@thegame1431 , sorry to hear the amount of troubles you have experienced in your life. I can feel a sense of desperation emanating through the screen.
You need to be real with yourself though. TRT is simply a tool to improve certain markers of your health. It's not magical in a sense that it'll turn your life around; make you rich and powerful so to speak. Without effort, testosterone will definitely increase your muscle mass, but it's not by a huge amount and it'll definitely take time. Effort will be required to grow more muscle mass. That is REALITY, as you put it a few times already.
What you also need to understand is that you recently had cancer. We don't know what type of cancer you had, nor if the entirety of cancer has been removed. Exogenous testosterone can ACCELERATE the growth of certain hormone sensitive cancers. Therefore, you should actually speak to your doctor and get a referral to an endocrinologist to have them assess your eligibility for TRT.
I hope you take this advice with positivity and seek medical advice first. Once you done so, you can still come back to ask for advice anytime. Everyone is here to help you brother.