What do you do to make the pain go away?

[Bikini Mod]

Thank you for all of your replies, PM's and emails.

I am trying so hard NOT to feel this way.... but it seems that no matter how I slice it, I come up with the same conclusions.

I can't even discuss everything with you guys as I am under a court order NOT TOO.... I know my ex reads my posts. He is still stalking me in this respect.

I am trying desperately to pull myslef up by the bootstraps and stop "talking nonsense" to myself. I realize that my belly-aching is almost arrogant when compared to people who have REAL problems.... all the people who are now motherless, fatherless, childless, widowed, etc because of the senseless act of violence perpetrated by total strangers.... I do NOT have a debilitating disease, my children have not been seriously harmed - I have so much more than most and for all of it I am appreciative!

I just want the hurt to stop, that's all. There was a time when I didn't mind it.... it reminded me that I was alive. And yes, I realize that without pain, there is NO PLEASURE.

You have all been so kind, made me smile and laugh, gave me A LOT to think about...... A LOT.

Now I have to go and shower, hit the gym, and go to the craft store, etc and get started on my kiddies' halloween costumes. I will have one fairy, a fairy princess, a dalmation and spongebob. The first three will be easy (made the dalmation costume a few years ago *phew*) ....now Spongebob will be a bit of a challenge....... Sadly, I won't even get to go trick-or-treating. Even though it is technically "my day" the girls are excited about their father's new apartment complex. How could I say, "NO - you HAVE to come with me."? So it will be enough for me to visit them in school briefly and make their costumes.

I know they love me.... that is enough for me.

 

[The Shadow]

Kinimom - I sensed that you needed some Cornholioness in your life so I took the liberty of stuffing your Elite box.

 

[Johnny Zampon]

bmom, you probably feel bad cus you got the salami banned. you'll get over it.

 

[HelenSL]

Now I have to go and shower, hit the gym, and go to the craft store, etc and get started on my kiddies' halloween costumes. I will have one fairy, a fairy princess, a dalmation and spongebob. The first three will be easy (made the dalmation costume a few years ago *phew*) ....now Spongebob will be a bit of a challenge....... Sadly, I won't even get to go trick-or-treating. Even though it is technically "my day" the girls are excited about their father's new apartment complex. How could I say, "NO - you HAVE to come with me."? So it will be enough for me to visit them in school briefly and make their costumes.

I know they love me.... that is enough for me.

One more thought...try to let go of when you feel life is hurting your kids...they have you and that's what they want more than anything...

love
Helen

 

[Jimsbbc]

First of all Monkey Butt, you don't know DICK!!!! You don't know shit about BM so leave your worthless post in your ass (where it came from) FUCKER!!!.

 

[Sassy69]

I will have one fairy, a fairy princess, a dalmation and spongebob.

Yikes -- more than one spongebob in the world.....!

 

[ZenMachine]

Monkey_Love - Wholly inappropriate post. As far as you becoming a future shrink, I suspect you will fail miserably.

Bikinimom - Focus on your kids. I grew up in a single parent home with just my Mom and I know it wasn't easy for her, but she never let us see it. She loved us with everything she had and it was enough. I would never go back and change anything just to have my dad live with us.

You children love you more than anything. You are the only Mommy they will ever have.

Zen

P.S. Maybe big sheets of styrofoam would work for the spongebob costume.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Monkey love, I hope that you continue on with your education BEFORE you decide to counsel people. I realize that you are not in possession of ALL the facts so I will not be as harsh and judgemental as you.

For your information: just because I do NOT disclose all of the details of why my marriage ended DOES NOT mean that it was not justified.

I HAVE A FINAL PROTECTION ORDER AGAINST MY SOMEDAY-TO-BE EX SPOUSE.

You HONESTLY BELIEVE that the reason I decide to end my marriage was because I "lost that loving feeling?"!!!

Dude, I was married for ELEVEN YEARS! I was ALWAYS treated like I was NOTHING and NO ONE. Why did it take me so long to realize this? Because I thought that that was all I deserved (Yes, childhood issues - MY ISSUES - that I am dealing with so that I do NOT repeat the cycle). It was when my children started treating me like nothing and no one that I finally woke up and realized that some changes needed to be made.

Counseling? A lot of good that does when your spouse REFUSES to accept HIS ROLE in the demise of a relationship. Yes, we went to several counselors, on several occasions before, during and AFTER the decay of our relationship.

As for your comments about my posts (I assume you are talking about THE ADULT BANTER on the between the sheets board.)

HELLO!!! I am a woman and an adult BEFORE I am a mother. My children ARE NOT privy to MY ADULT LIFE. So now, because I have children that means that I am now to remain celibate and play BARNEY all day long?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!

As for flirting on the board.... yes, so? If my children are sleeping or with their father or at school, who is harmed by this? DUDE - GET A GRIP. Have you read ANY of the posts about fitness and nutrition? Oh, I guess you can't get into my email or PM box.... so we will just leave THAT ONE ALONE.

