Anyone date someone with an Ex wife/husband and kids

[heatherrae]

HeatherRae - the guy sounds like a jerk and you are so much better off without him. Glad you got out quickly. Seems that your "jerk-o-meter" is getting fine tuned! LOL

yep. this time i didn't move in and have a baby...hee hee. ;-)

 

[heatherrae]

Sounds like he is pretty insecure....maybe he was jealous that devin was getting a little more attention than he was.

That was what I thought too. Oh well, I better quit hijacking this thread...lol.

 

[Bikini Mod]

yep. this time i didn't move in and have a baby...hee hee. ;-)

LOL I am talking about how much more quickly you seem to be eliminating the jaggofs who SEEM NICE in the beginning..

Your ex - you got out waaaaaay too late (waiting to get put through a window IMHO is waaaaaaay too late).

The Persian Guy - I suppose he dumped you if memory serves but you had serious misgivings regardless. At least you had your antennae up.

Latest loser - you recognized what a negative influence and how abusive he was very early on and showed his ass the door.

You are finally understanding that ABUSE/CONTROL/JEALOUSY is NOT PART OF LOVE!! When you are raised the way we were (I grew up in similar circumstances) you have no meter for what is love and what is abuse. It took me a LOOOOOOONG time to learn this but at least I learned. I am so happy for you and for Devin that mommy is getting her head to a point where she realizes that she is a valuable human being deserving of love and respect... which = a much MUCH better mommy.

 

[heatherrae]

LOL I am talking about how much more quickly you seem to be eliminating the jaggofs who SEEM NICE in the beginning..

Your ex - you got out waaaaaay too late (waiting to get put through a window IMHO is waaaaaaay too late).

The Persian Guy - I suppose he dumped you if memory serves but you had serious misgivings regardless. At least you had your antennae up.

Latest loser - you recognized what a negative influence and how abusive he was very early on and showed his ass the door.

You are finally understanding that ABUSE/CONTROL/JEALOUSY is NOT PART OF LOVE!! When you are raised the way we were (I grew up in similar circumstances) you have no meter for what is love and what is abuse. It took me a LOOOOOOONG time to learn this but at least I learned. I am so happy for you and for Devin that mommy is getting her head to a point where she realizes that she is a valuable human being deserving of love and respect... which = a much MUCH better mommy.

Yep.

Here Here!

 

[ironwings]

What she said X 100.

In the 6 years that I was separated/divorced from my ex my kids met two men. I married the second one. We did not show affection in front of the kids but waited for them to suggest we start dating the first time. Second time (my husband now) our circumstances were bizaare... My girls didn't even know we were getting married when they came to my apartment for their Halloween visit. One cried horribly because she chose to go trick-or-treating w/her friends instead...

And now we are on the eve of having my children here with us and hopefully will have at least one of my husband's children (He has two that are the same ages as mine).

I know we are in for hell... or maybe we just got through it and we are on the way to peace and happiness?

Regardless Ms Ironwings gave GREAT advice. My suggestion is to follow her lead.

peace and happiness bikinimom - trust me

 

[KG1977]

So sweet Grump

 

[seaking420]

i gotta be the first to say.....


You're cheating on her!!!!!!!!

lmao!!

 

[seaking420]

your kids spending time with another man....

I know, I know. My former spouse felt the same way. We both have respect for each other (earned not given) and have come to realize that the more people my son has loving him the better. I hope that your ex wife will be respectful that you are the father and will facilitate the relationship between she, the boyfriend, and your children. Have these discussions with her if you can. My former spouse and I spent a LOT of time talking once we separated. I will be honest though...it is tough. No matter how tough though always speak politely about your ex's friends. My ex dated and moved in with a girl shortly after our separation. I hated that he brought her into my sons life so quickly without being sure but boy I put a smile on when I saw her and would encourage my son to openly talk about her or things that they had done. We would even see her out and he would go running to her with a big hug. BUT, I quickly came to realize from the help of someone very special to me that it was amazing that he had that additional attention and love. At the same time my stomach turned a little when I called one night and she was giving him a bath I rethought things time and time again but I also know from my own childhood that the relationship I had with my ex was no role model for my son. My former spouse and I made awesome parents....and we still do. You guys will too..

Thats what I worry about I dont know how i would handle him running to another man and giving him a big hug, i think it would wreck me. But I do try to tell myself what you tell yourself which is that its great that he has another person that loves him very much. I would just hope it was genuine and not fake just to get into my ex's good side.

 

[seaking420]

i think every parent should feel confident in their relationship with their child(ren) and not feel threatened that some other person is going to come in and take your place. it wont happen. not if youve been a good parent and loved your children like no tomorrow. and Id rather that my son feel good about whomever his Dad is in a relationship with (he hasnt been in a relationship with anyone in years though). Its better than my son hating his Dad's gf. that's just harder on the child.
but i think its normal, especially when the separation is fresh, to feel insecure or even possible guilty about the breakup and putting your kids in that situation, and so we get these feelings of being threatened by another person in our child's life. its not easy by any stretch of the imagination.

In bold is exactly what i feel sometimes. There are times I just say to myself just stop the divorce and make your life and your sons life simpler.

I do feel secure in my relationship with me son....i love that kid to death...literally, and unless you have a child you really dont know how strong your love for another being can be. Much more than your wife/huband, father/mother, brother/sister.

 

[seaking420]

Logic ends where emotion begins. It is difficult to have a discussion with people when they feel the end coming and the emotions start to explode. I just got into it with my x and she is very emotional and I am logical. People who are emotional say very mean and hurtfull things. I equate it to my 5 year old daughter who cannot explain her feelings well enough so out of her mouth comes things like "I hate you", you don't really hate me you hate the time-out and I gave it to you so therefore you equate your feeling to me.

very true