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My dad is dying...

blackhat

blackhat

New member
3 years ago my dad was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a radical mastectomy along with chemo and radiation in order to treat it. Today the results from a recent CT scan came back and he has cancer spread all throughout his organs and lungs. He does not have much longer to live. I have not been a member here that long, but I wanted you all to know and for those of you that believe in God, please pray for him. His name is John. He has spent his life giving back to others and if this is the end for him, many people will be at a loss because of it. My mother and family are hysterical and the stress is overbearing.

I am all that I am because of my dad. Please pray for him.

Thank you.
 
That's awful news brother. i'm not a religious person but i am spiritual. will have your dad in my thoughts

stay strong and remember this place can be a good outlet for trying times

not much else i can say :(
 
damn maing, what can i say?
my condolences, i hope you can enjoy the last few times you have with him.
 
blackhat said:
3 years ago my dad was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a radical mastectomy along with chemo and radiation in order to treat it. Today the results from a recent CT scan came back and he has cancer spread all throughout his organs and lungs. He does not have much longer to live. I have not been a member here that long, but I wanted you all to know and for those of you that believe in God, please pray for him. His name is John. He has spent his life giving back to others and if this is the end for him, many people will be at a loss because of it. My mother and family are hysterical and the stress is overbearing.

I am all that I am because of my dad. Please pray for him.

Thank you.
Click to expand...

very sorry to hear that man, take care of him and yourself
 
sorry to hear
 
blackhat said:
3 years ago my dad was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a radical mastectomy along with chemo and radiation in order to treat it. Today the results from a recent CT scan came back and he has cancer spread all throughout his organs and lungs. He does not have much longer to live. I have not been a member here that long, but I wanted you all to know and for those of you that believe in God, please pray for him. His name is John. He has spent his life giving back to others and if this is the end for him, many people will be at a loss because of it. My mother and family are hysterical and the stress is overbearing.

I am all that I am because of my dad. Please pray for him.

Thank you.
Click to expand...


I just went through this in my family back in march. My uncle died of brain cancer, and the loss still weighs very heavily on my family. My heart and prayers go out to your family with upmost sincerity. I watched my uncle pass after 20+ strokes over his last month of life. It is overwhelmingly tough to deal with losing your family.

May God be with you in your heart and comfort your family at this time. I'm sorry.
 
blackhat said:
3 years ago my dad was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a radical mastectomy along with chemo and radiation in order to treat it. Today the results from a recent CT scan came back and he has cancer spread all throughout his organs and lungs. He does not have much longer to live. I have not been a member here that long, but I wanted you all to know and for those of you that believe in God, please pray for him. His name is John. He has spent his life giving back to others and if this is the end for him, many people will be at a loss because of it. My mother and family are hysterical and the stress is overbearing.

I am all that I am because of my dad. Please pray for him.

Thank you.
Click to expand...
I feel for you, you and your family will be in my prayers.
What will make it easier for him is if the Dr. can Rx him good pain meds, or have him on a morphine drip via machine @ home. This will do alot to min. any pain or worries for him, and enjoy your time with him. Remember the good times, and talk to him about things that are on your mind, or say whatever it is you wanted to say... So you don't regret not saying them, or not having that talk with him you wished you did.

Remember death is only on part of life... embrace the others. He will always live on in you. My best to you and your family.
 
I'm sorry to hear bro. Take this time to spend quality time together.
 
I'm really sorry to hear that bro. I can't even imagine the feeling. Stay strong for your mother bro, she needs you now more than ever.
 
blackhat said:
3 years ago my dad was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a radical mastectomy along with chemo and radiation in order to treat it. Today the results from a recent CT scan came back and he has cancer spread all throughout his organs and lungs. He does not have much longer to live. I have not been a member here that long, but I wanted you all to know and for those of you that believe in God, please pray for him. His name is John. He has spent his life giving back to others and if this is the end for him, many people will be at a loss because of it. My mother and family are hysterical and the stress is overbearing.

