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Trying to help this girl out.....

blueta2

blueta2

New member
who has the same illness as me and lives in my city. I met her on my health board and she asked if she can call me, I said sure and we spoke for 2 hrs. She also emails me questions daily.
She mentioned she wanted to come to my place to meet me. I didn't see the need to meet her so didn't say much on that.

She also needs some supplies I have here so I told her she can come get them.
In her email to me she says "when I come get the supplies, I am going to bring a pen and paper...I want to write down your health regime and all the receipes you have for better eating"


I reply "Let me know when you want to pass by to get the stuff and I shall put in my mailbox, I apologize, but I just don't have the strength for company or the stamina to have visitors. I hope you understand, but we can still talk on the tel and via email"

Clear right?

her reply just now

"Then I will only come over when I can see you and spend a few hrs talking, I would rather this than meet with just your mailbox"

Goodness, can people not take a hint? I would never impose on someone like that. How the hell do I make it more clear I don't have hrs to spend with her.
I want to help her, but geez!
 
Last edited:
cindylou said:
OMG

Wow she really didnt get the hint. Kinda creepy.
Click to expand...

Yeah, that's what I thought.
I could tell when I was on the tel with her she was very agressive, but I thought for sure she would understand since she herself is sick.
And she wants to come with her boyfriend.
 
gotmilk said:
She's probably just excited there is someone she can talk to about the same issues.
Click to expand...

She is and I totally get that.
When I was diagnosed, I found a women who lives very close to me who was also sick.
Never once did I ask to speak to her via phone, but she offered. This wonderful lady then offered me all her books on the subject, but when I was to come pick them up, she was going to leave them in a bag outside.
I totally respected her privacy.

I'm here for this girl 101%, but no need for her to impose. I'm not fond of strangers in my home especially when I feel like crud!
 
just be like me.

be nice to everybody until they start acting like a moron.

and tell them go to fuck themselves all while having a smile on your face (of course you can say it more tactfully than that)










but seriously, just reiterate that. be blunt. "I've helped you as much as i can. i'm in the SAME position as you, not your daddy or a mentor". something along those lines, you can make it softer if you want.

this woman would have pissed me off bigtime though. would have owned her with the quickness
 
blueta2 said:
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I could tell when I was on the tel with her she was very agressive, but I thought for sure she would understand since she herself is sick.
And she wants to come with her boyfriend.
Click to expand...


I'd cut off contact with her.

I dont like people like that at ALL (The super aggressive ones). Just imagine how irritating she will be IRL.

Just what I'd do!
 
mr Black and Ted..your minds are in the gutter ;)


CW, I thought my email was pretty clear. I'm trying to think of how to reply w/out being hurtful.
I don't feel I need to explain myself to strangers. Not sure how to reply to her email.
She for sure needs the supplies I have here also. She can't afford her own
 
You have set some borders for personal space that she wants to tear down.

Give the supplies to someone who can respect you and your space.

Your request is not unreasonable

any friendship that starts off this way will not end well
 
cindylou said:
I'd cut off contact with her.

I dont like people like that at ALL (The super aggressive ones). Just imagine how irritating she will be IRL.

Just what I'd do!
Click to expand...


I may have to.......I mean I am pretty agressive when I need something, but never to impose or not take a hint.

She also asked if I had facebook and is sending me msg on facebook every day. She looks like she has a ton of friends (you can see from her pics), so I can tell she is just friendly, but too in my face for me.
 
i would give her one more reply with the important stuff in capital letters.

"I am sorry but there must be a little bit of a misunderstanding. BUT I AM IN NO CONDITION TO ACCEPT VISTORS. I hope you understand. etc etc"

If she still doesn't get it break out the rudeness!
 
cindylou said:
You have set some borders for personal space that she wants to tear down.

Give the supplies to someone who can respect you and your space.

Your request is not unreasonable

any friendship that starts off this way will not end well
Click to expand...

Ekkk, well I promised them to her and she needs them badly. She has no money to get these supplies.

