Just another classic example of how fucked up my ex is...

[Razorguns]

This is about how little they care for how much they are hurting my children, how callously they treat them...

If he's really *hurting* the kids -- call child protective services. "Mental" hurt is an open-ended argument. It depends on which side you're on.

but they will do everyfuckingthing to keep them from me.

Of course. They have a VESTED INTEREST in wanting to get the kids all to themselves.

It's what happens when divorces go bad and child custody becomes UGLY.

This is nothing. I've read plenty of news articles where it got violent and wives or husbands just "disappeared".

This is why i ain't fucking getting married or having kids. It'll just lead to 18 years of bitching, fighting and total drama. Who gets rich? Lawyers. Who gets hurt? Kids.

 

[Werd]

If he's really *hurting* the kids -- call child protective services. "Mental" hurt is an open-ended argument. It depends on which side you're on.



Of course. They have a VESTED INTEREST in wanting to get the kids all to themselves.

It's what happens when divorces go bad and child custody becomes UGLY.

This is nothing. I've read plenty of news articles where it got violent and wives or husbands just "disappeared".

This is why i ain't fucking getting married or having kids. It'll just lead to 18 years of bitching, fighting and total drama. Who gets rich? Lawyers. Who gets hurt? Kids.

We have called DYFUS FOUR TIMES . We have pictures and police reports. They flat out told us that unless they feel a child will be killed THAT NIGHT THEY NEVER EVER REMOVE THE CHILDREN FROM THE CUSTODIAL PARENT, but thank you for the advice.

The mental abuse is also measurable. We have all been psychologically evaluated. It was SCATHING for him and vindicating for me, yet a process must STILL be followed.

And we are all afraid that I WILL *disappear* as the motherfucker's past behavior as well as psych evaluation is pointing in that direction. But because I foolishly gave up the protection of the court once, I can't have it again until he does something again... The law will not protect prophylactically. There was a woman in my township recently stabbed to death by her ex, the restraining order bloodied in her back pocket. We live in a VERY NICE area. You just haven't read about me because I ain't dead.... yet.

You don't read about shit like this in other countries. One of the reasons why I left the good old US. It is really sad that the laws that are designed to protect the rights of GOOD FATHERS are being shamelessly manipulated by MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLES and their unscrupulous attorneys. What are the "underground" organizations that will help men take custody from their ex's so that they will not have to pay childsupport?

I agree with your last sentence wholeheartedly. I must have said it one thousand times myself.

You see in other countries where the sanctity of the mother-child relationship is recognized by society the fathers watch their P's and Q's and are very involved with their children so as not to lose the relationship as ALL of the legal rights belong to the mother. Is this fair? Maybe not, but I believe it to be a helluva lot more fair than what goes on here.

No legal bullshit. No lawyers to get rich. If the father wants to maintain his relationship with his kids then he behaves like A MAN - not a fucking jackass as the law will not fascilitate this.

Before anyone cries about the fathers getting fucked - nada. The men have every right to be with their kids as long as they act like men who want to be fathers.

 

[w8lifterchick]

"musical kids"? Where on earth did that come from?
My ex has beaten them.
Dragged them.
Not bought adequate clothing for them the whole time I was gone.
Not kept their hair.
TOTAL lack of discipline or attention.
Pays anyone and everyone to watch them.
Made up all sorts of SERIOUS accusations to keep them from me.

i am a mother of two and i have a father who fought for custody for years for his 2 other children who were living with his abusive ex. It bankrupted him and his parents, but he never would have left his two children with a woman who was not a good to them. He traveled back and forth across the country, moving wherever she did, so he could be near them, not further away.
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time, I can't imagine what it would be like to not have my kids with me and please believe me when i say that i know you can never judge someone till you walk in their shoes- i just can't understand giving them to anyone who i did not feel would be as good of a parent as myself and i could not go by what some expert says he might turn into- I'd put up with anything not to be separated from them, and that includes staying in the same country.

 

[Smurfy]

i hope whatever happens between you, your ex, and the children is truly in the best interest of the children themselves.

 

[B0ARDIN087]

Sounds like the kids are more mature.

 

[Razorguns]

what country are you living in now?

 

[Longhorn85]

"musical kids"? Where on earth did that come from?

Like musical chairs. I was just trying to figure out why a judge would award custody to a father when the mother is fit and wants the children. One could argue that if you willingly gave them up once, you may do it again.