I am all that I am because of my dad. Please pray for him.

Thank you.
Click to expand...
I will pray for him. I lost my mom to cancer 3 years ago.
 
sorry to hear that bro, and u will b in my prayers, im going through the same thing as i write this, my mom is dieing of liver cancer, they told us she wouldnt make it till the 4th of july, but shes still with us as of now, but i can tell the days r getting short.
 
I'm so sorry.

I agree- enjoy each moment you have with him. You'll need those good moments to fall back on someday.

I was with my dad 24/7 while he died. I can't explain this; it was the most beautiful, painful experience in my life thus far. I would NOT change the fact that I had that time with him though. My bro and sister wishe they could have shared that time with him.
 
So sorry to hear this. The best thing your father can have right now is your time. Give it back to him all the days, hours and minutes that he shared with you when you were growing up.

Bring photos of past times. Share stories. If he is able, take him short visits to his favorite park or spot.

Above all, never let the chance you have now be missed to tell him that you love him.
 
joefire_2008 said:
I feel for you, you and your family will be in my prayers.
What will make it easier for him is if the Dr. can Rx him good pain meds, or have him on a morphine drip via machine @ home. This will do alot to min. any pain or worries for him, and enjoy your time with him. Remember the good times, and talk to him about things that are on your mind, or say whatever it is you wanted to say... So you don't regret not saying them, or not having that talk with him you wished you did.

Remember death is only on part of life... embrace the others. He will always live on in you. My best to you and your family.
Click to expand...

+1 You and your family are in my prayers.
 
Sorry to hear it. There never seems to be the "right" things to say. May your faith be a comfort to you and your family. Please say the things to him that you need to, when he's passed you should have no regrets, but great memories and cherish those.
 
Thank you all for your support, thoughts, and prayers. Today my dad is going to meet with another doctor for a final word. Since it is in all his major organs and most likely in his brain I do not image it will be positive. I still have hope that some miracle will occur, but he has been degrading in health ever since he was first diagnosed 3 years ago and we thought the chemo had killed it.

I dont know what to say or do... my mother is torn apart. My dad did everything for her, she has no idea how much money is in the bank or anything... she doesnt even know how to pump gas, he did all that for her.

I'm really messed up right now. All I want to do is crawl into a bottle, but I know that's not what he wants and its not right. I am terrified about the future. I do not want to see him suffer and die in a hospital bed..

man i dont know what to do
 
blackhat said:
Thank you all for your support, thoughts, and prayers. Today my dad is going to meet with another doctor for a final word. Since it is in all his major organs and most likely in his brain I do not image it will be positive. I still have hope that some miracle will occur, but he has been degrading in health ever since he was first diagnosed 3 years ago and we thought the chemo had killed it.

I dont know what to say or do... my mother is torn apart. My dad did everything for her, she has no idea how much money is in the bank or anything... she doesnt even know how to pump gas, he did all that for her.

I'm really messed up right now. All I want to do is crawl into a bottle, but I know that's not what he wants and its not right. I am terrified about the future. I do not want to see him suffer and die in a hospital bed..

man i dont know what to do
Click to expand...

Black - so sorry to hear about this. Please remember to take the time to check yourself often as well.
 
dabuffguy, my condolences for your uncle... my uncle also had a severe stroke just a month ago and the future may not be so great for him either. I will pray for you and your family

plowboy, my heart goes out to you. I hope that your mother goes on to make a full recovery by the grace of God. If you need someone to talk to , I will be here.