I think I may mail them to her. I'm actually apprehensive for her to know where I live. If she is like this, she may just show up.
 
blueta2 said:
I may have to.......I mean I am pretty agressive when I need something, but never to impose or not take a hint.

She also asked if I had facebook and is sending me msg on facebook every day. She looks like she has a ton of friends (you can see from her pics), so I can tell she is just friendly, but too in my face for me.
Click to expand...


Those could be people she treated like you! Forced into a friendship they didnt want by her aggressiveness.

LOL!

She sounds like a strange lady !
 
blueta2 said:
Ekkk, well I promised them to her and she needs them badly. She has no money to get these supplies.

I think I may mail them to her. I'm actually apprehensive for her to know where I live. If she is like this, she may just show up.
Click to expand...


Yeah , that sounds like a good idea.

If she really needs them, then thats whats best! :heart:
 
8and20 said:
i would give her one more reply with the important stuff in capital letters.

"I am sorry but there must be a little bit of a misunderstanding. BUT I AM IN NO CONDITION TO ACCEPT VISTORS. I hope you understand. etc etc"

If she still doesn't get it break out the rudeness!
Click to expand...

Yeah, I guess I should reply repeating myself. If she gets in my face, I will have to be rude.
Maybe I can send her a pic of your legs and distract her ;-)
 
blueta2 said:
who has the same illness as me and lives in my city. I met her on my health board and she asked if she can call me, I said sure and we spoke for 2 hrs. She also emails me questions daily.
She mentioned she wanted to come to my place to meet me. I didn't see the need to meet her so didn't say much on that.

She also needs some supplies I have here so I told her she can come get them.
In her email to me she says "when I come get the supplies, I am going to bring a pad and paper...I want to write down your health regime and all the receipes you have for better eating"


I reply "Let me know when you want to pass by to get the stuff and I shall put in my mailbox, I apologize, but I just don't have the strength for company or the stamina to have visitors. I hope you understand, but we can still talk on the tel and via email"

Clear right?

her reply just now

"Then I will only come over when I can see you and spend a few hrs talking, I would rather this than meet with just your mailbox"

Goodness, can people not take a hint? I would never impose on someone like that. How the hell do I make it more clear I don't have hrs to spend with her.
I want to help her, but geez!
Click to expand...
That is a little "Fatal Attraction" ish for my taste. Sort of creepy. Oh my.
 
heatherrae said:
That is a little "Fatal Attraction" ish for my taste. Sort of creepy. Oh my.
Click to expand...


You see, you and Cindy both said this and this is what I thought right off the bat but thought maybe I was just too sensitive from being sick.

It does feel creepy.
I need to think of a good reply.
 
oh and to boot. When she mentioned to me the first time that she wanted to come over and write all the info down, I replied "that's a lot of work, it's easier for both of us if I just write it down in email and then you can print it and take it to the health store"
Then again this morning with the "I'm coming over with pad and pen"
 
blueta2 said:
You see, you and Cindy both said this and this is what I thought right off the bat but thought maybe I was just too sensitive from being sick.

It does feel creepy.
I need to think of a good reply.
Click to expand...


Those are alarm bells.....or red flags....dont ignore them!

maybe you could send a reply to ask if you can mail them.

If she wont take that , then I guess she is turning down the supplies?

you could always have your bfriend take them to her instead....maybe? I dont know if he would to that or not....
 
What happens if it's a dude with a girly voice you've been talking too all this time?

Sorry, I'd not give anyone my home addy unless I knew them VERY well first. I'd prolly have to meet them in a public spot before I'd share my addy, J. Do you have a gun? lol
 
vixensghost said:
What happens if it's a dude with a girly voice you've been talking too all this time?

Sorry, I'd not give anyone my home addy unless I knew them VERY well first. I'd prolly have to meet them in a public spot before I'd share my addy, J. Do you have a gun? lol
Click to expand...

No, Canadian's are peaceful, I do have a bad ass switch blade though ;-)
No, I'm not worried it's a dude. I saw her 10000000000 pics in facebook and she also sees the same Dr in NY as I do. I spoke to my doc about her so she's real.
I'm not worried about giving her my addy for safety, but just that she doesn't show up out of the blue. She does know my last name and I am in the book.



