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As the end of the year approaches im trying to work out whether or not it has been a good or year. I've been through hell and back but have also had the most fun times in my life, but does one overrun the other?
In January i left to join the Australian Army and at first i was having a hard time adapting but then grew into the routine and started to love it. I turned 20 this month. I've never been very close with any of my friends and this was the first time i experienced that kind of friendship. I made some of the best friends i ever had, however because it is the Army most of them have come and gone. We still stay in touch but most are now in different States. So theres the downside on that.
There has been one person this year who has made the biggest impact on my life. Ever sinse i got into my training school ive been friends with this guy called Nathan and we soon became best friends where we did everything together. We were best friends for about 6 months. Uncontrollably i fell in love with him and one thing led to another and we became sexually involved for 2 months, although him continuing to say he was straight (im bi). (Saying that i have had the most straight sex this year than i ever have). Anyway we were then both sent interstate for training where i mistakingly told him how i felt about him... he couldnt handle this and our friendship went to shit. From this i got in an extremely bad way and became highly depressed and suicidal, i did try to overdose. This type of thing had never happened to me and i did not know i was capable of any of this. Anyway Nathan went back to our unit and one month later i went back. When i got back i found out he had told about a half dozen people that i was gay and told him i was in love with him. So as you could tell i was pretty fucked off and he became my worse enemy and i ganged up with other people who didnt like him and made his life hell. All the time i felt so bad about what we were doing but i wanted payback, and through the whole time he did not retaliate. It's only been the last week when i think im beginning to forget everything that happened between us and we have talked and are trying to ressurect our friendship (although when we do talk it usually ends up with one of us attacking the other) or at least try to get along. I know he wants things to be different and so do i, but we are both having a hard time forgetting what happened.
Despite everything from this whole experience i have gained and learnt so much about myself and seem to get along with people a whole of a lot better and i now got more friends than i have ever had. I'm friends in numerous groups and theyre all groups i can go out and have fun with. But shit is happening again and im falling in love with one of my friends and im hoping history is not going to repeat itself. I have learnt a lot from my mistakes though.
So theres the personal side of the year, but on top of that a couple of months back i injured my back in such a way that i cant stay in the Army. Two weeks ago i found out i was going to be medically discharged from the Army. This really sucks because it is a lot of fun and have no idea what im going to do now. The last month has been intense, a lot of bad shit has gone down in my unit - from the trashing of cars to explicit videos being made. All are extremely serious situations (especially the last) where it looks like im going to end up in military court because of them. I was not involved in any of them however i know more about both situations than anyone else.
It's now holidays and im back in my home state and its not until the 17th of January till i need to go back. Next year is going to be interesting.
In January i left to join the Australian Army and at first i was having a hard time adapting but then grew into the routine and started to love it. I turned 20 this month. I've never been very close with any of my friends and this was the first time i experienced that kind of friendship. I made some of the best friends i ever had, however because it is the Army most of them have come and gone. We still stay in touch but most are now in different States. So theres the downside on that.
There has been one person this year who has made the biggest impact on my life. Ever sinse i got into my training school ive been friends with this guy called Nathan and we soon became best friends where we did everything together. We were best friends for about 6 months. Uncontrollably i fell in love with him and one thing led to another and we became sexually involved for 2 months, although him continuing to say he was straight (im bi). (Saying that i have had the most straight sex this year than i ever have). Anyway we were then both sent interstate for training where i mistakingly told him how i felt about him... he couldnt handle this and our friendship went to shit. From this i got in an extremely bad way and became highly depressed and suicidal, i did try to overdose. This type of thing had never happened to me and i did not know i was capable of any of this. Anyway Nathan went back to our unit and one month later i went back. When i got back i found out he had told about a half dozen people that i was gay and told him i was in love with him. So as you could tell i was pretty fucked off and he became my worse enemy and i ganged up with other people who didnt like him and made his life hell. All the time i felt so bad about what we were doing but i wanted payback, and through the whole time he did not retaliate. It's only been the last week when i think im beginning to forget everything that happened between us and we have talked and are trying to ressurect our friendship (although when we do talk it usually ends up with one of us attacking the other) or at least try to get along. I know he wants things to be different and so do i, but we are both having a hard time forgetting what happened.
Despite everything from this whole experience i have gained and learnt so much about myself and seem to get along with people a whole of a lot better and i now got more friends than i have ever had. I'm friends in numerous groups and theyre all groups i can go out and have fun with. But shit is happening again and im falling in love with one of my friends and im hoping history is not going to repeat itself. I have learnt a lot from my mistakes though.
So theres the personal side of the year, but on top of that a couple of months back i injured my back in such a way that i cant stay in the Army. Two weeks ago i found out i was going to be medically discharged from the Army. This really sucks because it is a lot of fun and have no idea what im going to do now. The last month has been intense, a lot of bad shit has gone down in my unit - from the trashing of cars to explicit videos being made. All are extremely serious situations (especially the last) where it looks like im going to end up in military court because of them. I was not involved in any of them however i know more about both situations than anyone else.
It's now holidays and im back in my home state and its not until the 17th of January till i need to go back. Next year is going to be interesting.
