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Possible to move on when you discover your partner has cheated on you?

R

rush74

New member
I was dating a girl in Japan for two months and had to go back home to Australia, we agreed to keep the relationship going, anyway she visited Australia met my parents and last month I went back to Japan to visit her. Anyway I was using her computer and found some websites that related to her ex boyfriends hobbies and background etc. I found out that he had stayed there for 5 days 3 weeks after I left and naturally they had sex etc. She said she needed to do that because it was early in our relationship so she was unsure at the time and I was in Australia etc. She said that she now feels totally different now and feels secure in us and has shown so much remorse. Having discovered I have put her through hell I guess to make her feel guilty what she did as I was naturally devastated when I found out. I want to forgive because I really do love her but it is very hard to take. Has anyone out there been able to forgive or am I just kidding myself? Thanks for any advice.
 
Then move on in the relationship. Your not married....you have a long distance thing going so that makes it hard to know if it is a "real" thing or not.....Forgive is not the "guy" thing to do....but you will be much happier
 
Yes it's possible to move on..........MOVE ON to another girl
 
Hard to say what I would do...

Could I forgive and move on? Yes, I can and have but my situation was different. It wasn't *just a gf/bf* thing.
 
Move on. If she can't be faithful in the beginning, then she most likely will not be later on when things might get a little rough. Loyalty is something that someone has or doesn't have for someone else. I was never loyal to any guy until I met my husband.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
Hard to say what I would do...

Could I forgive and move on? Yes, I can and have but my situation was different. It wasn't *just a gf/bf* thing.
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GOM this gives you the green light to cheat!@#@#!@#!@#!
just be real sorry after the fact lolololo


bro, honestly, if you don't kick this jap hoe to the curb then you are spineless
she had another man's cock inside her, how can you live with that? it would be an embarrassment for you to stay with her
 
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go find a girl that can keep her skanky legs shut for more than 5 days. it'll be hard to do, but not impossible.....
 
Gambino said:
GOM this gives you the green light to cheat!@#@#!@#!@#!
just be real sorry after the fact lolololo


bro, honestly, if you don't kick this jap hoe to the curb then you are spineless
she had another man's cock inside her, how can you live with that? it would be an embarrassment to you to stay with her
Click to expand...
gee, that is an intelligent and thoughtful reply.

:rolleyes:
 
Gambino said:
GOM this gives you the green light to cheat!@#@#!@#!@#!
just be real sorry after the fact lolololo


bro, honestly, if you don't kick this jap hoe to the curb then you are spineless
she had another man's cock inside her, how can you live with that? it would be an embarrassment to you to stay with her
Click to expand...
word. chicks who bedhop are fucking worthless...& also make up 90% of the populace....
 
forgive and forget? a typical woman mantra. then when you as much as suckle a tit at a strip club your ass is grass.

move on without her. she has no integrity and cannot be trusted.
 
timtim said:
forgive and forget? a typical woman mantra. then when you as much as suckle a tit at a strip club your ass is grass.

move on without her. she has no integrity and cannot be trusted.
Click to expand...
word. how many times have i seen on EF how bro's were forbidden bach. parties........??
 
heatherrae said:
gee, that is an intelligent and thoughtful reply.

:rolleyes:
Click to expand...


Yeah. I mean, why all the fuss? If the other guy was Japanese, it ain't like he even made it past the lips. Nothing to worry about there.

P.S. People should know they can't discuss relationship problems on EF until they are positive both offending persons are completely dead and dismembered.
 
Gambino said:
GOM this gives you the green light to cheat!@#@#!@#!@#!
just be real sorry after the fact lolololo
Click to expand...

LOL Hardly... It only means that I am capable of it if certain conditions are present when the infraction occurs, being REAL SORRY for having gotten caught ain't hardly none of 'em as that is a given. Would YOU want to be the one to find out if all the planets would align? I know I wouldn't want to risk knowing whether or not my husband would forgive me such an infraction. But I dont have to worry about that as

A - I dont cheat. Never have. Never will.

B - My husband has already stated time and time again - you cheat, we are done.

(Sorta silly for him to say that though, as I am not one to cheat.)
 
AAP said:
Yeah. I mean, why all the fuss? If the other guy was Japanese, it ain't like he even made it past the lips. Nothing to worry about there.

P.S. People should know they can't discuss relationship problems on EF until they are positive both offending persons are completely dead and dismembered.
Click to expand...
LOL...