Cindy, yeah my boyfriend can bring them to her, but I will offer to mail them to her. It will cost me about 10$ though.

I think I will say something like "Since I cannot promise you a meeting, I can only say that when you need the supplies, let me know and I can arrange for a pick up or a drop off. I know you have a lot of questions and I am willing to help, but right now, I cannot make any promises since I just feel too unwell"
 
blueta2 said:
You see, you and Cindy both said this and this is what I thought right off the bat but thought maybe I was just too sensitive from being sick.

It does feel creepy.
I need to think of a good reply.
Click to expand...
Ok, I tend to deal with lots of people like this. I have the whole, "let's get together" thing down pat.

Meet at a Starbucks or whatever a popular landmark cafe' there is nearby.

You could say something like this:

Oh hey _____!

Great to hear from you again! Let's get together for coffee that day instead. Do you know where the _______ cafe' is? I'll bring the party favors (info I promised) and you bring your questions. The only problem is that I have to be at an appointment that day too but at least this way we can have a few minuets to connect.

Hope you are well my friend! See you ____day at _____ cafe'.

I LOVE to entertain in my home. But, my home is also my sanctuary. I am very hospitible with my friends but am much more at ease at a public, neutral place than at my own house with certain people.

As KB said that one time how hard it is to get rid of a chick the morning after I actually could relate with (all except for kicking them out of bed). For this very reason, I am queen of meeting other moms at the park, or whatever due to the fact that I LOATH losing control of my home. If you meet somewhere else, you do not have to plot to get rid of her. All you have to do is point to your timepiece and say, "oh crap! Look at the time! I have to run dear. So great to see you!" hug, hug, bye, bye! LOL!

Once you let them in your house or give them your home # they have a lot more control than I'd like.
 
blueta2 said:
No, Canadian's are peaceful, I do have a bad ass switch blade though ;-)
No, I'm not worried it's a dude. I saw her 10000000000 pics in facebook and she also sees the same Dr in NY as I do. I spoke to my doc about her so she's real.
I'm not worried about giving her my addy for safety, but just that she doesn't show up out of the blue. She does know my last name and I am in the book.



Cindy, yeah my boyfriend can bring them to her, but I will offer to mail them to her. It will cost me about 10$ though.

I think I will say something like "Since I cannot promise you a meeting, I can only say that when you need the supplies, let me know and I can arrange for a pick up or a drop off. I know you have a lot of questions and I am willing to help, but right now, I cannot make any promises since I just feel too unwell"
Click to expand...
Honestly, I doubt that she is dangerous, but she may be either extremely lonely or the type that will end up asking you for money. Sounds like she is the type of person that if you open your home to her, she will never leave.
 
blueta2 said:
No, Canadian's are peaceful, I do have a bad ass switch blade though ;-)
No, I'm not worried it's a dude. I saw her 10000000000 pics in facebook and she also sees the same Dr in NY as I do. I spoke to my doc about her so she's real.
I'm not worried about giving her my addy for safety, but just that she doesn't show up out of the blue. She does know my last name and I am in the book.



Cindy, yeah my boyfriend can bring them to her, but I will offer to mail them to her. It will cost me about 10$ though.

I think I will say something like "Since I cannot promise you a meeting, I can only say that when you need the supplies, let me know and I can arrange for a pick up or a drop off. I know you have a lot of questions and I am willing to help, but right now, I cannot make any promises since I just feel too unwell"
Click to expand...

Oh, well if you really don't even want to get together with her at all, that is totally different. If that is the case I would just tell her you have a lot going on right now and are in the process of simplifying your calendar. Tell her you will assemble a "care package" and it will be behind the counter at the health food store or whatever.

I tend to think that folks are harmless though. It's one of my faults, my DH says. But so far in life treating people kindly, and with compassion has served me very well. Although...I do it while keeping them at arm's length quiet often.

HTH,
Molly
 
CM, I normally do this with people I don't know well. My friends of course can come over anytime, even unannnouced and I am cool with that.

