sometimes i just feel like writing down my problems....

[runner]

i've been with my boyfriend for almost five years...an eternity in the gay world. in all that time i've never had sex with anyone else (probably even more unheard of). i DID get caught getting touchy-feely with this ripped asian tennis buddy in the whirlpool at my tennis club, and also admitted to kissing another asian tennis friend.

last night i played tennis with a ripped, gay asian guy (my type) from hawaii. i didn't know my boyfriend was at the club (spying on me, kinda'). anyway, we hit the showers afterwards and as i was heading to the whirlpool my bf walked in and gave me all sortsa' attitude. i'll admit, i love to look at a beautiful naked male body, but i had no intention of doing anything else. believe me, if i wanted to screw around i could have done it many times by now. (my gym is essentially a gay male pick up joint)

my boyfriend was just assuming by past history that i was gonna' do something wrong, and now thinks maybe we should break up 'cuz he can't trust me. when things are going good between us, i take things for granted and DO sometimes wonder what it would be like with someone else, but when things like this happen i just get sick to my stomach.

have i totally damaged any trust by my actions? or have my "indiscretions" been minor and forgiveable and is he being overly dramatic by making a big deal out of it?

 

[havoc]

Does your boyfriend know about Supersizeme?
If not I would tell him, honesty is the best policy. peace

 

[RyanH]

I'll get flamed for this but I'll say it anyway:

Most men in gay relationships get somewhat sexually bored after a few years, and when that begins to happen, the time has come when both partners should acknowledge that. I have known hundreds of gay couples, and sorry, but that is my experience. There will, of course, be exceptions.

Of course, it would be wrong if you are in a monogamous relationship and you cheated on your BF in any way. (Although, I'm guilty of having done it, as mine is also). But, if you think it might possibly come to that then maybe the two of you should consider trying a relationship where the 2 of you play around with other guys occassionally, but together. You'll be surprised how much more satisfied the two of you might be if you do.

By the way, you are asking for temptation by being at a gay gym. Straight gyms are much better places to workout at. In my experience gay gyms are nothing but pick-up joints and gossip holes. And, by working out there, you are in a sense putting your hand in the flame.

Join a straight gym, acknowledge to your BF that you are sometimes attracted to other men----that is completely normal. And, see where the two of you can go from there.

Brutal honesty will get you further, than denying what your are feeling will.....No matter what anyone else says-------being two gay men is a totally different ball of wax....you've got testosterone x2 to deal with.

Good luck.

 

[john937]

Solution1: 3 ways, the two of you go to a bar, pick one out and tell him "How'd you like to be the center of attention for 2 guys at the same time". Very few guys will turn down such an offer. Make the offer even more enticing to your partner by letting him do the choosing.

Solution 2: The gay men's massage group "Body Electric" is having a intro and seminars every couple of months in houston.
I've seen it advertised in the Triangle. Great group.
I went to one of the "Celebrating the Body Erotic" seminars and had a great time,
and they encourage couples to attend together.
It's guys getting together for group massages. Very sexy, but not really down and dirty sex.

http://www.bodyelectric.org/Mens_Progs.html#CBE_Men

Solution 3: my partner and I have an internet ad to give massages to fit college age guys. We get them on the massage table and give them a 4 handed massage they'll never forget. We get so turned on from giving the massage, when they leave....
The nice thing about this alternative is it's completely aids safe.

 

[runner]

thanks for the advice...

i think both of us want the fairy tale marriage with the white picket fence and total devotion to each other...somehow 3 ways and "open relationships" don't fit into that dream.

i'm assuming y'all feel that the traditional relationship where the husband and wife stay in love and remain committed for life is a pipe dream for two attractive gay men?

 

[john937]

i'm assuming y'all feel that the traditional relationship where the husband and wife stay in love and remain committed for life is a pipe dream for two attractive gay men?
I think it leads to exactly the problem you're having. Boredom.
Of course, if you can live with boredom....fine....you'll just be....bored.
Unless you can figure out other ways to keep it interesting.
Toys? Bondage? Kink? Travel?

The only other way I've seen couples handle it, is cheating when they're out of town and then denying it.
I don't lie well, doesn't work for me.

 

[AGENT SHAGWELL]

If he can't trust you, happiness will never be.

If you yourself admit you wonder, perhaphs he gets that vibe you want to explore other options.

I have only been in love once. But at that time, no ONE, and I honestly say that NO ONE (not even Goldberg) could have even come close to the attraction I felt for him. (physical, mental, etc.)

P.S. I would be calling BS right now if I was reading this, but it was true.

 

[RyanH]

Nope...it's not a pipedream at all. I too used to believe monogamy was the only way to go, but time completely changed my mind. On the other hand, many gay couples have successful monogamous relationships. But, many do not.

You have to be realistic about your desires and what you want....I know that from time to time I'm much happier when my sex life is "spiced" up. We play around 3 or 4 times a year, and those few times seem to keep me content-----and keep me from straying.

I avoid looking around as much and I avoid going behind his back....We have an honest relationship...It took a long time to achieve that. But, finally we found the best solution.

 

[BO-CEPHUS]

I avoid looking around as much and I avoid going behind his back....We have an honest relationship...It took a long time to achieve that. But, finally we found the best solution.

Did you just finally come out of the closet?

 

[RyanH]

Did you just finally come out of the closet?

I never knew there was a closet to come out of......