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The Shit Hits the Fan....
- Thread starter Big Brother Val
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Big Brother Val
New member
Machine, I will be calling them today. I hope they can get some records. Thanks again for all this effort. Strange... someone I never met puts more faith and time into me than my best friend, and the lady I was supposed to marry. Thank you.
Danielson... she has a lot of facts that look bad. Things that were in my car, the song on the radio. Things like that. She was in my car with me AND MY LADY, a week before, as we gave her a ride to work. I TOLD HER what song I listened to while I was driving... and what the song said. But that doesn't matter. The evidence looks bad... I'm trying to fight it...
Thank you all for taking the time on this.
I talked to her a little yesterday, and she still hasn't got all my stuff packed yet... so that's a good sign.
Some of it, yes... but she said it'd all be ready 2 nights ago. Well... it isn't out yet.
I'm hoping... but also trying to "move on"... which is a huge mental and emotional battle.
Thus far I feel like I'm losing that battle... but I'm trying to keep my chin up. I've eaten twice in two days... But I'm also trying to turn that around...
It's a slow process. And I'm glad you've taken the time to respond to me. It does help.
Thank you all.
Danielson... she has a lot of facts that look bad. Things that were in my car, the song on the radio. Things like that. She was in my car with me AND MY LADY, a week before, as we gave her a ride to work. I TOLD HER what song I listened to while I was driving... and what the song said. But that doesn't matter. The evidence looks bad... I'm trying to fight it...
Thank you all for taking the time on this.
I talked to her a little yesterday, and she still hasn't got all my stuff packed yet... so that's a good sign.
Some of it, yes... but she said it'd all be ready 2 nights ago. Well... it isn't out yet.
I'm hoping... but also trying to "move on"... which is a huge mental and emotional battle.
Thus far I feel like I'm losing that battle... but I'm trying to keep my chin up. I've eaten twice in two days... But I'm also trying to turn that around...
It's a slow process. And I'm glad you've taken the time to respond to me. It does help.
Thank you all.
THeMaCHinE
New member
Big Brother Val said:
Somebody did the same for me a couple years ago. I know how much that meant to me. And really, it's no work. I'm happy to do it -- I just wish I could do more. I have a book that I want to send you. E-mail me.
First, take care of you. I know what you're going through. At one point, I lost over 25 pounds in the span of a couple weeks. All I did was lay around in bed. Not eat, not workout. I can't stress enough, drag your ass to the gym. It doesn't matter if you feel like it, it WILL help. Just do machines or walk on the treadmill and watch TV. Really, it will make a lot of difference -- studies have shown the positive correlation between exercise and mood.
Now, do something just for you -- go get a haircut, go to the mall and buy yourself some stuff, go to a movie. Just do something for you. You haven't got to splurge on yourself in a long time, right? Now is your chance, it will feel good. Keep yourself groomed and dress above the level that you usually do, it will also make you feel better, make you seem more confident and will be attractive to her when she sees you.
Do you have any other friends or family that you can talk to? Talking to a real live person can make a huge difference -- and it will feel good to let some of that out. You mentioned your mom, maybe you could talk to her?
I think this would also be a very good time to go see a counselor on an individual level. I know I've said it before, but the right therapist can make huge difference in your life. It helps to have a professional 3rd party person to bounce things off of. If you have insurance, it will cover it. Go individually at first maybe later you and your girl can go. (I'll tell you how to get her to go later).
Anyway, hope these random things help. But seriously, do not give yourself permission to let yourself go -- do something good for you, stay active, play with your kids, develop a new hobby, whatever... Do something to get your mind off of this for awhile...
Big Brother Val
New member
I've already started some of those things. I'm bald... I shave my head... and right now, I'm starting to grow it out. Just for a change. I get paid today, and I'm going to go get some things for me. Mostly, some shirts I think that she'd like me in.
I've talked to a couple of people about this whole thing, and everyone seems to believe what I say. Even though I don't try to force my side of the story.
One person said the reason they believed me, is because I'm not being defensive about anything. That I just seemed hurt and confused. And all I'm stressing is wanting her back, not defending the fact that I didn't do it.
