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saying no....

C

cindylou

Fancy
EF VIP
To people..........

normally I have no problem setting boundries but since I'm a bridesmaid in two weddings Im finding myself frazzled....and feeling guilty for saying no.


Like for instance, they let me know the day before they want me to help with invites. well, I know that as a bridesmaid I'm supposed to help with this stuff...but they never give me any notice and frankly, I'm tired of hearing and thinking about the wedding. I already had stuff planned (nothing i probably couldnt change though) and thats one of the few nights I get to see my husband this week because we are so busy.

this is my husband's sister which makes it even worse

am i wrong? Am i a bad friend/sis for saying no all the time?

I already said no. I feel guilty which is making me angry.
 
All the girls here have a very hard time saying "no".
 
why do I feel guilty? I never feel guilty for this kinda shit.

I want to be there for her and support her, but I'm staring to dislike her a little bit.

I feel awful for even thinking about her this way, this sweet girl.
 
cindylou said:
why do I feel guilty? I never feel guilty for this kinda shit.

I want to be there for her and support her, but I'm staring to dislike her a little bit.

I feel awful for even thinking about her this way, this sweet girl.
Click to expand...

maybe the guillt comes from feelings of disliking her lately
but you shouldnt feel guilty for saying no if youre really too busy. dont feel bad about that.
 
Smurfy said:
maybe the guillt comes from feelings of disliking her lately
but you shouldnt feel guilty for saying no if youre really too busy. dont feel bad about that.
Click to expand...

It is that , and the fact that I know I could change my plans if I wanted to....but I didnt.

I dont know if I should bend my will a little bit and be more sensitive to the fact that getting married turns some girls into bitches.

I cant sympathize because I didnt turn into a bitch....nor did I make them spend a small fortune either
 
cindylou said:
why do I feel guilty? I never feel guilty for this kinda shit.

I want to be there for her and support her, but I'm staring to dislike her a little bit.

I feel awful for even thinking about her this way, this sweet girl.
Click to expand...

Guilt is a misguided emotion. There is something else buggin you it seems.

We all have a right to be selfish, because sometimes being self centered retains our self-preservation
 
my wife is going through this currently. the wedding is this weekend.

besides being expected to stop everything for this bitch, we have been told:

you cannot stay at the hotel the night before the wedding
you cant use the same hair stylist as the bride
you must wear a shaul over the dress (my wife is pretty lean and ripped, the bride is fat, she said she doesnt want people to see the muscles)
you are expected to be at the hotal at 7 am for a 7 pm wedding

fuck these crazy people.
 
timtim said:
my wife is going through this currently. the wedding is this weekend.

besides being expected to stop everything for this bitch, we have been told:

you cannot stay at the hotel the night before the wedding
you cant use the same hair stylist as the bride
you must wear a shaul over the dress (my wife is pretty lean and ripped, the bride is fat, she said she doesnt want people to see the muscles)
you are expected to be at the hotal at 7 am for a 7 pm wedding

fuck these crazy people.
Click to expand...


I know. Brides are getting rediculous

i never did this stuff to my bridesmaids

they also expect it, not appreciate it.

i do not think i will accept another bridesmaid offer

they turn the sweetest girls into something else
 
cindylou said:
I know. Brides are getting rediculous

i never did this stuff to my bridesmaids

they also expect it, not appreciate it.

i do not think i will accept another bridesmaid offer

they turn the sweetest girls into something else
Click to expand...

this is my wifes last one. waste of time, money, and brain cells listening to these ridiculous demands.
 
blueta2 said:
I have no problem saying no, but it took me years to master it

No you're not bad for saying no.
Click to expand...

hmmmm, do you think that's related to the religion thread. I can recall from childhood the preachers wife calling and asking me to play the piano at church. No was not an option.

Its taken me a long time too. Why is it that we let guilt drive us so?
 
OneBreath said:
hmmmm, do you think that's related to the religion thread. I can recall from childhood the preachers wife calling and asking me to play the piano at church. No was not an option.

Its taken me a long time too. Why is it that we let guilt drive us so?
Click to expand...

When I was younger, I needed/wanted EVERYONE to like me, so I never said no. I was always the taxi service for my friends (I had a car, they never did), I would lend money etc.
I wanted so bad to be liked.
Well, as I got older, I realized, self preservation was way more attractive to me than caring what others thought so I just one day said "no"

I have less and less guilt as I evolve
 
I didnt learn how to say no until I got married and had to deal with another family guilting me into things i didnt want to do and the first year of marriage i tried to be everything to everyone, and I lost in the end.

i've never once felt guilt saying no since then, but this wedding makes me feel i need to be more than what i normally am

at the same time im going nuts! I'm sick of hearing about it. she seriously is acting sorta spoiled. i dunno. she's normally a sweet girl

and i've seriously so far spent 1000 bucks and I have not gotten johnny's tux yet , thrown the bachelorette party, or bought shoes or a wedding gift!
 
blueta2 said:
When I was younger, I needed/wanted EVERYONE to like me, so I never said no. I was always the taxi service for my friends (I had a car, they never did), I would lend money etc.
I wanted so bad to be liked.
Well, as I got older, I realized, self preservation was way more attractive to me than caring what others thought so I just one day said "no"

I have less and less guilt as I evolve
Click to expand...

See, I think have a tendancy to be selfish......and I'm working on NOT being so selfish...so i never know when I'm allowing myself to be selfish, or self preservation. Its hard to tell sometimes.
 
cindylou said:
See, I think have a tendancy to be selfish......and I'm working on NOT being so selfish...so i never know when I'm allowing myself to be selfish, or self preservation. Its hard to tell sometimes.
Click to expand...

here's the trick; if it feels bad, don't do it ;-)
 
okay she just called me and asked if i was okay.

she was getting a vibe.

i feel like such a butt.

she really is sweet. There is no way im going to tell her that im pretty much burned out
 
I don't see how she could expect someone to be able to do it on a one day notice.

And spending $1000+ is crazy! I'm pissed when I have to spend $100 to rent a tux.

If I ever get married, I hope my wife doesn't want a big wedding. It seems like such a waste of money to me.
 
One day's notice is bullshit...don't feel bad for another second. There's nothing I hate more than last-minute requests on my time...it's so damn inconsiderate.
 
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