Motivating a spouse

[TexasBig]

I need some help on how to motivate my wife to workout and eat right. We've been married 5 yrs now and she used to be really hot. Now she's gained about 15 extra lbs in her thighs and butt (lots-o-cottage cheese) and it's hard for me to look at that and be sexually attracted to her. I've done a pretty poor job in the past of trying to motivate her (dropping suttle hints, getting her a gym membership, etc.), but to no available.
She knows I'm really into health, working out, and having a tone body, but doesn't want me expecting that from her.

I don't know what to do. She hates to workout. She eats like sh*% (raised on "Home Cookin") and she won't take any type of supplements?

Anyone have any advice??

Yours truly,
Confused and desperate

 

[WODIN]

U can't change her, if she wants to get into working out then she will. Otherwise forget about it! It's a non issue if you love her enough to live with it. If you want someone with your exact values it's time to move on then.

 

[vixenbabe]

Sooooo true Wodin.

You can not make a person change- SHE MUST WANT IT FOR HERSELF!

 

[GinNJuice]

I agree with Wodin, she won't work out unless she wants to. Funny thing is..... if you leave her because she doesn't work out, she will hit the gym after you're gone so that she can get back in shape to find someone else.... and to shove it in your face.

The deal is that you need to try and persuade HER to WANT to work out........ My suggestion would be to start 'noticing' other women that are fit and mention it to her. Then follow with something like 'wow, that women must work her ass off at the gym to look like that'.

My guess is that if she loves you, she will try to please you by looking good for you.... if she knows that it's important to you (However, if you LOVED her, then you wouldn't care how she looks and this probably wouldn't be an issue)

 

[runner]

i think you have to try to sell her on the idea of doing things along with you...sign up for a spinning class together or take some tennis lessons together and go out and hit balls around. go for walks with her around the neighborhood and eventually turn that into jogging. somethin' like that....

 

[vixenbabe]

Gin how old are you?

If he tries to shame her it'll make things worse. Christ, take it from a woman. You try this on her and things could back fire on you. Some woman use food for a sense of comfort.

You start ragging on her it could lead to more problems...

Gentle and loving approach is the best way. Hey, maybe try and talk her into going for a good walk each night..Kinda ease her into feeling better. If you can get her going she may like the results she see's..START SLOW AND WITH LOVE NOT SHAME!

 

[TexasBig]

I understand where y'all are coming from on the "if I loved her it wouldn't matter". But for a guy (at least me) it does matter. Guys are physical/visual and women are emotional. Why do you think there are so many tittybars and porn sites. Anyway thanks for the input. I'm not "going to move on" as far as looking for another women, because I'm in this for life.

I just didn't know if someone had a similar situation and did something that actually worked.

 

[TexasBig]

Oh and one more thing. My wife tells me all of the time she needs to loose weight and wish she could look like this girl or that girl but she does nothing about it. I guess that's what irritates me the most. So, I've recently told her if she won't use any of my suggestions or won't do any of her own, I don't want to ever hear her complain again. Hasn't worked. Still hear it about once a day.

 

[frorider6]

I was in a similar situation when I got married. I worked out and was into fitness. She was a runner, had long beautiful hair, and had started to lift weights. After we were married a couple of months she quit working out, cut her hair and ate like shit. She looked totally different than the woman I dated. So instead of a fitness hottie, I had a soccer-mom-to-be.

And before you guys say it, she changed in more ways than just physically. She had truly become a different woman.

My point is this. A lot of people act a certain way just to land a spouse. Once they are married and there isn't as much of a chance of this person leaving, they become their true selves. That's why I don't believe in marriage as we have come to view it. Too many people see it as a landmark that they have to reach, and once there, they don't have to try to please their significant other anymore.

TexasBig, I know exactly what you're going through. I'd say you need to have a serious conversation with her about the person she was and the person she has become. People change, but personal growth is different than giving up.

If that doesn't work. Call her a fat bitch.

 

[Y_lifter]

Seriously sounds like an emotional problem with her if she is ranting about it every day.
Maybe counsuling to find out why she has this eating disorder.
Personally, my wife turned around and saw the light after I started getting firm and strong and other women(her friends) started noticing me and making mention of how good I looked for my age.(38)