Question for the ladies, it's seckshual in nature....

[canadianhitman]

Men dont feel like men if they dont get the women off sectually. That would take some getting used to if i were married and wife just didnt get off like she used to. It also takes trusting her for her word regarding that stuff

I wouldn't have a problem with it. In my mind, if she is unusually hard to bring to orgasm, it's on her...not me. I can relate, as I simply CANNOT get off no matter how skilled a partner I have in some situations. If a woman is on top riding me, it's simply not going to happen regardless of her skillz/tightness. Also, first thing in the morning; I'll do it if she wants...hell, I have fun and all putting the morning wood to use...but I just can't bust a nut because I'm not awake enough. It has everything to do with me, and nothing to do with her. So I don't think I'd have a problem dealing with the reverse situation.

 

[cindylou]

Men dont feel like men if they dont get the women off sectually. That would take some getting used to if i were married and wife just didnt get off like she used to. It also takes trusting her for her word regarding that stuff

I had no idea that men put that much emphasis on our orgasms.

 

[-SD-]

I had no idea that men put that much emphasis on our orgasms.

Well if you are a dime bag we meet in a drunken stupor at a bar then maybe not. But if we see you as potential GF material then your feelings actually begin to matter

 

[nydj66]

I'm not talking about acting put out or lying there like a dead carp, if that's what's going on when your woman is not horny and you are, then you have problems a lot deeper than sexual, seriously. But what I am saying is, that in the average woman, as we get closer to the mid century mark, we don't have the drive we did and it's in no way a reflection of how we feel about our men. Stop EXPECTING us to have the drive we did when we were 20 and accept that when your woman says "I'm good, I love you, shut up and stick it in hon" take it at face value.

A lot of men put WAY too much success/fail emphasis on orgasm. It's just not as important to some women especially as we get older. That doesn't mean we don't want to be with you, don't enjoy giving you pleasure or being the object of your desire, it's just would you stop putting pressure on us to be/do something we're not?! Why is that so hard to understand?

Are male egos so fragile? Are you telling me it's not enough that a woman is warm, receptive, loving you saying (basically) "Honey, I love you and I love being with you, but it ain't gonna happen for me and you shouldn't take it personally." You want her to put a fucking show on, too? Because it sounds to me like some of the guys would rather she FAKE enthusiasm than be honest about who she is.

Seriously, a lot of guys would benefit from reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. He addresses this particular subject and maybe coming from a guy you'll listen (because I know plenty of men who are solidly convinced that the worst place to get advice about women is from another woman).

Look, if you're in a relationship that allows you to say to your wife "Why don't we have sex more often?" and she honestly responds "Because I'm not horny as often as you are." Then you certain should be able to take the conversation to another level where you say "Well, how do you feel about sex when you aren't horny, say if I start things?" and go from there. Most women want their husbands to be happy, seriously. And most people in relationships like doing things for their partners. It's just a matter of reaching an equitable compromise.

First, when it comes to sex men's ego can be fragile; Sorry. It's sort of what defines us and even though it's shallow and foolish, it's still there in the back of our minds.

I'm well aware that at 42, my wife can't perform like she did at 25. I can't either. At 25, I could climb on a woman without any regard for her pleasure or comfort and bring myself to orgasm and be done with it. That's how strong the drive was back then.

Now sometimes I need a show. When I get the positive feedback that a woman is enjoying herself, it sort of snowballs and makes it more enjoyable for me as well.

When it gets to the point that sometimes you're going to get into it and sometimes you're going to do it just for me, I need some indication as to which way we're going to play it. Because when we start I will be trying to make it good for you. If I see that it is working, then I don't have to worry about it any more.

But if the plan is to focus on just my pleasure, I need to be let in on the plan. And maybe some verbal feedback like, "come on baby, I want you to cum for me" is nice too.

I completely understand the mars/venus analogy. We're just disagreeing about where the middle ground is here.

 

[IrightI]

I had no idea that men put that much emphasis on our orgasms.

Part of it is ego, I'd like to think that I'm a good lover. Rocking a womans, in my case my wifes, world has a definate excitement. Also, if you try to make it good for them, the reverse is usually true. And, if you never get your cookies, you'll stop wanting to go to the store. Pavlovs dog theory. The more times you ring that bell and give her a treat, the more she'll want you to ring the damn thing.

It very stimulating to see the effect that you can have over your partner. When you have her all the way to the edge of orgasm, sucking on her clit and rolling her nipples between your fingers, your in TOTAL control at that moment. That's a good thing.... I LOVE doing that to my wife, I just wish it was more often.

 

[IrightI]

First, when it comes to sex men's ego can be fragile; Sorry. It's sort of what defines us and even though it's shallow and foolish, it's still there in the back of our minds.

I'm well aware that at 42, my wife can't perform like she did at 25. I can't either. At 25, I could climb on a woman without any regard for her pleasure or comfort and bring myself to orgasm and be done with it. That's how strong the drive was back then.