and again, thank you everyone for your thoughts and input. I hope to share as much time with him as possible, but at the same time I am afraid to do so because I dont want to treat him like a dying man. He is still trying to go to work and do normal things, but it is getting harder for him minute by minute it seems. His birthday is next week, I want to do something special for him but he told me that he "would rather watch it pass by". He has spent his life working multiple jobs to provide for our family and others. As long as I've known him all he has done is work.. once he has to stop it will devastate him. He is a man who cannot be idle, but does not like to travel or do very active things (he cant anymore anyway). I wish it were all a huge dream, but as said before this is reality...yet I cannot grasp an ideal way to cope with this everyday part of life... My life has become a blur with nothing of importance anymore, my training is all messed up.. he has not even passed yet and everything I see reminds me of him
 
billfred said:
Black - so sorry to hear about this. Please remember to take the time to check yourself often as well.
Click to expand...

they wanted to profile my genome to see if I may have it in the future; I didnt do it.
 
blackhat said:
they wanted to profile my genome to see if I may have it in the future; I didnt do it.
Click to expand...

Please do. I have a friend who lost his father to this and has just recenlty gone through the whole program as well. Lost both breast, full chemo but now in remission.

One of the really great thing that can come out of your Father's situation is raising your level of awareness.
 
Blackhat- Seriously spend time with him. Don't look at him and think of his condition look at him and think about who he is. Use the strength he has taught to you to just be there for him. Stand up straight look him in the eyes and just talk to him, he will thank you for it even if he doesn't say it outloud.

Best of wishes in this endeavor.

Cheers,
Scotsman
 
Scotsman said:
Blackhat- Seriously spend time with him. Don't look at him and think of his condition look at him and think about who he is. Use the strength he has taught to you to just be there for him. Stand up straight look him in the eyes and just talk to him, he will thank you for it even if he doesn't say it outloud.

Best of wishes in this endeavor.

Cheers,
Scotsman
Click to expand...

I will. Thank you
 
billfred said:
Please do. I have a friend who lost his father to this and has just recenlty gone through the whole program as well. Lost both breast, full chemo but now in remission.

One of the really great thing that can come out of your Father's situation is raising your level of awareness.
Click to expand...

I dont know bro, I really dont want to get that news.. I also wont have the money to pay all these medical expenses.
 
blackhat said:
they wanted to profile my genome to see if I may have it in the future; I didnt do it.
Click to expand...
You should, I'm sure your father would want you to. I don't know if you have your own family or plan to but, it would only be fair to them, and youself.

If you are having a hard time dealing with it and you are a religious man...talk to your priest or rabbi or etc... for guidance, strength, and a healthy vent. You already know going to the bottle won't work but, going to your family might. Just being there sometimes helps...

I've seen alot of suffering and death in my life time, and the one thing I learned from it is... you make the best of what you have at the time. He's here and now... not then and gone... Damn it if you want to do something special for him...just do it (provided he's up to it), tell him it would make you feel better. You know what it will, you'll look back and think to yourself,'I'm glad I could do it for him, and he was happy.'

This is the time you should spend with him, and not worry about the worst. Think about the happy and what makes him your dad. Whatever is going to happen will... whatever you make of that time will last with you forever. I know you will be strong for your family, and that you aren't as weak or confused as you think you might be. You prob. already know what to do... jsut do it man. My blessings to you, your father, and your family.
 
blackhat said:
I hope to share as much time with him as possible, but at the same time I am afraid to do so because I dont want to treat him like a dying man.
Click to expand...

I made that mistake when my dad was dying. I was afraid to acknowledge his condition. I didn't deal with it well, there was a barrier I couldn't push through. Try to get past those reservations if you can, or you'll regret it like I do.
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by blackhat
I hope to share as much time with him as possible, but at the same time I am afraid to do so because I dont want to treat him like a dying man.
Click to expand...
Then don't treat him that way... Treat him like good old dad. I know it sounds easier said than done but, trust me you'll be glad you did.
 
joefire_2008 said:
You should, I'm sure your father would want you to. I don't know if you have your own family or plan to but, it would only be fair to them, and youself.

If you are having a hard time dealing with it and you are a religious man...talk to your priest or rabbi or etc... for guidance, strength, and a healthy vent. You already know going to the bottle won't work but, going to your family might. Just being there sometimes helps...

