So my father passed away...family issues with brother.

[nangiggles]

sorry to hear AV

 

[Cutiebaby]

Hi, sorry to hear about your father!

As for your brother and mother situation you can go ahead and bring your mother to the SSI department office. Explain that she will be placed into a home and that you want to be the representative payee. Her SSI checks will come in your name as well as her name therefor your brother will not be able to touch them. My mother is the rep payee for my step dad in the event that he needs to be placed and other family members take his money.

As for home placement, shop around. Meaning don't settle on one home, each rate is different per home. There may be a place that medicaid/care (whatever it is called) will pay for the majority and she will still get a partial SSI check. Although the best way to get this is to do assisted living and not full out nursing home placement.

 

[PICK3]

As for your brother and mother situation you can go ahead and bring your mother to the SSI department office. Explain that she will be placed into a home and that you want to be the representative payee. Her SSI checks will come in your name as well as her name therefor your brother will not be able to touch them.

So, the first kid that drags their aging parent down to the SSI office gets legal control of the finances?

The bigger problem, as previously mentioned, is protecting assets.

Seek an atty experienced in this arena in your state.

 

[needtogetarmy]

Hi, sorry to hear about your father!

As for your brother and mother situation you can go ahead and bring your mother to the SSI department office. Explain that she will be placed into a home and that you want to be the representative payee. Her SSI checks will come in your name as well as her name therefor your brother will not be able to touch them. My mother is the rep payee for my step dad in the event that he needs to be placed and other family members take his money.

As for home placement, shop around. Meaning don't settle on one home, each rate is different per home. There may be a place that medicaid/care (whatever it is called) will pay for the majority and she will still get a partial SSI check. Although the best way to get this is to do assisted living and not full out nursing home placement.

Thanks Angel! This is good info! I owe ya!

 

[needtogetarmy]

So, the first kid that drags their aging parent down to the SSI office gets legal control of the finances?

The bigger problem, as previously mentioned, is protecting assets.

Seek an atty experienced in this arena in your state.

I got the attorney on wraps. That was the first visit I did up there.

I am the personal rep now with probate and I will get whatever power I need from here on out. My brother doesn't have the skillz to do this. And APS was already warned by my dad before he passed not to let my brother handle anything.

 

[trex74]

My dad was 68. He smoked 2 packs of Pall Mall non-filters for since he was 14. He still smoked until the last day. The oxygen tank was right next to his case of cigs.

Anyway, he never told me he had lung cancer. I didn't know until his hospice nurse called. I know he didn't do this because he didn't want to burden me with all of it. He looked like crap at the last family reunion last summer. I didn't recognize him when I saw his body at the morgue. I got the call on a Friday by the nurse that he was not doing well. I flew from NC to Maine the next day and he was already gone.

It doesn't bother me didn't tell me. I loved my dad and I respect his decision although I don't agree with it.

Anyway, now the good part. My mom is 60, never worked (housewife) and has dementia and MS. She is koo-koo. My brother is 31, drives a cab for 20 hours a week, and earns 1/2 of minimum wage. He never left home, dropped out of college (he had a full boat piano scholarship) and he is basically a bum.

Before my dad died he told everyone, including myself, he didn't want my brother to handle any money. My dad didn't do anything to protect a darn thing. His estate is worth maybe 150K. All of it went to my mom.

My mom never worked so she can't get Social Security or Medicare. She gets 71% of my dads SS but overall that is $1300 a month. Not enough to pay for insurance, food etc. Because she has over $6000 in assets she cannot get on Medicaid or get food stamps. Basically I have to use the $150K (which includes a house that needs probably 50K in repairs) before my mom qualifies for anything.

My mom lives with my brother, and he is basically in control of the money for now. I am working on a trust but I am in NC and I can't manage the day to day affairs of all of it.

The kicker is my mom is nuts and needs to be put in a home. If that happens the state is going to take all of the money to pay for her. Right now I am trying to figure out a way to protect the assets from my brother and the state.

I told my brother he needs to pitch in for the bills because he is living in the same house as my mom. His plan is to live off of her SS. Insane? I think so.

I am so sorry to hear your dad died. My condolences.
If your mom is mentally incapacitated, she needs a legal guardian/conservator to handle her affairs.
I think the laws will depend on your state, but it sounds as if your brother is unable to properly manage her estate himself. It actually sounds like he is exploiting her financially while she is unable to make sound decisions.
I don't know too much about it, but these resources looked handy if you are in NC.

North Carolina Guardianship Association - FAQs
Resources and Links

 

[needtogetarmy]

I am so sorry to hear your dad died. My condolences.
If your mom is mentally incapacitated, she needs a legal guardian/conservator to handle her affairs.
I think the laws will depend on your state, but it sounds as if your brother is unable to properly manage her estate himself. It actually sounds like he is exploiting her financially while she is unable to make sound decisions.
I don't know too much about it, but these resources looked handy if you are in NC.

North Carolina Guardianship Association - FAQs
Resources and Links

I'm in NC (and an attorney here). My mom is in Maine though. Laws are different up there. I have retained a local atty up there.

My brother would exploit anyone to get a free ride. I am going to make sure he gets exploited, and he learns how to support himself in the process.

 

[trex74]

I'm in NC (and an attorney here). My mom is in Maine though. Laws are different up there. I have retained a local atty up there.

My brother would exploit anyone to get a free ride. I am going to make sure he gets exploited, and he learns how to support himself in the process.

Good luck with that, I am sure he will thank you later if he has any heart whatsoever..

 

[billfred]

My dad was 68. He smoked 2 packs of Pall Mall non-filters for since he was 14. He still smoked until the last day. The oxygen tank was right next to his case of cigs.

Anyway, he never told me he had lung cancer. I didn't know until his hospice nurse called. I know he didn't do this because he didn't want to burden me with all of it. He looked like crap at the last family reunion last summer. I didn't recognize him when I saw his body at the morgue. I got the call on a Friday by the nurse that he was not doing well. I flew from NC to Maine the next day and he was already gone.

It doesn't bother me didn't tell me. I loved my dad and I respect his decision although I don't agree with it.

Anyway, now the good part. My mom is 60, never worked (housewife) and has dementia and MS. She is koo-koo. My brother is 31, drives a cab for 20 hours a week, and earns 1/2 of minimum wage. He never left home, dropped out of college (he had a full boat piano scholarship) and he is basically a bum.

Before my dad died he told everyone, including myself, he didn't want my brother to handle any money. My dad didn't do anything to protect a darn thing. His estate is worth maybe 150K. All of it went to my mom.

My mom never worked so she can't get Social Security or Medicare. She gets 71% of my dads SS but overall that is $1300 a month. Not enough to pay for insurance, food etc. Because she has over $6000 in assets she cannot get on Medicaid or get food stamps. Basically I have to use the $150K (which includes a house that needs probably 50K in repairs) before my mom qualifies for anything.

My mom lives with my brother, and he is basically in control of the money for now. I am working on a trust but I am in NC and I can't manage the day to day affairs of all of it.

The kicker is my mom is nuts and needs to be put in a home. If that happens the state is going to take all of the money to pay for her. Right now I am trying to figure out a way to protect the assets from my brother and the state.

I told my brother he needs to pitch in for the bills because he is living in the same house as my mom. His plan is to live off of her SS. Insane? I think so.

My advice is not to worry about the $150k. Get your Mom in the home and think of that as the cost. You will spend that in 1yr to put her in a private home and she is probably going to be in a home for 10 plus years. This will be a bargain.

 

[SouthernLord]

I'm so sorry brother