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What do you think.....

javaguru

javaguru

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When your SO makes a comment about someone being "hot", not a typical celebrity in a movie comment but someone they know or just saw? We all look but why bring it up to your SO? I have never done this but I have dated a couple of women who have done this, are they trying to manipulate you into being insecure? I have my opinion, discuss.....
 
If it's someone they don't have regular contact with I don't mind. I'm a people watcher by nature so I'm liable to agree with her or say nah, that guy over there looks good. If it's someone she works with then I don't wanna hear that noise. :)
 
Dial_tone said:
If it's someone they don't have regular contact with I don't mind. I'm a people watcher by nature so I'm liable to agree with her or say nah, that guy over there looks good. If it's someone she works with then I don't wanna hear that noise. :)
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I always try to make my SO feel secure but when they talk about a guy friend "being hot" I can only assume it's manipulation. Women are smarter at "the game" than men.
 
It could be any number of things, java. It could be that she is immature and doesnt realize the impact a comment like that would have on her SO. It could be that she is indeed trying to make you jealous or trying to be manipulative. Or, it could be that she doesnt think you would feel threatened by such a comment and so she says things like that freely and openly.
 
Smurfy said:
It could be any number of things, java. It could be that she is immature and doesnt realize the impact a comment like that would have on her SO. It could be that she is indeed trying to make you jealous or trying to be manipulative. Or, it could be that she doesnt think you would feel threatened by such a comment and so she says things like that freely and openly.
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I'll spill the beans, this one once told me to "take a right here" on a route I have driven for two years and driven her dozens of times. The next day she asked, "What did I say that pissed you off." When I replied she laughed and said, " I think its funny." It only pissed me off because she does it everytime I drive, constantly! This leads me to believe she is a manipulator. Combined with the fact she would constantly criticize me for little things like, eating too fast, walking too heavily down her stairs, pacing while waiting and etc ad nauseam. She also liked to talk to guys while we were out she claimed were friends and not introduce me. All this lead me to conclude she was manipulating me to be insecure and lower my self-esteem.
 
JavaGuru said:
I'll spill the beans, this one once told me to "take a right here" on a route I have driven for two years and driven her dozens of times. The next day she asked, "What did I say that pissed you off." When I replied she laughed and said, " I think its funny." It only pissed me off because she does it everytime I drive, constantly! This leads me to believe she is a manipulator. Combined with the fact she would constantly criticize me for little things like, eating too fast, walking too heavily down her stairs, pacing while waiting and etc ad nauseam. She also liked to talk to guys while we were out she claimed were friends and not introduce me. All this lead me to conclude she was manipulating me to be insecure and lower my self-esteem.
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My guess is it didn't work and you dumped the bitch. Dam Yankee woman don't know how to treat a good man :qt:
 
JavaGuru said:
I'll spill the beans, this one once told me to "take a right here" on a route I have driven for two years and driven her dozens of times. The next day she asked, "What did I say that pissed you off." When I replied she laughed and said, " I think its funny." It only pissed me off because she does it everytime I drive, constantly! This leads me to believe she is a manipulator. Combined with the fact she would constantly criticize me for little things like, eating too fast, walking too heavily down her stairs, pacing while waiting and etc ad nauseam. She also liked to talk to guys while we were out she claimed were friends and not introduce me. All this lead me to conclude she was manipulating me to be insecure and lower my self-esteem.
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It's true that she may have been very controlling but people dont always have ulterier motives when it comes to their actions. Maybe she's just is controlling and that is how she interacts with people.Not saying it's right (it's not) but I dont think it necessarily means she is intentionally trying to make you insecure. But then, I dont know her (or you for that matter) and I also wasnt the one in the relationship so of course I cant say for sure.
 
Oh ,and furthermore, if you made it clear that what she said and how she acted while you were drivign made you upset or uncomfortable, and all she could do was say "I think it's funny", then she is one inconsiderate biotch. My husband used to criticize me a lot when Id be driving (nit pick about little things like setting the cruise control and stuff) but as soon as I made it clear that it made me uncomfortable, he apologized and made a real effort to stop doing it.
 