Now sometimes I need a show. When I get the positive feedback that a woman is enjoying herself, it sort of snowballs and makes it more enjoyable for me as well.

When it gets to the point that sometimes you're going to get into it and sometimes you're going to do it just for me, I need some indication as to which way we're going to play it. Because when we start I will be trying to make it good for you. If I see that it is working, then I don't have to worry about it any more.

But if the plan is to focus on just my pleasure, I need to be let in on the plan. And maybe some verbal feedback like, "come on baby, I want you to cum for me" is nice too.

I completely understand the mars/venus analogy. We're just disagreeing about where the middle ground is here.

another good post NY, I really DO appreciate your posts. They're well written, well thought out, and I'm finding out alot of info as well. TY

TxB

 

[musclemom]

I had no idea that men put that much emphasis on our orgasms.

They turn it into a frigging competition, and then they don't understand why women get irritated about having sex. I'm sitting here saying "DUDE, most of us [women] don't need [or even give a shit about] orgasms with every encounter," and they're sitting there saying "I don't care. I'm not doing it right if you don't get off so you need to get off every time I have sex with you or my ego is damaged and I won't want to fuck you anymore because clearly you don't desire me like you used to or you'd want sex as much as I do and you'd have orgasms every time."

G'damned "alpha male" bullshit mentality, that's all it is. Damn I'm glad I'm married to a guy who gets it and eventually believed me when I explained this to him the tenth time or so. Now if he's in the mood and I'm not, we get together and whatever happens, happens. No drama, no ego, no pressure.

If you love your companion you want them to be happy, and taking the stress away off me to NOT have an orgasm every single time makes me very happy.

Meanwhile, having a partner who never rejects him and will never used sex as a weapon or leverage tool makes my husband happy. It's a win-win.

 

[IrightI]

I don't thnk that MM. My wife and I have had this discusssion a few times in the past years. She ejoys the physicality of sex, my hightened arousal at the point of orgasm, she feels me swelling inside her and THAT is exciting to her. Because I used to slow down, change rythm, etc to make the feeling last longer, and to make (what I thought) a more pleasurable experience for her.... wasn't. She told me to just go ahead and finish. She was more fulfilled by that. Now, that being said, it takes me 20+ minutes to reach orgasm the first time, longer after that. So, she isn't saying that to a two pump chump. Rarely anymore (and this is going to be a topic of another thread, I hope you follow me over there) can she reach orgasm by vaginal stimulation alone. Consequently, when were having sex, it's a given that there isn't anything that I can do in that situation to even bring her to an orgasm. We have to go completely one way or the other, me finish with an orgasm OR I'll give her oral and/or toys and she'll have one.

 

[shirlene29]

First, when it comes to sex men's ego can be fragile; Sorry. It's sort of what defines us and even though it's shallow and foolish, it's still there in the back of our minds.

I'm well aware that at 42, my wife can't perform like she did at 25. I can't either. At 25, I could climb on a woman without any regard for her pleasure or comfort and bring myself to orgasm and be done with it. That's how strong the drive was back then.

Now sometimes I need a show. When I get the positive feedback that a woman is enjoying herself, it sort of snowballs and makes it more enjoyable for me as well.

When it gets to the point that sometimes you're going to get into it and sometimes you're going to do it just for me, I need some indication as to which way we're going to play it. Because when we start I will be trying to make it good for you. If I see that it is working, then I don't have to worry about it any more.

But if the plan is to focus on just my pleasure, I need to be let in on the plan. And maybe some verbal feedback like, "come on baby, I want you to cum for me" is nice too.

I completely understand the mars/venus analogy. We're just disagreeing about where the middle ground is here.

Im pretty sure this is just maturity..and not the aging variety




but wait...what happens when you get the quickie when you really wanted to longer more entailed version??

 

[javaguru]

They turn it into a frigging competition, and then they don't understand why women get irritated about having sex. I'm sitting here saying "DUDE, most of us [women] don't need [or even give a shit about] orgasms with every encounter," and they're sitting there saying "I don't care. I'm not doing it right if you don't get off so you need to get off every time I have sex with you or my ego is damaged and I won't want to fuck you anymore because clearly you don't desire me like you used to or you'd want sex as much as I do and you'd have orgasms every time."

G'damned "alpha male" bullshit mentality, that's all it is. Damn I'm glad I'm married to a guy who gets it and eventually believed me when I explained this to him the tenth time or so. Now if he's in the mood and I'm not, we get together and whatever happens, happens. No drama, no ego, no pressure.

If you love your companion you want them to be happy, and taking the stress away off me to NOT have an orgasm every single time makes me very happy.

Meanwhile, having a partner who never rejects him and will never used sex as a weapon or leverage tool makes my husband happy. It's a win-win.

How do you explain the "hyper-sexual" female pursuing the male for sex... she always has an orgasm if you give her three minutes on top to work it?