I don't know, man. I'm trying to eat my oatmeal right now, and get back onto my daily diet. My stomach almost rejects any food. I did hit chest and shoulders yesterday... and though I couldn't lift as heavy, and I was really tired... I'm glad I went.
Tonight I have a wrestling show. I've asked her to attend, gave her a ticket, and I hope she will. If not, I'm still going to do my best in that ring, and put on a good show.
It's been 2 days now. 2 of the longest days of my life.
I know the hardest is still in front of me.
But I'm emailing my friend and telling him that he wronged me more than I ever wronged him by taking my lady away without ever even talking to me about it. And that there won't be any more talks with him or my gal until the two of them stop reassuring eachother that I'm a piece of shit.
I don't know how that will go.
But hey... what does he lose? Me. And he carries with him his wife who says she slept with his best friend, and he also carries some doubt with him that it even happened.
What did I lose? My best friend. And my lady. Both of which I can move on from. At least I carry truth with me. No matter how bad it hurts, I'll know that I lost them both to a lie. But I wasn't the one who killed my relationship.
He did. He won't be able to move on, because he carries the lady who hurt him, and some doubt about what really happened.
I'm trying.
But it's gradually getting harder than easier.
I've talked to a couple of people about this whole thing, and everyone seems to believe what I say. Even though I don't try to force my side of the story.
One person said the reason they believed me, is because I'm not being defensive about anything. That I just seemed hurt and confused. And all I'm stressing is wanting her back, not defending the fact that I didn't do it.
I don't know, man. I'm trying to eat my oatmeal right now, and get back onto my daily diet. My stomach almost rejects any food. I did hit chest and shoulders yesterday... and though I couldn't lift as heavy, and I was really tired... I'm glad I went.
Tonight I have a wrestling show. I've asked her to attend, gave her a ticket, and I hope she will. If not, I'm still going to do my best in that ring, and put on a good show.
It's been 2 days now. 2 of the longest days of my life.
I know the hardest is still in front of me.
But I'm emailing my friend and telling him that he wronged me more than I ever wronged him by taking my lady away without ever even talking to me about it. And that there won't be any more talks with him or my gal until the two of them stop reassuring eachother that I'm a piece of shit.
I don't know how that will go.
But hey... what does he lose? Me. And he carries with him his wife who says she slept with his best friend, and he also carries some doubt with him that it even happened.
What did I lose? My best friend. And my lady. Both of which I can move on from. At least I carry truth with me. No matter how bad it hurts, I'll know that I lost them both to a lie. But I wasn't the one who killed my relationship.
He did. He won't be able to move on, because he carries the lady who hurt him, and some doubt about what really happened.
I'm trying.
But it's gradually getting harder than easier.
THeMaCHinE
New member
Well, it sounds like you are doing some great things given the situation...bravo! A lot of people would use this as an opportunity to just give up, you are made of different stuff! You should feel good about that even if it doesn't feel like a big accomplishment.
Don't make the mistake of putting all the blame on your ex-friend, your girl and his wife that are making this a bad situation too.
You're doing good.
Don't make the mistake of putting all the blame on your ex-friend, your girl and his wife that are making this a bad situation too.
You're doing good.
Milhouse
New member
Ok I think you seem to be a good bro so I will say this now and not sugarcoat it either.
If these people(your buddy, his wife and your lady) are the kind of people that you would consider friends or that you want in your life I must ask what the hell do you look for in an enemy.
What I mean is all the above are being fucking assholes and the best thing for you to do, and its not easy trust me is too drop them from your life. Fuck them, they arent worth it and what you may think will make you happy(ie your lady) sorry it aint gonna happen. You may patch things up with this one but what about next time? And yes there will be a next time.
What I am trying to say is there are people out there who will be a million times more a friend or love than these 3.
Sometimes the best way to love people is to just let them go.
If these people(your buddy, his wife and your lady) are the kind of people that you would consider friends or that you want in your life I must ask what the hell do you look for in an enemy.
