What characteristics do you prefer in a mate?

[velvett]

I didn't make it clear but I chose romantic/spontaneous and responsible/loyal because they represent a larger generalization of two groups that people tend to fall in.

I should not have offer option 3 or 4 because no matter what you look for in a person most people will fall into a catergory or behave one way or the other in a relationship.

So if you had to pick one or the other which would you choose?

Of course this doesn't represent all people all the time and your mileage may vary, yadha, yadha...

 

[jerseyart]

Honestly Velvett, I think it is a false choice.

I think the problem is that so few people are actual romantics, especially nowadays. I don't think anything inherent in the choices conflict. Being spontaneous does often times conflict with being responsible, but even then only with respect to degrees. Lots of irresponsible, unromantic people in the world.

 

[velvett]

Honestly Velvett, I think it is a false choice.

I think the problem is that so few people are actual romantics, especially nowadays. I don't think anything inherent in the choices conflict. Being spontaneous does often times conflict with being responsible, but even then only with respect to degrees. Lots of irresponsible, unromantic people in the world.

I'm not sure what you're saying but it looks as if you are agreeing with me that do to circumstance that people do indeed fall into one catergory or another.

Take for example - I am a romantic at heart but I am responsible and loyal in all sorts of relationships. Why? Because romantic and spontaneous for me have always had unpleasurable consequence over the course of time.

Experiences shape who we are, who we attract and therefore who we will together choose to spend our lives.

 

[big4life]

Take for example - I am a romantic at heart but I am responsible and loyal in all sorts of relationships.

That's the way I am also. I don't think that any relationship can have passion 24/7 and last. At least none that I have experienced or seen. I would be happy with loyal and responsible with a little romance thrown into the mix. Besides, just because you're responsible doesn't mean you can't curl your lover's toes and wake your neighbors.

 

[Werd]

Do you love him or how he treats you?

How can one separate the two? I didn't know that they were mutually exclusive.

I AM HOW I TREAT PEOPLE.

You will only know for sure when his or your heart changes.

He proposed to his last wife the day she was diagnosed with endstage cancer. She was given one year (at best) to live. They were dating off and on before then but he was always a playboy and had no limits to getting play. He loved her mind and the person she was on the inside and though she was an attractive woman, he was never passionately attracted to her. And there was no question in his mind that it was not about money for her as she had gobs of it herself. Was a very successful business woman. But she was never married nor had children and longed for both.

I asked him why it was then that he married her (I know he insanely passionately loved his first two wives).

His eyes welled up with tears as he said, "How could I let my buddy die alone?" He retired from work himself and stayed with her till the bitter end to take care of her - chemo, many surgeries and all the rest. He never missed any of it.

Because of his loving devotion to her, she lived not only that year, but four years more.

He is also very close and loving with his family and good friends. He never EVER downs either of his ex's and is EXTREMELY close with his children.

He has never been rude or disrespectful to me or to anyone else regardless of whether that person was someone "important" or the guy who takes out the trash.

He isn't perfect by any stretch - I know and can see his faults VERY CLEARLY.

He is so kind and loving to me and treats me with such respect, honesty and care - how could I NOT love him?

I think that says a lot about him and the kind of man he is and why it is that I love him.

 

[sweetnes11]

I'm going to go with Other. I want honesty and trust. I want a sense of humor because he has to be able to make me laugh. I want intelligence because if we can't have a real conversation, then I'm showing him the door. I want someone with a backbone who won't just take anything I throw at him and let me get by with it, but at the same time, he better be sensitive enough to put up with me at times. I want openness so he can tell me anything that is on his mind.

Lord, I do tend to ramble. I guess I just find it hard to narrow down it down to just 2 qualities.

I agree with you on this one,, but I think I found him, he is mine

 

[Robert Jan]

Intelligence. not licking my own ass here either saying everybody is too dumb for me. I'd most like a woman/girl who is smarter than I am.

 

[Lumberg]

Responsible and loyal?!? Hmm...not really what I am looking for, sounds more like characteristics of a good pet..

I would have to say zest...for life, love, the unknown. I am not looking for a comfortable relationship. I am looking for a person that has taken his life into his own hands, has decided that they are in control of their destiny, and if changes are going to be made, they are the one that is going to make it happen. I like people that realize that they only are getting one short trip here on earth and are going to make the most of it...no regrets, no holding back..

What you describe and what I think of as responsible are very similar...your ideal and responsible are not mutually exclusive.

In your example that person has taken complete respobsibility for his own life. Think about it.

 

[The Shadow]

Other:

Intelligent, passionate and can make me laugh...of those laughter is the most important b/c at the end of the day, I just wnat to be with someone who makes me smile.

 

[velvett]

How can one separate the two? I didn't know that they were mutually exclusive.

I AM HOW I TREAT PEOPLE.

Well, I didn't say anything about how you are or how you treat people.

Absolutely - yes loving someone and loving how someone treats you are two totally different AND mutually exclusive actions. If they were not how would you explain loving someone that treats you badly. One could go into debate that people that let themselves be treated badly don't love themselves enough to let themselves be treated well but I then we'd have an episode of Oprah or Dr. what's his name.

It is very easy to fall in love with someone that treats you better than anyone else, I've done it and I'm sure others here have as well.

There are many reasons why we love people, we can admire their strength, their compassion, character, humor and sometimes it's just the chemisty and balance between you.

Just my $5