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need help getting over a breakup

alltraps

New member
im not sure if this is the right place to post this, but i need help, bad. i just broke up with a girl i was gonna marry. i never loved anyone before her, and never felt so sure about anything in life. im 28, she is 21. we;ve had some issues lately, and some things have happened. she feels that she is under pressure to be 28, and be ready for marriage, cuz im that age. she feels like she grew up too fast. so we broke up today and it hurst bad. i dont know what to do with myself. she was everything to me, and now i feel like i have nothing. how can i get over her? what can i do? and please dont say go bang someone else. im not like that.


thank you
 
Ohhhh im sorry bout ur breakup
breakups are always hard, but you will find that each day gets easier and you will find someone that makes u happier.....and who knows, maybe you both will realize that u cant live without each other and get back together
 
i'm not sure i want her back. shes been treating me like i dont matter to her lately, and i cant forgive that, i tried, but it was always there in my head. now that we broke up for real, i know this is for the better, and i could never be with her. she didnt love me. well maybe she loved me, but wasnt in love with me. but it still hurst a lot. and i feel so so alone.
 
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Bro, you are lucky it happened now then 10 yrs down the road when you have kids etc. You are only 28 yourself and have a lot of good yrs ahead. My best yrs. started about 27 +. You are young enough to have fun and are smarter than the young fucks.

I know your not going to like this but, don't jump into another relationship. I know you say your not the type to bang alot of chicks. But, you better change that bc it does help and you better do it now before your 50 and married.
 
awittyusername said:
Bro, you are lucky it happened now then 10 yrs down the road when you have kids etc. You are only 28 yourself and have a lot of good yrs ahead. My best yrs. started about 27 +. You are young enough to have fun and are smarter than the young fucks.

I know your not going to like this but, don't jump into another relationship. I know you say your not the type to bang alot of chicks. But, you better change that bc it does help and you better do it now before your 50 and married.

the thing is, i feel very old, too old me meet anyone. anytime i go the bars, all i see is chicks that dont even look old enough to get into the bar. i really do feel lost. i dont think i;ll ever be able to trust a girl again.
 
pour yourself into other activities...work, going to the gym, hanging out with friends, dating. Oh, and don't get serious with 21 yr. olds. You should have a rule of at least 27 or older. You'll find a world of difference between the chicks at 21 and 27+.
 
ceo said:
pour yourself into other activities...work, going to the gym, hanging out with friends, dating. Oh, and don't get serious with 21 yr. olds. You should have a rule of at least 27 or older. You'll find a world of difference between the chicks at 21 and 27+.

i stongly belive in that rule, 24 and up anyways, but i really thought this one was different. she really swept me off my feet.
 
So she slept around with another man and his dog and put them up on the Internet to hurt you? I take it you kicked her out.
 
ceo said:
pour yourself into other activities...work, going to the gym, hanging out with friends, dating. Oh, and don't get serious with 21 yr. olds. You should have a rule of at least 27 or older. You'll find a world of difference between the chicks at 21 and 27+.

listen to ceo!

28 is a great age.
time will help the trust thing...eventually

:)
 
velvett said:
listen to ceo!

28 is a great age.
time will help the trust thing...eventually

:)

i know you guys are right. but its hard to meet decent people. i feel like there are no decent girls left. im a hopeless romantic type and belive love conquers all and all that shit. so finding someone like that is impossible in this day and age.
 
alltraps said:
i know you guys are right. but its hard to meet decent people. i feel like there are no decent girls left. im a hopeless romantic type and belive love conquers all and all that shit. so finding someone like that is impossible in this day and age.


Keep your heart open - they're out there.
Trust me on this.

Even if the next few months of your life are utter crap. :worried:
 
The moment you said she was 21 and you were 28 was all the info I needed to know it wasnt going to work anyhow.
 
traps, I'mma gonna lay it on real. In a few months you will realise you didn't love her as much as you thought you did. When you step away from the relationship you will see it wasn't as swell as you once thought.