The thing in this case is, I'm lucky if I have the strength to get to the gym or even for a few hrs of shopping. I certainly won't use my time and energy to go out of my way to meet a stranger, who really I am doing her a favor.

But yes, I do that with my neighbors who want to come over. I will go there so I can always leave. I don't get when people just don't ever leave.
I had a date once also. Guy did not want to leave. I tried asking him to leave after sexy time and he WOULD JUST NOT, so I fell asleep and next day he was like "let's go hiking, let's go bike riding etc"

"I AM HUNG OVER DUDE AND WANT YOU OUT" is what I wanted to say but what I ended up saying was "My Dad is on his way over to fix my water heater. You can have breakfast with us if u like"
He was out the door in less than 5 mins :-)
 
heatherrae said:
Honestly, I doubt that she is dangerous, but she may be either extremely lonely or the type that will end up asking you for money. Sounds like she is the type of person that if you open your home to her, she will never leave.
Click to expand...

lol. She'll arrive at Blue's house with her suitcases and 20 cats!
 
blueta2 said:
CM, I normally do this with people I don't know well. My friends of course can come over anytime, even unannnouced and I am cool with that.

The thing in this case is, I'm lucky if I have the strength to get to the gym or even for a few hrs of shopping. I certainly won't use my time and energy to go out of my way to meet a stranger, who really I am doing her a favor.

But yes, I do that with my neighbors who want to come over. I will go there so I can always leave. I don't get when people just don't ever leave.
I had a date once also. Guy did not want to leave. I tried asking him to leave after sexy time and he WOULD JUST NOT, so I fell asleep and next day he was like "let's go hiking, let's go bike riding etc"

"I AM HUNG OVER DUDE AND WANT YOU OUT" is what I wanted to say but what I ended up saying was "My Dad is on his way over to fix my water heater. You can have breakfast with us if u like"
He was out the door in less than 5 mins :-)
Click to expand...

LOL!!! You are better just being very forward with her then! Sounds like you are awesome at it! I need to work on that one. I HAVE gotten better though. I feel like I am becoming anti-social but I don't want to invest a ton in people these days and I am well bodied. She should understand your tiredness! Esp if she has it too. :evil:
 
vixensghost said:
lol. She'll arrive at Blue's house with her suitcases and 20 cats!
Click to expand...
LOL... blue would keep the cats and kick her out! LOLOLOL
 
curvymommy said:
LOL!!! You are better just being very forward with her then! Sounds like you are awesome at it! I need to work on that one. I HAVE gotten better though. I feel like I am becoming anti-social but I don't want to invest a ton in people these days and I am well bodied. She should understand your tiredness! Esp if she has it too. :evil:
Click to expand...

I find as I get older, I am less social. I used to LOVE meeting new peeps. I met so many people from the net, most today are still my best friends and even met Marc (by b/f) from the net.
But since turning 40, I can't be bothered socializing anymore. Prob just cause my energy is low, but I think with age comes the "hum drums" Who knows!
 
bw1 said:
That or she wants to distract blue while her boyfriend jacks blue's jewlery.
Click to expand...

Maybe.........I only have one very $$$ pc. The rest is all custom. My art is worth more and u know what, that's another reason I don't like strangers in my house, I don't like peeps knowing I have art
 
blueta2 said:
who has the same illness as me and lives in my city. I met her on my health board and she asked if she can call me, I said sure and we spoke for 2 hrs. She also emails me questions daily.
She mentioned she wanted to come to my place to meet me. I didn't see the need to meet her so didn't say much on that.

She also needs some supplies I have here so I told her she can come get them.
In her email to me she says "when I come get the supplies, I am going to bring a pen and paper...I want to write down your health regime and all the receipes you have for better eating"


I reply "Let me know when you want to pass by to get the stuff and I shall put in my mailbox, I apologize, but I just don't have the strength for company or the stamina to have visitors. I hope you understand, but we can still talk on the tel and via email"

Clear right?

her reply just now

"Then I will only come over when I can see you and spend a few hrs talking, I would rather this than meet with just your mailbox"

Goodness, can people not take a hint? I would never impose on someone like that. How the hell do I make it more clear I don't have hrs to spend with her.
I want to help her, but geez!
Click to expand...

