Question for the ladies, it's seckshual in nature....

[nydj66]

Most of you people are WAY over thinking this, he said it in his first post:



Now, see, if he'd just work out a "quickie/longie" deal, he'd be golden. But IrightI doesn't WANT a quickie/longie schedule, he wants wife to have orgasms too, and THAT's what's creating the friction. If you'd just be happy being aggressive, taking your pleasure and just fucking her without worrying about her orgasming, she'd probably be cool with that. But you have to turn it into being about HER pleasure. She doesn't need sex/orgasms as often as you do, she needs a cookie once a week. YOU need a cookie more often, so be the g'damned aggressor, say "Hey honey, you up for a quickie?" Fuck her and stop putting PRESSURE on her to be the initiator for sex, and STOP expecting her to feel sexy WHEN SHE DOESN'T.

Dude, you're a pain in the ass, seriously.

I've been through this with my own husband. Took a LOT of time to get it through his head, too. He's the same way, wanting me to be pleased and it just doesn't work that way. I actually start feeling stressed because he wants to please me and I'm not into it emotionally/hormonally, and then I get irritated because I wish he would JUST be aggressive about it and grab a quickie and stop turning everything into "I can't enjoy myself if you're not enjoying yourself." I don't need that kind of pressure. Look, I know men can't get this, but there are times women PREFER being there for him, with him, but don't need/want the sexual energy. Just get over it and accept it. We can be perfectly happy being present and with you and that's all we want and need.

It's not having sex that's the problem, its the fact you're expecting her to initiate and/or become sexually responsive that's the problem. Throw the idea of "quickies/longies" out to her (quickies being something you initiate, pretty much for your pleasure with no pressure for her to orgasm, longies being something she initiates or is mutual and everyone gets something) and see what she says.

I hear where you're coming from but here's the other side:

Even when it's a quickie, I still want a connection. It's not just about the nut. If you're just going to lay there silently, I'm going to feel like shit.

The reason I put so much effort into giving my wife an orgasm is that I want to know she's feeling loving toward me.

Now, if you don't want to get off, that's not a problem at all. But at least talk dirty, or loving, or coaxing or put some kind of effort into it to let me know I'm worth it. Trust me, it'll be over more quickly that way and we'll both be happy.

 

[billfred]

I hear where you're coming from but here's the other side:

Even when it's a quickie, I still want a connection. It's not just about the nut. If you're just going to lay there silently, I'm going to feel like shit.

The reason I put so much effort into giving my wife an orgasm is that I want to know she's feeling loving toward me.

Now, if you don't want to get off, that's not a problem at all. But at least talk dirty, or loving, or coaxing or put some kind of effort into it to let me know I'm worth it. Trust me, it'll be over more quickly that way and we'll both be happy.

My experience is my wife is good for the long version about 1/month. She is good for the quickie weekly - maybe more if I make it real quick.

 

[IrightI]

Aren't you assuming as well? Of course no one here knows the whole truth to thier marriage, but from what he has stated, they seem to love each other. From his actions, I think he deserves better. It's not like he's a bad guy and there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with your own wife once in awhile.(I'm above normal by the way ;0)By all the repsonses from both male and female posters on here, she is the odd one out here. Speaking from a male point of view, sex is a big motivation of what we seek...most men anyway. In the end, on both sides you'll often find yourself doing things for the other person that you don't normally have any interest in because you want them to be happy. It's a compromise. You think, I want to spend 2 hours of my life watching some gay ass movie like some love story? Hell no!! I've done it anyway, because I know a women will appreciate I took the time to take her and spend time with her. I'm more simple, let me have some gym time, make some good food in awhile, and make love to me, but dont forget to fuck me crazy stlye once in awhile, I'm good. If I get those 3 things I listed, I'll break my back trying to make that women happy. Believe it.

^^ this. good post...

 

[BlueBird]

Don't they always go together? Unless you know women who can talk with a d*ck in their mouth, I guess. Thatd be kind of impressive.

*snicker*

 

[shirlene29]

^^ or it'd be a really small dick

which case...bj's abound....rather just get you out of my hair quick like

 

[musclemom]

I hear where you're coming from but here's the other side:

Even when it's a quickie, I still want a connection. It's not just about the nut. If you're just going to lay there silently, I'm going to feel like shit.

The reason I put so much effort into giving my wife an orgasm is that I want to know she's feeling loving toward me.

Now, if you don't want to get off, that's not a problem at all. But at least talk dirty, or loving, or coaxing or put some kind of effort into it to let me know I'm worth it. Trust me, it'll be over more quickly that way and we'll both be happy.

I'm not talking about acting put out or lying there like a dead carp, if that's what's going on when your woman is not horny and you are, then you have problems a lot deeper than sexual, seriously. But what I am saying is, that in the average woman, as we get closer to the mid century mark, we don't have the drive we did and it's in no way a reflection of how we feel about our men. Stop EXPECTING us to have the drive we did when we were 20 and accept that when your woman says "I'm good, I love you, shut up and stick it in hon" take it at face value.

