Parents, need advice!!

[Code]

Not to get into my family's drama, but I've inherited two little nephews, ages 2.5 and 3.5.

How the HELL do you handle more than one child?

I have one little girl, it was just her and I and life was very VERY easy. She obeys, and helps out and is full of gratitude.

These boys, while for the most part, are well behaved (or at least well intentioned) are nothing like her. They don't clean up after themselves, they talk back and I don't think they know what gratitude is.

 

[jestro]

Well, you're going to have to teach them, like you taught you're daughter. Alot of kids are mouthy, but it's just cause that's what they are allowed to get away with. My girl is getting older and trys to get mouthy now and again, but you've got to call them on it each and every time. Tell em thats not a respectfull way to talk to an adult, tell them how they should say it. Thats the first few times, after that you've got to get into reprecussions. I generally go with timeouts in thier room alone, with holding candy that sort of thing.
Good luck man, kids are cool, and I always wanted a son, have fun with em!

 

[Becoming]

put them in cages and poke them with sticks....

 

[Mr. Black]

Rent Kindergarten Cop for a refresher....the bottom line is those boys need discipline. A good swat on the ass works wonders. I have 2 little nephews around the same age and nothing helps keep them in line like a good spank to the ass. Time-outs are effective as well, espicially if they are hyper-active as most boys are.

 

[Buddy_Christ]

reinforcement for everything, good or bad. slowly phase out the reinforcement as they become better behaved, otherwise you'll have kids expecting a bowl of ice cream every time they say "please."

 

[Evil_Frisky]

I'm sure its as much a shock to them as it is to you. Give it time and have patience, they are young but still should understand what is right and what is wrong. It took them years to learn their ways they won't change over night but with the right guidence I am sure they can also be very respectful and gracious

 

[Buddy_Christ]

friskygrl is right, however, the shock could be good for them. they're in a new place, they're learning the rules. set the rules down now. don't smile til after xmas either. that'll help them understand what's going on.

ok, kidding on the last part. unless you really think it'll help.

 

[Werd]

I swear to goodness for rude or disrespectful talk soap works wonders.

2.5 and 3.5 are difficult ages and I am sure the sitch is hard for everyone concerned to some extent. Kudos to you!

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS CATCH THE KIDS DOING SOMETHING RIGHT!!!! And praise them, tell them how proud you are of them and how much you love them. I don't believe in ice cream, etc for positive reinforcement. Hugs, kisses, and lots and lots of honest praise do wonderfully!

If they are doing something wrong - LET THEM KNOW but in a respectful tone. Dont say things like "you were bad". But instead, "I may not always love the things you do... heck I may down right hate them... but nothing Nothing NOTHING will ever make me stop loving you!"

Finally, I do believe in corporal punishment as a last resort. The punishment should fit the crime and the penalty should be meeted out calmly and in private.

Code - I don't have all the answers, but if you ever feel like a little "I am feeling waaaaaay overwhelmed" speak PM me your digits. Sometimes it just helps to lighten the load to blow off steam with other adults who feel you.

You're a good guy. But then again, you didn't need me to tell you. I bet you hear it gobs from your baby all the time!

 

[Code]

Thanks for the help guys, I really needed a third party perspective on this one.

 

[PHATchik]

Kids are definitely funny creatures. If you let them, they'll run all over you. I know you are trying to adjust as are they, but don't let that affect how you run your household. Yes, they are in a new place, but they need to live by the rules of your house, regardless of what they might have been used to. Don't let them get by with things just because things are difficult right now. Yes, everyone is going through a difficult transition, but that doesn't mean they are allowed to act like heathens. Let them know what you expect and that there will be consequences if they don't do what they are supposed to.

BUT, I want to point out one major thing. Yes, there should be punishment, but there should also be a lot of positive reinforcement. If they pick up their toys, be sure to praise them for a good job. It's little things like that that can make a big difference in a kid's behavior.

There have to be positive consequences as well as negative when it comes to raising kids, as I'm sure you already know. Your little girl is turning out just fine, so just take what you have tried to instill in her and do the same with these two little boys.

Good luck.

 

[PIGEON-RAT]

7 words:

board with nails sticking out of it

 

[nimbus]

i bet they don't even squat or deadlift either

 

[beastboy]

Man....takes quite the man to take on that type of responsibilty....I applaud you for that, and wish you the best.

