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Relationship Advice..

I

Inhibitor13

New member
So Ive been dating this girl for 5 yrs and x amount of months..were engaged, been for a yr. She was the sweetest girl when we met (just like them all) now, she is wow, literally killing me inside. Ive never felt like someones pet before in my life. For her birthday, I didnt have much cash flow at the time but I went and took what i did have and bought her a cake and had her name written on it, bought her 10 balloons (all different) and a card that I picked out trying to find the "perfect" one..(which took 15 min.). She liked it when she saw it when she came home from work. Made me happy, but later that night..apparently it wasnt enough and that I ruined her birthday. Mind you no one else did anything better. Now tonight she told my family that I didnt even get anything for her for her birthday !?

Last Valentines day when we got engaged, I suprised her..... got a cabin for the weekend w/jaccuzzi (sp?) rose pedals..etc ect. Bought her a $2000 princess cut 1ct diamond ring. The 2000 bucks was a lot for me at the time, but I love her and she was gonna have this forever... maybe even upgrade in the future when I am dine with college. Nope, only a yr later she wants a Leo..now!

I dont know what to do, I cant take it anymore..she always wants to fight with me about little shit. I am the typical guy, I dont say anything and take it like a bitch. Then I have her family thinking everythings my fault and doesnt ever say that she is acting a little outrageous. My cousin, practically my brother is telling me to leave her but for some reason I cant...I just dont wanna go through the mind shit and what not that happens afterwards. I am afraid of makin the wrong decision too. I sucks so bad, I pray something good happens outta all this. I cant take it anymore !


Has anyone ever been in this situation?
 
Inhibitor13 said:
So Ive been dating this girl for 5 yrs and x amount of months..were engaged, been for a yr. She was the sweetest girl when we met (just like them all) now, she is wow, literally killing me inside. Ive never felt like someones pet before in my life. For her birthday, I didnt have much cash flow at the time but I went and took what i did have and bought her a cake and had her name written on it, bought her 10 balloons (all different) and a card that I picked out trying to find the "perfect" one..(which took 15 min.). She liked it when she saw it when she came home from work. Made me happy, but later that night..apparently it wasnt enough and that I ruined her birthday. Mind you no one else did anything better. Now tonight she told my family that I didnt even get anything for her for her birthday !?

Last Valentines day when we got engaged, I suprised her..... got a cabin for the weekend w/jaccuzzi (sp?) rose pedals..etc ect. Bought her a $2000 princess cut 1ct diamond ring. The 2000 bucks was a lot for me at the time, but I love her and she was gonna have this forever... maybe even upgrade in the future when I am dine with college. Nope, only a yr later she wants a Leo..now!

I dont know what to do, I cant take it anymore..she always wants to fight with me about little shit. I am the typical guy, I dont say anything and take it like a bitch. Then I have her family thinking everythings my fault and doesnt ever say that she is acting a little outrageous. My cousin, practically my brother is telling me to leave her but for some reason I cant...I just dont wanna go through the mind shit and what not that happens afterwards. I am afraid of makin the wrong decision too. I sucks so bad, I pray something good happens outta all this. I cant take it anymore !


Has anyone ever been in this situation?
Click to expand...

Never as I am usually the bad boy....dont put up with shit and such....you can find someone else who appreciates your kindness...
 
don't just up and leave. Talk to her, calmly!!! If you are engaged and can't talk to her you are best not to get married anyways as it would lead to disaster down the road. Don't ever try to buy a woman's heart, that is asking for nothing but bad. Best of luck to you
 
My buddy was in the exact same situation....his name is Scott Petterson....I'll have to ask him how he handled it!
 
heavy_duty said:
only 2 kinds of women bro.

(1) one who supports you.
(2) one who is a cancer on your brain.

Get rid of this spoiled brat bitch.
Click to expand...



yep
 
The real problem here is that you are in a relationship in which either you don't trust each other enough, don't communicate well enough about what is important to each other or you're with someone that only thinks of herself.

Doesn't matter what the answer - this is not a positive relationship.

You can either fix it (if at all possible and this will have to involved both of you) or walk away from it.











Please explain to me how you can be involved for 5 years and engaged and she not know your cash flow is tight? I mean you don't have to whip out a bank statement for review to see when someones spending behavior changes - how could she not know?

It's either her being self absorbed, your pretending to be what you think she wants or this relationship only has history on a superficial level.
 
