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Is this strange?

S

Stefka

New member
I recently started talking to my ex again because he had some very bad news about a mutual friend.
I hated this guy.
I didn't talk to him for a year because I hate him so much.
So I've been talking to him for the last few days - mostly related to the bad news.
And I have to go back to the town where he lives (again, for reasons related to the bad news).
So I called earlier this evening...
And his girlfriend answered the phone.
And I talked with her for like an hour.
I've never met her in person.
But she seems pretty awesome.
At the moment I like her way better than the ex.
So I'm to meet up with them soon.
This should be a strange meet up, no?
 
Stefka said:
I recently started talking to my ex again because he had some very bad news about a mutual friend.
I hated this guy.
I didn't talk to him for a year because I hate him so much.
So I've been talking to him for the last few days - mostly related to the bad news.
And I have to go back to the town where he lives (again, for reasons related to the bad news).
So I called earlier this evening...
And his girlfriend answered the phone.
And I talked with her for like an hour.
I've never met her in person.
But she seems pretty awesome.
At the moment I like her way better than the ex.
So I'm to meet up with them soon.
This should be a strange meet up, no?
Click to expand...
stefka, my wife and ex are best friends. they go shopping together, have a drink together and talk on the horn endlessly. is that strange? most say yes.......i say "cool".
 
layinback said:
stefka, my wife and ex are best friends. they go shopping together, have a drink together and talk on the horn endlessly. is that strange? most say yes.......i say "cool".
Click to expand...

But I HATE this guy.
It is a strange kind of hate though.
He is bad but charming.
He has done some bad bad things.
We went through so much.
It is easy to hate him when I dont have to talk to him/see him.
But when we talk he seems like a long lost friend - someone who was there through the worst of times (even though he put me in these worst of times).
But now I dont know what to think.
Part of me thinks that maybe he is getting better and that the new awesome girlfriend can keep him on the right track.
Most of me knows that he is still fucked up and that no matter how awesome the new girlfriend is he will still end up dragging her down.
I dont want to see that happen to anyone else.
I have no idea what I will be getting myself into by going back there.
I don't make good decisions when I am dealing with bad news.
 
Stefka said:
Sorry, no tit pics... not even in my time of grieving.
Click to expand...

Wow....selfish much?....lol. Totally kidding. Sounds like a strange situation indeed. Good luck :) Do you find you still have feelings for him? Is that what makes it seem strange? I just sort of got that vibe the way you described him.
 
Stefka said:
I recently started talking to my ex again because he had some very bad news about a mutual friend.
I hated this guy.
I didn't talk to him for a year because I hate him so much.
So I've been talking to him for the last few days - mostly related to the bad news.
And I have to go back to the town where he lives (again, for reasons related to the bad news).
So I called earlier this evening...
And his girlfriend answered the phone.
And I talked with her for like an hour.
I've never met her in person.
But she seems pretty awesome.
At the moment I like her way better than the ex.
So I'm to meet up with them soon.
This should be a strange meet up, no?
Click to expand...
nothing good can possibly come from that.
 
lol at "hate".

Here's a hint to women, ESPECIALLY ex GF's - sometimes having a woman hate you is PREFERRED. I can't tell you how many times I've had a female hate me, just look at me like they want me to die, only to end up with them in some manner of the sexuals.

Emotions are emotions, whether they are labled "good" or "bad". I would rather have a woman hate me than be indifferent. If you can get a female to have strong feelings toward you - regardless of what those feelings actually are - you've already won. You're in. You trigger an emotional response from her and a very strong one at that.

It's much easier to turn strong "hatred" into something positive than it is to turn indifference into something worthwhile.
 
Cal_21 said:
Wow....selfish much?....lol. Totally kidding. Sounds like a strange situation indeed. Good luck :) Do you find you still have feelings for him? Is that what makes it seem strange? I just sort of got that vibe the way you described him.
Click to expand...

