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Although I don't personally know what you're going through, my best friend went through this problem and I talked to him at length about how he dealt with it as well as what finally worked.
He and his wife married after a long dating period (3 or 4 years) and before they got married they both were very physically fit. However, this did not last and within a couple of years she had lost her figure and gained quite a few pounds. I don't remember exactly how much but I would guess that she gained about 60 lbs. of fat. Her activity level sharply declined apparently and it was driving him crazy.
When he and I talked about it, they had had some very nasty arguments about the weight issue. He told me that he was considering a divorce if she didn't lose the weight. I asked why weight mattered to him so much that he would leave her rather than try and find a solution. He said he was tired of being embarrassed in public. I just listened and didn't offer any advice since it could affect their marriage.
The problems have not resolved to this day, and I can tell you that they are not very close. My wife and I don't see them that often anymore since it is a burden for us to see how they seem to not even be in love anymore. All they do is bicker and talk badly about each other.
The way I see it, if this happened to me and my wife, I would be very worried about the long term health risks of being 50 or 60 lbs overweight (diabetes, pregnancy complications, heart disease, etc.). However, I can't see how 15-20 extra pounds are in that risk. I've gone out with women of every different variety and never worried about what people in public thought. However, I did marry a woman who is physically fit, so maybe I'm biased towards thinness as well. I would wonder whether or not you might need to talk to a counselor hopefully understand the root of your anger as well as your lack of sexual attraction.
In order to change, a person has to make and carry out that decision themselves. Otherwise she's doing it just to please you, and might lose her initiative after awhile. Maybe you and her can do something together like biking or walking...not all people like lifting weights, find something that you both enjoy doing as far as exercise and then you will not only find something that brings you two closer together, but hopefully solves the weight gain issue.
He and his wife married after a long dating period (3 or 4 years) and before they got married they both were very physically fit. However, this did not last and within a couple of years she had lost her figure and gained quite a few pounds. I don't remember exactly how much but I would guess that she gained about 60 lbs. of fat. Her activity level sharply declined apparently and it was driving him crazy.
When he and I talked about it, they had had some very nasty arguments about the weight issue. He told me that he was considering a divorce if she didn't lose the weight. I asked why weight mattered to him so much that he would leave her rather than try and find a solution. He said he was tired of being embarrassed in public. I just listened and didn't offer any advice since it could affect their marriage.
The problems have not resolved to this day, and I can tell you that they are not very close. My wife and I don't see them that often anymore since it is a burden for us to see how they seem to not even be in love anymore. All they do is bicker and talk badly about each other.
The way I see it, if this happened to me and my wife, I would be very worried about the long term health risks of being 50 or 60 lbs overweight (diabetes, pregnancy complications, heart disease, etc.). However, I can't see how 15-20 extra pounds are in that risk. I've gone out with women of every different variety and never worried about what people in public thought. However, I did marry a woman who is physically fit, so maybe I'm biased towards thinness as well. I would wonder whether or not you might need to talk to a counselor hopefully understand the root of your anger as well as your lack of sexual attraction.
In order to change, a person has to make and carry out that decision themselves. Otherwise she's doing it just to please you, and might lose her initiative after awhile. Maybe you and her can do something together like biking or walking...not all people like lifting weights, find something that you both enjoy doing as far as exercise and then you will not only find something that brings you two closer together, but hopefully solves the weight gain issue.
and you still had someone who loves you, with you, married to you...
