What do you do to make the pain go away?

[dballer]

I have alot of pain too... due to knee problems. I use Lorcet, Lortab, Vicodin, Norco and Percodan... I really don't like the percodan... the Norco is my favorite.... but I am trying to get the Goatslayer to send me some of his Heroin... I really been dying to try some of that stuff.

Dude... Please... I was so impressed with the Human Liver and this Avatar..... I am just dying for the Heroin... I will trade you some real GA Moonshine!! (I know where a still is)

 

[Wombat]

In your case --stay as busy as you can and put your trust in father Time! Time will heal you!

 

[BigPhysicsBastard]

you allright BM??? I hope everything is well with your girls

 

[danielson]

pace up and down and think....it really helps me to think clearly, i do it when im deep in thought

once ive figured out what there is i can do to possibly remedy the situation i leave it at that. this can take many hours, but its what i do. i wouldnt particulary recommend it but at least it gets me rationally thinking

i hope all turns out well :|

 

[Lao Tzu]

maybe you're just down right now.

 

[dsnuts]

Cobain ( Kurt) and Nubain stack.

Sleeping pills and alcohol.

Picking up a hood rat and seeing how pathetic their lives. Then in comparison you will see your life isnt so bad.

Go eat all the food you can find and then gag yourself. YOU BEAT THE SYSTEM!

Melt rohypnols and direct inject them into veins in your forearms. You will forget everything!

Beat the neighors dog.

Spit on people who are pussies. They cant do shit about it!

Rub sandpaper on my balls and folow it immediately with a full Pipette of Yohimburn! ( Ben gay works too)

Throw bacon at Cops

Throw bacon at Muslims

Throw Muslims at Cops

Poop my pants, just to say I did.

Paint insects and release them, then try to find them next time you are sad.

Drown a fly and then cover it with salt. Make sure you dont kill it any other way. Just drown it for like 3 minutes. Then cover it with a pile of salt and it will come back to LIFE. I swear to fucking god, it works. And it makes you feel like you are Jesus Christ- Superstar.

Thats all for now

 

[MommaKin]

Now listen, BKM...you know me and about me, so, you'll know where I am coming from here......it sounds to me as if you're doubting yourself, having second thoughts maybe.......sounds like you wanna give in......maybe you think there is an easy way in or out of something......I dunno...I'm just grasping at straws.....well, let me tell you, nothing is easy...you gotta fight for what you believe in......don't give into those bs thoughts of "if I just disappeared...."....that's just bull pucky......you know it is....now stand up straight, take a deep breath and get a grip here.......smarten up.......we all have thoughts like this at one time or another, some have it more often then others....it's normal.......I know you and you'll do what is best in the end...just don't be hasty and don't be hard on yourself..........sorry if this all seems abit chopped up in the way I said it, but, I typed it as it came to my fingers.....I'm sure you'll get my drift........

It seems that no matter what, it will NEVER be right.

Nothing even really happened to make me feel this way, no event. But I just have this overwhelming feeling that I cause nothing but complication and unhappiness to those around me that I love, that I do not benefit them in anyway.

I feel lke, if I just disappeared then there lives would be much better because if I can't bring them some benefit, then why am I here?

 

[Weapon X]

bkm, you gots mail

 

[Bikini Mod]

Thank you for all of your replies...

Weapon - I know it isn't "depression" per say... don't need medication, perhaps I'll look up my old shrink though. I always did have a better outlook on things after a chat. It just seems like all of this turmoil is starting to wear me down.

I went to a little field trip w/my kindergartener and her class. She was SO HAPPY to see me. She kept telling all of her classmates, "This is MY mommy!" She was so proud of me....made me feel almost ten feet tall..for a short time. Then I looked around the school and saw a lot of teachers and staff, they all stopped and chatted w/me if only for a moment to see "how I was doing" (the divorce and all). I saw a lot of older children who were in my older kids' classes that waved and smiled at me, "HI MRS YADDAYADDA!" I always volunteered when I could to go on field trips and read stories, help w/ arts and crafts, etc. They were so glad to see me. It made me feel so loved....a stark comparison to the way that MANY (not all) of the adults now treat me. My ex did a pretty good job of speaking in a most unflattering fashion about me and many of these people judged me anyway....whatever. You would think that all of this would have made my day.

It didn't. It did the total opposite. It made me feel like it was surreal, that that life no longer belonged to me, that though I was miserable personally, at least I brought some happiness and made a tiny bit of a difference in the lives of the kids who I helped with their coloring or read stories to, whatever.

I didn't have my girls yesterday and worked till 1AM, got home at 2AM and was beyond tired today. One of the other mothers (sweet woman) asked me why I came if I was so tired. It was such an insignificant little trip (just around the corner to a local pizzeria).....I said because my littlest was sooooo looking forward to me coming to HER class FOR HER. That made it important.

But does it really matter? I mean, if I could've just bowed my head and stayed within the marriage and was content to be treated like crap, but be "taken care of" wouldn't it have been better for them? I could've been at school more often, gone to all of the assemblies, etc...helped w/parties, had more money, wouldn't have to always say, "I am sorry, but mommy can't afford that"- YES, we have food....it isn't that bad, I just can't give them all of the extra BS that their father does.

He still tells me that I should just give him the kids and I can walk away..... take care of myself. He has all the money (I doubt if I will be able to afford to prove otherwise.) and can pay a nanny or someone like that to care for them when he is not around...and they wouldn't have to deal with me. I feel like if my love was not enough to please their father then how could it EVER be enough for them?

Mommakin - I hear you. I honestly do. Thank you for your reply. I know that running away will not help..... but what will?

WHAT WILL?

I just want the hurt to stop. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I don't want to cause pain either. It seems that I always hurt those that I love most..... I lost a dear friend recently (gf) because I couldn't support her when she was going through a tough time....I was too busy contemplating suicide. But that didn't seem like enough of a reason for her to forgive me.... I let her down, pure and simple. It seems it will only be a matter of time before I let everyone else around me down to.

 

[Taps]

Listening to Rick Springfield usually makes me feel worse, but whatever floats your boat.

bikinimom...I've read a few of your posts and it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders. Also seems like you're going through a rough time right now. It would be fairly arrogant of me to say I can realate, as I proably can't, but whenever I feel like shit, I try to focus on positive things. For me, that's usually friends and family.

Sounds cheezy, but it helps when you can talk to someone...actually anyone who won't judge you will do.

And I don't know anything about your ex, but if he's saying stuff like that to you, fuck him. You obviously love your kids, and belive me...they can tell, and they'll appreciate that more than anything else.