I just broke it off with my lady about 4 weeks ago. I'm 26, soon to be 27. In the same boat as you. I was negative at first, but now I'm having awakening: it is fun as hell being single, especially when you are fit and well groomed. The average dude are age is starting to get fat and sloppy. you got fitness in your favor
 
Take sometime for you before jumping into the dating scene. Do all the things you love to do but couldn't cause the relationship took up so much time. Relearn to be yourself outside of a relationship basically and then when you have done that start dating.
 
superqt4u2nv said:
Take sometime for you before jumping into the dating scene. Do all the things you love to do but couldn't cause the relationship took up so much time. Relearn to be yourself outside of a relationship basically and then when you have done that start dating.


Great advice!
:)
 
Gambino said:
traps, I'mma gonna lay it on real. In a few months you will realise you didn't love her as much as you thought you did. When you step away from the relationship you will see it wasn't as swell as you once thought.

I just broke it off with my lady about 4 weeks ago. I'm 26, soon to be 27. In the same boat as you. I was negative at first, but now I'm having awakening: it is fun as hell being single, especially when you are fit and well groomed. The average dude are age is starting to get fat and sloppy. you got fitness in your favor

i know it wasnt perfect, there were a lot of issues, i just always thought loves conquers all. i sound pathetic, dont i? haha
 
Sorry to hear that & I feel your pain. There are so many variables when it comes to meeting someone, but to make it a long term, you both have to be in the same place in your lives. This doesn't always mean that the age is the same, but you have to comfortably be in the same place in each of your individual lives for it all to survive.

Vel is right -- 28 is an amazing age becaue you are more mature but not too mature yet. It sucks to have to go out & meet new people but sometimes a situation like this forces you to be creative & live outside your comfort zone a little bit. Worst case, you grow from it. Best case, you meet Ms. Right. Or even Ms. Right Now :)

Good luck & like my dad always says, keep your mind on what you are doing.

(I still am not sure what he means, but he always says it...)
 
thanks you for the kind words and advice. this is my first time on this side of the EF. good people here. thanks again. K for everyone
 
Alltraps, I can relate to you.

I am 28 also and met this 20 yr old. If I had to write down everything I was looking for in a female, she would fit all of them and then some. I never believed in soulmate until this girl, although I have loved a couple long-term girlfriends before it has never been anything like this.

Long story short she broke up with me. I thought it was perfect, but apparently she didn't.

It's gonna hurt and it's gonna hurt bad. It's been 3 months since my breakup and although I still miss her, you gotta pull yourself together. Going out with random girls, staying busy, and being around friends was the only way I managed thru it.

It will get easier with time. That you can be certain about.
How YOU choose to handle this breakup with effect how much time it will take and how miserable you will be in the meantime.
 
alltraps said:
thanks you for the kind words and advice. this is my first time on this side of the EF. good people here. thanks again. K for everyone
Been through it bro. Just keep training,stay focused and keep in shape. Just get out there and live a little and before you know it there will be heaps of oppurtunities :qt:
 
im 24 and my girl was 26. just brokoe up with my ex a month ago as well. it gets easier with time and i feel like i can live again. Sure you have to fuck your hand for a while but its just temporary. Thisnk of all those times you wanted to do things and she gave you shit about it...well now my friend that is all over. Do you. Be free....


















like a boyd.
 
alltraps said:
the thing is, i feel very old, too old me meet anyone. anytime i go the bars, all i see is chicks that dont even look old enough to get into the bar. i really do feel lost. i dont think i;ll ever be able to trust a girl again.

The first thing you need to accept is that you're probably not gonna meet your next wife in a club.
 
it sucks but there is more than one person in this world for you. don't rush looking for her. it does get easier with time, devote yourself to things that have always interested you. sorry to hear bro, and i loved your homer av
 
Gambino said:
traps, I'mma gonna lay it on real. In a few months you will realise you didn't love her as much as you thought you did. When you step away from the relationship you will see it wasn't as swell as you once thought.


This is very true. You are going to feel like absolute shit 24/7 for the next couple of days. Then, you are going to feel pretty crummy for a significant part of each day for the next week or two after that. But, as this is going on, pay attention....and you'll notice that it's less and less each day. You can expedite this trend of diminishing pain by staying very active...now is a great time to spend time with the friends you've probably been neglecting for far too long. You'll find yourself taking the painful walk down "Sentimental Street" when you're bored and have nothing to do, so pack your schedule right full for the next while. You'll be over her quicker than you think....the fact that she betrayed you and that the relationship was on the rocks for awhile will make this far easier than if she'd just broken up with you out of the blue when you thought the relationship was just fine. Chin up, alltraps...it's not nearly as bad as it seems right now.
 
