I need some help bro's, my wife had cheated on me.

[THeMaCHinE]

alantabiolab: thanks for your words, it's a big help.

Guys; think of a few things for momment and don't mistake me for 'giving in' or 'being soft'. She has been living with some heavy guilt for along while now (It showed), she does not want me to go without a doubt. She is not placing the blame on me, she stepped up to the plate. Some big key factors if I should decide to stay.

Stop giving a shit whether people think you're soft... who cares? You don't need to answer to anybody except those that you have commitments to. Find out who you are and act accordingly.

You're right, she has stepped up to the plate and is being brutally honest with you about a terrible situation. She doesn't have a reason to lie now, she told you about the affair.

A lot of people aren't willing to put in the time and work to change their habits and themselves. Some are. Change is possible, it's just tough damn work -- and it happens for everybody involved. Do you believe she can change? Do you believe you can change to accomodate new ways of thinking?

It's up to you whether to decide whether marriage is "for better or for worse", or "for as long as you don't hurt me" ...

It's also up to you to decide how much you want to be involved in your kid's day-to-day lives.

It may not work out, but then again, it may. Many marriages go through this, many survive. The odds aren't for or against you.

Do you still love your wife? Do you think you could love her again? Do you want to be part of your kids' lives each day? Answer these questions for insight into your situation.

If you want it, go for it without hesitation, without the thought that it can fail. Follow your gut, not your head, and do right by yourself -- it may not be the easy path, but if you know you did right by yourself, you'll never feel bad.

Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[naturally anabolic]

im sure she had lots of mental anguish while it was going on for 6 months.....

 

[Baoh]

...

I sincerely hope you're not the same "The Machine" from Bolex and the UG, as that would mean you're giving marital advice (with a business interest) while you have cheated on your wife several times, including an episode just a few months ago.

Mind you, if you are not the same member, I do apologize for the implication.

If you are, then...lmfao.

Antlantabiolab, she can cheat again. She can transmit a disease, as well. So much for the "she can't hurt him again" type of talk.

Either way, I'm done here. Spectre, I wish you the best, but it's all up to you, now. Don't ler your wife's concept of acceptable transgressions filter down subconsciously to your child, as it very well may. I've seen that happen before.

 

[Spectre]

You're right, she has stepped up to the plate and is being brutally honest with you about a terrible situation. She doesn't have a reason to lie now, she told you about the affair.

> I tend to believe her story, but I verifid timelines via my phone records and his length of employment. Trust but verify.

A lot of people aren't willing to put in the time and work to change their habits and themselves. Some are. Change is possible, it's just tough damn work -- and it happens for everybody involved. Do you believe she can change? Do you believe you can change to accomodate new ways of thinking?

> She has already changed allot from the time it happened. That is why I said the last couple of years has been good. Some is from guilt and probably self reflection. This is a good sign to me.

It's also up to you to decide how much you want to be involved in your kid's day-to-day lives.

> Actually, the kids are a very small part of my thoughts at this time. I must be happy first before I can do the best that I can for them. If I make a decision based on them and I am not happy, I will resent them for it.

It may not work out, but then again, it may. Many marriages go through this, many survive. The odds aren't for or against you.

Do you still love your wife? Do you think you could love her again? Do you want to be part of your kids' lives each day? Answer these questions for insight into your situation.

> I still love her.

If you want it, go for it without hesitation, without the thought that it can fail. Follow your gut, not your head, and do right by yourself -- it may not be the easy path, but if you know you did right by yourself, you'll never feel bad.

> I work hard to not build an easy escape path in my mind.

Best of luck to you and your family.

> To yours as well.

 

[Spectre]

Spectre:

There are some real douchebags on this thread who are basically using it as a platform to announce their own ignorance and hatred of women. Perhaps they have been wronged in the past. Perhaps they are 19-year-old juiceheads just acting out. Perhaps they're just plain dumb.

I can tell that you are a mature guy who has a handle on things and knows how to weigh the rights and the wrongs.

You are doing fine. And that part about trading one set of issues for another WAS pretty funny. And true......

I have learned the hard way that your first reaction under emotion is the wrong one and your first reaction under pressure keeps you alive.

Thank-you.

 

[TEXgrl]

i am truly sorry for the pain you are going through, i've walked in your shoes, and it is so painful. don't let things eat you up, the wondering, etc, because it will consume you if you let it. people can change, and you can move forward and have a good life together. you are about my age, and i've been married about the same amount of time as you. the only thing i can say is, being married so young, if you were like myself and my husband, you had alot of growing up to do in the past 10 years. lots of mistakes to make, this was a big one, but one you can get past.

you alone know what you want and what you can live with. it doesn't matter what other people think of you. i for one don't think you are soft or whatever. its alot harder to stay than it is to leave.

good luck. pm me if you'd like to talk

 

[atlantabiolab]

Antlantabiolab, she can cheat again. She can transmit a disease, as well. So much for the "she can't hurt him again" type of talk.

She can cheat again, but it won't hurt as the first time. Why? Because the knowledge of this action will always be present, whereas before it was repressed. STD's...get real, statistically she would kill him before she would transmit a disease. They are not as prevelant as believed.

Either way, I'm done here. Spectre, I wish you the best, but it's all up to you, now. Don't ler your wife's concept of acceptable transgressions filter down subconsciously to your child, as it very well may. I've seen that happen before.

The children are more likely to show problems from divorce than from the family staying together and showing forgiveness. There is greater moral lesson of human value than of modern fragility of marriage.

 

[THeMaCHinE]

I sincerely hope you're not the same "The Machine" from Bolex and the UG, as that would mean you're giving marital advice (with a business interest) while you have cheated on your wife several times, including an episode just a few months ago.

Mind you, if you are not the same member, I do apologize for the implication.

If you are, then...lmfao.

Antlantabiolab, she can cheat again. She can transmit a disease, as well. So much for the "she can't hurt him again" type of talk.

Either way, I'm done here. Spectre, I wish you the best, but it's all up to you, now. Don't ler your wife's concept of acceptable transgressions filter down subconsciously to your child, as it very well may. I've seen that happen before.

No, not the same member you're thinking of.

Anybody can cheat under the right set of circumstances. Anybody. That's why it's important to not let those circumstances exist.

She could cheat again, but if she was so inclined, she probably wouldn't have told him when he asked her -- that's pretty big. She also would probably not be feeling guilt like she does.

He could marry another person that hadn't cheated (to his knowledge) and then she could cheat to. The world is full of "what if's" ...