QuestionsQ

[satanic goatslayer]

After a night of green water and shine, certain questions arise in my brain, perhaps begging to be answered. It would be wrong of me to not do my best to try to get answers, so I'll ask them on a public internet message board.

Heathens, mongrels, slimy frogs, and innard waste need not reply.

Q#1) We all can agree that the hanging of people is enjoyable for all folks, ages 1-100, yes no? Going from that assumption, I would figure that running teenagers down in my Lada would be beneficial for stress relief?

Q#2) We all love sex. Sex is natural, and has been proven to benefit both body and soul. So why does the woman down the alley always phone 911 when I don my garbage bag tuxedo and flop my phallus around her face?

Q#3) Assumptions, much like the ones I have made in this post, run rampant in the everyday man's psyche. But when I assume that my comatose friend wanted to be exhumed and violated, why was I charged with a felony crime? Do the dead not have a right to sexual intercourse (See Q#2)??? Methinks it be a little fishy.

Any questions you might have, place them here. Perhaps the salvation of our souls relies on the input we gather from the curmudgeons of yore.

Perhaps not.

 

[smallmovesal]

Dear Satan,

As a hard drinking fast driving worshipper of darkness, I have run up a HUGE debt on my credit cards. If I sold you my soul would you pay them all off, or at least put some sort of testicle shrinking curse on the money grubbing, corporate lackey, rat soup eating motherfuckers that run Visa? I hear they are all Southern Baptists anyway. - Maxed out in Mesa

Dead Mesa,

Credit card companies Southern Baptists? Those fuckers are working for me! Who else could dream up 22% interest on money you don't have to spend? And those 'free' credit cards in the mail? That was my idea too! So, my advice to you is to either sell yourself into slavery to pay off the debt, start selling crack to local youth soccer teams, or pick up that credit card I put in your mailbox this morning and put it to use. It's got a $30,000 limit. Pick up a new car while you're at it, on me.

Plastic Soul Catcher,
Satan

My x-girfriend (from her not giving the play enough) from several years ago has been sleeping with most of my friends and their neighbors. In other words that frigid air that nearly cold burnt the jimmy has experienced la nina. In our previous "relationship" I kept her on a tight leash. I have very strong mind control over this libertine. But getting to the dirt, this summer while on a tropical isle I screwed a filthy street walker and have developed a nice skin infection on the trooper. I'm going to give it to her and all my friends, but the questions is how do I keep the infection from tracing back? I want to cover my tracks so I can continue molesting confused little college girls. "Lono's Revenge" my name for the bumps, take about a week to show and I will have to dick her at least six days straight. -Sgt. Plague PS. Is it true Goth chicks like it in the brown eye?

Dr Sgt Plague,

It's soldiers like you that make things easy on demons like me. Sounds like with that little seed you planted, you will soon have a festering disease tree with a branch firmly planted in all your friends' asses. And as you probably know, a pus-pumping member destroys self-esteem, relationships, and creates resentment that may bring a few more to my side. Thanks. As far as covering your tracks, fuck it. Take full credit. College girls are stupid, and you can continue spreading Lono by playing yourself off as a 'misunderstood monster'. I'm not sure if Goth chicks like it in the brown eye, as I don't think anyone's ever fucked one.

See you in Hell,
Satan

 

[satanic goatslayer]

Passing the work of others off as your own is reason enough for death.

Think wisely, Mademoiselle Al.

 

[smallmovesal]

i never claimed it to be my own

 

[satanic goatslayer]

True enough, Albertan hay muncher. I'z be lettin' y'all get back to whatchu all doing out dere.

 

[smallmovesal]

True enough, Albertan hay muncher. I'z be lettin' y'all get back to whatchu all doing out dere.

lol it smells like manure here almost all the time... i HATE it and can't wait to be ready to leave.

anyway, it's bedtime pour moi. night night.

 

[Taps]

I'm a heathen.

I worship you, after all.