shoulders!!!???!!!???

"You wont be the woman I met" - I'm not anyway add on 5 years and a about 28lbs!

I dont dictate to him how his body should look - and regardless of fat, thin, ripped or not I'm still me!

I'm sorry for the rant but has anyone else come against this kind of negativity? It wont deter me...I'm still gonna train, still eat clean etc, etc...I might not even be blessed with great genetics and may never get the bod I want but I am trying - but you know I'm getting married in 6 months and just find his attitude about this really out of order and very off putting.

 

[RADAR]

Hi annie! I'm not sure if he even works out! but petry to bring you back down to their level even tho they don't mean to,it has happened to me occasionally, i guess it's jealously or maybe they think if you get looking good you will start attrecting other guy's attention, regardless, i would say marriage is not something to consider right now unless he gets his act together, and congrats on making a healthy lifestyle change, if i can help you achieve your goals i'm just a pm away, welcome to Elite!

RADAR

 

[annie72]

Thanks Radar...he doesnt work out.....or eat healthy or even drink water! Anyway, have just found some photos of his favourite female celebrity and guess what .....she has capped shoulders...gonna wave that one at him later.

 

[ILUVPIGGY]

He is worried about you getting too HOT! Like Radar said he is probably just a little jealous and worried. Invite him to the gym with you and try to get him into fitness. Maybe if he feels better about himself then he won't give you a hard time.

 

[annie72]

I've tried I enrolled him at the gym...i think he's been twice! Well we'll just have to see...at least if he dumps me I'll be looking good in my eyes at least

 

[mommalu]

Follow your dreams!! You're doing this for you and nobody else
Eventually he will see just how much this means to you and may then give you the support you need. In the mean time, we're here for you.
Good luck annie.

 

[SpyWizard]

He's just afraid of the unknown, insecure as it were. He'll love it once you are there, but everytime you go to the gym he'll feel less of a man, and more insecure in your relationship..

work on it from that angle..

Only you have the power to make him feel safe..

 

[pinkiron]

Hi annie, I know how you feel and what you are going through. I went through the same thing a few years back. I was dating this guy for four years when I decided I wanted to train and look like a fitness competitor. I put a picture of Monica Brant next to my bed and kept saying I wanted to look like her... It got him mad! He hated the "hard" look... We got into many arguments about it and once I started digging, I found out what was really bothering him: he didn't want me (meaning "us") to be different from the rest of his friends! He didn't want to have me eat egg whites for breakfast while everybody was eating bacon and eggs, he didn't want me to refuse a glass of wine during dinner when everybody was having it, he didn't want me to train harder at the gym then him and his buddies (they went 2 a week to play squash!) He just wanted me to be like everybody else! It's not that he didn't "like" the hard and ripped look, it's that this look was not mainstream, you didn't see it in magazine like InStyle and Cosmo and People. And that's what bothered him the most.... He also got bothered about his friends asking questions about why I didn't drink, why I didn't eat hot gods at ball games and why I didn't go out on Thrusday nights with the rest of them (I need 8 hours of sleep to function properly and train at my best... so going out on a week-night is a no-no)....

Unfortuanetly for us, our relationship ended a year after. Neither one of us was happy. He wanted to be maisntream and blend in and I wanted to finally have my dream body...

I'm not saying your relatioship will (or should!) end. Not at all. All I'm saying is try to dig at what's really bothering him: is it the attention you'll get, the sacrifices you'll have to make, is it the feeling that he's not part of something that's taking more space in your life, does he have his own insecurities about his body and he feels like with a superhot ripped girlfriend (wife) he just wont fit into his role of "protector and savior"... Once you figure out what really bothers him, than you are better equiped to find a way to sort the problem out.

I really wish you the best of luck in sorting this out!

 

[nangiggles]

I'm not saying your relatioship will (or should!) end. Not at all. All I'm saying is try to dig at what's really bothering him: is it the attention you'll get, the sacrifices you'll have to make, is it the feeling that he's not part of something that's taking more space in your life, does he have his own insecurities about his body and he feels like with a superhot ripped girlfriend (wife) he just wont fit into his role of "protector and savior"... Once you figure out what really bothers him, than you are better equiped to find a way to sort the problem out.

I really wish you the best of luck in sorting this out!

I totally agree, make it clear this is what you want and you would like his support just like you would support his dreams and then start to probe as to why it would bother him so much.....

Good luck

I'm a bit on the other side of the story, BF and I (lived together 4 yrs) go to the gym together and he would LOVE it if I look like Monica Brant, I'd love it too but I have to be realistic, I'm pretty chubby and it wont be easy.... my arms and calves are looking pretty good... he loves it

 

[emilynichole]

Hi Annie,
I'm just here to tell you that this forum will ALWAYS support you. I don't have too much advice to give, other than to tell you that people and relationships always change over time, just as you said. You aren't the same 'you' as you were years ago, and won't be the same in coming years. Same for your fiancee. It's supporting and growing together that makes a relationship work. I'm not sure when you told him you were getting serious about training...but the best advice I can offer is to give it a little time to sink in. Whether we want to admit it or not, choosing this lifestyle can be a pretty drastic change (like pinkiron said), especially for someone who doesn't practice it with you. The others are probably right, he may be insecure or scared of the unknown, which is fairly natural. It's the way he handles those feelings that's important. Being honest with each other is key. I wish you the best of luck...and I hope you two can work to the root of the issue and come out of it stronger!