Inhibitor13 said:
So Ive been dating this girl for 5 yrs and x amount of months..were engaged, been for a yr. She was the sweetest girl when we met (just like them all) now, she is wow, literally killing me inside. Ive never felt like someones pet before in my life. For her birthday, I didnt have much cash flow at the time but I went and took what i did have and bought her a cake and had her name written on it, bought her 10 balloons (all different) and a card that I picked out trying to find the "perfect" one..(which took 15 min.). She liked it when she saw it when she came home from work. Made me happy, but later that night..apparently it wasnt enough and that I ruined her birthday. Mind you no one else did anything better. Now tonight she told my family that I didnt even get anything for her for her birthday !?

Last Valentines day when we got engaged, I suprised her..... got a cabin for the weekend w/jaccuzzi (sp?) rose pedals..etc ect. Bought her a $2000 princess cut 1ct diamond ring. The 2000 bucks was a lot for me at the time, but I love her and she was gonna have this forever... maybe even upgrade in the future when I am dine with college. Nope, only a yr later she wants a Leo..now!

I dont know what to do, I cant take it anymore..she always wants to fight with me about little shit. I am the typical guy, I dont say anything and take it like a bitch. Then I have her family thinking everythings my fault and doesnt ever say that she is acting a little outrageous. My cousin, practically my brother is telling me to leave her but for some reason I cant...I just dont wanna go through the mind shit and what not that happens afterwards. I am afraid of makin the wrong decision too. I sucks so bad, I pray something good happens outta all this. I cant take it anymore !


Has anyone ever been in this situation?
Click to expand...
Awwww...sweetie, you sound like such a KEEPER. How many women would LOVE how thoughtful and kind you are!

On the other hand, it sounds like your girl somehow has tied the idea of romance to material objects. If you really love her and want to try to work it out, you really need to approach her and talk about your feelings in this regard. If that doesn't work, you need to decide if you can live with this flaw of hers or not. Don't think that making more money later will help. It is likely then that she may expect more and more, because this really isn't about getting what she needs but more a desire for more and more.
 
heatherrae said:
Awwww...sweetie, you sound like such a KEEPER. How many women would LOVE how thoughtful and kind you are!

On the other hand, it sounds like your girl somehow has tied the idea of romance to material objects. If you really love her and want to try to work it out, you really need to approach her and talk about your feelings in this regard. If that doesn't work, you need to decide if you can live with this flaw of hers or not. Don't think that making more money later will help. It is likely then that she may expect more and more, because this really isn't about getting what she needs but more a desire for more and more.
Click to expand...



Ok FINE

You be the good cop.
I'll be the bad one.

Shesh.
:chomp:
 
jackangel said:
have you considered getting a vasectomy and not telling her? pretty sure that should lead to good things.
Click to expand...
:lmao:

That was pretty good.
 
you have 5 years worth of memories, memory/emotion anchors, and emotional investment, and so its normal to reject the idea of breaking up with her. that doesnt remove the need to be objective and rational in your relationship choices.

i really strongly agree with velvett. 5 years together means that she knows your financial means, unless youve misrepresented yourself like a champion (unlikely) or her brain is totally switched off (also unlikely) or youve been totally superficial for 5 years (also unlikely, since 5 years worth of memories brute forces your brains selection wiring).

hence, her demands for expensive gifts (or even mentioning material gifts in the first place - huge black mark saying what she did to your family) are probably a result of her being a selfish, inconsiderate twit. regardless of how you represent yourself, being in college = automatic "get out of buying expensive gifts all the time free" card. logically, your girl is acting illogically. (ya know? ;))

anyway be that as it may, youve already decided to keep her and so the only thing you can do (since you cant throw $ at the problem, even if it was the right thing to do - i cant stand materialistic women) is demonstrate that you are a valuable guy, and get her wanting you again. you basically have to reattract your own girlfriend. which sucks. a lot.

women respond best to social value, and so becoming a socially valuable male is your best shot, so try to do the following:

get other women to like you. if a woman sees that other women are attracted to you, its a bit like verification that shes doing the right thing being with you, and it kills a lot of the "what ifs' in her mind

improve your status. women are attracted to high status males, and since youre in college, play up how high status you will be as soon as you finish your degree/qualification/whatever. let her be attracted to the future you, since you cant be that right now.

stop taking her shit, and be ready to dump her. viable, valuable men do not take shit from idiot women. they just replace said idiot woman with a slightly less idiotic model. if you put up with your girls irrational crap, she cant help but see you as being of lower value, and feel less attraction.

im over typing, but theyre the main ones anyway. cheerios :)
 
heatherrae said:
Awwww...sweetie, you sound like such a KEEPER. How many women would LOVE how thoughtful and kind you are!