I wouldn't worry about it, anyway. Your weiner was so far away, and the afrtificial weiner store was closed for the weekend. What's a girl to do? :whatever:
 
timtim said:
forgive and forget? a typical woman mantra.
Click to expand...

Maybe for some but NOT me.

Forgiving is NOT the same as forgetting. It does not mean that just because I forgave you that I want to have dinner with you or EVER see you again. It only means that I harbor no more resentment towards you.

Too many people make this mistake allowing those that screw them over to keep doing it.

You do shit to me once and I forgive you and decide that I still want you in my life. You do it again, I will eventually forgive you (hate is a strong clue and I dont like to be stuck to losers) but that doesn't mean that the door wont hit you in the ass on the way out.
 
heatherrae said:
gee, that is an intelligent and thoughtful reply.

:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
fucking hyporcite
if a woman made this thread you'd be going off on men
 
its something that will stay with you the rest of your life....you will think about it for ever 3=5=10 years will go by and you will still think about it...the pain will never go away if you stay with her...there will also be no trust at all.

but can you still stay with her yes you can but thats what you will have to deal with for the rest of your life....
 
needtogetaas said:
its something that will stay with you the rest of your life....you will think about it for ever 3=5=10 years will go by and you will still think about it...the pain will never go away if you stay with her...there will also be no trust at all.

but can you still stay with her yes you can but thats what you will have to deal with for the rest of your life....
Click to expand...
well said. how could you ever let her do anything without you constantly doubting her? and it's not like she hasn't given you every bit of info you need regarding whether or not you can trust her....
 
Needto and HT that is how YOU might feel about it but that doesn't necessarily mean that EVERYONE will feel like that.

As I said, it happened to me and it took me a little while to get passed the anger. I was ENRAGED. Then I realized I had to make a choice: either let it go or not. I hated how angry I felt and just decided to get over it... and I did.

I think about it from time to time but there is no more rage. It's not as hard as you think it is.
 
I would totally forgive her, she sounds like the kind of special person that only comes around once in a lifetime.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
Needto and HT that is how YOU might feel about it but that doesn't necessarily mean that EVERYONE will feel like that.

As I said, it happened to me and it took me a little while to get passed the anger. I was ENRAGED. Then I realized I had to make a choice: either let it go or not. I hated how angry I felt and just decided to get over it... and I did.

I think about it from time to time but there is no more rage. It's not as hard as you think it is.
Click to expand...
feelings lie to you. the fact is is that cheaters cheat. always have, always will....
 
rush74 said:
I was dating a girl in Japan for two months and had to go back home to Australia, we agreed to keep the relationship going, anyway she visited Australia met my parents and last month I went back to Japan to visit her. Anyway I was using her computer and found some websites that related to her ex boyfriends hobbies and background etc. I found out that he had stayed there for 5 days 3 weeks after I left and naturally they had sex etc. She said she needed to do that because it was early in our relationship so she was unsure at the time and I was in Australia etc. She said that she now feels totally different now and feels secure in us and has shown so much remorse. Having discovered I have put her through hell I guess to make her feel guilty what she did as I was naturally devastated when I found out. I want to forgive because I really do love her but it is very hard to take. Has anyone out there been able to forgive or am I just kidding myself? Thanks for any advice.
Click to expand...

You both have some growing to do.
She cheated. Very immature on her part.
You punished her with guilt. Very immature on your part.
So the question that begs to be asked is if both of you are mature enough to get past what happened.
I'm 34. I would be gone in a second.
To me life is short. If I am going to be with someone we have open lines of communication and trust.
If neither of those are there I am out of the relationship.
I like being me and I am not afraid to be single.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
Needto and HT that is how YOU might feel about it but that doesn't necessarily mean that EVERYONE will feel like that.

As I said, it happened to me and it took me a little while to get passed the anger. I was ENRAGED. Then I realized I had to make a choice: either let it go or not. I hated how angry I felt and just decided to get over it... and I did.

