I am so DEEPLY sorry to hear that.
I don't think that I have spoken with you yet but I just wanted to say that I some what know how you feel. I lost 2 very important people in my life in the last year. My best friend that I grew up with was murdered and dropped on the side of the road, and my step father was killed in a car accident. It will get better for you but you will never stop thinking about it. Hope this will somehow help you!
sincerely,
Dabo