Hang in there man, I went through those EXACT same feelings about 6 months ago. It felt like complete shit but posting on here did help.
 
Devastation said:
it sucks but there is more than one person in this world for you. don't rush looking for her. it does get easier with time, devote yourself to things that have always interested you. sorry to hear bro, and i loved your homer av

That's a nice avatar! Leave it up.
 
superqt4u2nv said:
Relearn to be yourself outside of a relationship basically and then when you have done that start dating.

Excellent advice. My advice is to become whole again, learn from your sorrow, learn from the past, and be a better person as you move forward.

alltraps sounds like he is lonely but is able to be alone. Thats a good thing! All too many times people CAN'T be alone and jump into another failed attempt. as QT said, learn to be strong alone. When you are dating again, you won't feel like you have to latch onto the first person who shows you attention. You can have a semi-clear head and evaluate if your date is a good match for you. rebounds can be a b$#%h thats why its better to clear your head before jumping back in the game again.

You'll be alright bro. take your time day by day, learn what you can from the past, look forward to the future. I know what its like to be a romantic "love conquers all" type, don't lose that belief, someone in your future will respect your devotion. You'll get a chance to use it again. :) Don't turn cold, just protect yourself for a while.
 
ceo said:
pour yourself into other activities...work, going to the gym, hanging out with friends, dating. Oh, and don't get serious with 21 yr. olds. You should have a rule of at least 27 or older. You'll find a world of difference between the chicks at 21 and 27+.

sorry to hear about the breakup
listen to CEO and try to concentrate on other activities..... it takes time to heal a broken heart....but YOU WILL come out of it ;)!!! It is all in the mind!! :chomp:
 
I havbe always been relationship girl.. spent almsot my entire last 13 yrs ina committed relationship. start of summer i found myself single and without much skills in the dating department.

I took some time to find myself, and thne put myself back out on the market. If you want too, dating can be fun. meeting new ppl and figuring the things you like and don't like, discovering the things you have always deemed to be critcal, not so critcal.

Give it time.

28 is not too old. Hell I'm almost 29 and i feel fine :)
 
velvett said:
listen to ceo!

28 is a great age.
time will help the trust thing...eventually

:)

Shoma fereshteh khoshgel!

(Im sure you can find out what that means).

You must spread some Karma around before giving it to velvett again.
 
CanadianCutie said:
I havbe always been relationship girl.. spent almsot my entire last 13 yrs ina committed relationship. start of summer i found myself single and without much skills in the dating department.

I took some time to find myself, and thne put myself back out on the market. If you want too, dating can be fun. meeting new ppl and figuring the things you like and don't like, discovering the things you have always deemed to be critcal, not so critcal.

Give it time.

28 is not too old. Hell I'm almost 29 and i feel fine :)

i have dated most of my life, never serious, so i know all about dating. when i met this girl, she swept me off my feet and i knew she was the one. she was everything i wanted and so much more. i know who i am, and what i want. thats the problem,. im so picky. and she had it all.
 
Obviously.. she wasn't all this.. sometimes we create things in people that don't exist.. I'm just assuming.. but i would say you proalby built her up in your head into something she quite possibly ..wasn't


alltraps said:
i have dated most of my life, never serious, so i know all about dating. when i met this girl, she swept me off my feet and i knew she was the one. she was everything i wanted and so much more. i know who i am, and what i want. thats the problem,. im so picky. and she had it all.
 
CanadianCutie said:
Obviously.. she wasn't all this.. sometimes we create things in people that don't exist.. I'm just assuming.. but i would say you proalby built her up in your head into something she quite possibly ..wasn't


Ditto tha bor.

Unless part of what you always dreamt about was a cheating woman who treats you like trash.

You were in love with that facet of herself she showed you until recently. Hate to say it, but the girl doing all this to you is still her as well.

She's 21, and shes right about you wanting her to be 28. She's not ready to stop being a kid yet, with al that entails, including dating lots of other guys
 
When you want feelings to be there.. you can make anyone into anything..
 