Being straight forward is always the best policy. Just tell her outright. :heart:
 
WOW that was good. You could tell her that you just dont have the energy and hopefully after reading that she will understand.
 
wlmcrae said:
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

Send her this link, tell her to read it and then say "YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO STEAL MY SPOON!" As others have said, be polite (in case she really IS as stupid as the second e-mail sounded . .), then defend your space in any way you need to.
Click to expand...

So funny that you posted that site. That article (book) is a STAPLE in the lyme world.
There are so many chronic illnesses where people don't look sick, like lyme, MS, Lupus etc.
Thanks and I will be firm with her
 
so I replied

"I'm sorry, I am so overwhelmed right now and I also have to return to work in less than 2 weeks so won't have time to sit with you, You will get the supplies so we can figure how you can get them. I will sit quiet later on and write out my protocol for suppliments and diet so you can print it out and not waste your time writing it all down. Be well and talk soon"


Now we'll wait for her reply :-)
 
OMG, she replied and said

"can I please come on Friday, I won't take too much of your time, I promise'

ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!
 
blueta2 said:
OMG, she replied and said

"can I please come on Friday, I won't take too much of your time, I promise'

ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Click to expand...
Oh For the LOVE !

I'm sorry but at this point even I would lose patience. Needy AND sucking up time is a really bad combo. :evil:
 
blueta2 said:
OMG, she replied and said

"can I please come on Friday, I won't take too much of your time, I promise'

ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Click to expand...
Wow! She is NEEEEEEDDDY!
 
tell her she's going to ruin it if she continues to be Psycho Cunt.

chump don' wan' da help, chump don' get da help.
 
jackangel said:
tell her she's going to ruin it if she continues to be Psycho Cunt.

chump don' wan' da help, chump don' get da help.
Click to expand...

ok, this is exactly what I'm going to reply to her ;-)



Needy is the right word. Man I know she's sick and needs info, but I am giving her all the info she needs.
I actually feel bad for her.
 
give her an address in the projects and says its yours.
tell her to disregard the crack dealer on the corner

or that crack cures lime disease
 
calveless wonder said:
give her an address in the projects and says its yours.
tell her to disregard the crack dealer on the corner

or that crack cures lime disease
Click to expand...


HAHAHA.......Maybe it does cure lyme. Imagine?!

We don't have projects in Montreal. Unless you live where Manny does in nuns island. Lots of poor white collar dr's and lawyers there ;-)
 
calveless wonder said:
shit, it's canada. there are no projects.

worst it gets is a bunch of toothless canucks arguing over Pierre Turgeon's lifetime stats
Click to expand...

exactly.........The poorest area here is right at the base of the city which is now so cleaned up condos are going for 1/2 million there now
 
blueta2 said:
who has the same illness as me and lives in my city. I met her on my health board and she asked if she can call me, I said sure and we spoke for 2 hrs. She also emails me questions daily.
She mentioned she wanted to come to my place to meet me. I didn't see the need to meet her so didn't say much on that.

She also needs some supplies I have here so I told her she can come get them.
In her email to me she says "when I come get the supplies, I am going to bring a pen and paper...I want to write down your health regime and all the receipes you have for better eating"


I reply "Let me know when you want to pass by to get the stuff and I shall put in my mailbox, I apologize, but I just don't have the strength for company or the stamina to have visitors. I hope you understand, but we can still talk on the tel and via email"

Clear right?

her reply just now

"Then I will only come over when I can see you and spend a few hrs talking, I would rather this than meet with just your mailbox"

Goodness, can people not take a hint? I would never impose on someone like that. How the hell do I make it more clear I don't have hrs to spend with her.
I want to help her, but geez!
Click to expand...
You always seem to be in these situations with people who need your help. What gives? Do you send the wrong signals or perhaps people are misinterpreting your cues?
 