Whin I see him I will kick him hard in the balls.
I'm not kidding.
He doesn't even get a hello hug.
Then, maybe from there we can get along long enough to deal with all of this other stuff.
I have lots of feelings for him - mostly anger.
This isn't a simple relationship gone bad type thing.
He dragged me into a bad scene, I tried to get out like three times.
There were legal and financial repercussions from our relationship - I took the fall for all of it.
I was young and dumb - I accept that - but he was still an asshole to bring me into it.
I know his type -
pretty (because he is too vain to be with an ugly/average girl)
smart (usually a bit smarter than him)
artistic (but not as an accomplished artist as he is)
with low self esteem (because he feeds off of that)
I just want to tell her how stupid she is to be with him - but i dont want to be involved in their lives.
I know she'll figure it out eventually.
It all just makes me sick.
 
well out of respect to the mutual friend i would go. but i would leave it at that. i wouldnt get mixed up with them at all because even though your not tegether it sounds like he can still take you down.
 
Stefka said:
But I HATE this guy.
It is a strange kind of hate though.
He is bad but charming.
He has done some bad bad things.
We went through so much.
It is easy to hate him when I dont have to talk to him/see him.
But when we talk he seems like a long lost friend - someone who was there through the worst of times (even though he put me in these worst of times).
But now I dont know what to think.
Part of me thinks that maybe he is getting better and that the new awesome girlfriend can keep him on the right track.
Most of me knows that he is still fucked up and that no matter how awesome the new girlfriend is he will still end up dragging her down.
I dont want to see that happen to anyone else.
I have no idea what I will be getting myself into by going back there.
I don't make good decisions when I am dealing with bad news.
Click to expand...
stefka, killabee is right, fine line between love and hate....both are passions. apathy is a different story. you and the new girl got something in common. you are both "tuned" to the same frequency in that you "attract" the same kinda guy. your looking out for her emotional well being is honorable and certainly justifiable. either meet her or dont. chances are he will squash this meeting so as to not "let the cat out of the bag" or he will paint a picture making you the bad guy. cheating is a character disorder and doesnt stop there. you will be better served looking at yourself and why you drew this guy into your life. not giving him a pass but you cant change him. you can however examine this scene and learn about yourself.
 
KillahBee said:
lol at "hate".

Here's a hint to women, ESPECIALLY ex GF's - sometimes having a woman hate you is PREFERRED. I can't tell you how many times I've had a female hate me, just look at me like they want me to die, only to end up with them in some manner of the sexuals.

Emotions are emotions, whether they are labled "good" or "bad". I would rather have a woman hate me than be indifferent. If you can get a female to have strong feelings toward you - regardless of what those feelings actually are - you've already won. You're in. You trigger an emotional response from her and a very strong one at that.

It's much easier to turn strong "hatred" into something positive than it is to turn indifference into something worthwhile.
Click to expand...

I've thought about this so many times.
Love and hate are very close together.
I would love to be indifferent about this guy.
But when someone has such a bad impact on your life that just doesn't happen.
I like hating him.
I don't know if we will ever be friends again.
But I dont think I will ever be able to be indifferent about him.
That is the power of hatered - it sucks out a lot of energy.
i don't want to revist this part of my life - but circumstances have made it so that I have to deal with every fuckin person from this part of my life.
Can someone please just rip my heart out?
I don't want to care about these people.
 
Stefka said:
I've thought about this so many times.
Love and hate are very close together.
I would love to be indifferent about this guy.
But when someone has such a bad impact on your life that just doesn't happen.
I like hating him.
I don't know if we will ever be friends again.
But I dont think I will ever be able to be indifferent about him.
That is the power of hatered - it sucks out a lot of energy.
i don't want to revist this part of my life - but circumstances have made it so that I have to deal with every fuckin person from this part of my life.
Can someone please just rip my heart out?
I don't want to care about these people.
Click to expand...