A lot of men put WAY too much success/fail emphasis on orgasm. It's just not as important to some women especially as we get older. That doesn't mean we don't want to be with you, don't enjoy giving you pleasure or being the object of your desire, it's just would you stop putting pressure on us to be/do something we're not?! Why is that so hard to understand?

Are male egos so fragile? Are you telling me it's not enough that a woman is warm, receptive, loving you saying (basically) "Honey, I love you and I love being with you, but it ain't gonna happen for me and you shouldn't take it personally." You want her to put a fucking show on, too? Because it sounds to me like some of the guys would rather she FAKE enthusiasm than be honest about who she is.

Seriously, a lot of guys would benefit from reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. He addresses this particular subject and maybe coming from a guy you'll listen (because I know plenty of men who are solidly convinced that the worst place to get advice about women is from another woman).

Look, if you're in a relationship that allows you to say to your wife "Why don't we have sex more often?" and she honestly responds "Because I'm not horny as often as you are." Then you certain should be able to take the conversation to another level where you say "Well, how do you feel about sex when you aren't horny, say if I start things?" and go from there. Most women want their husbands to be happy, seriously. And most people in relationships like doing things for their partners. It's just a matter of reaching an equitable compromise.

 

[IrightI]

Most of you people are WAY over thinking this, he said it in his first post:



Now, see, if he'd just work out a "quickie/longie" deal, he'd be golden. But IrightI doesn't WANT a quickie/longie schedule, he wants wife to have orgasms too, and THAT's what's creating the friction. If you'd just be happy being aggressive, taking your pleasure and just fucking her without worrying about her orgasming, she'd probably be cool with that. But you have to turn it into being about HER pleasure. She doesn't need sex/orgasms as often as you do, she needs a cookie once a week. YOU need a cookie more often, so be the g'damned aggressor, say "Hey honey, you up for a quickie?" Fuck her and stop putting PRESSURE on her to be the initiator for sex, and STOP expecting her to feel sexy WHEN SHE DOESN'T.

Dude, you're a pain in the ass, seriously.

I've been through this with my own husband. Took a LOT of time to get it through his head, too. He's the same way, wanting me to be pleased and it just doesn't work that way. I actually start feeling stressed because he wants to please me and I'm not into it emotionally/hormonally, and then I get irritated because I wish he would JUST be aggressive about it and grab a quickie and stop turning everything into "I can't enjoy myself if you're not enjoying yourself." I don't need that kind of pressure. Look, I know men can't get this, but there are times women PREFER being there for him, with him, but don't need/want the sexual energy. Just get over it and accept it. We can be perfectly happy being present and with you and that's all we want and need.

It's not having sex that's the problem, its the fact you're expecting her to initiate and/or become sexually responsive that's the problem. Throw the idea of "quickies/longies" out to her (quickies being something you initiate, pretty much for your pleasure with no pressure for her to orgasm, longies being something she initiates or is mutual and everyone gets something) and see what she says.

uhh huhh. well. I'll have you know that i have discussed my version of your "quicky/longie" with her on several occasions. I use the "fast food, regular meal, and gormet dinner". I think that you can extrappolate what each means. Like NY, I DO like to see her orgasm, she's VERY hard to get off, so when I can, yes.. I like to do that for her. As you say, being that she IS so hard to make cum, it's a pain in the ass to always spend that time trying. I will say this, if she will let me perform oral, she's good for about 10 minutes and it's mission accomplished 100% of the time. I'd do THAT everytime she wants, no exceptions. Like MM says, sometimes she not interested. OK, Cool, but the offer stands. I think that's MORE than fair.

I love my wife. She's my best friend, a long, long time freind, well before we ever started a relationship. Now we have a child, she is a GREAT mom, she's very smart (smarter than me by far), earns very good money as an RN, good houskeeper, can be very funny, we share the same political views, and most importantly, she puts up with me. I love her dearly. We just have this one issue, at least for me. I'm sure she could come up with a few more.... lol

 

[-SD-]

Men dont feel like men if they dont get the women off sectually. That would take some getting used to if i were married and wife just didnt get off like she used to. It also takes trusting her for her word regarding that stuff

 

[IrightI]

Men dont feel like men if they dont get the women off sectually. That would take some getting used to if i were married and wife just didnt get off like she used to. It also takes trusting her for her word regarding that stuff

I've been wanting to start another thread on this exact thing. I'm going to lunch, when I get back, I'll ask the question. Look for it....

 

[-SD-]

I've been wanting to start another thread on this exact thing. I'm going to lunch, when I get back, I'll ask the question. Look for it....

Of course if we talk about dimes picked up at bars or internet then who cares if they get off lol