Reply to her:

This has nothing to do with TIME. I have no ENERGY for people. If I meet you face to face, you WILL suck energy out of me - you WILL cause me to feel MUCH worse - you WILL cause me to spend the next week in bed unable to move. I CANNOT meet face to face with people right now, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT NOW?

I CAN send you information, I CAN mail you stuff, I CAN e-mail to you. I CANNOT meet with you, I CANNOT talk on the phone to you. Do you want me to do what I CAN do or not? Again, just so you get it - I CANNOT meet face to face.

If you do not understand this - are you sure you have Lyme?
**************
 
Just do a sit down, jeez. It’s a couple hours and it sounds like she really has some stuff she wants to talk about. But meet her somewhere, like a coffee shop or something.
 
Smurfy said:
You always seem to be in these situations with people who need your help. What gives? Do you send the wrong signals or perhaps people are misinterpreting your cues?
Click to expand...


i think she has a looney tune magnet
 
Smurfy said:
You always seem to be in these situations with people who need your help. What gives? Do you send the wrong signals or perhaps people are misinterpreting your cues?
Click to expand...

Yeah, It's like a bat signal
This girl found me on my health site through someone who knew we were both from the same city.
She needed info, I offered help and her desperation oozed from there.
 
Spartacus said:
why wouldn't you want to help her?
Click to expand...


I do and have. I've spent time with her on the tel, via email and am giving her over 500$, free, in supplies because she can't afford it.
I don't think I need to have her come into my house b/c she wants to spent more hrs talking for me to help her more.
She's imposing and it's not cool
 
wlmcrae said:
Reply to her:

This has nothing to do with TIME. I have no ENERGY for people. If I meet you face to face, you WILL suck energy out of me - you WILL cause me to feel MUCH worse - you WILL cause me to spend the next week in bed unable to move. I CANNOT meet face to face with people right now, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT NOW?

I CAN send you information, I CAN mail you stuff, I CAN e-mail to you. I CANNOT meet with you, I CANNOT talk on the phone to you. Do you want me to do what I CAN do or not? Again, just so you get it - I CANNOT meet face to face.

If you do not understand this - are you sure you have Lyme?
**************
Click to expand...


so use the words CAN and CANNOT a lot?

hehhe.....I wish I could be that upfront.
 
trizo said:
Just do a sit down, jeez. It’s a couple hours and it sounds like she really has some stuff she wants to talk about. But meet her somewhere, like a coffee shop or something.
Click to expand...

nah dude, I'm not up for it. I talk about this friggin illness 24/7 and now i need to get back to work in less than 2 weeks and need my energy for me.
I'm always giving my energy away, time to take the power back.

I'm super stressed I need to get back to work while still struggling so others are just going to have go without.
I've helped her more than enough.
 
Blue - just type how you feel - take a breath - and click SEND.

Thats what's so great about email (in my opinion)

you will feel so much better!
 
cindylou said:
Blue - just type how you feel - take a breath - and click SEND.

Thats what's so great about email (in my opinion)

you will feel so much better!
Click to expand...

My last reply to her was "be well and talk soon"

She replied "I'll wait to hear from you on Thursday so we can meet Friday"

Friggin relentlance

I'm not even going to reply to her anymore. This was on my mind last night while home sick. I also have a horrible chest cold and here I am worried about a stranger.

Thanks Cindy.......you're sweet :-)
 
cindylou said:
Blue - just type how you feel - take a breath - and click SEND.

Thats what's so great about email (in my opinion)

you will feel so much better!
Click to expand...

you mean you can say what you don't have the balls to say in person or over the telephone?



..................

i bet you'd break up with someone over text message
 
calveless wonder said:
you mean you can say what you don't have the balls to say in person or over the telephone?



..................

i bet you'd break up with someone over text message
Click to expand...


Yeah to complete strangers!!
 
blueta2 said:
I'm not even going to reply to her anymore. This was on my mind last night while home sick. I also have a horrible chest cold and here I am worried about a stranger.
Click to expand...

Exactly. If she's not getting the obvious hints and you don't wanna put her in her place, then just stop talking to her.
 
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