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It pains me to no end that the biggest loser I know of is my own brother.

My sister and I have been estranged from my brother since the day he threatened me in the courthouse the day my parents divorced. I was pregnant with my last baby who will shortly have her tenth birthday.

He has a son that is one month younger than my third child whom I have seen twice I think. My children met him once as he was being watched by my mother when I dropped over with my girls.

My sister and her family have NEVER laid eyes on the boy.

....drugs and alcohol. Breaks my heart as we grew up very close.
 
superdave said:
1. 28 and a virgin. Not only a virgin but has never had any physical contact with a female. Yes, you read that write. Hes not gay to the best of my knowledge based on his choice of porn and he is waaaaaaaay too sloppy apartment.
2. Works at the typical shitty dead end warehouse type job for a huge electronic retailer. The company doesnt give raises, and they came right out and said to everyone "We dont give raises" and my bro still doesnt give a shit and has been there for 4 years. He makes $8.50 an hour AFTER 4 years. As a result he is constantly needing financial assistance every month from our parents. The I-cant-pay-rent type of assistance.
3. No education. He barely got a HS diploma by the will of my parents forcing his ass through. He just tried to take a little dink remedial algebra class at the community college in an attempt to get back into school. Just one class, failed it. Thats it for college apparently. I told him I hope he enjoys staying at his dogshit job for 20 years. Before anyone chimes in and says "I didnt go to college and I did fine", thats your situation. My bro hasnt got the interpersonal skills to save his life and he couldnt sell food to tourists marooned on a deserted island. That means he needs some letters after his name to go anywhere in life.
4. His apartment. Which used to be my apartment until he took it over 2 years ago when I left to go back to school. There is a massive permanent jizz stain right under his computer desk where the feet of his chair sits. Its from 2 years of sitting there and cranking it and not cleaning up. I know this is true because years ago we lived together. He has unpacked boxes from 2 years ago just sitting in the middle of the apartment (its an efficiency) and bags from fast food randomly laying around. His small refridgerator door wont close because the frost built up so much that he shoved a large computer monitor against the door to keep it closed. Im not shitting you on that part. The kitchen is in a perfect time warp from when I left it in July 2004. The dishes are still in the dishwasher from the last time I left over two years ago. I dont think hes touched anything in the kitchen from when I was last there.
5. Hygeine. Or a severe lack of. The one time I stayed over at his place I got up to take a shower and he had no towels clean so I had to use a sweater or some damn shit. He said he hasnt done laundry in a while and when he takes a shower he just stands there and air dries before leaving the bathroom. He has no deodorant. He doesnt brush his teeth and constantly has chunks of foodstuff in his teeth. I dont how often he actually bathes and I dont ask.
6. Relations with family. Whenever all the family gets together he never says anything and its VERY hard for him to be sociable, with family anyway. If hes not around any of us he could be tony fuckin robbins for all i know but Im going to go out on limb and say no on that one. Ive made efforts to do brotherly and buddy type things with him but to no avail. In fact he never calls me just because Im his bro and the one time he called me this summer was because I was in a bad car wreck and had to go to the ER. Yes, it took something like that just for him to call. We live about 45 minutes apart, thats it. And before you ask, Im a cool brother in the first place so theres no reason for him to hate me.

That should cover it. Its been that way all of our adult lives. All I ever wanted was a decent bro to do bro things with. Ive known him 28 years and hes a virtual stranger.
Honestly, this sounds typical of someone with psychological/mental health and also developmental issues. He's got some problems functioning, however, he HAS kept a job (as shitty a job as it is) so there's one positive thing about him. People who are REALLY low functioning can't even GET a job or keep a job for any respectable amount of time. This at least means he's getting up and going to work. but yeah, he doesnt' sound like someone you would want to associate with very much. I wonder if there's anything about his life that he'd like to see change? Or is he content and satisfied with where he's at?
 
Also, another positive thing about him is that he doesnt seem to be involved in anything criminal or any substance abuse, so he's got that going for him.
 
Smurfy said:
Honestly, this sounds typical of someone with psychological/mental health and also developmental issues. He's got some problems functioning, however, he HAS kept a job (as shitty a job as it is) so there's one positive thing about him. People who are REALLY low functioning can't even GET a job or keep a job for any respectable amount of time. This at least means he's getting up and going to work. but yeah, he doesnt' sound like someone you would want to associate with very much. I wonder if there's anything about his life that he'd like to see change? Or is he content and satisfied with where he's at?

I couldn't have said it much better then smurfy here. Your brother has difficulty with tasks associated with daily living. It sounds like there is a cognitive deficit there. Has he ever been tested for a learning disability or even mental retardation? I had a patient the other day that fits your description and he was very midly retarded. The guy didn't have any of the physical attributes associated with MR but his hygeine and ability to finction productivly with everyday tasks was a bit deminished. Food for thought
 
Smurfy said:
Honestly, this sounds typical of someone with psychological/mental health and also developmental issues. He's got some problems functioning, however, he HAS kept a job (as shitty a job as it is) so there's one positive thing about him. People who are REALLY low functioning can't even GET a job or keep a job for any respectable amount of time. This at least means he's getting up and going to work. but yeah, he doesnt' sound like someone you would want to associate with very much. I wonder if there's anything about his life that he'd like to see change? Or is he content and satisfied with where he's at?

