What do you do to make the pain go away?

[Imnotdutch]

Hhhhmmm....I missed this one the first time around hence the stupid post above

I hate to break this to you but I think that even if you left this site people would miss you. I for one would miss you LOADS and I've never even met you. But anyway, working from the very little I know of your private life. That man of yours lives some distance away from you right?? and yet he keeps coming back for more. I really dont know many men that would do that if they didnt like having you around. Ok so the man in question doesnt squat so he isnt much of a man but it looks like your stuck with him.

I was planning on using your daughters against you too....tell me, where do they go when they have a problem? To mom right?? So I figure they appreciate you alot. Do/did they ever cry when you had to leave em so they could go to school on their own? Why do you think that is? I can tell fromt he way you talk that they mean the world to you.....and you just cant give that much to your kids without them giving back.

As for why you are here......uuhhmmm big question. A bit like "why do I always get caught visiting this site when I should be working?".

Weapon, I know something isn't right.....

It seems that no matter what, it will NEVER be right.

Nothing even really happened to make me feel this way, no event. But I just have this overwhelming feeling that I cause nothing but complication and unhappiness to those around me that I love, that I do not benefit them in anyway.

I feel lke, if I just disappeared then there lives would be much better because if I can't bring them some benefit, then why am I here?

 

[doc_pup]

Well BM, it seems like you have much to think about. I can tell you this, my mom dealed with many of the same things when her and my father were divorced. He was a cop, could pull all the strings, make her live a living hell, yada yada. She dealt with this shit for almost 10 years, til i graduated from high school. I can give you a lot of insight on your problem, lemme know if you'd like me to give you a hollar

 

[vixenbabe]

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Originally posted by bikinimom

I feel lke, if I just disappeared then there lives would be much better because if I can't bring them some benefit, then why am I here?
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Those words sent a chill to my core!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE - DO NOT EVER SAY THAT AGAIN...EVER! DO NOT THINK IT, DO NOT BELEIVE IT....DO NOT EVEN JOKE ABOUT IT!

E, do you have any idea what the hell that would do to your family and friends? ANY IDEA?

Your spirit is ruined right now.YOU need to believe in yourself again! Dig deep down and grab whatever you have left and build on that with sheer stubbornness!

Talk to your friends(I pray that those friends hold you even closer then ever before during this time). TALK TALK TALK!

Gabrielle

 

[Ferrus]

professional counseling...got me through my shitty divorce...I came out stronger and smarter

 

[Revenant]

Vixen nailed it on the head.

I also want to ask a question. Do you have religion? (Sorry if I missed, I browsed through the many replies.) If so, you need to begin to assess some things. I cried for six months because I felt helpless and worthless. And then I got the fortitude to face myself. His voice rang to me and said, "Where ARE you going?"

I answered; "I don't know."

I am back on track, and I have a purpose. Since taking the step forward to face my self, a lot of things have fallen into place. My purpose for God right now is as a new (And proud) adult Youth leader, to reach those kids in that church youth group as best I can... by sharing what I have experienced, which is pretty much every bit of pain emotionally one could battle up against. I suffered for years with my own feeling of nan self worth.

Last night at the church, one of the kids from the youth group said to me: "I love you.", and hugged me in tears.

You can't imagine the feeling. But the kid would have never said it had I not mustered the strength to embrace my problems and overcome them. For so long I thought I had no purpose, I made no difference... and as that kid looked at me and said that, I realized how wrong I was.

Maybe get away for a couple days, and think about what you had. How it was lost...

How will you recapture it?
Are you willing to fight for it?

Regardless, I can tell you, for SURE... that you mean something to someone. If these replies in here have not proved it, I do not know what will. And to think, this is just the beginning.

After you get away, go talk to the people who mean the most to you. Be honest. Do not be ashamed of tears. Because the emotions and the pain are what reinforce the fact we are alive.

Now live, and fight on.

 

[enrage]

I go wade fishing. There is no other feeling of being the only on out in the water fishing with the sun rising in the morning.

or Working out seems to help

 

[HelenSL]

Weapon, I know something isn't right.....

It seems that no matter what, it will NEVER be right.

Nothing even really happened to make me feel this way, no event. But I just have this overwhelming feeling that I cause nothing but complication and unhappiness to those around me that I love, that I do not benefit them in anyway.

I feel lke, if I just disappeared then there lives would be much better because if I can't bring them some benefit, then why am I here?

I told this to someone last night but it might be crap...

I said "imagine if it weren't YOU but YOUR BEST FRIEND saying that stuff and ANSWER like you'd answer your best friend..."

(even if you don't feel you have one )

i.e. if a close friend said that stuff to you you wouldn't just say "yep, that's right!!! You sure have brought nothing but unhappiness to me!!!"

you wouldn't, would you? It's crazy that we say stuff to OURSELVES that we would never say to a friend.

Like we must really HATE ourselves or something.

So when you hear yourself saying that stuff, you can respond with the truth...it's not true Bikinimom...you're just having a bad day...everyone has days like that...hang in there...don't give up...it seems today like this is how life ALWAYS is and ALWAYS will be but it won't...yesterday was better; why can't tomorrow be???

Part of the problem is that when we get to thinking that way we really can't see that we don't ALWAYS think that way...it seems eternal...but that's a lie...

Oh, well, apart from the internal thoughts stuff, if I HAVE a friend who will tell me comforting things I might call them; even getting out the house helps, especially if it's sunny (ignore if you live in a very grey place LOL ). Seriously though, yeah, it generally helps to get out because even if you see one person and they smile and say hi it reminds you that there's one person out there who's life you haven't yet ruined...

love
Helen

 

[primetime21]

Everyone has their own crap going on in their life. For all of your pain, i guarantee you that there are millions who have it 10 times worse. So you can either spend the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself. Or you can be a big girl and move on, you and your kids deserve that. feel better.

 

[HelenSL]

Everyone has their own crap going on in their life. For all of your pain, i guarantee you that there are millions who have it 10 times worse. So you can either spend the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself. Or you can be a big girl and move on, you and your kids deserve that. feel better.

'Shaming' doesn't usually work, primetime

(as in, grow up!!!)

Well though, I suppose it might in some cases...but often it just adds to the guilt, ya know...to tell someone who thinks they are shit, now they are also shit for thinking their problems are so huge...

*sigh*

the 'feel better' part was nice, anyhow

love
helen

 

[toga22]

BikiniMom, I went through a situation similiar to your own. Married to a man, who was not a good husband, to say the very least, and divorced after 8 years with 2 little ones: 6 and 3, stuck in the middle. Finacially speaking he could have afforded the kids easier than myself. But, there is no replacement for a mother's love. There is no one that can read a story better, play with dolls better, tuck them in bed and kiss them goodnight better. There is no pricetag or no amount of money in the world that can be put on these daily tasks. For myself, It was the single hardest event that I have ever had to go through--and every day, am reminded of my choice. I had doubts, similiar to your own shortly after everything was final. My kids were my sole motivation to work hard. I know how hard it is to miss out on events in your kids life, but believe me they will adjust and will understand totally.
And your kids are going to see you pick yourself up and move on, they are going to see you better yourself, and they are going to see you manage and overcome all of the hard roadblocks that are in your way. And they will be very proud of you, respect you, and hopefully, will learn from your experience. You are teaching your kids how to be strong!! And you are your kid's hero!! So when these doubts come up, go give your kids a big hug, tell them that you love them and go look in the mirror and remind yourself how lucky you are. Take a deep breath and move on. But don't second guess your love for your kids or their love for you. It is there--you will see it in their eyes. I wish you the best of luck-- Be strong!!

-toga