What I mean is all the above are being fucking assholes and the best thing for you to do, and its not easy trust me is too drop them from your life. Fuck them, they arent worth it and what you may think will make you happy(ie your lady) sorry it aint gonna happen. You may patch things up with this one but what about next time? And yes there will be a next time.
What I am trying to say is there are people out there who will be a million times more a friend or love than these 3.
Sometimes the best way to love people is to just let them go.
NY Muscle
Well-known member
Big Brother Val what it comes down to is this....do what you gotta do with the phone records and maybe even getting ur buddys wife on the phone and recording her..ask her why she is making these things up etc etc if that doesnt work...then make your wife feel like shes the bad guy and is at fault...turn it around on her...IGNORE her..make beleive you dont even know there is problems between you 2, dont call her dont talk about the situation...let her bring it up..and even then you should say "look im the father of your child, ive never done a thing to you, and you beleive me over those 2 psychos...what kind of person are you anyway" and dont ever talk to her about it again.
trust me if u dont call her for a week, she will be on ur ass, wondering why you arent calling...dont feed into her shit..she wants u to call and wants u to feel bad..FUCK THAT...ignore her.
trust me if u dont call her for a week, she will be on ur ass, wondering why you arent calling...dont feed into her shit..she wants u to call and wants u to feel bad..FUCK THAT...ignore her.
Big Brother Val
New member
Machine... I put most of the blame on his wife. But at the same time, this isn't the first time she'd lied to him about me, the last time being things I said, that he found out wasn't true. I'm mad at him, because even though their relationship sucks, and he knows she's used me against him before, he just takes her word for it, then goes and destroys my relationship with it. That's why I'm mad at him. Now him and my lady relate to eachother, and keep the negative thoughts alive with eachother. When I talk to either of them, they immediately call the other person, and tell them what I said, and then they go over reasons not to believe it. That's why I can't talk to him until they stop talking. It's doing nothing but giving them things to talk about. Talking to her will end up stopping. She can't stand him. She's just using him as a negativity crutch right now.
Millhouse and NY Muscle.... I know what you are saying. It's the hardest thing to do. It is. Trying to let them go. I'm trying to make myself accept the fact, but right now it just isn't working. I can let my friend go, and survive. It's my lady. Right now, I can't seem to live without her. I don't want to chase her too much, but I don't want to be totally out of her life, because the more I am, the easier she can forget, and the easier it is for her to just talk to my friend, and say and hear bad things about me.
I'm just trying to throw in my side of the story.
I'm trying not to tell her I love her, and miss her.
But it comes out on occassion. It's nearly impossible to keep it in. I am working on it... but I won't say thus far I've been successful.
I really miss her. I'm not used to sleeping alone. I'm not used to being in the house without my kids. It's a complete lifestyle change... all because my friend didn't confront me on it first.
That's why I'm angry with him. He just believed her.
But hey... kids believe in Santa... because they are told he is real. They see pictures of him, and sit on his lap in the mall.
But one day, they find out for themselves that is was all a hoax.
That WILL happen with my lady.
I just hope it's not too late for us when it does.
Millhouse and NY Muscle.... I know what you are saying. It's the hardest thing to do. It is. Trying to let them go. I'm trying to make myself accept the fact, but right now it just isn't working. I can let my friend go, and survive. It's my lady. Right now, I can't seem to live without her. I don't want to chase her too much, but I don't want to be totally out of her life, because the more I am, the easier she can forget, and the easier it is for her to just talk to my friend, and say and hear bad things about me.
I'm just trying to throw in my side of the story.
I'm trying not to tell her I love her, and miss her.
But it comes out on occassion. It's nearly impossible to keep it in. I am working on it... but I won't say thus far I've been successful.
I really miss her. I'm not used to sleeping alone. I'm not used to being in the house without my kids. It's a complete lifestyle change... all because my friend didn't confront me on it first.
That's why I'm angry with him. He just believed her.
But hey... kids believe in Santa... because they are told he is real. They see pictures of him, and sit on his lap in the mall.
But one day, they find out for themselves that is was all a hoax.
That WILL happen with my lady.
I just hope it's not too late for us when it does.