Smurfy said:
Oh ,and furthermore, if you made it clear that what she said and how she acted while you were drivign made you upset or uncomfortable, and all she could do was say "I think it's funny", then she is one inconsiderate biotch. My husband used to criticize me a lot when Id be driving (nit pick about little things like setting the cruise control and stuff) but as soon as I made it clear that it made me uncomfortable, he apologized and made a real effort to stop doing it.
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Exactly, I addressed these issues repeatedly and it fell on deaf ears, of course. She is controlling and working as an RN has been hard for her, arrogant doctor's ordering her around, which is why I think she works second shift in a rehab facility. She doesn't deal with doctor's unless it's a change of orders.She admitted that she doesn't date guys with my personality, normally "shy" guys.
 
JavaGuru said:
When your SO makes a comment about someone being "hot", not a typical celebrity in a movie comment but someone they know or just saw? We all look but why bring it up to your SO? I have never done this but I have dated a couple of women who have done this, are they trying to manipulate you into being insecure? I have my opinion, discuss.....
Click to expand...


You mean someone the same sex as you?

I don't think most women do this to manipulate - I think it's just a basic oversight of sensistivity.

And the ones that do do it to "fuck with you" - best to know now and get rid of her sooner than later.
 
JavaGuru said:
Exactly, I addressed these issues repeatedly and it fell on deaf ears, of course. She is controlling and working as an RN has been hard for her, arrogant doctor's ordering her around, which is why I think she works second shift in a rehab facility. She doesn't deal with doctor's unless it's a change of orders.She admitted that she doesn't date guys with my personality, normally "shy" guys.
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I think you mean she likes to date guys she feels she has control of...

:worried: this already sounds bad....
 
If I am involved with her ....
I don't like it one bit. Call me insecure.
I tell them flat out that I don't like it and if they want to be
with them ... there is the door.

And I am deadly serious. Insult or disrespect me and I'll change'm like a pair of socks.

If I am not involved ...
I don't care, but it is an insult and she just dropped way down in my view.

There was a time I'd get pissed off and there'd be a scene, which she probably loved. Now ... she just starts to become a nobody in my mind and I start to disconnect. I've been through enough shit to know we can all survive anything and bounce back ... and there are thousands, if not millions, of worthy people out there looking for love.
 
There's definitely an art to being around someone a long enough time to really "know" them, but also to deal w/ their little idiosyncracies and absorb them and yourself into some sort of "us' existence while not losing yourself and enhancing yourself at the same time. How much do you give, how much do you take?

That's often something we can only answer for ourselves, but I think theLion says exactly what it is all about -- communication. On the one hand, you HAVe to be able to voice your dissatisfaction w/ something before it does become an issue, and the other person needs to be willing to hear you, and vice versa.
 
thelion2005 said:
If I am involved with her ....
I don't like it one bit. Call me insecure.
I tell them flat out that I don't like it and if they want to be
with them ... there is the door.

And I am deadly serious. Insult or disrespect me and I'll change'm like a pair of socks.

If I am not involved ...
I don't care, but it is an insult and she just dropped way down in my view.

There was a time I'd get pissed off and there'd be a scene, which she probably loved. Now ... she just starts to become a nobody in my mind and I start to disconnect. I've been through enough shit to know we can all survive anything and bounce back ... and there are thousands, if not millions, of worthy people out there looking for love.
Click to expand...

I agree with 100 percent of what you just said. I don't give a shit. I'll totally lose interest and disconnect. Fuck that bullshit. Life is too short.
 
JavaGuru said:
When your SO makes a comment about someone being "hot", not a typical celebrity in a movie comment but someone they know or just saw? We all look but why bring it up to your SO? I have never done this but I have dated a couple of women who have done this, are they trying to manipulate you into being insecure? I have my opinion, discuss.....
Click to expand...


I personally think it is rude and it is like they are testing you. My fiancee, would tell me in the middle of sex that some chick liked me...etc. Talk about fucked up.

If you want to make someone insecure, start telling them about the girl/guy you see walking down the street and how you think they are hot. Quickest way to push your s/o away into someone elses arms.
 
Smurfy said:
lol you mean a max age of 22?
Click to expand...

yes. that is what I ment!


my mother and her friends on all myspace.com!!! what is this world coming too! eh.

sister instantly changed her page up after she found that out LOL (she is 19 too)


I am not on there

I wonder fiesty kid and myspace are doing?

that site has caused so many problems I guess, pedophiles on there, someone did a sucide on mysapce.com. He left a message stating "Go check the 3rd floor bathroom stalls" and he was dead. it was a big deal since he was the town over from me in california
 
ive been in relationships where thats been ok,on a non personal level,but im always uncomfortable when its people who the girl knows in person. I know I have some insecurities so I try and date girls who respect me and dont do that
 
eat big said:
A few hilarious things about this.