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24 hours later, and i feel worse. talked to her today, and it was so hard, i couldnt let her go. she kept crying and i cried.
this is the hardest thing i have ever been through. i love her. and its hard to see my life without her
 
Talking to her/seeing her/emailing her is going to prolong the suffering. Trust me...if you know it is over for good, CLEAN BREAK. That means not taking her calls, deleting any emails she sends without reading them, and avoiding places you know she'll be. That "let's still be friends" bullshit just delays the healing process.
 
alltraps said:
im not sure if this is the right place to post this, but i need help, bad. i just broke up with a girl i was gonna marry. i never loved anyone before her, and never felt so sure about anything in life. im 28, she is 21. we;ve had some issues lately, and some things have happened. she feels that she is under pressure to be 28, and be ready for marriage, cuz im that age. she feels like she grew up too fast. so we broke up today and it hurst bad. i dont know what to do with myself. she was everything to me, and now i feel like i have nothing. how can i get over her? what can i do? and please dont say go bang someone else. im not like that.


thank you

Sorry to hear about your heartache bro. Here's what I have to say, so take it with an open-mind.

You said you will never trust any woman again, and quite frankly, that's EXACTLY what you need to start doing from this point forward. Realize that the world isn't as pretty as most people kid themselves it to be. The good old fashioned days of having one relationship that lasts a lifetime are OVER. Realize that the lifespan of an average relationship nowadays is very short, and if you can get 5 to 10 years out of one you are truly lucky.

Everyone in their life needs to get screwed over real bad in order to truly mature and grow, and in a way it is a GOOD thing she screwed you over now instead of 10 years from now in marriage. Consider this your wakeup call and learn from it. Remove your love blinders and realize that you are better off without her. If you still believe that she is the one for you then you are SETTLING. Is that what you want?

The obvious thing for you to do is immerse yourself into your passion, which I'm willing to guess is bodybuilding. Use this as motivation to take yourself to the next level in your health, job/career, family/friends, etc. If you're not the type that can engage in flings then don't do that as that'll only make you feel like shit.

Do NOT contact her again. It is OVER and the sooner you close the books the sooner you can move on with your life.

Consider this your blessing in disguise. You'll find better, much much better. With time you'll realize this... hopefully.
 
alltraps said:
biggest fear is running into her. im scared shit less of seeing her with someone else

It all comes down to power bro. If you can face bumping into her alone or with another person and NOT have it affect you (ie brush it off), the sooner you will move on with your life. That will show her that she has no more power over you and that YOU are in control.

If you run into her, remind yourself that it is HER loss. Should she be with someone else, consider yourself lucky that he has taken her off your hands, then pity the fool.
 
she;s just so confused about where her life is going. she wants to go back to school and all this other shit, and i think she felt i was in her way, since i was ready for the next step. she didnt ruin my life. she made it better. its just unfortunate that it turned out this way. i cant expect more from her, she is only 21. i wish her to find whatever she is looking for. it just sucks that i cant be a part of it.

im not into flings at all. i feel like i dont even want to meet anyone for years. i just need to be me, get bigger, get leaner, get a better job. i know i have to never talk to her again, but i miss her so fucking much. love is bullshit, and i dont think i believe in it.
 
alltraps said:
24 hours later, and i feel worse. talked to her today, and it was so hard, i couldnt let her go. she kept crying and i cried.
this is the hardest thing i have ever been through. i love her. and its hard to see my life without her
Do not call/email/textmsg/letters or any other form of communication with her ever again. You will only prolong the pain by keeping it all fresh in your mind by maintaining contact with her.
 
alltraps said:
love is bullshit, and i dont think i believe in it.

Don't lose hope...never lose hope. I'm not sure if you know my story...

Almost 2 years ago I had to go through the ultimate in betrayal. I found out my ex-husband(then husband) was cheating on me. This man was my life. I met him at 18 and married at 23. Through the support of friends and family I moved on. I immersed myself in things I love...my new apartment, my animals, my family, my friends. I started to sing again, which I hadn't done since before my wedding. I worked my ass off in the gym and ate only good, healthy meals.

Bottom line, I found myself. I found an amazing person that I never would have met had I stayed in my relationship.

I read something that inspired me through my transformation...

People come into your lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime...