I think about it from time to time but there is no more rage. It's not as hard as you think it is.
Click to expand...
I cant tell you this.if you are with a girl marred being even worse and she cheat on you...A man will never ever ever ever forget it...he may forget about it for a wile and go about his life with her day to day,but there will be times when he is just sitting there and he will think about it.it will come back over and over threw out his life with her..he will relive the pain and think about him on top of her fucking her for the rest of his life...thought of her being with him and what they did together will forever come up in the back of his mind
and it has nothing to do weather he wants to remember it or not it will just come to him....its just how the human brain works.I dont care what any one say you may chose to forgive and you can try to forget but you will never forget....you will have to chose to forgive her over and over and over again for the rest of your life because you will be forever reliving the act in youre head....thats a fact
 
BIKINIMOM said:
That is quite a broad statement... don't you think?
Click to expand...
not really. cheating isn't an accident, it's entirely preventable. it's a conscious decision to betray someone who put their trust in you.
 
HumanTarget said:
not really. cheating isn't an accident, it's entirely preventable. it's a conscious decision to betray someone who put their trust in you.
Click to expand...

A mistake is not the same as an accident. Yes it is a consious choice. I didn't say that it was *accidental*. What I did say is that it IS possible to forgive and move on without harboring any feelings of anger or resentment.

I am living proof.

You may not be the type that wants to be that way and I am not judging your for it. It is totally understandable and justifiable behavior.

I am just saying that it can be done. Nothing more and nothing less.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
A mistake is not the same as an accident. Yes it is a consious choice. I didn't say that it was *accidental*. What I did say is that it IS possible to forgive and move on without harboring any feelings of anger or resentment.

I am living proof.

You may not be the type that wants to be that way and I am not judging your for it. It is totally understandable and justifiable behavior.

I am just saying that it can be done. Nothing more and nothing less.
Click to expand...
so you really think you have cheated on a man and that he is never ever going to think about it again for the rest of his life...the thought is never going to cross his mind again pffffffffffffffffffft your crazy if you believe that.
 
HumanTarget said:
feelings lie to you. the fact is is that cheaters cheat. always have, always will....
Click to expand...
thats not always true though....it is very possible that she can grow up a bit more maybe her feeling can change or she could just change as a person and never cheat again.....this is highly unlikely but still it can happen..the thing is even if it dose happen it still wont ever make up for it.
 
needtogetaas said:
so you really think you have cheated on a man and that he is never ever going to think about it again for the rest of his life...the thought is never going to cross his mind again pffffffffffffffffffft your crazy if you believe that.
Click to expand...

I wasn't talking about the man cheating on me.
 
I know full well that if the circumstances were reversed my ass would be out the door. But that doesnt affect MY heart one bit. Once I make my mind and change my heart, I am steadfast in my decision. If the man who is fortuitous enough to recieve my graciousness the first time is stoopid enough to fuck up again, then he is one dumbass motherfucker who doesn't deserve me and that is the end of the story.

You see being this way helps me to sleep at night knowing that if things dont work out, it will not have been for my lack of trying.

Call me a sucker, but it works for me.

My forgiving and letting go of the rage was actually very easy once I made up my mind and heart. Actually felt very good to let go of the hatred.
 
I don't condone cheating, but I don't see it as this girl was cheating on him. They were not really together.
She was really just trying to figure out what she wanted.
Sleeping with an ex does not make one a whore
If this girl can be trusted then yes forgive her and move on. It's really NOT a big deal!
 
BIKINIMOM said:
A mistake is not the same as an accident. Yes it is a consious choice. I didn't say that it was *accidental*. What I did say is that it IS possible to forgive and move on without harboring any feelings of anger or resentment.

I am living proof.

You may not be the type that wants to be that way and I am not judging your for it. It is totally understandable and justifiable behavior.

I am just saying that it can be done. Nothing more and nothing less.
Click to expand...
how many times did you get away with it? was it only a mistake because you got caught?
 
pdaddyII said:
I need to see pictures of her to say whether she is worth sticking around for or not.
Click to expand...


avatar144511_2.gif
 
HumanTarget said:
how many times did you get away with it? was it only a mistake because you got caught?
Click to expand...

You are a funny one.

I was not the one who *got caught* cheating.

I stated as nauseum. I dont cheat. I never have and never will.

I would rather be the one that is in the position of being asked forgiveness and to show mercy. A bit more power in that position, dont you think?

You see the ability to forgive and not harbor resentment may open one up for the potential to be hurt again. I dont view that as a sign of weakness. I view it as TREMENDOUS power. :)
 
HumanTarget said:
how many times did you get away with it? was it only a mistake because you got caught?
Click to expand...
do you think its makes any deference at all if some gets caught or freely lets the person out of guilt or what ever...dos it make it any deferent at all.whats your take.
 