 

[annie72]

Thanks guys, He knows I've been eating "weird" as he calls it or "clean" as we call it for some time....we have a wedding to go to on Sunday and I've said I'll drive as dont want to drink - he flips!

Well we'll see, I want to look how I want to look and thats that...plus the fact if I feel good about myself that will come back and reward him tenfold as us girls can be right royal pains in the butts if we're not happy with our bodies.

You have all been incredibly supportive..thank you so much x

 

[RADAR]

Thanks guys, He knows I've been eating "weird" as he calls it or "clean" as we call it for some time....we have a wedding to go to on Sunday and I've said I'll drive as dont want to drink - he flips!

Well we'll see, I want to look how I want to look and thats that...plus the fact if I feel good about myself that will come back and reward him tenfold as us girls can be right royal pains in the butts if we're not happy with our bodies.

You have all been incredibly supportive..thank you so much x

annie ,thats whats so so great about these forums everyone is here to support you even tho you feel no one else will.


RADAR

 

[needtogetaas]

Just get hot and then drop him later lol... HA HA. In the end do what you want to do and what you feel is right for your body.

 

[nefertiti]

I dont know if I mentioned the other day that I am reading Ripped 2 and my BF was not pleased about this at all...."if you get all ripped and muscley then ....well its a complete turn off for me!"

I figured he was thinking I was going to get massive like the pro female heavyweight body builders who obviously take quite an amount of steroids to acheive their gains...so yesterday I printed off about 18 photos of fitness and figure models who have the look I desire thinking this would help - nope ....he hates it...he hates the gorgeous capped shoulders!!!???!!!???

"You wont be the woman I met" - I'm not anyway add on 5 years and a about 28lbs!

I dont dictate to him how his body should look - and regardless of fat, thin, ripped or not I'm still me!

I'm sorry for the rant but has anyone else come against this kind of negativity? It wont deter me...I'm still gonna train, still eat clean etc, etc...I might not even be blessed with great genetics and may never get the bod I want but I am trying - but you know I'm getting married in 6 months and just find his attitude about this really out of order and very off putting.

"You won't be the woman I met"

God that fucking irks me. That phrase once prevented me from getting healthy in a different way.

Everyone else has said it but DO NOT let him dictate what your body is going to look like. Only you live in your body and being happy with what you have is more important than his opinion.

Frankly it seems to me that there's probably more going on than meets the eye. He might be insecure about you getting really hot, he might be put off by the idea of you eating differently...there's a number of reasons a guy could have issues with it. but you stay focused on what YOU want. Any guy who's turned off by the fitness model looking body is crazy anyway. Delt caps are sexy as hell!

 

[cindylou]

I understand him wanting a signifigant other who does not adopt this lifestyle if its too strict, because its not a normal lifestyle....but if you are just eating clean and not drinking...I dont see what his problem is. He does not want you to be healthy and responsible with your body?? strange.... if you really want it - he's either got to accept it or you gotta move on and find someone whose lifestyle is more compatable with yours

 

[minkiesmom]

Ultimately, you need to be happy with you. If you do not do that you cannot please another in a relationship. Hopefully he will come around and if he doesn't then he does not have your best interests at heart.

 

[hesnobradpitt]

Agreed, he is scared of you changing without him , and may think he will lose you , try and tell him its some thing you need to do for yourself and it will make you happy and it means alot to have him by your side supporting you .

Brad.

 

[slat1]

Keep in mind the pictures you see are day of competition or the day after. Most girls don't walk around that ripped all year.
That said, your bf needs to mature a bit. He reminds me of me 10 or so years ago.
What will most likely happen is as you get in shape he will love it. If he doesn't you might want to find someone else a little more secure and possible someone who likes a healthy lifestyle of working out etc!
Don't let him get you down.

 

[nangiggles]

a year ago when my bf starting training I wasnt very happy about it because knew eventually he'd want me to do so too and I was a lazy ass fried food eater BUT I NEVER discouraged him or said a word.... so there's something fishy here...

 

[needtogetaas]

I know what it feels like to get bomb shells dropped on you. Both literally and Figuratively. I have picked up the peaces and started a new plan over and over and over again. Life is up and down and that is the way it is. I have found that you can not let others be the dictate your happiness. You can not let others Have the control to dictate the destiny of your life.

When some one in your life is blocking your dreams and stops you from carving your way in life they are no longer a positive influence but a hindrance to you. Nothing is harder then coming to the realization that some one you love is only holding you back in life. That they are destroying every hope or dream you have for yourself.

