Putting My Mother In a Nursing Home...

[oxymoron]

I remember when we moved my dads mom and her sister to nursing homes (around the same time, diff cities) and they were so pissed at my dad. Well a few months later I stopped in to see my grandmom and all she could do was talk about all the social buzz and rumors and her friends there. I think its a scary step when ur older but it adds a little back into their lives with all the new activity around them even if they're not very aware themselves. Plus its so nice knowing they're safer.


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[AAP]

So sorry to hear. There really isn't a choice or decision that you can make that isn't going to be hard and difficult. Just make sure she never forgets that you love her and you know that she loves you too. Keep us updated.

 

[SpyWizard]

prayers for you and her during this rough time, do what you can,... but do what you must..

sucks..

 

[digimon7068]

She's only 70, but the diabetes has aged her way beyond her years. Watching my mother go this route is probably the primary reason I'm so vehement about diet and exercise.

Once again, I'd like to thank you all for your well wishes and concerns. I've got a lot to do now as I'm going to be moving her back close to me (she doesn't want to move back to CA) against her wishes, selling her home and finding a nursing facility. I fucking hate this.

so you are or aren't moving her to cali??

 

[simply dave]

so you are or aren't moving her to cali??

I am moving her back to CA. You see, she loves it in OR and she has always wanted her autonomy. When she gave me Power of Attorney it was so that I would respect her wishes for said autonomy which her sister-in-law (who had previous Power of Attorney) did not respect.

I've respected her wishes to this point. Unfortunately at this juncture I've no choice. During her last stay in the hospital I told her that if she could not take care of herself, I would be forced to go against her wishes...We've reached that point.

She has no choice but to move back. I am entertaining giving her 2 choices though...

1...Move back and go into a nursing home
2...Buy a house here in town where I can check in on her daily and set her up with some "care" for a couple hours/day

Either way, she needs to move back here because at this point, managing her care from afar is taking its toll on me emotionally and physically (stress).

 

[stosstruppe]

My mum did it for her mum who suffered from senile dementia for almost 3 years before she finally succumbed to cumulative conditions so have an idea what you're in for - the stress is unquantifiable. Just have to offer your mum the same stability & love she provided you with when you were growing up until her time comes, morbid I know but it's the best you can do.

 

[zwhit]

That sucks. Sorry to hear

 

[digimon7068]

I am moving her back to CA. You see, she loves it in OR and she has always wanted her autonomy. When she gave me Power of Attorney it was so that I would respect her wishes for said autonomy which her sister-in-law (who had previous Power of Attorney) did not respect.

I've respected her wishes to this point. Unfortunately at this juncture I've no choice. During her last stay in the hospital I told her that if she could not take care of herself, I would be forced to go against her wishes...We've reached that point.

She has no choice but to move back. I am entertaining giving her 2 choices though...

1...Move back and go into a nursing home
2...Buy a house here in town where I can check in on her daily and set her up with some "care" for a couple hours/day

Either way, she needs to move back here because at this point, managing her care from afar is taking its toll on me emotionally and physically (stress).

you can't do it from 600 miles away...she'll get used to it, which ever route she decides to take (nursing home or her own home)...have you looked at assisted-living facilities (where she will still have her freedom, but there are people to help her take care of "stuff")? from the sounds of it, that may be a good (albeit temporary) third alternative.

 

[theoak01]

Its not an easy decision,and I hope all goes well for you and your family. after my grandmother went into a nursing home it fucked my grandpa up so bad he just disappears for weeks at a time and is messed up. they were basically the only sense of normal my life has ever had. aging is a mother fucker bro.

all the best to you.

 

[LacticAcid]

I'm sorry to hear about that Would it be possible for her to move in with you? I'm planning on my parents moving in to my house as soon as they can't take care of themselves. I can't afford a nursing home for them + there's a lot of elder abuse there. Purposely going to buy a one story house so it's easy for them to get around. Seeing your parents get old and not being able to take care of themselves is one of the hardest things for us to deal with.