First, you posted her myspace account which is amazing.

Then I looked at her guestbook signing list and you signed with an incredible piece of art.
Click to expand...
:lmao: I saw that too. :lmao:
 
tiger88 said:
yes. that is what I ment!


my mother and her friends on all myspace.com!!! what is this world coming too! eh.

sister instantly changed her page up after she found that out LOL (she is 19 too)


I am not on there

I wonder fiesty kid and myspace are doing?

that site has caused so many problems I guess, pedophiles on there, someone did a sucide on mysapce.com. He left a message stating "Go check the 3rd floor bathroom stalls" and he was dead. it was a big deal since he was the town over from me in california
Click to expand...
Yeah Im not on there either. I think most here on C&C do have myspace profiles. But then again, Im older than the avg poster (fuckin' old)
 
chesty said:
I personally think it is rude and it is like they are testing you. My fiancee, would tell me in the middle of sex that some chick liked me...etc. Talk about fucked up.

If you want to make someone insecure, start telling them about the girl/guy you see walking down the street and how you think they are hot. Quickest way to push your s/o away into someone elses arms.
Click to expand...

It kind of makes sense. She might be flattered that other chicks want her man.
 
eat big said:
A few hilarious things about this.

First, you posted her myspace account which is amazing.

Then I looked at her guestbook signing list and you signed with an incredible piece of art.
Click to expand...


a new SWV member? maybe so... maybe so
 
CEASAR said:
It kind of makes sense. She might be flattered that other chicks want her man.
Click to expand...

Maybe, but I take it as an insult and that she is trying to intentionally push me away. Maybe from her own insecurities. doesn't think her body is the best (after 4 kids) can't understand why I would want/love her since according to her I could have any woman I want, younger, stronger, etc.

I used to do shit like that and then when they do take you up on the suggestions you realize just how stupid you were/are. Don't tempt fate is my motto or you will get the self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
"Combined with the fact she would constantly criticize me for little things like, eating too fast, walking too heavily down her stairs, pacing while waiting and etc ad nauseam. She also liked to talk to guys while we were out she claimed were friends and not introduce me."

dude, that sucks!! ...been in yours shoes...
 
eat big said:
A few hilarious things about this.

First, you posted her myspace account which is amazing.

Then I looked at her guestbook signing list and you signed with an incredible piece of art.
Click to expand...
Yes, but more importantly you looked. :)

That cartoon was from the day we broke up. We are friends again and she wanted me to post the song that I had put in her comments before the break up and deleted. We put some time into closing some wounds between us last night. We really need to be friendly since we live about 150 meters from one another. BTW, she admitted that she didn't introduce me to the guys she had dated, which I had suspected.
 
JavaGuru said:
Yes, but more importantly you looked. :)

That cartoon was from the day we broke up. We are friends again and she wanted me to post the song that I had put in her comments before the break up and deleted. We put some time into closing some wounds between us last night. We really need to be friendly since we live about 150 meters from one another. BTW, she admitted that she didn't introduce me to the guys she had dated, which I had suspected.
Click to expand...
Don't you mean yards Yankee :p
 
gjohnson5 said:
If you trust your significant other then it should not bother you.

I think it's as simple as that.

If they have done things in the past that have raised your eyebrow then you may have reason to be insecure
Click to expand...
I agree, it all comes down to trust
 
silverbackn said:
I agree, it all comes down to trust
Click to expand...
I agree but certain actions seem to undermine it. Usually, your "gut instinct" is right when it comes to the state of your relationship. I once heard a PI say that your instinct is right over 90% of the time if you think your SO is cheating, they just hire him to confirm what they already know.
 
JavaGuru said:
Probably why she is my ex....lol

She is on myspace;
http://www.myspace.com/49426505
Click to expand...

Hmm.
Not all bad.
Thos was fun.


LOL

Your Heart Is Blue

blue.gif


Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.
You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorheartdoyouhavequiz/
 
I dont really say that much to my current SO because I know it would hurt his feelings. I do like to point out other women to him when I think they are hot.

