My dad is dying...

[blackhat]

Blackhat- Seriously spend time with him. Don't look at him and think of his condition look at him and think about who he is. Use the strength he has taught to you to just be there for him. Stand up straight look him in the eyes and just talk to him, he will thank you for it even if he doesn't say it outloud.

Best of wishes in this endeavor.

Cheers,
Scotsman

I will. Thank you

 

[blackhat]

Please do. I have a friend who lost his father to this and has just recenlty gone through the whole program as well. Lost both breast, full chemo but now in remission.

One of the really great thing that can come out of your Father's situation is raising your level of awareness.

I dont know bro, I really dont want to get that news.. I also wont have the money to pay all these medical expenses.

 

[joefire_2008]

they wanted to profile my genome to see if I may have it in the future; I didnt do it.

You should, I'm sure your father would want you to. I don't know if you have your own family or plan to but, it would only be fair to them, and youself.

If you are having a hard time dealing with it and you are a religious man...talk to your priest or rabbi or etc... for guidance, strength, and a healthy vent. You already know going to the bottle won't work but, going to your family might. Just being there sometimes helps...

I've seen alot of suffering and death in my life time, and the one thing I learned from it is... you make the best of what you have at the time. He's here and now... not then and gone... Damn it if you want to do something special for him...just do it (provided he's up to it), tell him it would make you feel better. You know what it will, you'll look back and think to yourself,'I'm glad I could do it for him, and he was happy.'

This is the time you should spend with him, and not worry about the worst. Think about the happy and what makes him your dad. Whatever is going to happen will... whatever you make of that time will last with you forever. I know you will be strong for your family, and that you aren't as weak or confused as you think you might be. You prob. already know what to do... jsut do it man. My blessings to you, your father, and your family.

 

[Mr. dB]

I hope to share as much time with him as possible, but at the same time I am afraid to do so because I dont want to treat him like a dying man.

I made that mistake when my dad was dying. I was afraid to acknowledge his condition. I didn't deal with it well, there was a barrier I couldn't push through. Try to get past those reservations if you can, or you'll regret it like I do.

 

[joefire_2008]

Quote:
Originally Posted by blackhat
I hope to share as much time with him as possible, but at the same time I am afraid to do so because I dont want to treat him like a dying man.

Then don't treat him that way... Treat him like good old dad. I know it sounds easier said than done but, trust me you'll be glad you did.

 

[blackhat]

You should, I'm sure your father would want you to. I don't know if you have your own family or plan to but, it would only be fair to them, and youself.

If you are having a hard time dealing with it and you are a religious man...talk to your priest or rabbi or etc... for guidance, strength, and a healthy vent. You already know going to the bottle won't work but, going to your family might. Just being there sometimes helps...

I've seen alot of suffering and death in my life time, and the one thing I learned from it is... you make the best of what you have at the time. He's here and now... not then and gone... Damn it if you want to do something special for him...just do it (provided he's up to it), tell him it would make you feel better. You know what it will, you'll look back and think to yourself,'I'm glad I could do it for him, and he was happy.'

This is the time you should spend with him, and not worry about the worst. Think about the happy and what makes him your dad. Whatever is going to happen will... whatever you make of that time will last with you forever. I know you will be strong for your family, and that you aren't as weak or confused as you think you might be. You prob. already know what to do... jsut do it man. My blessings to you, your father, and your family.

Thank you for these words. I know that what is meant to happen will and I cannot prevent it, and that is what makes it so hard. How can I help him? I've even thought about trying to get him on some aas to get his weight and appetite back up. He has lost 35lbs already.

It's so hard bro, how do people make it through this? My dad and mom lost my sister when she was 5, then a year later he lost his mother to breast cancer. He used to fight with my mother just over trying to feed my brother because of all the frustration he felt.. I dont know how he did it.. he still wont talk about it

 

[joefire_2008]

Thank you for these words. I know that what is meant to happen will and I cannot prevent it, and that is what makes it so hard. How can I help him? I've even thought about trying to get him on some anabolic steroids to get his weight and appetite back up. He has lost 35lbs already.

It's so hard bro, how do people make it through this? My dad and mom lost my sister when she was 5, then a year later he lost his mother to breast cancer. He used to fight with my mother just over trying to feed my brother because of all the frustration he felt.. I dont know how he did it.. he still wont talk about it

I really wouldn't give him anything like that even in desperation... I know what you are feeling though, I've never liked the feeling of helplessness when I have a PT that I know I can't do anything for.

The thing I do is just do for them and make them feel as comfortable as possible. Remember good medicine isn't always medical, sometimes you heal the spirit of the person and that is all you can do. Don't beat yourself up, medically nothing you can do, as a son the world is your oyster. Just worry about being there for him if he needs you or not. Family is always comforting... remember home isn't where you live... it's where your family is.

 

[binö]

i'm gonna bump this so more peeps can give love to blackhat

 

[joefire_2008]

Just so you know Blackhat...I'm in the medical field... and I've been told I was going to die more than once... All that was important to me was that I got to see my family. If that gives you a different perspective...

I'll tell you from that end... Believe me if you know your screwed, nothing else matters, just family. I lucked out about 3 times now but, each is just as strong as the first... Family was what brought me the greatest relief. I know you'll do good, even when you think you're not. Just be there... I promise it'll do you both good.

 

[vixensghost]

Thank you all for your support, thoughts, and prayers. Today my dad is going to meet with another doctor for a final word. Since it is in all his major organs and most likely in his brain I do not image it will be positive. I still have hope that some miracle will occur, but he has been degrading in health ever since he was first diagnosed 3 years ago and we thought the chemo had killed it.

I dont know what to say or do... my mother is torn apart. My dad did everything for her, she has no idea how much money is in the bank or anything... she doesnt even know how to pump gas, he did all that for her.

I'm really messed up right now. All I want to do is crawl into a bottle, but I know that's not what he wants and its not right. I am terrified about the future. I do not want to see him suffer and die in a hospital bed..

man i dont know what to do

Your mom sounds like my mom in regards to depending on her hubby all those years. It must be the type men our dad's are/were.

Don;t worry about your dad suffereing. The hospice nurses are like Angels in regards to keeping your dad comfy with pain meds. My dad went in total peace due to those fantastic ladies!

It's not easy going thru this- it'll rip your heart out most days. You WILLLL surprise yourself in how strong you'll become for your mom and dad though. You'll crash once it's over though. Take it one day at a time. Take FULLLLL advantage of the Hospice group too. Remember to take time for yourself in the gym( if you train), or time in something you enjoy! The gym was the ONLY thing that kept me sane thru our ordeal.

I got you in my heart.