I've seen alot of suffering and death in my life time, and the one thing I learned from it is... you make the best of what you have at the time. He's here and now... not then and gone... Damn it if you want to do something special for him...just do it (provided he's up to it), tell him it would make you feel better. You know what it will, you'll look back and think to yourself,'I'm glad I could do it for him, and he was happy.'

This is the time you should spend with him, and not worry about the worst. Think about the happy and what makes him your dad. Whatever is going to happen will... whatever you make of that time will last with you forever. I know you will be strong for your family, and that you aren't as weak or confused as you think you might be. You prob. already know what to do... jsut do it man. My blessings to you, your father, and your family.
Click to expand...


Thank you for these words. I know that what is meant to happen will and I cannot prevent it, and that is what makes it so hard. How can I help him? I've even thought about trying to get him on some aas to get his weight and appetite back up. He has lost 35lbs already.

It's so hard bro, how do people make it through this? My dad and mom lost my sister when she was 5, then a year later he lost his mother to breast cancer. He used to fight with my mother just over trying to feed my brother because of all the frustration he felt.. I dont know how he did it.. he still wont talk about it
 
blackhat said:
Thank you for these words. I know that what is meant to happen will and I cannot prevent it, and that is what makes it so hard. How can I help him? I've even thought about trying to get him on some anabolic steroids to get his weight and appetite back up. He has lost 35lbs already.

It's so hard bro, how do people make it through this? My dad and mom lost my sister when she was 5, then a year later he lost his mother to breast cancer. He used to fight with my mother just over trying to feed my brother because of all the frustration he felt.. I dont know how he did it.. he still wont talk about it
Click to expand...
I really wouldn't give him anything like that even in desperation... I know what you are feeling though, I've never liked the feeling of helplessness when I have a PT that I know I can't do anything for.

The thing I do is just do for them and make them feel as comfortable as possible. Remember good medicine isn't always medical, sometimes you heal the spirit of the person and that is all you can do. Don't beat yourself up, medically nothing you can do, as a son the world is your oyster. Just worry about being there for him if he needs you or not. Family is always comforting... remember home isn't where you live... it's where your family is.
 
Just so you know Blackhat...I'm in the medical field... and I've been told I was going to die more than once... All that was important to me was that I got to see my family. If that gives you a different perspective...

I'll tell you from that end... Believe me if you know your screwed, nothing else matters, just family. I lucked out about 3 times now but, each is just as strong as the first... Family was what brought me the greatest relief. I know you'll do good, even when you think you're not. Just be there... I promise it'll do you both good.
 
blackhat said:
Thank you all for your support, thoughts, and prayers. Today my dad is going to meet with another doctor for a final word. Since it is in all his major organs and most likely in his brain I do not image it will be positive. I still have hope that some miracle will occur, but he has been degrading in health ever since he was first diagnosed 3 years ago and we thought the chemo had killed it.

I dont know what to say or do... my mother is torn apart. My dad did everything for her, she has no idea how much money is in the bank or anything... she doesnt even know how to pump gas, he did all that for her.

I'm really messed up right now. All I want to do is crawl into a bottle, but I know that's not what he wants and its not right. I am terrified about the future. I do not want to see him suffer and die in a hospital bed..

man i dont know what to do
Click to expand...

Your mom sounds like my mom in regards to depending on her hubby all those years. It must be the type men our dad's are/were.

Don;t worry about your dad suffereing. The hospice nurses are like Angels in regards to keeping your dad comfy with pain meds. My dad went in total peace due to those fantastic ladies!

It's not easy going thru this- it'll rip your heart out most days. You WILLLL surprise yourself in how strong you'll become for your mom and dad though. You'll crash once it's over though. Take it one day at a time. Take FULLLLL advantage of the Hospice group too. Remember to take time for yourself in the gym( if you train), or time in something you enjoy! The gym was the ONLY thing that kept me sane thru our ordeal.

I got you in my heart.
 
