So my father passed away...family issues with brother.

[needtogetarmy]

My dad was 68. He smoked 2 packs of Pall Mall non-filters for since he was 14. He still smoked until the last day. The oxygen tank was right next to his case of cigs.

Anyway, he never told me he had lung cancer. I didn't know until his hospice nurse called. I know he didn't do this because he didn't want to burden me with all of it. He looked like crap at the last family reunion last summer. I didn't recognize him when I saw his body at the morgue. I got the call on a Friday by the nurse that he was not doing well. I flew from NC to Maine the next day and he was already gone.

It doesn't bother me didn't tell me. I loved my dad and I respect his decision although I don't agree with it.

Anyway, now the good part. My mom is 60, never worked (housewife) and has dementia and MS. She is koo-koo. My brother is 31, drives a cab for 20 hours a week, and earns 1/2 of minimum wage. He never left home, dropped out of college (he had a full boat piano scholarship) and he is basically a bum.

Before my dad died he told everyone, including myself, he didn't want my brother to handle any money. My dad didn't do anything to protect a darn thing. His estate is worth maybe 150K. All of it went to my mom.

My mom never worked so she can't get Social Security or Medicare. She gets 71% of my dads SS but overall that is $1300 a month. Not enough to pay for insurance, food etc. Because she has over $6000 in assets she cannot get on Medicaid or get food stamps. Basically I have to use the $150K (which includes a house that needs probably 50K in repairs) before my mom qualifies for anything.

My mom lives with my brother, and he is basically in control of the money for now. I am working on a trust but I am in NC and I can't manage the day to day affairs of all of it.

The kicker is my mom is nuts and needs to be put in a home. If that happens the state is going to take all of the money to pay for her. Right now I am trying to figure out a way to protect the assets from my brother and the state.

I told my brother he needs to pitch in for the bills because he is living in the same house as my mom. His plan is to live off of her SS. Insane? I think so.

 

[puddlemonkey]

your brother sounds like more of a leech than cw

 

[PICK3]

I am truly so sorry

My biggest loss to date. Hope you cope better than I have.

 

[needtogetarmy]

I am truly so sorry

My biggest loss to date. Hope you cope better than I have.

I was kinda prepared for this. I knew he would get cancer sooner or later. I got to talk to him a week before and that was good. We both know we loved each other and I have awesome memories of him and that is all that matters.

The crazy thing is I am a success in life because of my dad and his work ethic was amazing. He was a workhorse. My brother is such a shame.

My dad asked my brother what his plans were if he passed and he said his plan was to live off of my mom's welfare check. Seriously.

I really want to make sure he doesn't get a dime of anything. It makes me sick he is such a leach.

 

[mustang_00]

sorry for your loss man!!

i was under the impression that in situations like yours that the house would have to stay in someone's (yours i'd hope) name for no less than a year. or, a nursing facility could take a lean on it as payment for your moms care!?

 

[bakemeacookie]

Sorry to hear about your dad

c

 

[binö]

damn maing sorry about your loss
paul malls are serious business, not sure how people puff those nasty things

 

[needtogetarmy]

sorry for your loss man!!

i was under the impression that in situations like yours that the house would have to stay in someone's (yours i'd hope) name for no less than a year. or, a nursing facility could take a lean on it as payment for your moms care!?

Maine has crazy laws that seize assets when people go on the dole.

Everything is in my mom's name which is not good. She has too many assets to quality. I can make them disappear but then they will do a 5 year look-back and go after who she transferred the assets to. If it is a family member they will take it.

I told my dad years ago to set up a trust. He didn't. I even offered to pay for it (I knew he didn't want to spend the money).

She does have the house. I was thinking of spending the money on fixing up the house, then I buy the house (set up an LLC) for fair market value, then we are good. She will still have a 50K gain on the house and I would charge her rent. Thus the money stays in the family.

But she just went in for a psyche eval Monday. The guy from Adult Protective Service called and she is really bad. I get the word tomorrow what they are going to do. If they put her in a home it is all gone because I won't have a justification to fix the house and the money will need to go for her care. Plus, if she is ruled mentally incompetent, and I am going to be the fiduciary, I can't do any hokey-pokey with the money or they will come after me.

I am an attorney but this is not my line of expertise. I got a small town attorney up there who I am working with and he is top notch. I plan on flying up in Nov and seeing what I can do.

It is still super fvcked up.

Word to everyone here: do your estate planning early. My dad's goal was not to burden anyone. By doing nothing it created one hell of a burden. I'm a tough mo-fo and I can handle it. Thank god my brother is not the one in charge. My mom would be out on the street.

 

[shirlene29]

an alternate suggestion...and i don't know if its viable but...
have Mom put in a home..because of the dementia and the limitations of MS
fix the house some and rent it?
use rental money to fund Mom's care?


dementia is really tough on a family...really really tough

I am very sorry about your dad AV
kick your brothers ass for sucking off everyone elses money

barring any of that, consult with a good estate attorney?

 

[needtogetarmy]

an alternate suggestion...and i don't know if its viable but...
have Mom put in a home..because of the dementia and the limitations of MS
fix the house some and rent it?
use rental money to fund Mom's care?


dementia is really tough on a family...really really tough

I am very sorry about your dad AV
kick your brothers ass for sucking off everyone elses money

barring any of that, consult with a good estate attorney?

That is an option too but if the money runs out, and I cannot rent it, the State of Maine will seize it very quickly. Getting it out of her name is the way to go.

Or I could create an LLC with her as one of the members. The thing is if she is already deemed mentally incompetent she is not allowed to do that. Whether I can as her personal rep is an issue I might need to look into. Good idea.