She was not in it for this lifetime, but she was there for some reason. Take everything you loved about her and look for it in a NEW partner when you are READY! Take your time. Enjoy your family and your friends. You don't even have to date if you don't want to. In face, don't date...not for atleast 6 months.

When you least expect it(I hate when people say this, but it's the truth) "she" will come into your life.

A really close friend of mine often cries to me asking when she will find someone...I always tell her, when you are ready for "him" to come into your life.

Make you the best YOU, you can be. "She" is out there. Be patient...
 
flexygrl said:
People come into your lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime...

She was not in it for this lifetime, but she was there for some reason. Take everything you loved about her and look for it in a NEW partner when you are READY! Take your time. Enjoy your family and your friends. You don't even have to date if you don't want to. In face, don't date...not for atleast 6 months.

When you least expect it(I hate when people say this, but it's the truth) "she" will come into your life.

A really close friend of mine often cries to me asking when she will find someone...I always tell her, when you are ready for "him" to come into your life.

Make you the best YOU, you can be. "She" is out there. Be patient...

Good advice. We can all relate to this. Hope all is well with you flexy... :)
 
Don't cry because it's over
Smile because it happened
 
Also realize you are not the first nor last person to go thru this. We all do at some point and somehow manage to survive and almost always end up happier down the road.
 
i know everything you guys are saying, and i know everyone goes through this, but it always seems worse when its me. thank you for all the help. i dont know what to do from one minute to the next. i did cardio 3 times yesterday cuz i couldnt sit at home and be alone. im gonna end up 160lbs soon
 
alltraps said:
im not sure if this is the right place to post this, but i need help, bad. i just broke up with a girl i was gonna marry. i never loved anyone before her, and never felt so sure about anything in life. im 28, she is 21. we;ve had some issues lately, and some things have happened. she feels that she is under pressure to be 28, and be ready for marriage, cuz im that age. she feels like she grew up too fast. so we broke up today and it hurst bad. i dont know what to do with myself. she was everything to me, and now i feel like i have nothing. how can i get over her? what can i do? and please dont say go bang someone else. im not like that.


thank you

Hi

Sorry to hear about your pain, i must say break-ups are never easy, and i must also say it takes great courage to open your self and your heart to tell the world (elite fitness) what you are feeling,
I have been where u have and it is not easy, but one i will say is this, time is a great healer, your girl is 21 and it is understandable that she might feel she is not ready to settle down, Look at it from her point of view it will really makes things easier for you, when u were 21, did u know what u wanted, did u want to get married, I'm sure u were still trying to find yourself, that is what she is also trying to do, what i would say is this, give her time, respect her wishes, i too broke up with my ex 1 yr ago and he was just 20,
But remember this feel what you feel, don't be angry for the way you feel acknowledge it, don't fight it, accept and ride it out and believe you me , you will be ok,
I am a great believer that what is meant for you will not pass you by, so be strong have ok and remember in God we Trust

I'm here for you buddy
Meantime1
 
i just woke up and havent slept much at all. its hitting me harder today. she never called me last night, which is good, but hurtfull, cuz this means she is over me already. its day 3, and i feel like its just getting worse. who the fuck said its better after the first two days? i had nightmares the whole time i was sleeping.


i know she is only 21, but we were together for almost 2 years, and she was so sure about me pretty much the whole time. i just thought that we could help each other on this path of life and go together, thats what love is after all. i have to keep saying to myself, that she never loved me, and doesnt want to be with me. i strongly believe that when you love someone, you dotn jut walk away to find yourself, especialy when you;ve been telling this person the whole time that they are your soul mate and want to be with you forever. then again, i dont know what the fuck love is. i thought this was it, and now i have no clue. i know she is hurt, and i feel like i still need to be there for her. but who is gonna be there for me? no one. this is her choice and i just have to swallow the fact that the last 2 years meant nothing to her and she wants to be without me. im scared for her, because the world is a harsh place and she is so naive sometimes. she is gonna get hurt and i cant be there to protect her. sorry guys, i know i sound like a broken record, but this is fucking hard for me.
 
alltraps said:
i just woke up and havent slept much at all. its hitting me harder today. she never called me last night, which is good, but hurtfull, cuz this means she is over me already. its day 3, and i feel like its just getting worse. who the fuck said its better after the first two days? i had nightmares the whole time i was sleeping.


