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Virtual Acid
New member
Raina said:
I just rescued 3 ferrets from a shelter this weekend
And uhh my weakness.. Would have to be a mans strong muscular arms , Instant creamage right there
Virtual Acid said:
I just rescued 3 ferrets from a shelter this weekend
And uhh my weakness.. Would have to be a mans strong muscular arms , Instant creamage right there
Well if you have ANY questions feel free to contact me. I have 2 rescue ferrets and have dealt with a lot of behavioral issues. I'm sort of a geeky weath of ferret knowledge.
Stuck in sexual purgatory. The thought of getting physical with a man is repulsive and the thought of enduring the female mind for more than a few hours at a time is tortuous.
I like the male personality and the female body. But not a male personality on a female body. I'm fucked.
I like the male personality and the female body. But not a male personality on a female body. I'm fucked.
Puc
Banned
anxiety disorder... I wrote this once during a bulemic spell...
According to the phone sitting to my left it is 10:41 PM on Wednesday **********. I am sitting in my cubical. I have just drank a bottle of ipecac and soon I will vomit...
It is kind of an eerie feeling sitting here spilling my guts out on a corporate PC in the middle of the night. Almost as though I am about to vomit on mainstream America. Puke out the anxieties that this place has imparted on me in their toilets. Sometimes life can be a little ironic.
The odors from the burned out coffee pot and fart-stained office chair are gagging me.
I've lost count of how many times I've gone bulimic in the past 6 months, ever since some severe dieting brought my weight to an all-time low that I was unable to maintain. Now, as the pounds creep back on ever so gradually, every so often I "re-start" my dieting with some new well-researched plan. Whether it is ketogenic or isocaloric or one of the other myriad of weight-loss plans I've familiarized myself with, they will never work. Why? That is a simple enough reason: I lack the willpower to implement them.
Shit, maybe that is the source of my anxieties after all. Maybe it is because I am to well informed now of what it is I need to do to achieve the physical perfection I long for -- the acceptance I long for. I have no excuses for my failures except my own lack of willpower.
I can feel the pressure building in my stomach.
As I drove here to type and defile the toilets that I do not have to clean, I thought briefly about going home and seeking comfort in my parents. I am still not sure if that idea has merit because much of my struggles began because of their failures. Maybe somehow confronting them with the mistakes they made will give me consolation. Maybe hurting them will simply make me feel better. I don't know. I actually thought typing this would help, too. That idea is shot to shit.
Oh, great, now I have to crap as well. I think it is kind of a physiological reaction to drinking the Ipecac. Maybe it is my body's way of screaming "I can loose it from both ends if you like!" Maybe it was the Ex Lax I downed 4 hours earlier making an early arrival.
You know what the goofiest thing of all is? I have the world believing that I am one hell of a guy. I have them reveling in my weight loss and career success, and they even think most of what I have accomplished is due to willpower. Fancy that. Me, with all of the genetic gifts I have been given only needs to do the bare minimum to achieve what I want in life. So I do the bare minimum (accompanied by bulimia) and the world thinks it is because I am strong.
You now know that I am weak.
I think I should drink some more water to speed this shit through my system. Maybe that is a good idea...
Am I rambling yet? I am usually a reasonably coherent writer. I can infiltrate a page with crazy semantic jingles and show off my superb lexicon. Only if I concentrate, though. You know you are a good writer if you can write at a reasonable pace. I am not a good writer.
I think I am going to try and go to the toilet now, I will be back.
Not yet. I crapped a little but no vomit. You know, I want to learn how to make myself throw up without the ipecac. Life would be much simpler then. I wouldn't have to worry about the crazy gagging feeling I get for a solid week after drinking it whenever I think about the taste. The taste is horrible.
Right now I am considering whether to let anyone read what I am writing right now (and secretly hoping it becomes my tome and rescues me from the depths I have sank) I probably will, only to get attention, which is one of my other faults. Shitfuck. I am a horrible person. I have spent the greater part of my life battling myself -- my own weaknesses and faults. All that time I could have spent mastering the world, instead I spent it trying to master myself. What a waste of a life. By the time I have figured it all out I will likely be far to old to care, and the world will be no different for my having lived this life. God my grammar must be horrible right now.
Funny, this stuff usually doesn't take so long. I think I need to drink more water.
I hope it happens soon. I don't like this feeling.
God damnit.
Shit...
fuck...
I am starting to realize why it is so much of the populace is in the dark about their own faults. Maybe it is better to simply live them. Let them do their alterations invisibly. At least that way, you do not spend time trying to correct these issues. At least, I wish I could spend less time trying to correct them, or maybe just once be successful at it. It is now 11:10 30 minutes and no vomit. What the fuck is going on.
I am going to go to the bathroom and try harder.
Getting closer but no go. I can throw up if I drink a lot of water. But I only loose the water. Soon I hope I can get this over with. If not, I am going to have one hell of a long mutter... I know this machine doesn't mind. Thank god for computers. Please let me vomit soon... Maybe I can't even be a good bulimic. What a looser I would be then.