My ex husband and I pointed out people of both sexes all the time. It didnt bother us.
 
silverbackn said:
I hate the gut instincts are usually right, because it's almost never a good thing.
Click to expand...
Something else I have found to be true is that your sex life is the relationship barometer.
 
JavaGuru said:
Something else I have found to be true is that your sex life is the relationship barometer.
Click to expand...
That is a given the minute I start losing interest in getting busy with my s/o I start wondering what is really wrong. My one GF who is a serial monogamist had a strong of LT's as soon as she tells me she is not having sex with her current man. I tell her get out cause I know her well enough to know that is always the begining of the end. Unfortunately she rarely listens to me and drags the shit out for another 6 months or so. I always wonder why she puts herself through it.
 
JavaGuru said:
I'll spill the beans, this one once told me to "take a right here" on a route I have driven for two years and driven her dozens of times. The next day she asked, "What did I say that pissed you off." When I replied she laughed and said, " I think its funny." It only pissed me off because she does it everytime I drive, constantly! This leads me to believe she is a manipulator. Combined with the fact she would constantly criticize me for little things like, eating too fast, walking too heavily down her stairs, pacing while waiting and etc ad nauseam. She also liked to talk to guys while we were out she claimed were friends and not introduce me. All this lead me to conclude she was manipulating me to be insecure and lower my self-esteem.
Click to expand...
yeah, girls do that, its gay just be like "i dont givea fuck" then take her home and try and have sex with her with minimal foreplay to show her whose boss and whats shes really good for....thatyl fix her esteem right up
 
superqt4u2nv said:
That is a given the minute I start losing interest in getting busy with my s/o I start wondering what is really wrong. My one GF who is a serial monogamist had a strong of LT's as soon as she tells me she is not having sex with her current man. I tell her get out cause I know her well enough to know that is always the begining of the end. Unfortunately she rarely listens to me and drags the shit out for another 6 months or so. I always wonder why she puts herself through it.
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Most people, including me, seem to drag out a relationship when it should have already been ended; It contributes to more resentments.
 
SublimeZM said:
thats not your ex, thats a man, baby
Click to expand...
:lmao: She looks much better in person and with longer hair, it's longer than the last picture now. She is one skinny bitch though, 5'11" and 125 pounds.
 
SublimeZM said:
i cought her cheating on you

April 11, 2006 9:22 AM
Hey Scot! Luv the Goth pic, you are smokin'! Ya still in BG? Chat me up! Lata. ;)


she said that to scott, hes in her top 8
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LOL...I busted her out about that guy. It's an ego boost to put him in the top eight; He's actually fake and she never talked to him. :lmao: She likes to act 24 when she is turning 34...crazy. She is dating her number two and had the nerve to send me a hateful voicemail after an argument that he is leaner and more muscular than me. :lmao: @ petty drama. The meaner she was to me the nicer I was to her and that just pissed her off more. :lmao:
 
JavaGuru said:
LOL...I busted her out about that guy. It's an ego boost to put him in the top eight; He's actually fake and she never talked to him. :lmao: She likes to act 24 when she is turning 34...crazy. She is dating her number two and had the nerve to send me a hateful voicemail after an argument that he is leaner and more muscular than me. :lmao: @ petty drama. The meaner she was to me the nicer I was to her and that just pissed her off more. :lmao:
Click to expand...
rofl leaner and more msucular, yeah right ur jacked
 
JavaGuru said:
When your SO makes a comment about someone being "hot", not a typical celebrity in a movie comment but someone they know or just saw? We all look but why bring it up to your SO? I have never done this but I have dated a couple of women who have done this, are they trying to manipulate you into being insecure? I have my opinion, discuss.....
Click to expand...

It shows that person has no respect for you.

Any chick that does that shit to me gets told to fuck off and go date that person then.
 
TC2 said:
It shows that person has no respect for you.

Any chick that does that shit to me gets told to fuck off and go date that person then.
Click to expand...
I recently found out that much of what she did was do to her insecurities and needing an ego boost. I went out of my way to make her feel secure. The fact she couldn't "control" me was probably the root of her insecurities. She admits to dating "shy" guys and not guys who who are outgoing. From the pictures of her recent ex's she also tends to typically date guys who she perceives as less attractive than herself, it all goes back to feeling "in control."
 