These are conflicting. To be honest (without knowing you or your situation), in general, people LOVE to hate. Not just cause it's easy, but because it is a very strong emotion and sometimes, in our monotonous daily routines and generally boring lives, getting to experience a real and strong emotion is euphoric. Plus it gives us a purpose, something to think about, something to "do" or even "be".

Just something to think about.
 
layinback said:
stefka, killabee is right, fine line between love and hate....both are passions. apathy is a different story. you and the new girl got something in common. you are both "tuned" to the same frequency in that you "attract" the same kinda guy. your looking out for her emotional well being is honorable and certainly justifiable. either meet her or dont. chances are he will squash this meeting so as to not "let the cat out of the bag" or he will paint a picture making you the bad guy. cheating is a character disorder and doesnt stop there. you will be better served looking at yourself and why you drew this guy into your life. not giving him a pass but you cant change him. you can however examine this scene and learn about yourself.
Click to expand...

No - he won't squash the meeting.
He thinks that she and I will be great friends - which seems to be true.
The problems with him weren't cheating problems.
He was just nuts in so many ways.
I have looked long and hard as to why I let him into my life...He loves girls like me.
I have grown a lot since then, but I still feel the need to hit him over the head with a baseball bat and give his poor girlfriend a hug.
None of this would have happened if my dumb ass friend hadn't decided to kill himself.
Yeah, I'm mad at him too.
 
Stefka said:
No - he won't squash the meeting.
He thinks that she and I will be great friends - which seems to be true.
The problems with him weren't cheating problems.
He was just nuts in so many ways.
I have looked long and hard as to why I let him into my life...He loves girls like me.
I have grown a lot since then, but I still feel the need to hit him over the head with a baseball bat and give his poor girlfriend a hug.
None of this would have happened if my dumb ass friend hadn't decided to kill himself.
Yeah, I'm mad at him too.
Click to expand...
well stefka i know its the oldest cliche in the book but its 100% true "hell hath no fury like a womans scorn" being x womanizer i know this all to well. thats one of the reasons i quit womanizing.....aint worth it.
 
KillahBee said:
These are conflicting. To be honest (without knowing you or your situation), in general, people LOVE to hate. Not just cause it's easy, but because it is a very strong emotion and sometimes, in our monotonous daily routines and generally boring lives, getting to experience a real and strong emotion is euphoric. Plus it gives us a purpose, something to think about, something to "do" or even "be".

Just something to think about.
Click to expand...

I agree.
I loved him.
Bad bad bad things happend.
I almost lost my family and all of my friends because of him.
I am still repairing those relationships.
When I don't have to talk to him I can remain somewhat indifferent.
But when I have to speak to him I find myself laughing at his stupid stories and cursing him outright.
I was fine when I didn't have to talk to him at all.
And now, I'm going to have to continue talking to him through October.
He is a bad bad person, and I would just like to forget.
But now I have to deal with so much - including a very sweet girl who I dont want to see go through the same thing I went through.
 
Stefka said:
I agree.
I loved him.
Bad bad bad things happend.
I almost lost my family and all of my friends because of him.
I am still repairing those relationships.
When I don't have to talk to him I can remain somewhat indifferent.
But when I have to speak to him I find myself laughing at his stupid stories and cursing him outright.
I was fine when I didn't have to talk to him at all.
And now, I'm going to have to continue talking to him through October.
He is a bad bad person, and I would just like to forget.
But now I have to deal with so much - including a very sweet girl who I dont want to see go through the same thing I went through.
Click to expand...


As I said in the k message I sent you (and I realize this is an "easier said than done" thing, but it's more than possible and realistic) - the issue/challenge here isn't "him". It's your reactions / emotional responses / way of dealing with him. There will ALWAY be people we don't want to interact with or have around, some mroe difficult than others. All we can do is control ourselves - our responses, our way of dealing with the situation, our emotions.

I know it sounds too simple and all that, but if you actually buy into this way of thinking, life gets REAL easy. It takes work, but man, it's a breeze when it actually materializes.