When you find some one who loves you for you. All your faults all your weaknesses as well as your strengths. When you find some one who will walk along side you. Some one who admires you and all you are. Some one who wishes not to make you what they want you to be but loves you for what you are now and will love you for what you become later. When you find some one who loves you for what you are and also what you want to be, not what they want you to be. When you find some one who does not need you to make them happy but is just happy being with you. That is some one to love and some one's opinion to consider.

When some one wants to kill your dreams for your self just because you are not fitting the mold (in any aspect) they have for you they have become a stumbling block in your life. I know what this is like. I have spent many years of my life dealing with this kind if person. My life,my hopes,my dreams and everything good I ever had for me has been killed many times over from people like this.

I offer this advice. You reach for the stars. You reach for the goals you have in mind. You go after what you want and the second some one stands in the way let them go. To this day I have not had the strength to take my own advice but speaking from experience I know its good advice. maybe some day soon I will live this myself.

 

[Thandie]

Thanks guys, He knows I've been eating "weird" as he calls it or "clean" as we call it for some time....we have a wedding to go to on Sunday and I've said I'll drive as dont want to drink - he flips!

Well we'll see, I want to look how I want to look and thats that...plus the fact if I feel good about myself that will come back and reward him tenfold as us girls can be right royal pains in the butts if we're not happy with our bodies.

You have all been incredibly supportive..thank you so much x

Annie, when I started training I used to encounter people like your bf. The only reason for that behavior is jealousy. He basically wants you down with him. I urge you not to allow anyone to discourage you from living a healthy lifestyle.
Follow your dreams. If training, getting fit and eating healthy is what you want, then that's what you should do. As Radar said, think carefully before going down the Isle with him. You are definitely taking a different road then he is.

Good luck!

 

[OneBreath]

This is a very unfortunate pattern we've seen in the females we work with. They are trying so hard and the husband/boyfriend is either not being supportive, or is down right being unsupportive.

The problem is that because of the intimate relationship they know exactly the right things to say or the right buttons to push in order to sabotage the woman's attitude. This is very dangerous to their success.

Beware of the subtle things! Whatever happens, don't lose your attitude. Don't let that be altered. He only has power over you if you allow it.

Good luck!

 

[uamaverick]

Annie, allow me to share the flip side. Once you start sharing with everyone that "thanks I am not drinking and eating better because I want to be healthier and feel better/look better" and you walk the walk I will bet you dollars to donuts that this will rub off onto people that you don't even realize. May not be your bf, that might not be the case AT ALL with him. But imagine how good it will feel when a co-worker or the person who makes your coffee in the morning, etc says to you a few weeks down the road, "Hey, you know what? I quit drinking and have been eating better too and I feel so much better!" and then they say, "And look, my jeans fit me better to."

Or something to that effect.

I promise you.... It WILL happen.

Definitely true. When I started back at it 5 weeks ago I was talking about it with co-workers, and they've seen the progress I've made. A guy I work with is a little bit older and used to be a powerlifter, but had gotten out of shape. He came up to me and said he stopped eating his Little Debbie cookies and started drinking more water. I was flattered that somebody would respond like that to me wanting to get into good shape again.

 

[ConanX]

This girl that I have been seeing on and off for about 4 years used to always chastise me for bodybuilding. She really held me back when I wanted to put on some nice mass. Because of her, I was always stuck and couldn't progress. Anytime I'd start to gain some size, I'd hear remarks about looking too big and bulky and unattractive. She was really into the lean, athletic look and I always thought that a man should look like a man. Well, after about 2 years of staying scrawny to try and please her, we broke up for a bit. While I was taking a break from seeing her, I hired an IFBB pro as a personal trainer and really went out of my way to get jacked. Within a few short months, I gained 25lbs of muscle and had the look I was finally happy with.

Guess what? We are now seeing eachother again and it doesn't seem to bother her at all that I am now 30lbs heavier than I was last year with MUCH less bodyfat. She has accepted the fact that the gym and dieting is very important to me. Does she occassionally piss me off with rude remarks and comments about steroids and such? Yup...but I have learned to grow immune to it and that if she overlooks the fact that I treat her like a queen and that she's the most important thing in the world to me, all because I am bigger and more jacked looking than most guys, then I guess it's not meant to be. Things have been great with us so far and the best news is, I am happy with the way I look and she is happy going out with me.

 

[innersanctuary]

People fear change. So if you are changing yourself, and your BF is used to you one way...he is fearing that. Most people fear the loss of what they know. He'll get over it. Just don't compromise yourself for someone else.

 

[annie72]

Thank you all - he's backing off a little - he doesnt thinks its very feminine but hey...I dont know if he just expected me to stop but I can see some results now and that is just spurring me on even more.

Thanks again for all your wonderful support x

 

[lander2312]

good to hear he is backing off a little. I just read this whole thread and I think something that Slat said was very very important....most women you are looking up to and the pics you are looking at is right at comp time....they DO NOT walk around looking like that. I have met monica brant and a few others when not competing. They are very womanly....sexy and curvy.....keep that in mind and let him know....i bet that will really help him accept it.