I don't know if thinking about it helps it happen faster or not. There ought to be a how-to for bulimia.
Now I am starting to feel ill. I should go soon. No, wait. Not yet. I have had enough false alarms. I think another might cause an anxiety attack. Do you know what an anxiety attack feels like??? It is like you want to do everything, yet nothing, so you build up all of this crazy energy and BAMF! You need
I;kk vw BABA
oK I'M BACK. i DID throw up but I don;'t think it is over yet my stomach feels like crap.
The first couple of spews were relieving. I don't feel quite so over full anymore. But, I still really hope it happens again soon. I still have lots in my stomach that I want to get rid of.
Ok, back on the subject of anxiety attacks, it is like moving every direction at once and having all of that movement negate itself and you wind up standing still. It is the mad shakes and being frozen all at the same time. I hate it. My mind just shuts off and I can't think, can't move. All I can do, it seems, to relieve myself is eat. But then when I eat I feel so bad that I get even more anxiety and eat more. It is a crazy spiral that I cannot always control. Sometimes, but not always. I remember seeing the movie "Awakenings." There were a bunch of people who were stricken with Parkinson's. Only their Parkinson's was so bad that all of their movement caused a short-circuit which rendered them statuesque. That is what an anxiety attack feels like.
Soon I am going to have to go back in the bathroom. It is 11:45. I'll be back.
Ick. I think that was the worst of it. But I don't think it is over, actually, I hope it isn't over. I like the feeling of loosing food. Kind of sick, isn't it? I like being hungry much more than I like being full. But once I start eating I cannot stop, almost like there is a "eat" switch in me that only has two positions -- ON and OFF. I imagine in normal people there are many settings, but by line 104 I am sure that anyone who by chance stumbles across this is aware that I am far from normal. I am very abnormal. I am a self-loather with a very low self-esteem and serious willpower issues. I am lazy.
I'm kind of a fuck up, you know.
I also have a short attention span. I think I am going to surf the web for a bit and see if I need to upchuck again. Well, actually, I think I need to do that right now. I'll be back...
I am sure that wasn't it, but I am tired of writing. I will finish this story sometime.
------
Sometimes inadequacies can be comforting. They can make an individual. Without them, much of the joy would be stripped from life, because there would be nothing to overcome -- no dragons to slay or demons to banish. They give depth, define character, and determine much of life's direction. But, not all weaknesses can be delt with alone. Some require the aid of friends, others can only be battled with sweat and sheer will. Some require therapy. Some require medicine. Accept yours, and battle them with all you are able; this is the only way.
-------
According to the phone sitting to my left it is 10:41 PM on Wednesday **********. I am sitting in my cubical. I have just drank a bottle of ipecac and soon I will vomit...
It is kind of an eerie feeling sitting here spilling my guts out on a corporate PC in the middle of the night. Almost as though I am about to vomit on mainstream America. Puke out the anxieties that this place has imparted on me in their toilets. Sometimes life can be a little ironic.
The odors from the burned out coffee pot and fart-stained office chair are gagging me.
I've lost count of how many times I've gone bulimic in the past 6 months, ever since some severe dieting brought my weight to an all-time low that I was unable to maintain. Now, as the pounds creep back on ever so gradually, every so often I "re-start" my dieting with some new well-researched plan. Whether it is ketogenic or isocaloric or one of the other myriad of weight-loss plans I've familiarized myself with, they will never work. Why? That is a simple enough reason: I lack the willpower to implement them.
Shit, maybe that is the source of my anxieties after all. Maybe it is because I am to well informed now of what it is I need to do to achieve the physical perfection I long for -- the acceptance I long for. I have no excuses for my failures except my own lack of willpower.
I can feel the pressure building in my stomach.
As I drove here to type and defile the toilets that I do not have to clean, I thought briefly about going home and seeking comfort in my parents. I am still not sure if that idea has merit because much of my struggles began because of their failures. Maybe somehow confronting them with the mistakes they made will give me consolation. Maybe hurting them will simply make me feel better. I don't know. I actually thought typing this would help, too. That idea is shot to shit.
Oh, great, now I have to crap as well. I think it is kind of a physiological reaction to drinking the Ipecac. Maybe it is my body's way of screaming "I can loose it from both ends if you like!" Maybe it was the Ex Lax I downed 4 hours earlier making an early arrival.
You know what the goofiest thing of all is? I have the world believing that I am one hell of a guy. I have them reveling in my weight loss and career success, and they even think most of what I have accomplished is due to willpower. Fancy that. Me, with all of the genetic gifts I have been given only needs to do the bare minimum to achieve what I want in life. So I do the bare minimum (accompanied by bulimia) and the world thinks it is because I am strong.
You now know that I am weak.
I think I should drink some more water to speed this shit through my system. Maybe that is a good idea...
Am I rambling yet? I am usually a reasonably coherent writer. I can infiltrate a page with crazy semantic jingles and show off my superb lexicon. Only if I concentrate, though. You know you are a good writer if you can write at a reasonable pace. I am not a good writer.
I think I am going to try and go to the toilet now, I will be back.
