Just another classic example of how fucked up my ex is...

[Robert Jan]

Just don't let any of this shit stop you from doing what you want or need to do, that's exactly what he'd like

 

[Werd]

Sorry to hear that W. I guess you must have known that there was at least a possibility that you would not get them back. Hope it works out.

You still coming to the DC meetup?

Call me naive but no, I never EVER in my worst nightmares thought that this would happen. I was assured that my rights as the non-custodial parent would be protected and NO ONE EVER TOLD ME THAT HE COULD MANIPULATE THE LAW LIKE THIS TO KEEP MY KIDS FROM ME - NEVER . Nor did I (or anyone else for that matter - my family always knew what a jerk he was but even they are shocked at the depths he has sunk to) realize that he would do this shit to the kids - NEVER .

And yes, I will do my best to attend. I would love to hang with you orbs and have some laughs.

 

[Werd]

this is your typical "after-divorce" drama.

Just assume that one side will NEVER say positive things about the othre side. Are you relaly that surprised they talk shit about you????

Actually no, this is anything but typical. Unheard of? Certainly not. But no way typical. My attorney's secretary and the judge's law clerk and all who have been involved in our case (which is now going into year 4) have stated time and time again - in all the years they have been around they have NEVER seen a more selfish and sedistic motherfucker than my ex. This isn't about my ex and his family talking shit about me. They did that from the time I dated him. This is about how little they care for how much they are hurting my children, how callously they treat them... but they will do everyfuckingthing to keep them from me.

Ironically enough now that my kids have finally been able to spend more than several hours to a few days with me they are seeing and realizing first hand how UNfair the divorce was and just how much I gave up hoping that their father couldn't use them anymore. My kids stated - "All you did for all those years, how you took care of us and he only treats you like you were just some girlfriend who didnt care about anyone but herself. It isn't fair at all Mommy."

I do everything with and for them with pleasure as does my family. While their father, his family and those he pays to watch them treat my kids like boils on their asses. Everyone that comes in contact with my kids LOVES THEM and comments how much of a pleasure they are to have around yet they are treated like little monster pains in the ass by their father and anyone who they know through him.

It is really sad. But then again, I guess it is better they learn what real love is now when they are young so that they do not make the same mistakes that their mother made.

 

[Werd]

Just don't let any of this shit stop you from doing what you want or need to do, that's exactly what he'd like

WERD

Not for anything!

 

[Robert Jan]

It's a tough, unfair punishment to bear for falling in love with the wrong man a long time ago.

 

[Werd]

It's a tough, unfair punishment to bear for falling in love with the wrong man a long time ago.

True enlightenment comes through suffering. I honestly believe that. I count my blessings every day. I just wish that this didn't hurt my kids so much. But then again, as I have said before, if this experience will help them to NOT repeat my mistakes then it will all have been worth it.

 

[w8lifterchick]

I gave him sole physical custody. I maitained legal custody although a lot of good that did me or my kids. I was assured that my rights as the non-custodial parent would be protected and that the courts would seriously frown on the custodial parent keeping the children from the other.

A BIG FAT FUCKING LIE.

Reasons I gave up custody in a nutshell:
well over 13 years in hell with my ex - ...
They begged me to find a way to make it stop....
.. I had offers of publication of my work in another country, far enough away from him that he could no longer obsess over me.
In a nutshell....

um... so you gave your kids to a man who made your own life hell and made your kids beg you to stop the nonsense, then moved out of the country for your own career, and you're surprised he didn't turn into a wonderful father?
what exactly were your kids begging to stop?
I do not understand women who give up their kids unless you felt he was a better parent.

 

[Longhorn85]

I do not understand women who give up their kids unless you felt he was a better parent.

I was sugar-coating it but basically that is what I was trying to say. Under these circumstances I can now understand why you may not get them back, the judge may feel like you guys are playing "musical kids".

 

[Werd]

um... so you gave your kids to a man who made your own life hell and made your kids beg you to stop the nonsense, then moved out of the country for your own career, and you're surprised he didn't turn into a wonderful father?
what exactly were your kids begging to stop?
I do not understand women who give up their kids unless you felt he was a better parent.

Um no.

My kids were begging me to stop the endless fighting - their father had all the money and was constantly dragging us into court to try to take custody from me. It cost my children nearly 75K, what it cost them emotionally could never be measured. Do you have any idea what it is like to have your every move watched? To be stalked, threatened, harrassed, constantly dragged through courts and to have your children being the ones used for this? You see, as long as one party wants to fight - the other MUST defend. My ex can continue to appeal again and again and again until my youngest is 18 - She is only 11. That is law in the good old US.

I could have done better "advancing my own career" in an English speaking country or the country of my origin. Leaving the US made things one thousand times harder for me. But I chose to move someplace where their father would NEVER have had the balls to follow and where he could no longer obsess over me.

What is so difficult to understand?

HE WAS USING MY CHILDREN TO HURT ME.

MY CHILDREN WERE BEING PUNISHED FOR LOVING ME.

He was never hurtful to the children. He took good care of them and spent money on THEM. They were only made to suffer if they were with me. It wasn't until I left that he showed his true colors. I was assured by all sorts of professionals that once a father becomes so involved with his kids, then it will continue. I guess they were wrong, huh?

I am happy that you don't understand. It means that you have no idea what it is like to have those that you love most tortured and punished for loving you. And I truly hope that you never EVER do.

Before you judge a mother, try walking in her shoes.

I used to think like you too once upon a time.

 

[Werd]

I was sugar-coating it but basically that is what I was trying to say. Under these circumstances I can now understand why you may not get them back, the judge may feel like you guys are playing "musical kids".

"musical kids"? Where on earth did that come from?

He tried RELENTLESSLY to take them from me for nearly 3 years. I was never EVER in danger of losing them and I shared custody with him even though THE COURTS TOOK THEM FROM HIM because I never ever wanted to use the children.

My ex has beaten them.
Dragged them.
Not bought adequate clothing for them the whole time I was gone.
Not kept their hair.
TOTAL lack of discipline or attention.
Pays anyone and everyone to watch them.
Made up all sorts of SERIOUS accusations to keep them from me.

I NEVER USED THE KIDS TO HURT HIM AND GAVE HIM NEARLY ALL THE MONEY DUE ME UNDER THE LAW TO SATISFY HIM.

So what is it that you are saying? A judge will not give custody to a mother who naively trusted her abusive ex (do some research on the syndrome. Sadly we are text book) to continue to care for their children he dragged them into court for nearly 3 years to take custody from after he has OBVIOUSLY fucked with them even after he got everything from their mother? What crime have I committed that I should not have them? I was only away for 6 months and returned in THREE DAYS when the kids gave their father up for what he was doing.

Does the name OJ SIMPSON ring a bell?