Marriage Gone Wrong

[Formula]

Look like there's alot of us in the same boat. I was always the one saying I would change don't leave. After a while I figure I could not make her happy then maybe someone else could. Now she wants me back but I'm done. I believe everything she told me and moved on. She thought I would never leave but I just got tired of all the fighting. She needs anger behavior management but I wish her the best. I need to express my emotions more. Shit happens it not always one side. There were 2 people in a relationship. Everyone has to be responsible for there part. Unfortunately I was taking about 90% responsibility for it.

 

[MP5]

That sucks BKMom, but you could always mess around with a younger man, say 29ish, from Colorado?

 

[ryker77]

It my belief that the American Society is not set up for marriage. It may have been when our parents grew up but now days out life style is just so busy that we don't understand how to make a marriage work.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Look like there's alot of us in the same boat. I was always the one saying I would change don't leave. After a while I figure I could not make her happy then maybe someone else could. Now she wants me back but I'm done. I believe everything she told me and moved on. She thought I would never leave but I just got tired of all the fighting. She needs anger behavior management but I wish her the best. I need to express my emotions more. Shit happens it not always one side. There were 2 people in a relationship. Everyone has to be responsible for there part. Unfortunately I was taking about 90% responsibility for it.

You summed my situation up pretty well. I changed and he resented me for it. I got therapy (and would still like some more, but of course, now he won't pay for it) so that I would NEVER repeat the same mistakes or God forbid, make it again in an EVEN WORSE WAY! He, on the other hand, thinks there is NOTHING WRONG with him and I am a self-centerd whore who cares only for herself. Yea, that is why I have the girls 24/7 while he can only see them one day per week for 9 hours! When the judge made his ruling I WAS DEVASTATED! I always assumed that we would have joint physical and legal custody. I cared for the children pretty much myself until I began to work part time, then he paid and was only too happy to let OTHERS watch them. Now I have to bust my ass to pay for them to stay in camp (THEY LOVE IT and are safe and happy their!) so that I can work.....guess what? After being able to support 6 people on his own for SEVERAL YEARS - he is now in the poorhouse and can not come up w/300$ per week for childcare for FOUR KIDS! - Yet when I did it (cared fo the kids) my work had ZERO VALUE. I was supposed to leave and support myself (after not completing college and being a stay-at-home mother while helping him w/our business), leave the kids with him while he paid a nanny to watch them. But he was going to be very generous and let me come by and see them whenever I wanted to!!!!

HE NEVER EVEN CUT THEIR NAILS IN THIER LIVES - EVER!

I was like, "Honey, you do not make enough money to support and exwife AND a nanny! Wake the fuck up, the law where we live IS HALF!"

All I wanted was to share the kids, have my half of what I earned, and be free. I left our relationship emotionally some 2 years ago. The only reason he is "shocked" is because he NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD GROW THE BALLS TO LEAVE!

SURPRIZE!.....but when my head hit the ground, I grew some balls.

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

Martini,

Good luck.

There is some wisdom in what Weapon X says about mature love.....hope you can get this worked out.

14 years is a long time.

 

[MP5]

Bmom, since you have grown balls maybe we shouldn't mess around.

 

[Bikini Mod]

MP5, a WISE decision indeed!

 

[Weapon X]

Get back in bed, KC!

 

[Martini]

B-Mom - sounds like my situation is similar to yours. He is a great dad - the super dad of the street..the one all the kids come to for help. He is a Mr. fix-it for sure...but only for things made of metal, wood and wire...and fueled by gas.

His girls are his world - and he would not hurt them for anything in the world..intentionally - but he has forgotten that he is married to me...and once they grow up and leave the house...it will be him and I alone again. If he does not wake up and smell the coffee...he will find himself alone.

I seem to have fallen out of his world along the way somewhere. He pushed me to become more independent....self confident..and so I did just that. Now that I am where I am - he is sitting back attacking me for being selfish and having changed. Well...I did change..for the better I think and for the better of my girls. I want them to know that when life presents you with a challenge you should accept it and do what you can with it. You don't have to be a winner...but a doer and trier. I figure he who does not try does not live.

My husband appears to have taken a different road. He has health issues that he has to take control of. I can only do so much and have tried to help him as best I can. I can't take the "poor me" comments much longer if he is not trying.

We did more talking last night. Calm..no attacks...and I think he finally is getting it. He broke down and cried like a child. It was hard..but I didn't console him. He has to feel this and decide how he wants to approach this challenge. I have to be strong for the girls and myself now.

Our first official session is the 30th. I will go with or without him.

So for all you that are going thru what I am - hang in there...and for all you that have gone thru this and have come out alive...I admire you and your strength and hope that I will be on your side of the line soon.

 

[Zebo]

Wow, Bmom, I didn't realize....I hope you're doing okay.

Martini, I'm glad you're going to a professional for help.
I'm glad I had the strength to suck it up and walk in there myself. We've made tremendous progress.....

We don't have issues like infidelity, substance abuse, etc., so maybe that has made it easier. Just a case of two people who went in different directions for awhile.

We're not doing it b/c of the kids (though that's a damn good reason), I really think it's worth saving and it's not like what I thought it was going to be. It was actually a relief to just let go and accept help.

Again, glad to hear you're trying, hang in there......

Bmom......