This is the most fascinating thread I've read on here in a while. Firstly, some of the posts are just classics. Secondly, I'm digging Bikinimom's neurotic, narcissistic, self-indulgent outbreaks. You know the ones where everyone is having a few shits and giggles and she starts to blow hard about her own particular situation..? Both make this one for the bookmarks.


But anyways Iw ouldnt be able to get back with a girl who cheated on me...out of respect for meself.
 
CrazyRussian said:
This is the most fascinating thread I've read on here in a while. Firstly, some of the posts are just classics. Secondly, I'm digging Bikinimom's neurotic, narcissistic, self-indulgent outbreaks. You know the ones where everyone is having a few shits and giggles and she starts to blow hard about her own particular situation..? Both make this one for the bookmarks.


But anyways Iw ouldnt be able to get back with a girl who cheated on me...out of respect for meself.
Click to expand...

Xcuse me?

Dood you have issues.

The question was posed and I answered from the only point of view that I can offer - MY OWN. Was your answer any different? :rolleyes:
 
BIKINIMOM said:
Xcuse me?

Dood you have issues.

The question was posed and I answered from the only point of view that I can offer - MY OWN. Was your answer any different? :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
true true she got you there bro.
 
needtogetaas said:
true true she got you there bro.
Click to expand...

Save your energy Needto. This guy isn't bright enough to realize that not to mention that he lacks the balls and backbone or honor to admit it.
 
needtogetaas said:
do you think its makes any deference at all if some gets caught or freely lets the person out of guilt or what ever...dos it make it any deferent at all.whats your take.
Click to expand...
intent. some people are victims, some are pure evil. poor decisions haunt everyone, but only those who truly have a soul regret....
 
BIKINIMOM said:
Save your energy Needto. This guy isn't bright enough to realize that not to mention that he lacks the balls and backbone or honor to admit it.
Click to expand...

lol you dumb skank do you realize I have more intelligence in my pinky than your trailer trash ass has in your whole brain? i was remarking at the self-absorbed nature of your posts. the contrast is easy to spot when everyone is giving their opinions about another guy's situation and then you start waxing poetic about "my" situation, "my" husband, "my" this, "my" that. Look back at the thread. You're the only one to do so...

To me this just proves that youre a psychotic nutjob who no one listens to in real life, which is why you havta come on here and start blowing hard and interjecting your sob story into everyone elses threads.
 
HumanTarget said:
intent. some people are victims, some are pure evil. poor decisions haunt everyone, but only those who truly have a soul regret....
Click to expand...
so then for the person that tells the other out of regret has a better chance of not doing it again then....
 
needtogetaas said:
so then for the person that tells the other out of regret has a better chance of not doing it again then....
Click to expand...
maybe......how badly do they want to change.....?
 
HumanTarget said:
maybe......how badly do they want to change.....?
Click to expand...
good ??? the problem is who knows why the other person came out with it...maybe it was guilt or maybe they thought sooner or later they were going to find out any way so might as well be the one to tell them...there could be a lot of reasons why some one would come clean with it but it would be nice to think guilt or remorse is the reason...

this girl did not have to tell him the truth so he found some shit on a comp thats no prof and any real cheating asshole could have got around it with a good reason...but she chose to tell him the truth.she did kind of get caught though but not fully...

what about the person that has no chance at all to get caught but comes out with it any way...you would think that has to be out of remorce.or the person is just sick and wanted to make shore they hurt you.
 
needtogetaas said:
good ??? the problem is who knows why the other person came out with it...maybe it was guilt or maybe they thought sooner or later they were going to find out any way so might as well be the one to tell them...there could be a lot of reasons why some one would come clean with it but it would be nice to think guilt or remorse is the reason...

this girl did not have to tell him the truth so he found some shit on a comp thats no prof and any real cheating asshole could have got around it with a good reason...but she chose to tell him the truth.she did kind of get caught though but not fully...

what about the person that has no chance at all to get caught but comes out with it any way...you would think that has to be out of remorce.or the person is just sick and wanted to make shore they hurt you.
Click to expand...
that's where the personal pref.'s come in.....i for one couldn't live with it. some guys can, some guys can be fathers to kids that aren't theirs, too, it's just about how strong your values are, and in what direction they are pointed...
 
