the long distance break up advice

[theoak01]

things really arent working with the girl ive been with,after being away and such i realized 1 i dont want to live where i live now when im not working, and 2 im 22 i dont need a instant family and 3 whenever i talk to her i dont need a guilt trip about being away working and her jealous bullshit.

so how does ones go about ending such a relationship,i havent talked to her in two weeks at all,but eventually ill have to say something, i do however want to remain friends so i need a nice way to do this. if possible

 

[velvett]

Be honest, firm and expect to be consideref the worst human being on the planet for a while.

 

[Dial_tone]

give her the ole "it's not you, it's me" speech that she's probably dusting off for you right now

 

[velvett]

give her the ole "it's not you, it's me" speech that she's probably dusting off for you right now

Doesn't always work - even when it IS true.



I totally get why guys try and make you mad at them so you will break up with them instead - so they don't have be be the jerk breaking up with you over something you would consider "fixable".

 

[deco]

things really arent working with the girl ive been with,after being away and such i realized 1 i dont want to live where i live now when im not working, and 2 im 22 i dont need a instant family and 3 whenever i talk to her i dont need a guilt trip about being away working and her jealous bullshit.

so how does ones go about ending such a relationship,i havent talked to her in two weeks at all,but eventually ill have to say something, i do however want to remain friends so i need a nice way to do this. if possible

Dude, move and she'll be the one breaking up with you. Girls need emotinal support and someone there way more than you probobly. If you don't wanna feel guilty that's probobly the best way to do it and save yourself some in person screaming/yelling/cryng/drama/peeing.

 

[theoak01]

deco thats the plan however im away for work and could be on this job for quite a while. and i think leading her on that there is something there when im already checked out is wrong,so im in a pickle

 

[deco]

deco thats the plan however im away for work and could be on this job for quite a while. and i think leading her on that there is something there when im already checked out is wrong,so im in a pickle

Just keep bullshitting, girls always want to believe you so you're jobs pretty much done for you. Assure her it's going to work and that you;re always going to be there for her. As soon as you get there start cutting her off right away. Less phone calls, tell her how hard it is for you and throw in few more lies in there about how you don't have time etc etc. She ain't stupid and she will understand it won't last much longer since it's obviously not working out, especialy for her. It's a better option I think since you're not going to be doing it in person and since she will be the one trying to call it quits, plus you don't have to worry about all the accusations that there's someone else since you're going to be breaking her off right away because of your tough job or whatever. At the end you tell her that you thought everything would work out fine but it turned out otherwise, so you bullshit some more and tell her how you don't want her to go through this pain because you care so much etc etc and since whatever you're offering her won't be sufficient enaugh, she will already have a decision made. I'd say it's a 3-4 week process without about one or two short phone calls.

 

[theoak01]

deco you saved my life

 

[velvett]

Just keep bullshitting, girls always want to believe you so you're jobs pretty much done for you. Assure her it's going to work and that you;re always going to be there for her. As soon as you get there start cutting her off right away. Less phone calls, tell her how hard it is for you and throw in few more lies in there about how you don't have time etc etc. She ain't stupid and she will understand it won't last much longer since it's obviously not working out, especialy for her. It's a better option I think since you're not going to be doing it in person and since she will be the one trying to call it quits, plus you don't have to worry about all the accusations that there's someone else since you're going to be breaking her off right away because of your tough job or whatever. At the end you tell her that you thought everything would work out fine but it turned out otherwise, so you bullshit some more and tell her how you don't want her to go through this pain because you care so much etc etc and since whatever you're offering her won't be sufficient enaugh, she will already have a decision made. I'd say it's a 3-4 week process without about one or two short phone calls.

See, what'd I tell you.

Put the responsibly on the girl - that's the guy way.
Fuck with her head it's easier than being honest because being honest makes you an asshole.

No offense Deco.

 

[Gambino]

oak, not trying to be neg but i wouldn't be surprized if girl has had a foregin cack in her since you've been gone.
maybe even right now, you never know.
think about it, you left her in the city, she seems to be needy
proly gettin tag teamed right now
fuck her

 

[biteme]

I seem to get the ones that want to destroy you. So I'm done with that. I don't get people. Some of you people probably think I'm a little off my rocker, but it's just a role I play. I don't lie on people to cause them trouble and I guess I"m not nearly as vindictive as people I've had dealings with.

 

[biteme]

Just tell her the truth Oak. I couldn't make someone else feel like it was their fault when I know it's me. I couldn't face myself in the mirror.

 

[Scotsman]

There isn't a clean way to do it. Be a man and be upfront about it. There is always going to be feelings of hurt and loss when you break up with someone. If there isn't a sense of rejection afterwards then there wasn't anything there to begin with.

Cheers,
Scotsman

 

[Sub-Zero]

See, what'd I tell you.

Put the responsibly on the girl - that's the guy way.
Fuck with her head it's easier than being honest because being honest makes you an asshole.

No offense Deco.

being honest does make u an asshole...its true

atleast hes not leaving her for the reason most girls leave guys... slutting it up

 

[Spanky11]

things really arent working with the girl ive been with,after being away and such i realized 1 i dont want to live where i live now when im not working, and 2 im 22 i dont need a instant family and 3 whenever i talk to her i dont need a guilt trip about being away working and her jealous bullshit.

so how does ones go about ending such a relationship,i havent talked to her in two weeks at all,but eventually ill have to say something, i do however want to remain friends so i need a nice way to do this. if possible

just use the immortal Home Simpson dump line:

"Welcome to Dumpsville. Population...you".

and then throw in Nelson Muntz laugh for good measure

works everytime.