Thats the interesting part, hes said he hates his job, not making money, etc. many times over the past year or so. But yet the second he takes a little math class at the community college he fails it and then says college isnt for him. I still dont think he realizes that if he doesnt go to college he will be stuck where he is at. He has to hit rock bottom like I did with my job (although my job was much better, but still dead end) before it really sinks in that in order for him to improve his lot in life he has to make a serious change i.e. going back to college full time eventually.
 
superdave said:
1. 28 and a virgin. Not only a virgin but has never had any physical contact with a female. Yes, you read that write. Hes not gay to the best of my knowledge based on his choice of porn and he is waaaaaaaay too sloppy apartment.
2. Works at the typical shitty dead end warehouse type job for a huge electronic retailer. The company doesnt give raises, and they came right out and said to everyone "We dont give raises" and my bro still doesnt give a shit and has been there for 4 years. He makes $8.50 an hour AFTER 4 years. As a result he is constantly needing financial assistance every month from our parents. The I-cant-pay-rent type of assistance.
3. No education. He barely got a HS diploma by the will of my parents forcing his ass through. He just tried to take a little dink remedial algebra class at the community college in an attempt to get back into school. Just one class, failed it. Thats it for college apparently. I told him I hope he enjoys staying at his dogshit job for 20 years. Before anyone chimes in and says "I didnt go to college and I did fine", thats your situation. My bro hasnt got the interpersonal skills to save his life and he couldnt sell food to tourists marooned on a deserted island. That means he needs some letters after his name to go anywhere in life.
4. His apartment. Which used to be my apartment until he took it over 2 years ago when I left to go back to school. There is a massive permanent jizz stain right under his computer desk where the feet of his chair sits. Its from 2 years of sitting there and cranking it and not cleaning up. I know this is true because years ago we lived together. He has unpacked boxes from 2 years ago just sitting in the middle of the apartment (its an efficiency) and bags from fast food randomly laying around. His small refridgerator door wont close because the frost built up so much that he shoved a large computer monitor against the door to keep it closed. Im not shitting you on that part. The kitchen is in a perfect time warp from when I left it in July 2004. The dishes are still in the dishwasher from the last time I left over two years ago. I dont think hes touched anything in the kitchen from when I was last there.
5. Hygeine. Or a severe lack of. The one time I stayed over at his place I got up to take a shower and he had no towels clean so I had to use a sweater or some damn shit. He said he hasnt done laundry in a while and when he takes a shower he just stands there and air dries before leaving the bathroom. He has no deodorant. He doesnt brush his teeth and constantly has chunks of foodstuff in his teeth. I dont how often he actually bathes and I dont ask.
6. Relations with family. Whenever all the family gets together he never says anything and its VERY hard for him to be sociable, with family anyway. If hes not around any of us he could be tony fuckin robbins for all i know but Im going to go out on limb and say no on that one. Ive made efforts to do brotherly and buddy type things with him but to no avail. In fact he never calls me just because Im his bro and the one time he called me this summer was because I was in a bad car wreck and had to go to the ER. Yes, it took something like that just for him to call. We live about 45 minutes apart, thats it. And before you ask, Im a cool brother in the first place so theres no reason for him to hate me.

That should cover it. Its been that way all of our adult lives. All I ever wanted was a decent bro to do bro things with. Ive known him 28 years and hes a virtual stranger.


OK I have to admit parts of that were truly frightening....
 
pdaddy said:
I couldn't have said it much better then smurfy here. Your brother has difficulty with tasks associated with daily living. It sounds like there is a cognitive deficit there. Has he ever been tested for a learning disability or even mental retardation? I had a patient the other day that fits your description and he was very midly retarded. The guy didn't have any of the physical attributes associated with MR but his hygeine and ability to finction productivly with everyday tasks was a bit deminished. Food for thought
Retard? Youve got to be kidding. He actually does have some book smarts, and was writing some sort of fiction stories for a while but didnt go anywhere with it. Hes just a loser who has zero social skills or desire to improve any facet of his life. I do know he has at least a few friends because he said he had friends over when I was on the phone with him one time. Of course I have no idea what kind of people they are. He also has some guy who knows kung fu teaching him that, although its worthless after he showed me what they are doing. I dont think retardation factors in.
 
superdave said:
Retard? Youve got to be kidding. He actually does have some book smarts, and was writing some sort of fiction stories for a while but didnt go anywhere with it. Hes just a loser who has zero social skills or desire to improve any facet of his life. I do know he has at least a few friends because he said he had friends over when I was on the phone with him one time. Of course I have no idea what kind of people they are. He also has some guy who knows kung fu teaching him that, although its worthless after he showed me what they are doing. I dont think retardation factors in.

So he's lazy with zero ambition is what you're saying...
Maybe your parents should cut him off - everyone should - let him sink or swim on his own.

The lack of bathing and cleaning is creepy (sorry no offense) - even wild animals don't sleep in their own filth.
 
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