Sorry, I'm all self-help guy right now. :heart:
 
KillahBee said:
As I said in the k message I sent you (and I realize this is an "easier said than done" thing, but it's more than possible and realistic) - the issue/challenge here isn't "him". It's your reactions / emotional responses / way of dealing with him. There will ALWAY be people we don't want to interact with or have around, some mroe difficult than others. All we can do is control ourselves - our responses, our way of dealing with the situation, our emotions.

I know it sounds too simple and all that, but if you actually buy into this way of thinking, life gets REAL easy. It takes work, but man, it's a breeze when it actually materializes.

Sorry, I'm all self-help guy right now. :heart:
Click to expand...

Hey dude, I need a self help guy at the moment.
Things are quite fucked up.
I'm not too worried about him.
I know these things will happen when I am back in that town...
I will kick the asshole
I will hug the girlfriend
I will get drunk with the asshole
I will tell off the asshole
I will feel bad about that (he really is that good)
I will buy the asshole a few drinks
I will keep the asshole out of jail
I will do the things that need to be done - with or without the asshole
I will play in the mountains
I will see other old friends
I will kick the asshole again
I will hug the girlfriend again
I will fly away from that town and (hopefully) never look back

How does that sound?
 
Sounds like I would expect it to. :)

As long as you know the deal and aren't gonna do anything that will piss you off later, it's all good IMO. It's all a foregone conclusion it seems, so what the hey. Life's all about experiences, right?

Do you see sexual attraction in the mix here?
 
KillahBee said:
Sounds like I would expect it to. :)

As long as you know the deal and aren't gonna do anything that will piss you off later, it's all good IMO. It's all a foregone conclusion it seems, so what the hey. Life's all about experiences, right?

Do you see sexual attraction in the mix here?
Click to expand...

He was great in bed.
But everything else about him just makes me sick.
There are at least 2 other people in that town that I would rather sleep with than him...but this is a strange town.
Please, everyone think good thoughts for me.
Is anyone else here attracted to trouble. I thought I had grown out of this shit.
 
Stefka said:
He was great in bed.
But everything else about him just makes me sick.
There are at least 2 other people in that town that I would rather sleep with than him...but this is a strange town.
Please, everyone think good thoughts for me.
Is anyone else here attracted to trouble. I thought I had grown out of this shit.
Click to expand...
you mentioned keeping him out of jail.....hmmmm. dynamite in the sack. got you at odds with friends and family ? look up "antisocial personality disorder" sociopathic men have a magnetic effect on women. especially women prone to be codependent. any little crevice in the ole self esteem department will be sniffed out and preyed upon. you have described, unintentionally of course, a sociopath or at least someone with traits. do he do drugs? hard time holding a job and paying debts? immature emotionally but intelligent? charismatic, charming?
 
i smell a threesome.

its not strange that you've talked. you had history with him and have obviously moved on enough to be able to talk. that's GOOD.
 
First, my condolences on the loss of your friend, there is nothing more sad than a suicide.

My opinion...unless this guy is Ted Bundy, don't visit your past problems upon the new gf. At the very least, it will appear as if you've never reconciled the situation, are living in the past, and, from the perspective of the new gf, simply intent on splitting the two of them up.
 
Last edited:
SublimeZM said:
nothing good can possibly come from that.
Click to expand...
I agree..
I mean the ex could end up jealous, or she could end up your best buddy and drive you insane by calling with every little things that he does asking "omg, did he do this and that when you were together?"!!!!
I think the best thing to do would keep a distance
 
layinback said:
you mentioned keeping him out of jail.....hmmmm. dynamite in the sack. got you at odds with friends and family ? look up "antisocial personality disorder" sociopathic men have a magnetic effect on women. especially women prone to be codependent. any little crevice in the ole self esteem department will be sniffed out and preyed upon. you have described, unintentionally of course, a sociopath or at least someone with traits. do he do drugs? hard time holding a job and paying debts? immature emotionally but intelligent? charismatic, charming?
Click to expand...