On the other hand, it sounds like your girl somehow has tied the idea of romance to material objects. If you really love her and want to try to work it out, you really need to approach her and talk about your feelings in this regard. If that doesn't work, you need to decide if you can live with this flaw of hers or not. Don't think that making more money later will help. It is likely then that she may expect more and more, because this really isn't about getting what she needs but more a desire for more and more.
Click to expand...
If it is just a misunderstanding, work it out. Talk nicely, with lots of kisses and smiles, to her explaining your situation. It seems like you really love her. Tell her (once again) how important she is to you.
I don't know whether it was building over time, or you just woke up one day and realised what shit you were in (pardon my expression).
Don't so easily give up on something good that you have built over so long.

If that is her real personality, then you have a problem.
You can't "talk" someone out of his/her personality. Even years of psychotherapy rarely achieves that objective.
One's personality develops as one grows up. By this age, it is all done with.
My opinion is based both on personal experience AND behavioral science.

If she does not appreciate all that you do for her, and knows you can't afford it but still wants it bad, well that's a glimpse of what to come in future.
 
A materialistic lady would not last a day with me.
I like women who appreciate the little things, and then I’ll now that she’s really going to appreciate a $150.00 dinner.

Going out for a $2.00 ice cream can be very romantic too and there is nothing wrong with a $500.00 pair of earrings….man not all jewelry has to cost $1500 + + +

Tell your GF to go fuck herself!
 
two questions:

1) Does she give good head.

2) Is she quiet when she is giving you good head.

if the answer to both questions is yes, just play along.
 
I"m w/ both vel & heatherrae -- gotta talk to the girl & explore expectations. Finances are usually the biggest cause of strife & break up. Is it important that she gets material shit for her bday or are you both on the same page in investing in your successful future - personally, spiritually & financially?

Seriously consider checking this out: http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/
Or at least see if Dave Ramsey broadcasts on one of your local AM radio stations -- I haven't done it personally - I don't carry any debt except 1 monthly credit card & trying to sell my house. But it gets really petty to turn around & give your SO a pile of shit because it wasn't like Christmas & she's the only child of wealthy, guilt-ridden parents who feel they can't give enough "quality time" to their darling daughter.

Talking about expectations and getting on the same page re: finances & your future is the best gift you could ever give her.
 
Inhibitor13 said:
So Ive been dating this girl for 5 yrs and x amount of months..were engaged, been for a yr. She was the sweetest girl when we met (just like them all) now, she is wow, literally killing me inside. Ive never felt like someones pet before in my life. For her birthday, I didnt have much cash flow at the time but I went and took what i did have and bought her a cake and had her name written on it, bought her 10 balloons (all different) and a card that I picked out trying to find the "perfect" one..(which took 15 min.). She liked it when she saw it when she came home from work. Made me happy, but later that night..apparently it wasnt enough and that I ruined her birthday. Mind you no one else did anything better. Now tonight she told my family that I didnt even get anything for her for her birthday !?

Last Valentines day when we got engaged, I suprised her..... got a cabin for the weekend w/jaccuzzi (sp?) rose pedals..etc ect. Bought her a $2000 princess cut 1ct diamond ring. The 2000 bucks was a lot for me at the time, but I love her and she was gonna have this forever... maybe even upgrade in the future when I am dine with college. Nope, only a yr later she wants a Leo..now!

I dont know what to do, I cant take it anymore..she always wants to fight with me about little shit. I am the typical guy, I dont say anything and take it like a bitch. Then I have her family thinking everythings my fault and doesnt ever say that she is acting a little outrageous. My cousin, practically my brother is telling me to leave her but for some reason I cant...I just dont wanna go through the mind shit and what not that happens afterwards. I am afraid of makin the wrong decision too. I sucks so bad, I pray something good happens outta all this. I cant take it anymore !


Has anyone ever been in this situation?
Click to expand...
would u rather be stuck with her for the rest of your life?

dump her and after a month ull be over her and feeling like you can "breathe" again. i promise you youll remember what being happy is like.

shes a rotten filthy piece of shit with no respect for you, and im not even trying to scare you here bor, but if she hasnt already she WILL cheat on you. you need to start over, you have lost all power and she will go suck on your friends cock the next chance she gets
 
just an example bro, "my friend" was dating this girl who used to worship him and laugh at everything hed say, and he made an awsome joke at a beanbag store, it was called the sac store and he called it the nutsac store, and she kept getting pissed off at him like almost crying like a huge bitch for some reason, and he kept saying it and would ask why somethign that dumb would piss her off.

finally he quit fuckign around adn goes "listen u would normally laugh at something like that or just plain dismiss if it u didnt think it was funny but now ur starting to be a huge bitch whats the deal"

and she told him "i woulda laughed because i used to tryand impress you, but now it just pisses me off"

he told her "fuck that u should always try and impress me"

after that their relationship went downhill,

the moral of this story, that i took at least, is you dont want the woman who is awsome cause shes trying to impress you/lure you in, you want the woman that actually has that awsome and fun personality.

you think shes changed into something bad, but thats not true, she was always bad, and was just something good to lure you in and attract you. once you started being nice to her and lether get away with some bullshit, she realized u loved her and she could stop the "acting", and her true personality came out.

like has been said many times, she is a cancer, and an actress, not the amazing woman you thought you loved.
 