So now, EXPLAIN TO ME ALMIGHTY SOME-DAY-TO-BE-A-THERAPIST: how is it that I can POSSIBLY even BEGIN to heal my children if I, MYSELF, am still healing? A parent must FIRST try and be the best they can be before they can give all that they are to their children... I must do both simultaneously! Have I faltered and committed grave errors in judgement?! DUH! I am flawed and human. But am I also learning from those mistakes and scraping together all that I have to try and push forward?! HELL YES!

I suppose since you are ALMOST a therapist you have all the answers.... please enlighten me. I welcome the information. But.........

HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME?!

Are you married? Do you have children? Do you know what it is like to give your heart and soul and everything you are to someone and have it never returned?! DO YOU? I still love my ex in ways that I don't know if I will EVER BE capable of loving another man.... but when my head hit the ground, I knew that I could NEVER be with him again. And when he threatened to fucking kill the lowlife whore in front of OUR children .....I knew that my girls and I needed protection. He stalked me, followed me, opened my mail, put a camera on me in our home and acted like everything was "normal", he stole my emails and had them read aloud in a court of law, produced all kinds of documentation to "prove" that I was unfit and unstable .....to no avail - I HAVE PRIMARY RESIDENTIAL CUSTODY - YES, ME . If it were not for my generosity and seeing how much it hurt the children to not see their dad - HE WOULD ONLY SEE THEM INFREQUENTLY! By the way - I NEVER REQUESTED CUSTODY - THE COURT GAVE IT TO ME! I cried like a baby when I heard the judge's verdict because I knew how much the children would be hurt by this. See, I can put the needs of my children BEFORE my own needs.

I never asked for any of the treatment that I got. Bottom line was that he thought he could do WHATEVER suited him and it would be ok..... and for many years, it was. Why? BECAUSE I ALLOWED IT - YES, IT WAS MY FAULT!

You know so little, so little.

I suggest you stay in school for QUITE SOME TIME.

I hope you NEVER understand what my children or I am going through - NEVER. For those members who are going and have gone through it... I don't know what to say except I am so sorry for the sadness in your life.

And as for my girls.... guess what? A calm fell over the house when the POLICE finally removed their father that I can NOT explain. Yes, though they are saddened that mommy and daddy are no longer together - they were TERRIFIED and cried MANY MORE TEARS when they WERE TOGETHER! They haven't been this happy (sadly) in a loooong time.

And guess what else? They are proud of me. I hide nothing from them and am honest ABOUT EVERYTHING. I never, EVER want any information about me to come from anyone BUT ME. I am flawed and human. I NEVER HIDE THIS FROM THEM....in the hopes that when they are faced with the greatest of difficulties, when they make serious mistakes THEY KNOW THAT I WILL NOT JUDGE THEM, but lift them up and help them.... carry them if I have to - that is my job - I AM THEIR MOTHER.

What is this about stepdads and girlfriends etc? I DO NOT BRING MEN AROUND MY CHILDREN - PERIOD. Are you insane? How desperately do you think I NEED SEX that I can not get it on my own time?

As for wiping my children's (yes there are FOUR) tears and telling them that it is not their fault. I don't NEED YOU as a FUTURE SHRINK to tell me what is so painfully obvious that if a parent can not figure this out on thier own then they are the biggest FUCKING IDIOTS ON THE PLANET AND SHOULD BE FIXED ON THE SPOT!....Do you HONESTLY believe that I would even so much as down their father?! Why do you think that I hesitate to get into specifics even here? I do NOT have to put him down to bring myself up! All I tell people about my ex is that he was not a bad guy, just not good enough for me and leave it at that. Many can see that I have a stronger character than to run my mouth and speak ill of the man who I was married to for ALL of my adult life and who fathered my beautiful children. But there are some, LIKE YOU, who can not look past my exterior and AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME that well, the marriage ended because she was too busy pandering to other men, getting her photograph taken, working out etc. HELLO! My ex was also a bodybuilder and we spent EQUAL time in the gym. Yes, I flirt..it is my nature, but I NEVER EVEN FOR A SPLIT SECOND hid my commitment to my spouse OR my children. If anyone got out of line anyway - I LET THE SMACKDOWN IMMEDIATELY! I earn money when I am photographed so I don't see what the problem there is.

It never ceases to amaze me. If a woman "lets herself go" after the wedding then she is a cow and OF COURSE her husband was miserable. But if she takes pride in her appearance and god-forbid even works at it a little - then she is a selfish whore and OF COURSE her husband was miserable.

Does it offend you, Monkey love, that my arms may be a bit bigger than yours?......it doesn't hurt MY FEELINGS IN THE LEAST!

Class dissmissed....HAVE A NICE DAY!

 

[Stillhere]

Bmom,

I am sorry to hear that you feel this way as of lately. I too have been feeling blue.
Your kids will ALWAYS NEED you, and many people here too.
Take GOOD care of yourself.

 

[big4life]

I know they love me.... that is enough for me.

I think you just answered your earlier questions about what you
have to offer your your kids, and whether they would be better
off without you.

All the money in the world can't replace that.

Good luck and god bless.