 

[ponyfitness]

P.S. I am gay.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

how much investment does this girl have in you (how long have you been dating, how much does she like you, what future plans has she included you in) how emotionally independent is she (how quickly would she be back on her feet if you dumped her on her arse, as a bit of an independence barometer) and what is her emotional state right now (what is the root case of the guilt tripping shes putting you on/how badly is she missing you/how prone is she to find comfort in another/how prone is she to replace you)

being honest is a great thing to do if she has the emotional fortitude/social network to deal with it/keep her self esteem high etc - otherwise shes probably going to demonise you and, well...think youre a collossal prick for the next year or 3 until she finds a new man, builds herself back up and decides to include you in her life again

i personally prefer making myself as unnattractive as possible and letting the girl feel like it was her decision/in her interest not to be with me. not answering the phone is a BAD thing to do because it just adds to her attraction to you/builds on her need for your validation/accepptance. the way i make myself unnattractive is to focus on the shitty things in my life/personality, and also, to stop doing those things that raise my value in her eyes, like the humour etc that make her friends/family like me

sooo depending on what shes like, reducing her attractiveness until she is borderline unnattracted to you and starts pulling out her own emotional anchors, and THEN coming clean and mutually (as much as possible) deciding on a "break" is a workable solution

 

[theoak01]

I had my chance and blew calling it off,i just pissed her off and now she wont talk to me so Im guessing it will end soon enough.

however if she does talk to me again ill be ending it,thanks guys for the help

 

[samoth]

There isn't a clean way to do it. Be a man and be upfront about it. There is always going to be feelings of hurt and loss when you break up with someone. If there isn't a sense of rejection afterwards then there wasn't anything there to begin with.

Cheers,
Scotsman

This is the credited response.

 

[Gymgurl]

Be honest, firm and expect to be consideref the worst human being on the planet for a while.

Perfect advice....yep she will hate your guts...but only for a short time

 

[theoak01]

i shoulda said it last night,but ive been having mixed emotions about doing it from here,however now I realize I cant lead her on,it isnt fair to her and ive got to end it asap

 

[HiDnGoD]

This is the credited response.

True. IMO, it's what a man would do, not a boy.

 

[Lestat]

good luck bro, there is no easy way. when all else fails, be honest.

 

[deco]

I also agree to use the honest response in this one, after all you are going away so it can't be that bad.

 

[canadianhitman]

Just tell her the truth (except for the not wanting an instant family part, because that'd just be cruel). You can't control whether or not she wants to be your friend afterwards or not, so don't sweat it. In the end, do you REALLY need her to be your friend that badly? I'm guessing not, and besides, you wouldn't even be thinking about dealing with a real close friend in a less than upfront way (at least, I hope you wouldn't).

You haven't been dating her all that long, and the distance thing has already cooled emotions off a lot...it's not going to be nearly as bad as you think. Just get it done, ASAP.

 

[crew9]

You haven't talk to her in two weeks (with the exception of last night?) so I don't think she probably has too much invested in this herself. If by some chance she did then I think she's probably got a good idea where this is going since you didn't call for that long of a timeframe.

 

[EnderJE]

Be honest, bro. Don't be a shit about it.

 

[-SD-]

Lesson of this story is dont get involved with a long distance person. Its always for shit.

 

[theoak01]

its done guys,i definately shoulda done this all earlier on,big relief i did it,now we both can move on with out lives

 

[biteme]

Perfect advice....yep she will hate your guts...but only for a short time

That depends on the woman.

 

[biteme]

its done guys,i definately shoulda done this all earlier on,big relief i did it,now we both can move on with out lives

I thought of you when I was in the hospital not knowing what was going on. I thought of that Charlie Brown Christmas card when I heard a Peanuts tune on the t.v. . We should have near death experiences more often to realize what is really important.

 

[theoak01]

what happen Brad ? are you ok?

you know my friend when I get some time off this crazy job I should come for a visit,get us two animals loose on the town,could be a slice

 

[biteme]

what happen Brad ? are you ok?

you know my friend when I get some time off this crazy job I should come for a visit,get us two animals loose on the town,could be a slice

I posted a thread. I was in the hospital for over 24 hours. I passed out after doing a set of high rep squats. (I've been dizzy for 3 weeks, so that contributed to it). I came to quickly and crawled back to the squat cage and sat there and started getting very weak, breathless. I couldn't even lift my arms. I looked like the girl in Braveheart that had her throat slit. It was a frightening experience, because I thought I was about to die. Paramedics came and took me to the ER.

 

[HiDnGoD]

Lesson of this story is dont get involved with a long distance person. Its always for shit.

Not necessarily. My wife & I were "together" for 2 years, while I was in the army, before we got married. This was before the internet. Very difficult, but not impossible with the right people.

 

[truckdaddy]

things really arent working with the girl ive been with,after being away and such i realized 1 i dont want to live where i live now when im not working, and 2 im 22 i dont need a instant family and 3 whenever i talk to her i dont need a guilt trip about being away working and her jealous bullshit.

so how does ones go about ending such a relationship,i havent talked to her in two weeks at all,but eventually ill have to say something, i do however want to remain friends so i need a nice way to do this. if possible

if you have not talked to her in 2 weeks....looks like she broke up wiyth you playa.