 

[Werd]

I'd put up with anything not to be separated from them, and that includes staying in the same country.

Including watching your children being emotionally destroyed?.... with no end in sight of a relentless battle?

Do you know the story of the wisdom of Solomon. You are the mother of the living child that the other parent claims is theirs. The king calls the swordsman and charges the child be cut in half so that it would "be fair" to both parents. Please don't tell me that you wouldn't willingly yield your child if you thought that it would be the only way to secure the life of your child.

My ex never EVER abused the kids while the courts were watching and he was trying to take custody. Heck it took him 13 years before he beat me to the ground and threatened to kill me in front of them. He only did this ONCE and I kicked him out, then the 3 ring circus began. All the "experts" I consulted with said that since he had been such an involved parent since we separated that he would continue on this path once the divorce was final. I gave him everything because my children begged me to find a way to make the fighting stop.

Longhorne - dont you think a judge would consider WHY the mother yielded custody and her behavior since? "Musical kids" hardly describes the situation here. Only death will separate me from my kids again.

I am not going to say that my thinking at the time was not flawed. I should have been able to trust him to care for the kids properly. Why should I not have? HE IS THEIR FATHER!

As a mother if you honestly thought that the best chance your children had for a reasonably happy life was for you to yield tell me that you would have to think twice. I honestly can't say that had I to do things over again that I would have done things differently as I can see now that my kids can CLEARLY see the truth - NOW... They will not have to endure another decade of bullshit from their father before they see what a selfish asshole he is and that it was NEVER about them... but about HIM and HIS SHORTCOMINGS. I have willingly been in therapy since March and it has helped me tremendously to reevaluate how I view myself and the world around me helping me to be the best mother and person PERIOD. I come from a long history of abuse and it fucked me up. If things had not happened the way they had, who knows? Maybe all of my children would have been damned to repeat the cycle. But because of all that has happened now they have a fighting chance!

Razorguns, I thought about your next to last statement and it disturbed me. You say that the reason you dont want to marry or have children is because of fucked up divorce laws. Does that make any sense? (Not taking a cheap shot at all.) Instead of robbing yourself of what might be the most amazing of life circumstances (not that it is for everyone) because of truly fucked up laws either fight to change them (which is one of the reasons I post up so candidly about my personal situation - I want people to be aware of reality as I was so ignorant myself until it happened to me.) or move to a country where this shit dont fly.

Thanks to all for your comments. I honestly appreciate you all taking the time.

 

[w8lifterchick]

I know the story, but sorry... don't buy it.
Children go through divorces all the time. I was a child when my parents went through one that made the papers, involved the FBI and new identities. Its the responsibility of the parents to mimimize the trauma of the divorce proceedings. If your husband was causing so much to the children that they supposedly "begged you" to make it stop- i certainly wouldn't hand my children over to such a man and then leave the country. And if you were causing them such heartbreak together- i have no respect for that.
You stated above that you are actually afraid of 'disappearing' at the hands of your ex. Thats the man you wanted raising your children at one point and i don't know how the courts are going to feel about that now but i hope it works out for the best. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but posting something this serious on a public forum wasn't going to just get you sympathy.
good luck werd.

 

[jerseyart]

I know the story, but sorry... don't buy it.
Children go through divorces all the time. I was a child when my parents went through one that made the papers, involved the FBI and new identities. Its the responsibility of the parents to mimimize the trauma of the divorce proceedings. If your husband was causing so much to the children that they supposedly "begged you" to make it stop- i certainly wouldn't hand my children over to such a man and then leave the country. And if you were causing them such heartbreak together- i have no respect for that.
You stated above that you are actually afraid of 'disappearing' at the hands of your ex. Thats the man you wanted raising your children at one point and i don't know how the courts are going to feel about that now but i hope it works out for the best. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but posting something this serious on a public forum wasn't going to just get you sympathy.
good luck werd.

You're sorry, but you did it anyway. I would have imagined someone with a 162 IQ could manage somewhat more consistency than you demonstrated in that post.

And since sympathy isn't to be expected on an internet chat board, why bother posting your pointless life story which is completely irrelevant to the discussion?

You assume a great deal in your conclusions without bothering to substantiate the claims. Maybe you need to learn how to stop projecting your personal experiences into the discussion before posting again in the future