Yep, that is him exactly.
He is a nutcase, I know.
 
So he called me today saying "So I hear you had a nice conversation with my girlfriend. What did you guys say about me?"
That made me realize that we didn't really talk about him at all, we were just chatting about all sorts of other stuff.
Meh, she's smart enough to figure out that he is evil.
We'll probably have fun when I go back there.
I still hate that asshole though.
 
Stefka said:
But I HATE this guy.
It is a strange kind of hate though.
He is bad but charming.
He has done some bad bad things.
We went through so much.
It is easy to hate him when I dont have to talk to him/see him.
But when we talk he seems like a long lost friend - someone who was there through the worst of times (even though he put me in these worst of times).
But now I dont know what to think.
Part of me thinks that maybe he is getting better and that the new awesome girlfriend can keep him on the right track.
Most of me knows that he is still fucked up and that no matter how awesome the new girlfriend is he will still end up dragging her down.
I dont want to see that happen to anyone else.
I have no idea what I will be getting myself into by going back there.
I don't make good decisions when I am dealing with bad news.
Click to expand...
i knew exactly what you're talkihg about. i feel this way about my ex husband. in the past he has really pissed me the fuck off like no one else has. ive hated his fucking guts for a while now but because of my son, we communicate in a amicable way most of the time. at times i find us chatting about stuff and even laughing on the phone and it;s like for a short time i forget who im talkng to and the fact that i fucking hate this guy. but then he'll say or do something totally fucking retarded and i'll tell him what a fucking moron loser he is.
 
oh and ;lumberg and my ex get along better than my ex and i do, that's for sure. lumberg says it's because he doesnt have the tainted history with the ex like i do. yeah lol. but even lumberg cant tolerate this man for very long.
 
KillahBee said:
lol at "hate".

Here's a hint to women, ESPECIALLY ex GF's - sometimes having a woman hate you is PREFERRED. I can't tell you how many times I've had a female hate me, just look at me like they want me to die, only to end up with them in some manner of the sexuals.

Emotions are emotions, whether they are labled "good" or "bad". I would rather have a woman hate me than be indifferent. If you can get a female to have strong feelings toward you - regardless of what those feelings actually are - you've already won. You're in. You trigger an emotional response from her and a very strong one at that.

It's much easier to turn strong "hatred" into something positive than it is to turn indifference into something worthwhile.
Click to expand...


Great point, and I'm glad you explained that so I didn't have to bother.
It's so funny how a women (particularly someone you're with) will mockingly say derogatory things about "this guy" like he's kind've a fag, metro, etc. bothering her at odd hours of the night, what a freak, etc. and you know damn well if you mess up with this chic that "this guy" will most likely be the next one to tap it, regardless if she's still with you or not.

Far cry this is from how men treat it. If I say that I hate a women and she's annoying me, etc. it simply means I'd love for her to vanish from the earth and everywhere else, period.
 
Stefka said:
Whin I see him I will kick him hard in the balls.
I'm not kidding.
He doesn't even get a hello hug.
Then, maybe from there we can get along long enough to deal with all of this other stuff.
I have lots of feelings for him - mostly anger.
This isn't a simple relationship gone bad type thing.
He dragged me into a bad scene, I tried to get out like three times.
There were legal and financial repercussions from our relationship - I took the fall for all of it.
I was young and dumb - I accept that - but he was still an asshole to bring me into it.
I know his type -
pretty (because he is too vain to be with an ugly/average girl)
smart (usually a bit smarter than him)
artistic (but not as an accomplished artist as he is)
with low self esteem (because he feeds off of that)
I just want to tell her how stupid she is to be with him - but i dont want to be involved in their lives.
I know she'll figure it out eventually.
It all just makes me sick.
Click to expand...

Out of curiosity, how long were you with this guy before you had sex with him?
 
Good girlfriends are as hard to find as good men are hard to find.

If you found a good GF, I wouldn't look a gifthorse in the mouth.
 
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