You realize this behaviour is cyclical with you, right? In a few weeks to a month when you get a good break you'll feel like you're at the top of your game and nothing will be able to bring you down.
I'm with you on the life is a mess thing (meaning I can identify, not that I think you're a trainwreck). Just put your head down and push through it. My shit's been so out of control and inconsistent it's kept me up at night. But just this past weekend I picked up a ton of new business and things are starting to go in the right direction again. But I made that luck, it didn't and won't just happen. You know that. And fuck you.