It sounds like her daddy and mommy didn't love her enough and she has learned that love is expressed through providing her with material things. She has a hole that you will never be able to fill and she will always want more. If you respect yourself and her, you will end the relationship. You will never be able to fufill her basic needs and she definitely is not interested in fufilling yours.
 
Has anyone ever been in this situation?
Click to expand...


I’m living like this, and it only gets worst, materialism now, and some other BS tomorrow, I’m ready to throw the hat in, just have not had the whatever to do it,


When I’m not with the Pain in the *** I miss her, even though, there is no way she could treat me worst. Plus she has fanatical temper.
 
You are her bitch.

Do not marry her.

Pretend to lose interest. Stop doing and buying things for her. Watch how she reacts...
 
solidspine said:
I’m living like this, and it only gets worst, materialism now, and some other BS tomorrow, I’m ready to throw the hat in, just have not had the whatever to do it,


When I’m not with the Pain in the *** I miss her, even though, there is no way she could treat me worst. Plus she has fanatical temper.
Click to expand...
leave before u accidentally beat her
 
If you marry a woman that you are having these kind of problems with during the engagement period, you will be making a mistake that will result, inevitably, in divorce.

Conflicting material desires are dealbreakers.

(so is lack of empathy, lack of appreciation, lack of a healthy, realistic outlook on her behalf, but we won't even go there ...)

Do you think this situation is going to get BETTER over time? Do you think she's going to be less of a nag, suddenly find the little shit that's annoying now CUTE in time?

Here's the way dating/love/marriage works:
Dating:
First six months: You're s/o has a funny quirk, it's so endearing.

Love: You're s/o has this habit, but you love them so much but you look right past it.

Marriage:
First six months: Huh, why are they still doing that ...

Everything in the future: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MUST YOU KEEP FUCKING DOING THAT?!? YOU'RE DRIVING ME FUCKING NUTS.

Seriously.

The little shit that is a little irritating NOW is going to be the shit that makes you contemplate murder after a year or two.

Didn't you ever watch the movie Chicago? If you haven't rent it and pay particular attention to the The Cell Block Tango and the story of Bernie popping his gum.

You don't marry someone you fight with all the time BEFORE you're married. That is a recipe for disaster. I don't care HOW much you love her, how much time you've invested in that relationship. Love is not warfare, and constant arguments are not indicative of strong underlying passion. Fighting all the time means you don't agree and don't compromise.
 
Inhibitor13 said:
So Ive been dating this girl for 5 yrs and x amount of months..were engaged, been for a yr. She was the sweetest girl when we met (just like them all) now, she is wow, literally killing me inside. Ive never felt like someones pet before in my life. For her birthday, I didnt have much cash flow at the time but I went and took what i did have and bought her a cake and had her name written on it, bought her 10 balloons (all different) and a card that I picked out trying to find the "perfect" one..(which took 15 min.). She liked it when she saw it when she came home from work. Made me happy, but later that night..apparently it wasnt enough and that I ruined her birthday. Mind you no one else did anything better. Now tonight she told my family that I didnt even get anything for her for her birthday !?

Last Valentines day when we got engaged, I suprised her..... got a cabin for the weekend w/jaccuzzi (sp?) rose pedals..etc ect. Bought her a $2000 princess cut 1ct diamond ring. The 2000 bucks was a lot for me at the time, but I love her and she was gonna have this forever... maybe even upgrade in the future when I am dine with college. Nope, only a yr later she wants a Leo..now!

I dont know what to do, I cant take it anymore..she always wants to fight with me about little shit. I am the typical guy, I dont say anything and take it like a bitch. Then I have her family thinking everythings my fault and doesnt ever say that she is acting a little outrageous. My cousin, practically my brother is telling me to leave her but for some reason I cant...I just dont wanna go through the mind shit and what not that happens afterwards. I am afraid of makin the wrong decision too. I sucks so bad, I pray something good happens outta all this. I cant take it anymore !


