flex123 said:
Usually the mother gets cosdity no matter what, even if you gave custodity and want it back. You have to be a fucked up mother to not win a custodity of your kids.
Ummmmmmmm, you are basing this information on what exactly?
I am telling you that those days are fucking over. How do I know? Because I have come across MANY MANY MANY women who have been put through the ringer by asshole es's because the laws that are designed to protect the rights of GOOD FATHERS are being manipulated by motherfuckers who pay attorneys who lack any scruples.
Crackwhores don't lose custody of their children. Why? Because no one is trying to take them - NOT EVEN THE GOVERNMENT AGENCIES THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING THOSE CHILDREN.
But all you need is one asshole with some cash screaming, "Fuck that whore - I'll take the kids then I wont have to pay the bitch childsupport." and it is game on until he runs out of money or the children grow to an age where they will have to say - "FUCK OFF DAD."
Finally my kids are very near to that point. They have told their father pointblank, "I love you daddy, but I want to live with my mommy." His reply? "YOU CAN'T BECAUSE I HAVE CUSTODY."
Curious w8tlifter - why was the FBI involved in your story? Was is because the mother who was the custodial parent would just up and move w/out giving info to the father about the whereabouts of the kids and the authorities had to track them down? Guess what? MY EX TRIED THE SAME FUCKING THING! I paid for all the contact between my kids and I. My greatest expense after shelter was telephone and internet. I left my children in the home where they grew up, all their friends and family the same - schools the same - I gave up nearly all monies due me under the law because I wanted to stop giving it to lawyers and leave it for them - I typed countless emails, cards, letters, calls, etc. I did the best I could with the circumstances at hand. You don't have to agree at all and you are entitled to your opinion - it matters not to me. I dont feel the least bit attacked. As I said, I was once like you thinking what kind of mother does such a thing? Sadly, now I know the answer: one that is desperate and feels that there is no alternative.
I was raised with abuse - emotional, physical and sexual - this all came at the hands of people that I was supposed to have been able to trust the most. It has taken many years and a lot of therapy for me to arrive at the person I am today. I had to lose it all I supposed before I admitted and understood why I made the choices that I made and as stated earlier I think I still wouldn't have changed a thing because I like who I have become. I was NEVER a poor or substandard mother. I may have had many, many shortcomings but a substandard mother was never one of them.
The only mistake I ever made was trusting my ex to be a father.
Why is it that men regularly do what I did and they are never EVER judged? I'll answer that for you. It is because like it or not, you can be as PC as you want, one fact remains:
THE MOTHER IS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS
EXPECTED TO BE THE BETTER PARENT.
Is she? NO. But the expectation is there so, of course, she is judged more harshly. So I don't mind. I deserve to be scrutinized, after all, I am a mother.
For your edification - (not that I need you or anyone else for that matter to "buy" anything as I am not selling jack) - I have all but had a flashlight shined up every orifice of my body and guess what?
SQUEAKY CLEAN
My ex has tried to keep my kids from me by accusing me of:
physical abuse
psychological abuse (specifically of telling one of my daughters to accuse her father of sexual molestation)
neglect
drug abuse
alcohol abuse
lewd and lecivious behavior
etc and so on...
ALL CHARGES WHICH HAVE BEEN MADE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AD NAUSEUM HAVE BEEN FOUND TO BE TOTALLY WITHOUT ANY MERIT.
The fact that I trusted my ex to care for our children when he dragged us through the courts for nearly 3 years to get physical custody does not mean that I was a bad mother. How could it? Think about what you are saying? Had he done the same (as many many MANY men do) would that deem him a bad or unfit father?
NO.
I have been found legally fit and the judge stated that he wants to reunite the children with me, their mother, but what all of you holier than thouers do not understand that dont amount to a hill of beans until more of the legal process has been followed. And even then, guess what? HE CAN CONTINUE TO APPEAL UNTIL MY YOUNGEST IS 18! and we will have to continue to defend!!!
So please spare me your rhetoric about how you don't mean to be mean and about what it is that you are or are not buying...
Through talking to others and having them share their REAL experiences with me (some went through this bullshit personally others had close friends and/or family go through it) I was given excellent legal advice the other day. They told me of one case in my state where an 11 year old child petitioned the court to not be forced to see her father if she did not want to. GUESS WHAT? THE COURT LISTENED! AND NO ATTORNEY WAS REQUIRED! See, this is another reason why I post up - information exchange, not useless pity or sympathy. The fact that you would even suggest this is what I find infuriating, not your opinion.
I have been beyond bankrupted by this process. I gave my ex everything that was due me under the law so he would leave us alone. But now I must find a few thousand more just so that my attorney will file more papers so we can return to court so that I can hope to regain physical custody.
I didn't finish college but stayed home with my children while helping my ex to run OUR business. So now, I am nearly 40 with no formal education struggling to make a future for me and my children with a gigantic monkey on our backs that will not rest until my kids either tell him to fuck off or I am dead. I dont want or need your useless sympathy or pity, darlin'. I only seek the exchange of useful information.... but thanx for sharing.
Last night my kids finally stood up to their father AND the bullshit therapist that HE HIRED (in violation of that last court order, only the latest one that he has blatantly violated) and were literally screaming and crying that THEY WANT TO LIVE WITH ME! They also told me that they will willingly petition the court and go before the judge, an option that we didn't even know we had until we told our story to just "one more" person (with their father and his CUNTBAG attorney present) to say that though they love their dad - THEY WANT TO LIVE WITH ME. Do you have a fucking clue how scary this will be for them? THEY ARE LITTLE KIDS - but because the law allows itself to be manipulated for the material gain of the fucking scumbag attorneys in the good ole US of A these are the desperate measures that some children are forced to take.
Then I will have several kids to support earning 8$ p/hr job. I will next have to "find" minimum 10K to give a retainer to a forensic accountant so I can prove the fraud that my ex has been committing for some time now in order to beat me and my kids out of the support that we are legally entitled to. This does not include the fee for my attorney.
And before anyone opens their mouth about how he wont be able to get away without paying - please, just don't.
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