CrazyRussian said:
lol you dumb skank do you realize I have more intelligence in my pinky than your trailer trash ass has in your whole brain? i was remarking at the self-absorbed nature of your posts. the contrast is easy to spot when everyone is giving their opinions about another guy's situation and then you start waxing poetic about "my" situation, "my" husband, "my" this, "my" that. Look back at the thread. You're the only one to do so...

To me this just proves that youre a psychotic nutjob who no one listens to in real life, which is why you havta come on here and start blowing hard and interjecting your sob story into everyone elses threads.
Click to expand...
you know saying things to be funny or just giving people a hard time is cool.we all do it around here but when your just attacking some one who I might add did nothing to you it gets fucking sickning...your a peace of shit..you have more intelligence pfffft you're a fucking dumb ass and you show it very well.
I hate assholes like you and I think ill keep you in the dark for a wile and once I get my hits back for the day I think ill keep you in the red to....fuck off ya peace of shit.
 
HumanTarget said:
that's where the personal pref.'s come in.....i for one couldn't live with it. some guys can, some guys can be fathers to kids that aren't theirs, too, it's just about how strong your values are, and in what direction they are pointed...
Click to expand...
I believe in forgiveness and a second chance,but if it were me I would want to know more.the problem is there is no way of ever really knowing.in the end you have 2 choses
1.move on
2.let your guard down and trust that person one more time and hope for the best.
 
HumanTarget said:
intent. some people are victims, some are pure evil. poor decisions haunt everyone, but only those who truly have a soul regret....
Click to expand...


this is very true. not labeling all women here so please no one take offense, but i have met a good number of women who could rationalize any decision they make based on their own well being while completely ignoring another persons feelings, emotions, well being. these are the women who often times are cheaters, liars, and home wreckers. its almost a sociopathic behavior towards the emotions/feelings of others. though they are not malicious physically or verbally abusive, they lack any remorse when trampling the feelings of those who care for them.

men could be classified the same also but often men are easily hurt but cover it up by purchasing expensive items and showing their love for life and hiding their anger/regret/unhappiness.
 
needtogetaas said:
I believe in forgiveness and a second chance,but if it were me I would want to know more.the problem is there is no way of ever really knowing.in the end you have 2 choses
1.move on
2.let your guard down and trust that person one more time and hope for the best.
Click to expand...

Exactly, not easy to do either way but certainly not impossible.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel badly unless you give them your permission." ...or something to that effect.
 
lol..wrong board to ask on.

yeah move on why not if you can trust her. If not, get out. It's simple.
 
timtim said:
this is very true. not labeling all women here so please no one take offense, but i have met a good number of women who could rationalize any decision they make based on their own well being while completely ignoring another persons feelings, emotions, well being. these are the women who often times are cheaters, liars, and home wreckers. its almost a sociopathic behavior towards the emotions/feelings of others. though they are not malicious physically or verbally abusive, they lack any remorse when trampling the feelings of those who care for them.

men could be classified the same also but often men are easily hurt but cover it up by purchasing expensive items and showing their love for life and hiding their anger/regret/unhappiness.
Click to expand...

I agree. Women can be much more cold-bloded then man. Men don't invest their feelings too easily but when they do, it is all in, makes it *that much* harder for him to recover.
 
alien amp pharm said:
Yes it's possible to move on..........MOVE ON to another girl
Click to expand...

i rarely agree with aap when it comes to relationship stuff. . .but this time i do. . .move on. . .i've been blissfully married for 15 years and if she stepped out on me, it would be over that second. . .infidelity is inexcusable. . .it would be difficult, but that would be the end for me. . .you've only been with this girl for 2 months. . .it'll be easy. . .
 
some can do it and some can't. The real question is she always going to be like this? As soon as things go bad is she going to be running to another or work on it with you? With that said, everybody deserves a chance to get better. That is if you think you can be strong enough to make it though this again if she bites your ass again.
 
Turd Ferguson said:
some can do it and some can't. The real question is she always going to be like this? As soon as things go bad is she going to be running to another or work on it with you? With that said, everybody deserves a chance to get better. That is if you think you can be strong enough to make it though this again if she bites your ass again.
Click to expand...



Or her boyfriend doesn't murder you first by removing the bolts on your brake calipers....
 
jh1 said:
Or her boyfriend doesn't murder you first by removing the bolts on your brake calipers....
Click to expand...
. . .and dropping them down the barrel of his loaded shotgun and then using them to blow your fucking brains out. . .

i know that's what you really meant to say buddy :)
 
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