i know she is only 21, but we were together for almost 2 years, and she was so sure about me pretty much the whole time. i just thought that we could help each other on this path of life and go together, thats what love is after all. i have to keep saying to myself, that she never loved me, and doesnt want to be with me. i strongly believe that when you love someone, you dotn jut walk away to find yourself, especialy when you;ve been telling this person the whole time that they are your soul mate and want to be with you forever. then again, i dont know what the fuck love is. i thought this was it, and now i have no clue. i know she is hurt, and i feel like i still need to be there for her. but who is gonna be there for me? no one. this is her choice and i just have to swallow the fact that the last 2 years meant nothing to her and she wants to be without me. im scared for her, because the world is a harsh place and she is so naive sometimes. she is gonna get hurt and i cant be there to protect her. sorry guys, i know i sound like a broken record, but this is fucking hard for me.



Ok you have answered your own thoughts and questions, you know she's 21 and can be naive sometimes, and that is why she needs to do this for herself, the only way she can really know who she is, is by making mistakes and learning from them, you have to remember our mistakes makes us what we are and only from them do we know how to do things right. Don't hate her for wanting to grow and be the person that she is trying to be, Love is unconditional, and i know u love her, as much as she loves you, but sometimes when u really love someone who have to let them live their own life's, set them free, remember what is truly meant for you will not pass you by,

I know you hurt, and you have every right to, after all you shared a part of your life with her and gave her a part of you, But please don't let it make u bitter or I'm sure that is not what she would want u to become, you have to make her see why she fell in love with in the first place, be the man that you would be proud of, CRY if u want to, eat, drink if u want to, but whatever u do, don't bottle it up inside, feel your pain and acknowledge what you are feeling, WRITE it down if u want to and ride it out, believe you me, Time is a great healer and sometimes we all need to be patient,

x Meamtime1
 
dont fucking stress about her and protecting her...she made her bed and now she can lay in it

she showed herself to only care about no.1- herself. She could have taken the easy way out and told u upfront she wanted to go back to school, but instead she made the last few months hell on you by treating you like shit and not loving u like you loved her

think about it....would you want someone like this when things got tough? one thing you have to understand about people in general and especially women (as they are the ones you tend to let in under radar) is that they act in what there self interest is, and the 'worry' of this is enough to get them to act in any way, even detach themselvesfrom feelings they have. a woman is ultimately able to justify anything to herself as the 'right thing to do' just as a guy is able to do anything and accept what it makes him.

she showed herself to be this type of girl. when u were in your 30's and she in her mid 20's imagine what would happen when u wanted kids and she was bar hopping. If she ever loved u she will understand u need time apart, dont call or email her for a while, at least a month or 2, and then see if she was worth it.

chances are she wasnt. sorry bro, the only time you can figure these things out is when that decision has to be made, and she chose what she wanted. look on it this way, you will find someone else. your age :)
 
When I was 19 I was engaged to a 20 year old, almost was suicidal after we broke up. Talked a little like you, but also decided to throw alcohol and drugs into the mix.

Now I am with an amazing girl that blows my first fiance away in every category: attraction, personality, work ethic, etc. What a shame it would have been for me to marry a girl that can't make me feel half as in love as who I am with now.

But...as mature as she is, my gf is 18...my biggest fear is going through this again. But, as it always does, I do believe the cycle would continue. There would have to be someone even more of a match out there...
 
Think of her as a stepping stone, a lesson learned.

You both found each other and for a time loved one another. In that time you learned more about each other and about yourself, what you want out of life, what you want out of a partner. You became stronger. But that strength isn't without cost, the price is what you are feeling now as you part ways. Her path is different than yours, and you have to let her go down it on her own while you walk your own road. But the knowledge and strength you have gained is still there. Use it, learn from it, you know better what you want out of life now than you did before.

It isn't easy, but it's life. Eventually you will meet someone who is going down the same road you are, but this 21 year old isn't the one. Don't make the mistake of looking back to see where your ex's road goes, but look forward so you don't miss the junction when Ms. Right crosses your path.

In the meantime, enjoy the scenery on YOUR road, not hers.
 
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