Homer Speaks

[Stumpy (The Fucking dumbass Piece of Shit!)]

From the episode in which Bart, Lisa and Maggie are placed in the care of the Flanders family when Homer and Marge are found to be unfit parents. At the end of the episode, when Marge and Homer come back, the Flanders take the Simpsons' kids out to be baptized.

Homer and Marge are in hot pursuit.

Marge: Where are we going? Where are we going?
Homer: OK, OK, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders!
[thinking] I'm a big four-eyed lame-o, and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and --
[aloud] To the Springfield River!

 

[xxxratednites]

homer:"whats a gym? (pronounced 'gime')
then goes inside; "oh a gime"

 

[Puc]

mmm... free goo...

 

[DcupSheepNipples]

"The other day I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers."

 

[Stumpy (The Fucking dumbass Piece of Shit!)]

Marge: We'd better stop and get the car washed.
Homer: Eh, what's the rush. It might rain next week.
Lenny: [driving alongside Homer's car] Hey, Homer. Car's kinda dirty.
Homer: Really? Think I should get it washed?
Lenny: Yeah, maybe. [he pulls away, and Homer pulls into a car wash]
Marge: You listen to your friends, but you never listen to me.
Homer: [not listening] Hey, that's great.

 

[Stumpy (The Fucking dumbass Piece of Shit!)]

Homer: Wow. They captured my personality perfectly! Did you see the way Daddy caught that bullet?
Lisa: That's not really you, Dad, he's just a fictional character who happens to have the same name.
Homer: [long pause] Don't confuse Daddy, Lisa.
Marge: Homer, it's just a coincidence. Like that guy named Anthony Michael Hall who stole your car stereo?
Bart: Right ... coincidence.

 

[Phumunda]

When he was in the witness protection program:

Agent: We'll try this again. When I say "Hello Mr. Thompson and stomp on your foot. You simply nod your head." HEL-LO MR THOMPSON!!! *stomping on foot violently*
*Long pause* *blank stare*
Homer: *leaning towards other agent* "I think he's talking to you..."

Phumunda

 

[Phumunda]

Lisa... you and your crazy stories...
- Bart's a vampire
- Beer kills brain cells...

Phumunda

 

[Phumunda]

Homer: "No beer, not tv make Homer go something something..."
Marge: "Go crazy?"
Homer: "Don't mind if I do! BLAAAAHHHH!!!"

[I can't believe that wasn't posted yet...]

Phumunda

 

[Natymike]

Lisa... you and your crazy stories...
- Bart's a vampire
- Beer kills brain cells...

Phumunda

lol



"Who needs English? I'm never going to England."

"But dad!?!? if you're the police, then who will police the police!?!?.............Homer--I don't know, Coast Guard?"