The problem is, is that my dad will not take any pain medication. He is awake at night because of the pain, but refuses to take the medication. What it is that causes him to be this way I dont know. As a child I remember him always hiding his feelings and never wanting us children to see him displaying pain or weakness. My dad always was my superman, and today he still is. I have hope that he will be OK, but for those of you in the medical field, here is the result from an abdominal CT scan only. A chest CT scan has yet to be done.




multiple contiguous helical CT images were obtained from the lunb bases through the abdomen to the iliac crest following oral and 125cc of nonionic IV contrast

There is an ovoid stellate noncalcified right lung base parenchymal mass, 1.6cm in diameter. Minimal bibasilar linear parenchymal fibrosis is seen. There is a round noncalcified 0.9 cm anterobasilar left lower lobe lung parenchymal nodule noted.

there is a distal paresophageal partially calcified ovoid soft tissue mass approx 3.4cm in diameter

mild diffuse fatty infiltrarion throughout the unenlarged liver is seen withich also demonstrates a 4mm round low attenuation simiple cyst involving its anterior right hepatic segment. multiple small benign calcified splenic parenchymal granulomata are noted.

there is an abnormal noncalcified inhomogenoue predominatntly low attenuation rounded soft tissue mass compatible with adenopathy, anterior and slightly superior to the pancreatic body. additional moderate adenopathy involves the bilateral retroperitoneum, mid abdominal mesentry and porta hepatis region. there is an inhomogeneous solid moderately vascular right lower pole renal parenchymal 3.6cm neoplasm. small right renal parenchymal simple cysts are seen. the left kidney and adreal glands as well as gallbladder are normal. moderate splenomegaly is seen with greatest longitudinal dimension of 14.5cm


stellate right lung base parenchymal neoplasm

right lower pole renal parenchymal neoplasm

left lung base parenchymal nodule, moderate splenomegaly, and extensive abdominal as well as retro peritoneal and lower mediastinal paraesophageal adenopathy

a constellation of numbers one through three above raise the possibility of either metastatic renal cell carcinoma, lymphoma, or metastatic lung carcinoma favoring metastatic renal cell carcinoma and lymphoma as the most likely ethiologies

small metastatic nodule left lung base
 
joefire_2008 said:
and I've been told I was going to die more than once...
Click to expand...

To go along with this (and all the other good points joe made) I came close to death a few times. One time I thought (as much as one could think at such a time) that I was dead. Joe is right on.

Spend time with him. Do whatever you know will make him happy. Thats all that matters.
 
damn bro i feel you, just lost my grandma last thursday. Keep your head up and ill keep him in my prayers
 
All of his friends will be here tuesday to celebrate his birthday. I am sure he will be happy while they are here, the tough part is after they are gone.

Has anyone here lost their dad while he was married to your mother for a long time? How did your mother respond? How long did it take for her to be alright on her own?

I dont want to leave her in a large house all by herself when she has no clue about the bills or anything. Granted I can show her how to take care of the bills etc, but I still would feel so guilty about leaving her. She has been with my dad for 36 years.
 
My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary on July 4, 1993. My mom died in late April 1994. My dad was pretty strong about it, but he was lonely and got re-married by the next Janurary. The busybodies at his church couldn't wait to get him hooked up with one of their old hen cronies, and really worked overtime on him, I guess he was considered a "catch" for the septuagenarian set. He also had the distraction of having to deal with my pain in the ass older brother, who had retired from The Navy and moved back home while he was trying to find a civilian life after 25 years in the service.

He died from leukemia in February 2007. My brother dropped dead from a pulmonary imbolism in December 1994. My stepmom, or ex-stepmom, or whatever the hell she is now, is the closest thing to immediate family that I have left.

I guess that doesn't help with your situation very much, 'cause my dad was the survivor when my mom died and he already knew how to take care of finances and stuff. But if your mom's peer group is typical, they'll find ways to keep her busy and distracted.
 
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