JavaGuru said:
:lmao: She looks much better in person and with longer hair, it's longer than the last picture now. She is one skinny bitch though, 5'11" and 125 pounds.
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Holy fuck I hope you feed the bitch dammmmmmmm what a rail. I always thought you liked them a little thicker :qt:
 
superqt4u2nv said:
Holy fuck I hope you feed the bitch dammmmmmmm what a rail. I always thought you liked them a little thicker :qt:
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She was lifting weights and I was helping her with the diet and she usually eats one meal a day of about 400 Calories. However, she probably consumes another 1,000 a day from beer, she has a pooch belly. Her drinking every night after work really concerned me. She is an RN that makes $26.00 an hour and has minimal cost of living $385.00 a month rent, $250.00 car payment and she is financially strapped. Combined with the fact she just got her second DUI and is going to be doing twent days in jail...Well, I don't know why I always have to play "white knight" to all the broken ones. My friends have really gotten on my case about it. :)
 
Obviously it some what bothers me because of jealousy.I guess it all depends on how i am feeling that day. Some days I will sit there and make comments about girls and some days I will get pissy if he says any thing.
 
JavaGuru said:
She was lifting weights and I was helping her with the diet and she usually eats one meal a day of about 400 Calories. However, she probably consumes another 1,000 a day from beer, she has a pooch belly. Her drinking every night after work really concerned me. She is an RN that makes $26.00 an hour and has minimal cost of living $385.00 a month rent, $250.00 car payment and she is financially strapped. Combined with the fact she just got her second DUI and is going to be doing twent days in jail...Well, I don't know why I always have to play "white knight" to all the broken ones. My friends have really gotten on my case about it. :)
Click to expand...
Oh lord all that and she had a flat ass. Jesus you can do better then that bet you already have :verygood:
 
superqt4u2nv said:
Oh lord all that and she had a flat ass. Jesus you can do better then that bet you already have :verygood:
Click to expand...
There were plenty of red flags I chose to ignore so I paid the price. :)
 
JavaGuru said:
There were plenty of red flags I chose to ignore so I paid the price. :)
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Also it does she have a roommate? So dam cheap to live in Toledo lord. What is the average salary like there?
 
superqt4u2nv said:
Also it does she have a roommate? So dam cheap to live in Toledo lord. What is the average salary like there?
Click to expand...
No roomie, just her two cats. If you make 40k in Toledo it's like making 70k-80k in Chicago. If you make 40k in Toledo you are doing "well."
 
JavaGuru said:
No roomie, just her two cats. If you make 40k in Toledo it's like making 70k-80k in Chicago. If you make 40k in Toledo you are doing "well."
Click to expand...
Dam making $40k in Toronto equal just getting by :worried:
 
superqt4u2nv said:
Dam making $40k in Toronto equal just getting by :worried:
Click to expand...
The average starting salary for an attorney in Toledo when I graduated in 1998 was mid to high 30's. Some of my friends had to wait tables on the weekends to pay their student loans.
 
JavaGuru said:
The average starting salary for an attorney in Toledo when I graduated in 1998 was mid to high 30's. Some of my friends had to wait tables on the weekends to pay their student loans.
Click to expand...
Wow and you live there because???? LOL
 
superqt4u2nv said:
Dam making $40k in Toronto equal just getting by :worried:
Click to expand...

$60K in L.A. is just getting by.
 
beefcake28 said:
Red flag #1: The fact that she has Hansen's "Mmbop" playing on her Myspace page....

:worried:
Click to expand...
She just changed it from that song by Cascade a couple days ago. Five days ago she updated her age from 29 to 33. I always busted her chops about the age thing and felt obligated to comment about mmbop. I was still on her friends list when she did it and friends don't let friends listen to Hanson. :lmao:
 
Another red flag was the fact she was in a four year relationship in her mid twenties and a two year one in her late twenties and wasn't even close to even getting engaged.
 
She practically told me to run when we had a conversation about her telling me how to drive and she said, "I don't know why I have become so mean in the past couple years." :lmao:
 
JavaGuru said:
No roomie, just her two cats. If you make 40k in Toledo it's like making 70k-80k in Chicago. If you make 40k in Toledo you are doing "well."
Click to expand...


damn I make that and I manage a tanning salon..easy steady work...bout 50k


well cost of living here is so fucking $$`
 
tiger88 said:
damn I make that and I manage a tanning salon..easy steady work...bout 50k


well cost of living here is so fucking $$`
Click to expand...
There are so many attorneys in Toledo you can't swing a stick without hitting one.
 
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