Has anyone ever been in this situation?
Click to expand...

It isn't you ... It's her.

Don't walk away. RUN LIKE HELL.
 
Last edited:
how sweet, you have yourself a demanding lil hiltonette.

I hope she looks like Shakira's hotter little sister if you're seriously putting up with that shit..
 
Like several mentioned above: COMMUNICATION

Try talking to her and telling her how you feel man. If she loves you, she will listen and be concerned. If she doesn't then she does not care..And some people need to loose something good before they can appreciate it.

Things are not going to get better, only worse if something does not change..
 
Inhibitor13 said:
Has anyone ever been in this situation?
Click to expand...

no. . .but, you're not even married yet and she's obsessing over dumb stuff?? busting your balls about gifts and the size there of?? that's fucking preposterous. . .that shit will only get worse. i'm a hopeless romantic and i believe that love conquers all. . .but. . .based purely on your description. . .i'd say this relationship is fucking doomed. . .cut your losses and move on. . .

btw. . .i've been with the same woman for 17+ years. . .married for 14+. . .absolutely the BEST years of my life. . .and they continue to get better. . .you can probably have that too. . .but this ain't the one. . .sorry bro. . .
 
She sounds aweful........She should know your financial situation and be happy that you thought enough to do what you did do...I would of so appreciated you for it!!!! I appreciate the heart felt gifts way more than anything...but hey, I've been told I'm easy. lol


j/k on that last part
 
Inhibitor13 said:
Has anyone ever been in this situation?
Click to expand...

No bro, sorry but I've never been fooled that way. if a girl wants my money, then she can apply, work for my business and get the same salary as all my other employees.

You bought a $2000 while in college ? Wow bro, you must be rich or just dont know how to manage your own budget. You made a big mistake, you based this relationship on money, bling and fancy shit. It's too late. Now run away from her and don't do the same mistakes again. Just pick the right one.
 
Dr. JK said:
Like several mentioned above: COMMUNICATION

Try talking to her and telling her how you feel man. If she loves you, she will listen and be concerned. If she doesn't then she does not care..And some people need to loose something good before they can appreciate it.

Things are not going to get better, only worse if something does not change..
Click to expand...

I humbly disagree. There is no talking to a woman like this.

Whether the guy was loaded or piss poor to throw up into his face the lovely gesture and effort he went through to make her feel special is plain wrong and seems to be indicative of her character.

He needs to bolt.

If he wants to waste his time by trying to get her to break up with him so that he can get the ring back he can. But would it be worth it?

There is nothing to talk about with a woman or man like this. They are users; insatiable beasts that will never be satisfied.
 
Inhibitor13 said:
So Ive been dating this girl for 5 yrs and x amount of months..were engaged, been for a yr. She was the sweetest girl when we met (just like them all) now, she is wow, literally killing me inside. Ive never felt like someones pet before in my life. For her birthday, I didnt have much cash flow at the time but I went and took what i did have and bought her a cake and had her name written on it, bought her 10 balloons (all different) and a card that I picked out trying to find the "perfect" one..(which took 15 min.). She liked it when she saw it when she came home from work. Made me happy, but later that night..apparently it wasnt enough and that I ruined her birthday. Mind you no one else did anything better. Now tonight she told my family that I didnt even get anything for her for her birthday !?

Last Valentines day when we got engaged, I suprised her..... got a cabin for the weekend w/jaccuzzi (sp?) rose pedals..etc ect. Bought her a $2000 princess cut 1ct diamond ring. The 2000 bucks was a lot for me at the time, but I love her and she was gonna have this forever... maybe even upgrade in the future when I am dine with college. Nope, only a yr later she wants a Leo..now!

I dont know what to do, I cant take it anymore..she always wants to fight with me about little shit. I am the typical guy, I dont say anything and take it like a bitch. Then I have her family thinking everythings my fault and doesnt ever say that she is acting a little outrageous. My cousin, practically my brother is telling me to leave her but for some reason I cant...I just dont wanna go through the mind shit and what not that happens afterwards. I am afraid of makin the wrong decision too. I sucks so bad, I pray something good happens outta all this. I cant take it anymore !


Has anyone ever been in this situation?
Click to expand...

Dude WTF? if She loves you she would never say anything about shit...she would be happy just to be with you..and if she is telling her family shit about you thats messed up...What is between you and her stays between you and her........All that does it fuck things up even worse..Just my opinoin good luck brotha....
 
this will not be the only ring she ever gets and keeps.
this bitch will be a ring collector.

hey I just thought of something. dood should print all our comments and send them to her.

word!
 
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