And like others have said....discipline...once they see your daughter being rewarded for her behavior, they may be more apt to follow suit.

Again...I seriously respect what you are doing.

 

[Code]

Not yet, little young. My daughter does though, 25# for reps!

i bet they don't even squat or deadlift either

 

[nvrbuffenuff_girl]

reinforcement for everything, good. slowly phase out the reinforcement as they become better behaved, otherwise you'll have kids expecting a bowl of ice cream every time they say "please."

Pretty much the best advice.

Positive reinforcement will get you a long way with these children. Praise them when they do something positive. Praise your daughter when she is doing something positive and they aren't. Praising them with simple things like stickers, words, etc. will work. Children should not receive candy or a treat for every thing they do right. That will only make matters worse for you with these children.

You also have to remember that these children were used to being parented a certain way. They aren't going to change overnight. It will take some time. Consistenty on your part will speed up the process. They will try to test you by trying out things that they got away with when with their biological parents to see how you work. Put a stop to such things right away. They also have to get used to not being the only two children around. Your daughter has to get used to not being the only child. She may go through a phase where she feels her dad is being taken away from her. She may feel like all your time and attention is spent on them. You'll have to learn to divide your time, affection, and attention three ways now.

Good luck.

 

[Code]

Ran into that last night, the youngest was crying for his dad so he and I cuddled and my little girl (who has never been a cuddler) cried.

So all four of us wound up cuddling.

Pretty much the best advice.

She may feel like all your time and attention is spent on them. You'll have to learn to divide your time, affection, and attention three ways now.

Good luck.

 

[from zero]

Punch them in the face. Twice. That'll learn them.

 

[chrisoh]

I'm not a father but when I was a little kid, I used to get beat when i didnt do things right and I always appreciate that my parents cared enough to do that.

If I messed up, my parents told me to kneel and hold out my hands and they'd lash me with whatever they could find, spatula handle, fly swatter handle, etc... and hit me and made me count out loud until I was crying like a bitch, straighted me the fuck out =)

 

[Y_lifter]

Have you ever watched Bernie Mac ?

You could likely learn a lot about this situation from that show..

Good Luck ...

 

[nvrbuffenuff_girl]

Will they be in your custody until 18 now? Do they get to visit their parents at all? What's the situation?

If they get to visit their parents, especially if they get to spend the night with them, you will see that yourself pretty much starting all over again when they come back to you for the first few weeks. The things they did with their parents they will try at your house everytime they return for awhile. This will probably be the toughest time for you. You spend all week long seeing progress in their behavior and then it will be as though they regressed in their behavior.

Are they both potty trained?

 

[tuc biscuit]

kids of that age have no concept of reason, discipline and reward are the only things they understand

 

[Code]

Long story short, their mother died a year ago and their dad is going to jail for quite some time. So yeah, they're mine until they're 18.

The youngest is still in diapers, which is going to be the first big thing for me to tackle. Once a child hits 2, their poop goes from cute baby poo to a scatalogical disasters that threaten olfactory overload.

My only real trouble is the youngest has issues with my authority. And he breaks my heart when I spank him or put him in time out by crying for his dad or mom.

The oldest is very stoic and protective. And of course my daughter is loving being a big sister.

Will they be in your custody until 18 now? Do they get to visit their parents at all? What's the situation?

If they get to visit their parents, especially if they get to spend the night with them, you will see that yourself pretty much starting all over again when they come back to you for the first few weeks. The things they did with their parents they will try at your house everytime they return for awhile. This will probably be the toughest time for you. You spend all week long seeing progress in their behavior and then it will be as though they regressed in their behavior.

Are they both potty trained?

 

[jestro]

Thats cool you're stepping up to the plate and taking care of those kids. It's lot of work, but once the kids adjust it'll be alot of fun.

 

[Werd]

This may seem like an odd question, but do you have pictures of the children's mother displayed? I assume that since the dad is doing time he wasn't exactly the best parent (I could be wrong.). Make sure that there are pictures of their parents and talk often about how much THEY BOTH love them. I don't know what you should say about the father. They are so young to even TRY to understand incarceration. Do you have access to a competent counselor who can give you guidance about this?

As for the mother. I know how much it hurts my girls that to this day that they were not allowed photographs of me.

Code - you are really a remarkable man. I wish you endless patience.... Someday there will be a woman whose life will be blessed - remarkably so - to have you in it.

Those little boys and your daughter are truly truly blessed.