Good luck bro sounds like you are battling demons on a daily basis. Also I hope you stay sober, addictions are no joke and the games the mind plays with you are crazy!
Maybe if I can ever fix my sorry broke ass and make some money I will come down there and you can show me some good times with the hotties. Well at least for a few hours. I can't drop $2k on some girl I know I am not going to have sex with. But if I know I will I have been dumb enough to, well yeah I must be a real sucker.