Not yet. I crapped a little but no vomit. You know, I want to learn how to make myself throw up without the ipecac. Life would be much simpler then. I wouldn't have to worry about the crazy gagging feeling I get for a solid week after drinking it whenever I think about the taste. The taste is horrible.
Right now I am considering whether to let anyone read what I am writing right now (and secretly hoping it becomes my tome and rescues me from the depths I have sank) I probably will, only to get attention, which is one of my other faults. Shitfuck. I am a horrible person. I have spent the greater part of my life battling myself -- my own weaknesses and faults. All that time I could have spent mastering the world, instead I spent it trying to master myself. What a waste of a life. By the time I have figured it all out I will likely be far to old to care, and the world will be no different for my having lived this life. God my grammar must be horrible right now.
Funny, this stuff usually doesn't take so long. I think I need to drink more water.
I hope it happens soon. I don't like this feeling.
God damnit.
Shit...
fuck...
I am starting to realize why it is so much of the populace is in the dark about their own faults. Maybe it is better to simply live them. Let them do their alterations invisibly. At least that way, you do not spend time trying to correct these issues. At least, I wish I could spend less time trying to correct them, or maybe just once be successful at it. It is now 11:10 30 minutes and no vomit. What the fuck is going on.
I am going to go to the bathroom and try harder.
Getting closer but no go. I can throw up if I drink a lot of water. But I only loose the water. Soon I hope I can get this over with. If not, I am going to have one hell of a long mutter... I know this machine doesn't mind. Thank god for computers. Please let me vomit soon... Maybe I can't even be a good bulimic. What a looser I would be then.
I don't know if thinking about it helps it happen faster or not. There ought to be a how-to for bulimia.
Now I am starting to feel ill. I should go soon. No, wait. Not yet. I have had enough false alarms. I think another might cause an anxiety attack. Do you know what an anxiety attack feels like??? It is like you want to do everything, yet nothing, so you build up all of this crazy energy and BAMF! You need
I;kk vw BABA
oK I'M BACK. i DID throw up but I don;'t think it is over yet my stomach feels like crap.
The first couple of spews were relieving. I don't feel quite so over full anymore. But, I still really hope it happens again soon. I still have lots in my stomach that I want to get rid of.
Ok, back on the subject of anxiety attacks, it is like moving every direction at once and having all of that movement negate itself and you wind up standing still. It is the mad shakes and being frozen all at the same time. I hate it. My mind just shuts off and I can't think, can't move. All I can do, it seems, to relieve myself is eat. But then when I eat I feel so bad that I get even more anxiety and eat more. It is a crazy spiral that I cannot always control. Sometimes, but not always. I remember seeing the movie "Awakenings." There were a bunch of people who were stricken with Parkinson's. Only their Parkinson's was so bad that all of their movement caused a short-circuit which rendered them statuesque. That is what an anxiety attack feels like.
Soon I am going to have to go back in the bathroom. It is 11:45. I'll be back.
Ick. I think that was the worst of it. But I don't think it is over, actually, I hope it isn't over. I like the feeling of loosing food. Kind of sick, isn't it? I like being hungry much more than I like being full. But once I start eating I cannot stop, almost like there is a "eat" switch in me that only has two positions -- ON and OFF. I imagine in normal people there are many settings, but by line 104 I am sure that anyone who by chance stumbles across this is aware that I am far from normal. I am very abnormal. I am a self-loather with a very low self-esteem and serious willpower issues. I am lazy.
I'm kind of a fuck up, you know.
I also have a short attention span. I think I am going to surf the web for a bit and see if I need to upchuck again. Well, actually, I think I need to do that right now. I'll be back...
I am sure that wasn't it, but I am tired of writing. I will finish this story sometime.
------
Sometimes inadequacies can be comforting. They can make an individual. Without them, much of the joy would be stripped from life, because there would be nothing to overcome -- no dragons to slay or demons to banish. They give depth, define character, and determine much of life's direction. But, not all weaknesses can be delt with alone. Some require the aid of friends, others can only be battled with sweat and sheer will. Some require therapy. Some require medicine. Accept yours, and battle them with all you are able; this is the only way.
-------
Kakdiesel
Banned
My weakness??? hmm...
electronic equipment..stereos, TV's, computers..etc...im like that fuck stick on the circuit city commercial who goes nuts when he walks in the store..
oh and choclate chip oatmeal cookies...and skim milk..i could eat that all day...if I had about 50 bottles of cytomel with me too
electronic equipment..stereos, TV's, computers..etc...im like that fuck stick on the circuit city commercial who goes nuts when he walks in the store..
oh and choclate chip oatmeal cookies...and skim milk..i could eat that all day...if I had about 50 bottles of cytomel with me too
Bar Room Hero
New member
NEW BANJO STRINGS.
Raina said:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I have one of those things- proudly displayed in a box in some bottomless abyss somewhere around here...how weak in the knees does seeing that certificate make you?
My weaknesses..not many, but a pretty face tends to make me very shy at first. That's why I don't talk to myself in the mirror very much
Food weakness: Hot buttered popcorn!!
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